Real Housewives of Atlanta” Ep. 8: I won’t be hurt by housewives’ lies”

• NBC Universal
• Google Me. My name’s Kim, Kim Zolciak. Do you want me to write that down for you?

How long has this sad dog and pony show been on the air now? Three years? And still, the participants of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” are slow to learn that the truth always comes out. Reality TV is like investigative journalism (or so I tell myself, holding my paper diploma in my sweaty palms) and I’ll get to the bottom of their hurtful deception if it kills me. Sure, it might not be glamorous to tell America that you got knocked up out of wedlock by an ex-con or that online PhD programs based on “life experience” don’t exist, but the Bravo cameras know all, and in due time, your lies will be exposed!

Last night on “Watch What Happens,” sort of like the Charlie Rose show but with that beefcake Andy Cohen, Kim was the special guest with her wig-artiste Derek J (who was wearing a fetching ensemble of sequin blazer, beige turtle neck, short black booty shorts and thigh-high tan suede heeled boots, most becoming on a thick man in his 30s). After performing her latest worldwide smash hit “Google Me,” Andy (who looked as happy as a clam, bouncing his head to the soon-to-be global anthem) asked Kim if she was pregnant. “What, do I look fat to you!?” she angrily shot back with that look of indignation and nausea she’s perfected. Of course not, a timid Andy replied, recoiling into his chocolate brown leather chair, you look like you always do. “What!?” Kim snapped. Are you calling me fat, take it back you cross-eyed queen! Some wig hair was lost in the tizzy, but lo and behold what came out today: Kim Zolciak is indeed pregnant with Falcon’s football player Kroy Biermann’s baby. The two actually met last week on the show, where Kim commented on his most voluptuous rear-end. America, we got to see the romance of America’s most special couple happen right in our living room, that’s pretty lucky. And Big Poppa is out of the picture—hand me my Kleenex. What could Kroy possibly see in Tranny Kim? I don’t know, but the truth always comes out eventually.