Learning to love my big ass

Why, for the first time in a long time, I’m not on a New Year’s diet

I studied her body. I was jealous of her abundance. (Aren’t us Latina chicks supposed to have bigger asses than white chicks or something?)

Her peaches spilled out the back of her black bodysuit, teasing onlookers as she bent over an amp, the flesh of her legs concealed by thigh-highs dusted with a golden shimmer.

“That’s a fine ass right there,” said my friend.

It was superficial. It was inappropriate. It was true — she did have a fine ass.

“It really is,” I responded, nodding in agreement.

And then he said what was to me unbelievable: “Can you believe Bill once told me he thinks she’s fat?”

“Wha?!” I said, mouth agape. Truth is, I’d once wanted to date Bill. “If he thinks she’s fat, he must think I’m obese!”

I wasn’t offended, though. I should have been, I guess, at least to an extent. But the truth is, I didn’t really care. That is, I don’t really care whether he (or any other dude, for that matter) considers me fat ... or obese. Who has time to worry about such trivialities? A man thinking a woman is fat?! Gasp!

There was a time growing up, say ages 13 to 27, when weight really mattered to me. Like millions of Americans, every New Year’s I resolved to lose weight. Except this year. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, maybe it’s because I’m lazy, but I’m so over diets and self-hate. Aren’t you? Do I want to lose weight? Yeah. Sure. It’d be nice to have a Victoria’s Secret body. Am I willing to follow their supermodel diet and not eat solids for three weeks? Hell no. Will I allow that standard to loom over and control me? Fuck off.

Same way the conversation and controversy surrounding pubic hair will never go out of style, neither will the dialogue surrounding a woman’s weight. Plus Model magazine recently published an explosive editorial that was supposed to reveal startling facts, such as the average fashion model now weighing 23 percent less than the average woman.

To better illustrate the point, the magazine photographed a plus-size model and a runway model in an embrace, which, according to one’s perception and taste, would either see a skinny hot chick with a fattie, or an emaciated girl with an attractive, normal-looking woman.

The magazine encouraged: “If we continue to ignore and rely on others to decide what we want to see, change will never happen. We have to be vocal and proactive, patient and realistic.”

That’s what it’s all about really, being realistic. I don’t know about you, but I know I’ll never be size zero, and I’m OK with that. I have bit of a belly, my thighs sometimes rub together, my arms are too muscular, and despite being Puerto Rican, I know I’ll never have J.Lo’s signature ass.

When Plus Model’s article came out, one of my guy friends posted the link on Facebook, and wrote: “I’d pick the ‘heavier’ one or the one that looks like a real person.” While I know he meant well with his declaration, a mutual female friend of ours didn’t particularly care for his remark. “As a girl who is relatively skinny,” she commented, “I find the whole ‘real’ women/person thing disconcerting. What if I made a post about big dicks and ‘real’ men?”

She’s right about the whole “skinny” thing. For as many men and women as I’ve heard call others “fat,” I’ve heard just about as many people grimace at “skinny” women. Here’s a friendly reminder: Skinny girls need love, too. Some women are heavier, and some women are skinnier. And the same way a heavier woman isn’t necessarily an irresponsible binge eater, that she may have a slow metabolism, a skinny woman isn’t necessarily anorexic or bulimic. She really may just have a fast metabolism.

As for me, maybe I’ll get my Rican ass to the gym sometime soon (I really am just being lazy — my gym is literally across the street), or maybe I won’t. For the first time in a long time, I’m not going to worry about it, though. For as many men who think I’m fat, I know there’s plenty of others who pass me on the street and think, “That’s a fine ass right there.” And you know what? There are plenty of others saying that about your fine ass, too.