Cheap Eats - Kitschy kitschy koo

Babs brings a touch of Baltimore to Midtown

“Is this what Baltimore looks like?” my friend inquires, motioning toward the odd mini-park adjacent to Babs’ patio. A so-ugly-it’s-cool fountain of intertwined swans is flanked by red and black wrought iron benches. The color scheme looks culled from a cheap Chinese restaurant. This little green area, rather than being a useful space, seems more like an homage to Baltimore native John Waters, whose Polyester character, Babs, lends her name to this new cafe. It’s a weirdly serene spot in bustling Midtown, and the water spouting from the swans’ beaks almost muffles the roar of SUVs blazing past on Juniper. Think trailer-park lawn art fenced in by white picket, across the street from Spice. Servers may not call you “Hon” in classic Baltimore fashion, but they’re friendly and obliging.

Lunch hunch: Housed in the former Orange & Scarlett’s location, Babs is a jumble with kitschy and tacky-cool touches, such as the framed Scent-o-Rama scratch card handed out to Polyester audiences and the splatter-painted tablecloths. The interior is cool and calm, ideal for quiet conversation over lunch. A cup of soup and a half-sandwich ($6.50) is a cheap, delicious lunch that alone makes Babs worthy of return visits. The cream of mushroom soup could stand a few chunks of mushroom for texture, but it’s nonetheless earthy and creamy with a nice salty edge. A panino of succulent grilled chicken breast is coated with the decadent gooeyness of brie and wedged between thin, crunchy slices of bread. A beautiful piece of grilled salmon has an $8 price tag — a pittance for the crispy-charred fish drizzled with a dark, rich pan sauce. This lunch special is served with a bevy of grilled vegetables (including sugar snap peas, carrots and peppers) making a light and healthy, yet satisfying meal.

Don’t egg me on: During another visit, I opt for the omelet of the day ($6.50). It’s served cold, filled with thick strips of inert, waxy Swiss cheese, and mushrooms billed as wild but which are really of the button variety, and a scattering of too-sweet carrots, zucchini and peppers. A few bites and I’m wishing I’d ordered a sandwich instead. The meal is saved by dessert. A chocolate baby bundt cake with warm ganache, whipped cream and fruit ($5) is surprisingly moist, thick and comforting in the style of ’50s pudding cakes.

Borrowed green: Dining on Babs’ patio is a calming end to a long workday, particularly for a pal whose apartment doesn’t include outdoor space. A special salad ($6) of paper-thin cucumber, créme fraîche, lump crabmeat, avocado and a sauce of ground chorizo isn’t bad, but seems like a collection of random bits and pieces with no cohesion. That evening’s special entree — stringy, pan-seared chicken, tender creamed spinach and caramelized onions ($7) — is oversalted but homey. Seafood pasta ($8.75), on the other hand, fails horribly. The fettuccine is nicely al dente, but the butter sauce with lump crabmeat had the artificial flavor and slick texture of margarine.

Babs may look like one of Midtown’s strangest spots. But, sitting beside the bizarro fountain, its simple sandwiches and soups are hard to beat midday. You’ll be transported to a land where red and black are utterly stylish, movies are meant to be smelled as well as seen and heard, and a delicious lunch costs less than $10.

cynthia.wong@creativeloafing.com