Redeye May 20 2004

Bareaoke: Walk into the Clermont Lounge around midnight on a Tuesday and you will see someone nude onstage. Now, you're probably thinking, "Hey Mr. States-the-Obvious, why don't you go fuck yourself?" But chill, my brother, and allow me to pontificate on my verisimilitude.

Obviously, there are women not wearing clothes — what with the Clermont being a notorious flophouse/strip club rite of passage. But on Tuesday nights the Clermont hosts karaoke, and you're never more bare than when singing in front of strangers. That's when anyone can feel naked.

I like the concept of getting "naked" at karaoke, because what's the point if you don't belt it "balls out"? I picked Guns N' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle" from the bulging three-ring binder. I screeched and strutted, dedicating the song to Todd Terranova — a Crescent Avenue fixture for four years or so, currently holding down security at the Crescent Room — who was at the Clermont celebrating his 10th 21st birthday. I knew I had done well because the DJ offered to buy me a drink ... if I promised not to sing again.

But a drink's a drink, and at the Clermont, you need every drink you can swallow because there's a lot more to handle than just liquor — like Blondie's infamous beer can-crushing tits. Or the "red snapper" that another stripper showed Todd (where she spreads wide and flexes her clit). Yes, indeed, there's soul-baring and soul-searching aplenty to be done at the Clermont.

A big pint-sized plan:

I've never really considered myself an optimist, but Sat., May 15, at the NOToberfest 2004, the East Atlanta beer festival, I found the answer to the age-old idiom, "Is the glass half-empty or half-full?" The glass is half-full ... and half-full again ... and again ... hey, now there are two glasses. And I have four hands, but I can't feel any of them!

But seriously, the inaugural NOToberfest celebrated responsible drinking. Held on a gorgeous afternoon in the grass behind the old J.B. Gordon Elementary School, the event is one of several — including a Village crawl — to be held yearly to promote community interest(s). Beer from all about was featured, but among the top five were the area's own award-winning micros: Terrapin Ale (Athens) and Sweetwater (ATL).

Whether floral, citrus or crisp pine, amber or ruby-brown, there were flavors to satisfy people from all hops (and malts) of life.

Keep one RedEye open. And send all comments, questions, observations and invitations to redeye@creativeloafing.com.