Start a revolution August 28 2003

So you hate the French, eh?

Despise George W.? Or maybe you’re keen on Jesus?

Whatever you loathe, whatever you love, whatever cause you adopt during your idealistic college years, it’s gotta be done right, and done well. Otherwise you’ll dissolve into the scenery like a drunken bum.

But between the job, the classes, and the binge drinking, who has time for a poorly planned protest? Face it: Carrying a 50-pound cross on your back may pay off in the afterlife, but all it’ll get you by the end of the day is a lot of weird looks, and a wicked case of scoliosis.

Nothing stinks worse than a half-ass protest. Don’t be a foolish activist this year. Do it the right way. Here are some ways of keeping it legal (or at least barely legal) and still getting the message across loud and clear.

Street life

Forget the whole idea of Big Brother for a minute. Public colleges, as public institutions, are here to help. In principle, public schools are required to honor your First Amendment right to freedom of speech and to peaceably assemble. Private schools are not.

According to Greg Lisby, a lawyer and professor of communication law and ethics at Georgia State University, public universities have an obligation to help students find ways to express themselves.

“We believe in debate, we believe in public discussion, and so we really need to set aside a place that’s appropriate for public discussion,” Lisby says.

Unfortunately for you private-schoolers, the same First Amendment rights don’t always apply. The school doesn’t have to allow staged demonstrations on its campus, or its property. Most private schools will, however, work with you, so long as you get the protest pre-approved.

Even without approval, there’s a loophole: You can demonstrate on public streets that run through or near campus, Lisby says.

Plan the party

Planning can help keep it legal, as most schools have procedures for these things. You don’t want the National Guard called in because somebody forgot to drop off the appropriate form to the dean and the school feels threatened by the sudden swelling of a large, impassioned crowd on campus.

Check the student handbook, or ask an appropriate school official, to ensure that you won’t spend the night in the big house.

Do it like you mean it

It’s the 21st century, the Information Age, and the robots are coming for us any minute now. This is the time to test new and exciting ways of getting the word out, so most of your creative energy should go toward building a unique campaign. The point is to let everyone know what it is you’re screaming about. Wearing a Che Guevara shirt and screaming inaudible soundbites into a megaphone is pretty played out.

Advertise the thing like you would if your promising local band were playing next week. Fifty-plus copies of an eye-catching flier at Kinko’s costs four bucks and change, and sending an unlimited barrage of e-mails is free.

Originality counts

Know that it doesn’t hurt to be a little left-brained with your activism. For example, Georgia State students staged a “Die-In” to protest the war on Iraq, where they laid motionless in GSU’s courtyard with T-shirts adorned with such identifiers as “Foreign journalist killed by U.S. tank fire.” People stopped, stared, inquired and pondered. Point taken.

If your protest has been done a thousand times before, no one will pay it any mind. Instead of covering your uprising, the networks will just show more footage of that fire at the orphanage.

Don’t be afraid to roll up your sleeves and get interesting. But if you find yourself in a disciplinary hearing because you didn’t think your protest through, it’s nobody’s fault but your own. Just do yourself a favor and get someone from the law school to represent you.