Found Object - Your Friends and Neighbors

On the morning of Jan. 1, the following note was found posted on the apartment door of a 26-year-old schoolteacher residing on the 800 block of Briarcliff Road. The prior evening, the woman entertained several friends at an impromptu, late-night, New Year's Eve gathering. The revelers — along with the resident's 3-year-old Yorkie and three-legged cat — apparently roused a downstairs neighbor.

How not to be annoying at 5 a.m.:

1. Do not invite the Olympic track team over.

2. Do not create a system of suspended pulleys with harnesses for the floor-scratching, slipping, yapping dogs.

3. Suppress the mood to build things.

4. Heels hit the ground LAST.