Don't Panic: So, who won Iraq's election?

During the last week of March, the never-gets-anything-wrong news media reported that challenger Ayad Allawi defeated incumbent Nouri al-Maliki in Iraq's recent election.

"Secular former leader Allawi wins Iraq vote," said Reuters.

"Allawi wins Iraqi election," said McClatchy.

"Allawi victory in Iraq sets up period of uncertainty," said the New York Times.

I was overjoyed to read this news. "Boo-ya!" I thought. "Maybe now I'll finally be able to sell some of the 10,000 'Don't Blame Me, I voted for Nouri al-Maliki' bumper stickers I bought before Iraq's 2005 elections."

(A related word of advice: Stay away from CafePress.com when you're drunk.)

Anyhoo, it turns out my joy was unwarranted. You see, Allawi didn't actually win the election.

Continue Reading "Don't Panic: So, who won Iraq’s election?"

(Illustration by Andisheh Nouraee)

More By This Writer


Monday July 2, 2012 10:14 am EDT
Fourth of July has devolved into a mindless national block party. Here's what we should do about it. | more...


Wednesday September 7, 2011 04:30 am EDT
Ten years later, a TV terrorpalooza rings hollow | more...


Tuesday September 7, 2010 09:11 am EDT


My favorite foreign policy column cliché of the previous decade is, without a doubt, the Friedman Unit.

It’s a reference to New York Times foreign policy columnist Thomas Friedman. Fair and Accuracy in Reporting noted that, between November 2003 and May 2006, Friedman used some form of the phrase “the next six months is crucial in Iraq”...

| more...


Thursday August 26, 2010 02:42 pm EDT

The last U.S. combat troops left Iraq on August 19. War over. Woohoo!

Take that, you stupid 9/11 terrorists who had absolutely nothing at all to do with Saddam Hussein or Iraq. Boo ya!

No. Wait. Upon further review, it turns out the war isn’t exactly over.

The combat troops are out, but there are still roughly 50,000 non-combat troops in Iraq. Iraq still has the third largest foreign...

| more...


Tuesday August 24, 2010 12:04 am EDT

As someone who had to turn on the closed captioning during The Wire, I totally get this.

The Associated Press:

ATLANTA — Federal agents are seeking to hire Ebonics translators to help interpret wiretapped conversations involving targets of undercover drug investigations.

The Drug Enforcement Administration recently sent memos asking companies that provide translation services to help it find...

| more...
Search for more by Andisheh Nouraee

[Admin link: Don't Panic: So, who won Iraq's election?]