Omnivore - Do you love bacon...to death?

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• J&D’s Bacon Coffin

OK, so the bacon people at J&D’s Foods are sitting in a marketing meeting, scratching their heads, and trying to come up with the “next big thing” for their novelty food company. It starts out normal enough: bacon ice cream, bacon breakfast cereal, bacon whipped cream (which surprisingly isn’t already on the market). But then suddenly, in a flash of morbid genius, it hits them. “Well, if our customers are stuffing their faces with baconnaise and bacon salt everyday, it stands to reason that they’ve got a heart attack in their near future. And what does every dead bacon lover need?! A bacon coffin. BOOM.”

Their press release is just silly:

J&D’s Foods is pleased to announce the launch of Bacon Coffins. Yes, the world’s first bacon-wrapped casket. I think we all knew it would eventually end here. J&D’s Bacon Coffin™ is for those who love bacon to death.

You ate bacon, you decorated your body with bacon, your car with bacon and your home with bacon. And now, you can peacefully rest wrapped in bacon.

FACT – Approximately 56 million people die per year worldwide, 2.4 million in the US alone – 99% of which loved bacon.

In case you hadn’t heard, “cardiovascular disease is the No. 1 killer in America, causing more than 900,000 deaths each year.” Boom?

The actual coffins are pretty fancy, finished with a painted Bacon and Pork shading and accented with gold stationary handles. The interior has an adjustable bed and mattress, and is lined with classy ivory crepe coffin linens.

So how much does a bacon coffin cost? That would be $2,999.95 plus shipping and handling. No word yet on whether or not you get a discount if habitually eating J&D’s bacon products is what put you in the coffin in the first place.