Loading...
 

content

Does watching gay porn make you gay?

I have a question for you but I would prefer to remain anonymous. I'm just gonna be straightforward and ask away. I am a longtime watcher of porn, I enjoy it very much and, for some reason, I'm able to get off to gay porn. I know that I'm not attracted to men in real life at all. So my question is: Is it normal for a straight man to do this?

— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

So, in a recent episode of "Family Guy" (pants down, the funniest show on TV), Peter Griffin summarizes his daughter's Christian abstinence program: "Premarital sex turns straight people gay and gays into Mexicans. Everybody goes down a notch."

My point, and I do have one, is that I don't think you're slipping down a notch in Peter's eyes. It would be easy to think you're so far into the closet that you're crowding out the skeletons, but I don't think that's the case.

You only have to see the very real phenomenon of lesbians who watch gay porn to see my point. They don't watch it for the men; they watch it for the power dynamics that they can bring in to their own beds.

For example, masculinity turns on many lesbians. They want to see it, emulate it and apply it, but they don't necessarily want to see straight men "exploiting" women.

They also use it as a master class on strap-on dildos. Lots of lesbians use them. They have to learn how and if straight porn is too exploitative and lesbian porn is too boring, then what's left? Gay porn.

Clearly, it's a minority of lesbians who do this, but it's well documented. Me? When it comes to porn, I only want to see what I want to fuck. Period, end of stroke.

But you? You're just like those lesbians. You're getting off to gay porn without being attracted to the men in it. Of course, you have different reasons — all subconscious.

Let's start with a strong need to dominate or feel dominated by good-looking men.

There's no way you can safely express that to other straight men. Well, you could — just like you could walk into Taco Mac and change the TV channels to "Glee" during March Madness. I'm just not sure you want to go there.

So how do you express that intense need to dominate or submit to male power? Watching gay porn, where you can see it in spades.

Another possibility is that you secretly want to have anal sex and there's no way for you to express that to a woman without feeling emasculated, so you unconsciously seek out expressions of it through gay porn.

Listen, you wouldn't be the first straight guy who wanted a woman to buckle up a strap-on and have at you. Straight men are wired exactly like gay men — we all have a prostate gland (the male G-spot) that rocks our world when it gets stimulated in the right way.

Last time I checked, there weren't any straight porn videos showing a woman fucking a man with a strap-on. Gay porn may be the only outlet to your fantasy.

Your situation reminds me of an immortal line by lesbian comic Lea DeLaria: "It's not true that lesbians don't like dick. We just don't like them on men." Like lesbians, it's possible that you love dick but only when it's on a woman.

God, I love saying that. Let me say it again: It's possible that you need a woman to fuck the daylights out of you. Your job isn't to judge yourself for watching gay porn. It's to find that woman.

Got a burning or a why-is-it-burning question for the Sexorcist? Email him at sexorcist@creativeloafing.com. Mike Alvear is the author of the Meet the Hottie in the Corner e-book and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie.



More By This Writer

Article

Monday October 3, 2011 05:00 am EDT

All good things must come to an end. This is my last column, gentle reader, as I head for different pastures.

To commemorate the event, I thought I'd point out some of the most interesting questions (and answers) of the past two years. But first a few goodbyes.

To Creative Loafing: Writing for you was like having one of those four-hour erections. At first, you're grateful, then you're scared...

| more...

Article

Monday September 19, 2011 07:00 am EDT

Full disclosure: I usually don't read your column because it covers a sexually permissive lifestyle I believe to be immoral.

However, your recent column on obsession was fabulous. It had (if you'll excuse a college lit term) an everyman quality that was deep and real. I was really stunned because the further I read the more deeply I was affected.

You didn't talk down to OCD. Instead, you...

| more...

Article

Monday September 12, 2011 05:30 am EDT

I have been with my girlfriend for five years and our sex life (or the lack of it, I should say) has become a serious issue. When I met her, I thought she was gorgeous and the sex was great, but definitely not the best it could be.

We get along great in most aspects so time has pretty much flown by. But lost interest in sex some time ago and I believe (contrary to what she says when we talk...

| more...

Article

Monday September 5, 2011 05:30 am EDT

I'll be honest and say that my love for my partner of many years has diminished over time. I still care for him, but the deep love that I once had for him is now gone. I've not been completely faithful to him because I have sexual needs he doesn't meet.

Just over a month ago, I was on Xtube viewing some videos for pleasure, and I came across a video of two men having sex — and since I've been...

| more...

Article

Monday August 22, 2011 04:00 am EDT
I'm married, kids grown and gone. For months I've been absolutely infatuated with a much younger co-worker. She's got a boyfriend, they're making long-term plans and I know this is going nowhere. But every time I see her, my world lights up, my heart races and I can't think about anything else. I keep plotting for ways that I can be with alone with her, maybe even ask her out. How can I get off... | more...
Search for more by Michael Alvear

[Admin link: Does watching gay porn make you gay?]