First Slice 5-9-12: Banner day in the South, guys

North Carolina bans gay marriage, West Virginia really hates Obama


1. A Texas prison inmate with a long, luscious ponytail and glassy, rose-colored eyeballs made a decent showing in yesterday’s West Virginia democratic primary. Keith Judd, who’s serving time for “making threats at the University of New Mexico in 1999,” got 41 percent of the vote to Obama’s 59 percent. A W.V. democrat named Ronnie Brown told the Associated Press, “I voted against Obama. He didn’t carry the state before and I’m not going to let him carry it again.” Brain bursts inside skull.

2. North Carolinians came to the polls in record numbers to make their’s the 30th state to approve a constitutional ban of same sex marriages, partnerships, and civil unions. The amendment says that “marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state,” language which some say also jeopardizes the legal rights associated with common law marriages between straight people. Way to make this about you, straight people of North Carolina.

3. And, in Georgia, don’t do anything fun this summer or you’ll probably get a flesh eating disease.

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