Cover Story: Real Life Laughs

FROM OUR READERS

When allowed to write in answers, our readers say the darndest things! Here are the funniest votes we received for this year’s Best Of.

CITYSCAPE

Best Annual Event: I miss Music Midtown

Best Country Music Station: i hate country music

Best Country Music Station: can you say “golf ball through a mile of garden hose”?

Best Golf Course: I hate golf

Best Local Place to Commune with Nature: Ha!

Best Local TV Anchor: My penii

Best Local TV Sports Anchor: they are all dorks

Best Local TV Sports Anchor: local news sucks

Best New Thing about Atlanta: Vampire and Dark Fetish scene rocks

Best Place to Spot Celebrities: we have celebrities?

Best Quirk about Atlanta: The way Atlantans drive in the rain. They’re like Gremlins — sweet until they get wet and then they’re nasty monsters!

Best Quirk about Atlanta: Chinese corpses on the display

Best Sign Atlanta Isn’t like L.A.: Bigger hair ... smaller boobs

Best Sign Atlanta Isn’t like L.A.: i see fat people

POETS, ARTISTS & MADMEN

Best Established Artist: guy who painted Junkman’s Daughter

Best Guerilla Art: John Oates WILL Fucking Kill You (two votes)

Best Improv Group: the group at piedmont park SUCKS

Best Local Actress: the whore in that Richard Gere movie

Best Place to See a Movie: Your mama’s house

AFTER DARK

Best After Hours/Late-Night spot: cocaine at my house

Best Breeder Bar: I don’t even know what that means

Best Club DJ: me

Best Concert Venue: Bette Midler

Best Dating Service: I’ll hook anybody up. For free.

Best Dive Bar: Northside Tavern. I mean it still leaks for crying out loud.

Best Lesbian Bar: What lesbian bar?

Best Local Rock Act: Barry Manilow

Best OTP Music Club: you must be joking

Best Place for a Cheap Date: McDonald’s and the backseat

Best Breakdancer: Tony Ware

Best Stripper: Candy, there’s always a Candy somewhere

ORAL PLEASURES

Best Restaurant for a First Date: I can’t remember dating.

Best Restaurant with a Social Conscience: What??

Best Tapas: Tapas is fuckin LAME!!!

Best Veggie Burgers: = LAME

Best 24-Hour Restaurant: Waffle House motherfukers (sic)

Best Wine by the Glass: Who orders by the glass anyway?

CONSUMER CULTURE

Best 24-Hour Shopping: “Murder Kroger” on Ponce

Best Budget Menswear: Food Lion

Best Adult Toy Store: Advanced Auto Parts

Best Adult Videos: My bedroom

Best CDs: CDs are PLAYED OUT

Best Furniture on a Budget: Dumpster-diving at Emory

Best Gay-Themed Store: Starbucks

Best Indian/Pakistani Market: I can’t even say it, how could I spell it?

Best New Shopping Mall/Center: We have too many!!! We need more funky intown places like Little 5 Points ... The big box stores have no character and are hazardous to our environment ... Pretty soon our city will have no trees left