Omnivore - ‘Top Chef’ season 9, episode 6

• Bravo TV/NBC Universal
• “I’m gonna devein Bev if she doesn’t hurry the hell up with those shrimp.”

What is your damage, Heather?

Horrible Heather spent all episode stomping around, huffing and puffing and being horrible, yelling at Bev about shrimp and always cooking Asian food, refusing to serve people hot, medium-rare steaks, and then wins a car for her horrible (actually, it was delicious, not that that hot bitch Padma offered ME a slice) cake that she already cooked once in the competition. No Heather. None of us want a ride in your stupid new car.

Grayson impresses guest judge Dean Fearing with her sauciness in the Quickfire challenge and wins immunity. YOU GUYS: She made a ravioli in an hour and a half. Gee whiz, y’all! Dean doesn’t know if even HE could do that!

Steak is on the menu for the Cattle Baron’s Ball at the Southfork Ranch. The TV show “Dallas” was shot here. I was too young to be watching that smut when it was on TV. My mom wouldn’t have it. So I don’t know who shot J.R. Discuss hair/shoulder pads/breast implants/sexy rendez-vous in the comments if you like.

Ty-Lör and his mustache are in charge of cooking 200 medium rare steaks. Actually, Ty-Lör, his mustache, and his 10 fingers are in charge of cooking 200 medium rare steaks. But Ty-Lör slices open one of his fingers and has to go to the ER for four stitches. This may be the goriest “Top Chef” yet! Other people’s pain is our reality TV pleasure and I prefer severed limbs to the salty melancholy of Bev’s tears.