News - Wishful thinking

You know liberals have it bad if they can only find solace in Star Wars

At long last, summer has arrived, releasing children from their well-lit academic prisons into the dark shelter of the movie theater. Excited kiddies can finally doff their thinking caps and expose their still-developing brains to the mind-numbing rays emanated by summer blockbusters.

The most anticipated release appears already to have eroded the higher cognitive functions of liberals, who pitifully are grasping random lines from Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith in hopes that somebody influential - even a fantasy filmmaker - is siding with them in the culture wars they’re continually losing. Creative Loafing’s Michael Wall joined that predictable chorus last week when he juxtaposed a sliver of dialogue between Darth Vader and Obi Wan Kenobi with one famous passage from President Bush’s address to Congress following the attacks of Sept. 11.

I’ve got news for you, Michael: Just because four years ago the president said something roughly similar to a villain’s line in a popular movie doesn’t mean he’s the kind of guy who would go around blowing up planets and choking people to death with the power of his mind (not that liberals think very highly of Bush’s mental capabilities in the first place).

I don’t blame Wall for jumping onto this sad, left-leaning jalopy of a media bandwagon. Liberals love to use science fiction to ridicule conservatives. In the 1980s, they were the ones who dubbed President Reagan’s Strategic Defense Initiative “Star Wars.” And George Lucas certainly made things convenient, crafting “prequels” that follow the rise to power of a corrupt politician who achieves unprecedented levels of executive might by manufacturing a war. Everyone remembers the PhotoShop’ed movie posters that likened Operation Enduring Freedom to Episode II - Attack of the Clones. I’m surprised the Republican plan for ending the Senate filibuster wasn’t called “the Death Star option.”

But leftists have latched onto Star Wars as a symbol of defiance because, quite frankly, Hollywood is just about their only stronghold. Democrats have needed a shot in the arm since 2000, which makes one suspect a certain amount of pleading took place at the Skywalker Ranch. I can almost hear Hillary begging, “Help us, George. You’re our only hope.”

Democrats can watch Episode III and see their situation in the structure of the narrative. On one side, you have the Jedi Knights - textbook hippies. They have a predilection for wimpy, Eastern-style spiritualism, they walk around with a sense of condescending self-righteousness, and they’re big environmentalists (remember Yoda’s little hut in the swamp?). Even their military stance is solidly leftist: Who else but a liberal would bring a sword (even if it is a laser sword) to a gunfight?

Opposing the Jedi are the evil Sith. The calculating Chancellor Palpatine is a none-too-thinly veiled representation of the Bush administration. His allies even happen to be corrupt businessmen. Anakin Skywalker, aka Darth Vader, is shown as an immature, none-too-bright figurehead who is skillfully manipulated by an older and more experienced politician behind the scenes. The classic liberal take on Bush and Dick Cheney.

Of course, the Jedi certainly have a good reason to be worried about the Sith agenda. Once those Sith-Republicans gain control, the defense budget is going to skyrocket (Death Stars cost a bundle). And you can forget about Social Security. When Vader’s through, people won’t be able to retire until they’re older than Yoda.

The only problem with this liberal interpretation is that Lucas rejects it. In recent interviews, he’s claimed that Vietnam, not Iraq, inspired the film’s politics. It appears that Lucas has no desire to serve as the liberal media’s Jedi Knight in shining armor - Michael Moore already has that job.

To add insult to injury, there is no real-world Luke Skywalker stepping forward to save the Democratic galaxy. Liberals got really and truly crushed in the last election. They’re still reeling from the impact. Star Wars simply acts as a balm for their bruised egos.

The sad truth for liberals is that most viewers will interpret the Star Wars epic in a way that reinforces a conservative view of the galaxy: It’s the classic clash of good and evil - one that doesn’t require the nuance of John Kerry or the moral relativism of Janeane Garafalo to interpret accurately. While liberals are comfortable painting the administration and themselves in such black vs. white terms, they have trouble doing so where it really counts: in the war on terror.

In fact, Democrats aren’t as noble and stoic as are Jedi, and Republicans aren’t as evil as the Sith. But at least Wall and company show signs that liberals have been so shaken by their electoral drubbings that they’re beginning to discard core components of their ideology. Even if their interpretation is off base, it’s encouraging to see that four years of war-on-terror rhetoric has finally seeped into their brains enough that they’re beginning to develop unequivocal moral standards for the first time in half a century. Come to think of it, they have been complaining about the budget deficit, too.

This is getting creepy. Moral absolutism, fiscal responsibility, and who knows what else? The Democrats are starting to sound like Republicans.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Dave Stahl is a Star Wars geek with a dirty little secret: He actually liked Jar-Jar Binks.??






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