Found Object - Your Friends and Neighbors
On the morning of Jan. 1, the following note was found posted on the apartment door of a 26-year-old schoolteacher residing on the 800 block of Briarcliff Road. The prior evening, the woman entertained several friends at an impromptu, late-night, New Year's Eve gathering. The revelers — along with the resident's 3-year-old Yorkie and three-legged cat — apparently roused a downstairs neighbor.
How not to be annoying at 5 a.m.:
1. Do not invite the Olympic track team over.
2. Do not create a system of suspended pulleys with harnesses for the floor-scratching, slipping, yapping dogs.
3. Suppress the mood to build things.
4. Heels hit the ground LAST.