Omnivore - Knife’s Edge: Commencement

Don’t end up living an overcooked chicken life

The following is an excerpt of a speech I delivered a few weeks ago to the graduating class of the Culinary Institute of Technology in Hyde Park, N.Y.

When I was a student here, we had a big practical exam at the end of our first year. For those who aren’t familiar with what that entails, here it goes. … Each student receives a mystery basket of produce and a randomly drawn protein from a predetermined list. Then, under a specific protocol, the student chef cooks the protein and the mystery produce under a time limit. I think it was two hours, if I remember correctly.

The test was graded on a somewhat typical bell curve. You passed, big, long middle. You failed, small chance. Or you high passed, even smaller chance. Now let it be known that getting a high pass at this point in your studies was a big deal. It separated you from the pack. Those scores weren’t doled out often. And in an environment where teamwork and intentional herding was encouraged, this was one of few opportunities to shine solo.

I remember a few classmates and I began studying for the exam by doing serious, meticulous research. We polled the class ahead of us and after compiling our raw data, we discovered that of all the proteins, roast chicken was the dreaded draw.

All the proteins presented their own set of challenges. But roast chicken was digging graves. People were failing on that draw more than any other. Of course, now most of you are shaking your heads. Roast chicken is easy! Grandma does it every Sunday! You do it! You don’t have to be a chef to be able to cook a good roast chicken. But the chicken made it possible to fail automatically. You see, if you undercooked your chicken, even the smallest glimmer of translucency, that was it. Automatic fail. …

My classmates and I studied vigorously for this test, and by study, I mean drank beer across campus at that one bar that’s been renamed a dozen times since I graduated. We were stumped. What to do if one of us were the unlucky one to get the roast chicken under these grave circumstances?