“Top Chef” All-stars, episode 2: Night at the Museum

• Courtesy Bravo TV

SPOILER ALERT: I don’t have enough energy to think up a good blah blah intro to this week’s episode. We’re going straight for the substance. So hit your DVR before you continue...

I missed the first few minutes of last night’s episode, tuning in only in time to hear the chef’s less-than-enthused “hiiiiiiiii” when Padma introduced Joe Jonas. Who is obviously a great judge of snacks for kids because he, himself is the most popular kiddie snack around. Right? Or no...maybe they shoulda got Bieber. At least then him and Blais could have had a hair duel.

The quickfire challenge, to create a good midnight snack for a screaming pack of tweens, was going fine until JJ announced that the kids would be the final judges. Which is totally unfair when you’re pitting CARROTS against COCO-CHOCO-RITZ-CRISPY-MARSHMALLOW-NAST. I mean, come on Joe Jonas, you of all people ought to know that saccharine glop is what the kiddies want. It’s like - well, like asking a bunch of 12 year olds to decide between Arcade Fire and say...the Jonas Bros.