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Bobby's Reality Check: Exploring the coasts on 'Celeb Rehab'

Also: "Millionaire Matchmaker" asks 'What does your schmeckle say!'

New York and L.A.: the cultural capitals for our fair nation. They house some of the greatest minds and talents of our generation, like the business savvy of New York's Kelly Cutrone and the athleticism of Los Angeles' Dennis Rodman. Shows seem to be getting more location-specific, from the branding of "The Real World" in a different city every season to "Real Housewives" franchises popping up everywhere. But what Bravo (and VH1, MTV and Lifetime) have taught me is how out-of-control, bat-shit crazy the people living in L.A. and New York are. I don't care if people on TV don't represent all people in these cities: they are on TV so they're the only ones that matter.

The level of crazy in New York (like the auspicious pill-popping going on in the background of every scene) is palatable, even lovable, but L.A. intrigues me in the way a disfigured monkey intrigues me. It started this week with good ol' Patti-Poo Stanger on "The Millionaire Matchmaker." Being on Bravo, the gayest channel on TV save HGTV, it was only a matter of time before Patsy set up a gay millionaire. Finally the time had come. Of course, there's probably tons of gay millionaires in L.A. with their disposable income and lack of children sucking them dry for iPods and Seven jeans. And I think everyone can agree that Gayfer McMillions was by far one of the most likable dates on the show. He's the hippie-dippy kind of gay, into "spirituality" and astrology, but obsessed with working out and wanting hot man candy. Can you blame him?

Patti-poo and Daddy Gaybucks had their astrological charts examined together, and lo and behold, they have similar charts and will like the same type of guy. That doesn't surprise me: Patti always seemed the type to be dating with the gay best friend, never the bride. Patti is trying to expand her "new gay division" of her company, but says she doesn't know anything about gays yet. Yeah right. "Come on," she says to her esteemed coworkers, "every gay guy needs a twink." I'd have to agree with you there, Patti-poo. Their gay date was the PERFECT date (especially compared to his hetero counterpart's), but their end-of-date kiss was horrid. It must have been the cameras--I just won't believe that Gaybucks isn't a good kisser!