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The Blotter

And other tales of life in the ATL

Here's the latest from Atlanta's finest:

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  string(4275) "PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(4319) "__PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1:__ Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. ''Newsweek'' magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

__KNOCKED UP:__ A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

__SHAKE IT, SUGAR:__ A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

__CONTAGIOUS VIBES:__ In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

__JURASSIC PARK DUO:__ Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a ''Tyrannosaurus rex''; the second a ''Stegosaurus''. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

__PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2:__ A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —__CL__—

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(4695) " 0520blot Cough V3 Web  2020-05-11T17:05:39+00:00 0520blot-cough-v3_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 31010  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: The ‘coughing bandit’ strikes jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00  PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10    theblotter                             THE BLOTTER: The ‘coughing bandit’ strikes "
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Police Blotter

Friday May 1, 2020 12:05 am EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7249) "In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the [https://www.kgw.com/article/news/local/the-story/newport-police-ask-residents-not-to-call-911-over-toilet-paper-shortages/283-159f5b17-f923-41cf-b5f0-52fb187baf96|police department in Newport, Oregon] got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on [https://www.facebook.com/NewportPolice/photos/a.10150611383469944/10151320061939944/?type=3&theater|Facebook]. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

__ALL THAT GLITTERS:__ One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

__REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS:__ A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

__MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS:__ Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

__GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN!__ In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

__CHIP ON THE SHOULDER?__ In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

__BITTER FRUIT:__ On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

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  string(7682) " 0420 Blot TP Final Web  2020-04-10T20:11:05+00:00 0420_blot-TP-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 30525  2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00  In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

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Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   -84.4236492,33.7008587,15  The Blotter: All That Glitters  blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! "
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Police Blotter

Friday April 10, 2020 04:05 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(6083) "A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET:__ At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II:__ A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

__HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT:__ In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

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__VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE?__ In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

__STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK:__ Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

__BITCH OF THE MONTH:__ A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). __—CL—__

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  string(6510) " 0320blot Plant Fight Final Web  2020-03-02T18:19:47+00:00 0320blot-plant-fight-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 29578  2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00  A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10   cl-issue-march-2020 blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest "
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Police Blotter

Monday March 2, 2020 01:18 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...

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  string(14) "LAUREN KEATING"
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  string(9946) "PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(9978) "P__UTTIN’ ON THE RITZ:__ Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1:__ Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

__ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH:__ A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

__THE EX FILES:__ Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

__BITCH WITH A DOG:__ A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

__PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE:__ A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II:__ A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. __— CL —__ 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(10331) " 0220blot Winter Moon 01  2020-02-04T20:48:19+00:00 0220blot-winter-moon-01.jpg     And other tales of life in the ATL 28530  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it will.cardwell@gmail.com Will Cardwell LAUREN KEATING  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00  PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,1                                 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it "
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Police Blotter

Tuesday February 4, 2020 02:03 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(8753) "You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING: A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING: In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO: A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!: One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING: A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON: A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP: In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID: In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.
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  string(8806) "You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

__RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING:__ A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

__RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING:__ In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

__RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO:__ A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

__RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!:__ One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

__RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS__: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

__RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING:__ A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

__RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON:__ A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

__RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP:__ In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

__RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID:__ In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  __—CL—__

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''
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  string(9175) " 0120 Blot Slots Final Web  2020-01-03T15:35:31+00:00 0120-blot-slots-final_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 27178  2020-01-01T15:33:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Resolutions for the hell of it jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2020-01-01T15:33:00+00:00  You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING: A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING: In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO: A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!: One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING: A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON: A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP: In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID: In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.
blotter_jan20    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10    theblotter                             THE BLOTTER: Resolutions for the hell of it "
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Police Blotter

Wednesday January 1, 2020 10:33 am EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7443) "JOKER SEQUEL, ATL-STYLE: A woman was returning home from the West End Kroger to her condo on Donnelly Avenue. As she walked down the driveway toward her building, a thin man dressed as the “Joker” from the Batman movie franchise jumped out of the bushes near her door.

The skinny Joker was “wearing white paint on his face, red lipstick, and a pink wig with long hair,” according to the police report.

Homegrown Joker never spoke a single word. He just grabbed the woman’s black Calvin Klein purse from her shoulder. The woman “attempted to hold onto the purse strap,” and that’s when she got a small cut on her finger.

The woman said the Joker “ran back into the bushes” with her purse. She believes he used a cut-through route to escape into some neighboring apartments.

Missing items from the woman’s purse included a Visa card “with a picture of Betty Boop on it,” the cop noted. Yes, a Betty Boop credit card, stolen by the Joker.

TOO MUCH EGG NOG AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY? A boyfriend-girlfriend couple in their 20s were hanging out in their Midtown apartment on 14th Street, when suddenly they heard weird noises outside. It was late and they weren’t expecting any visitors, so they got spooked and called police, worried about a potential robbery.

Three cops responded and started searching the couple’s apartment — finding nothing amiss inside. Then, police checked the outside balcony: Bingo! Sitting on the balcony, a 27-year-old man wearing only his underwear … with a half-empty bottle of vodka next to him.

Cops asked: What the heck are you doing in your underwear on this balcony?

Underwear Man responded, “I guess I had too much to drink and entered the wrong apartment. I’m sorry.”

However, the Midtown couple decided to be super-cool about finding a drunk stranger wearing underwear on their balcony: They decided not to press charges.

Atlanta police were not as forgiving. They charged Underwear Man with disorderly conduct under the influence — and took him to jail. Which seems a bit unfair. Hopefully, Underwear Man got a few more clothing items before cops tossed him in the holding cell.

WILY COUGAR ESCAPES: A brouhaha broke out at the Mac Cosmetics store in Ponce City Market. A 22-year-old man strolled in with a woman 10 years his senior (age 32). They both started yelling, “Ohhhh, we in the fucking Mac Store!” so loudly that other shoppers turned and stared. 

Then, the 32-year-old woman took it up a notch. Suddenly, she “spit in the face” of the Mac store’s assistant manager — and took off running. However, her young Boy Toy stayed behind and didn’t run away. So when a police officer arrived, he charged the 22-year-old man with disorderly conduct. Oh, those wily cougar getaways, leaving behind their young pranksters ….

NAKED SMELLY MAN SCREAMING: An officer responded to a fight call near Grady Hospital on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. “Upon arrival, I was abruptly met by an irate male running up to my patrol car and attempting to jump into the back seat,” the cop noted. “He was screaming erratically and bleeding from the left side of his forehead, and saying that I was trying to kill him.”

The screaming man ”walked up extremely close to me,” just so the cop could get a strong whiff of his boozy breath.

“He continued to behave in a concerning manner as he requested for me to kill him, several times — and then proceeded to remove all his clothing to expose his bare body, from his neck to his knees,” the cop noted. “Due to his erratic behavior, multiple backup police units had to come to my aid” to coral the Mostly Naked Man and walk him just one block to Grady Detention Center, located across the street. 

STRONG CONDOMNATION: In the Kirkwood neighborhood, an outraged 41-year-old woman flagged down an officer patrolling the streets. She said around 4 a.m. she went to a vacant home on Kirkwood Avenue “where most of the homeless people in the neighborhood be at” and knocked on the front door repeatedly. Apparently, she hangs out there on a regular basis.

Finally, a man responded to her persistent knocks. Opening the door, he said the 41-year-old woman absolutely could NOT come inside, because during her last visit, she’d left several messy, used condoms in a bedroom. Then, the man pushed her out of the doorway and slammed the front door closed.

The woman was stunned and pissed. But what exactly did she want police to do about this condom clash? Well, that’s unclear.

The cop simply filed a report outlining the woman’s beef. Nothing more. 

CONDOM CLASH, PART II: A naked 37-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were fornicating between the sheets at a Midtown apartment on 19th Street. Suddenly, the woman noticed the man wasn’t wearing a condom. So she punched him in the face. Stunned, the man called police. “He said they usually have unprotected sex, and that he did not know it would be an issue when he realized the condom was not on,” the reporting cop noted. The man didn’t want to press charges against the woman for punching him … but he DID want police to make her leave his apartment. Both parties confirmed the sex was totally consensual — and that they were completely shitfaced drunk. The woman even “showed me text messages from (the guy) suggesting they would have intercourse as soon as she arrived,” the cop noted. The woman also refused to press any charges … and very willingly left the guy’s apartment.

DRUNK GIRL DOES FASHION CATWALK STRUT: A cop saw a black Chrysler 200 speeding and weaving on I-85 South. He activated his blue lights and siren and tried to stop the car at the Williams Street exit. “The vehicle continued south to Freedom Parkway, then to Boulevard, before finally stopping on Cain Street,“ the cop noted.

The driver, a 26-year-old Decatur woman, opened her door and stumbled out, stating she had to pee. She admitted she was “buzzed.”

“She was wearing high-heeled boots, which I recommended she remove for the subsequent field sobriety tests,” the cop noted. “(She) had to balance herself on me and I had to help her pull her shoes off.” The woman promptly failed the Walk-and-Turn test.

“After I gave her instructions for the One-Leg Stand, she began performing the Walk-and-Turn test again in a ‘runway model fashion’ and started dancing in front of my patrol car,” the cop noted.

Then, she flunked the Breathalyzer exam and attempted to “bite the card out of my hand to stop me from reading” the implied consent statement, the cop recalled.

The Decatur woman went to jail and demanded to pee twice more within 30 minutes. Nothing further.

WISDOM DOESN’T ALWAYS COME WITH AGE: In Southwest Atlanta, a man said he returned home at 3 a.m. from a night of revelry celebrating his 40th birthday. He parked his black Cadillac Escalade outside his home on Veltre Circle and went to sleep. “When he returned to his vehicle at 8 a.m. the next morning, he noticed all his vehicle doors were wide open,” a cop noted. “Upon further inspection, he noticed he was missing three rifles, a handgun, and his wallet.” The man said he believed he forgot to lock his car doors after returning home from his birthday bash. -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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The skinny Joker was “wearing white paint on his face, red lipstick, and a pink wig with long hair,” according to the police report.

Homegrown Joker never spoke a single word. He just grabbed the woman’s black Calvin Klein purse from her shoulder. The woman “attempted to hold onto the purse strap,” and that’s when she got a small cut on her finger.

The woman said the Joker “ran back into the bushes” with her purse. She believes he used a cut-through route to escape into some neighboring apartments.

Missing items from the woman’s purse included a Visa card “with a picture of Betty Boop on it,” the cop noted. Yes, a Betty Boop credit card, stolen by the Joker.

__TOO MUCH EGG NOG AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY?__ A boyfriend-girlfriend couple in their 20s were hanging out in their Midtown apartment on 14th Street, when suddenly they heard weird noises outside. It was late and they weren’t expecting any visitors, so they got spooked and called police, worried about a potential robbery.

Three cops responded and started searching the couple’s apartment — finding nothing amiss inside. Then, police checked the outside balcony: Bingo! Sitting on the balcony, a 27-year-old man wearing only his underwear … with a half-empty bottle of vodka next to him.

Cops asked: ''What the heck are you doing in your underwear on this balcony?''

Underwear Man responded, “I guess I had too much to drink and entered the wrong apartment. I’m sorry.”

However, the Midtown couple decided to be super-cool about finding a drunk stranger wearing underwear on their balcony: They decided not to press charges.

Atlanta police were not as forgiving. They charged Underwear Man with disorderly conduct under the influence — and took him to jail. Which seems a bit unfair. Hopefully, Underwear Man got a few more clothing items before cops tossed him in the holding cell.

__WILY COUGAR ESCAPES:__ A brouhaha broke out at the Mac Cosmetics store in Ponce City Market. A 22-year-old man strolled in with a woman 10 years his senior (age 32). They both started yelling, “Ohhhh, we in the fucking Mac Store!” so loudly that other shoppers turned and stared. 

Then, the 32-year-old woman took it up a notch. Suddenly, she “spit in the face” of the Mac store’s assistant manager — and took off running. However, her young Boy Toy stayed behind and didn’t run away. So when a police officer arrived, he charged the 22-year-old man with disorderly conduct. Oh, those wily cougar getaways, leaving behind their young pranksters ….

__NAKED SMELLY MAN SCREAMING:__ An officer responded to a fight call near Grady Hospital on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. “Upon arrival, I was abruptly met by an irate male running up to my patrol car and attempting to jump into the back seat,” the cop noted. “He was screaming erratically and bleeding from the left side of his forehead, and saying that I was trying to kill him.”

The screaming man ”walked up extremely close to me,” just so the cop could get a strong whiff of his boozy breath.

“He continued to behave in a concerning manner as he requested for me to kill him, several times — and then proceeded to remove all his clothing to expose his bare body, from his neck to his knees,” the cop noted. “Due to his erratic behavior, multiple backup police units had to come to my aid” to coral the Mostly Naked Man and walk him just one block to Grady Detention Center, located across the street. 

__STRONG CONDOMNATION:__ In the Kirkwood neighborhood, an outraged 41-year-old woman flagged down an officer patrolling the streets. She said around 4 a.m. she went to a vacant home on Kirkwood Avenue “where most of the homeless people in the neighborhood be at” and knocked on the front door repeatedly. Apparently, she hangs out there on a regular basis.

Finally, a man responded to her persistent knocks. Opening the door, he said the 41-year-old woman absolutely could NOT come inside, because during her last visit, she’d left several messy, used condoms in a bedroom. Then, the man pushed her out of the doorway and slammed the front door closed.

The woman was stunned and pissed. But what exactly did she want police to do about this ''condom clash''? Well, that’s unclear.

The cop simply filed a report outlining the woman’s beef. Nothing more. 

__CONDOM CLASH, PART II:__ A naked 37-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were fornicating between the sheets at a Midtown apartment on 19th Street. Suddenly, the woman noticed the man wasn’t wearing a condom. So she punched him in the face. Stunned, the man called police. “He said they usually have unprotected sex, and that he did not know it would be an issue when he realized the condom was not on,” the reporting cop noted. The man didn’t want to press charges against the woman for punching him … but he DID want police to make her leave his apartment. Both parties confirmed the sex was totally consensual — and that they were completely shitfaced drunk. The woman even “showed me text messages from (the guy) suggesting they would have intercourse as soon as she arrived,” the cop noted. The woman also refused to press any charges … and very willingly left the guy’s apartment.

__DRUNK GIRL DOES FASHION CATWALK STRUT:__ A cop saw a black Chrysler 200 speeding and weaving on I-85 South. He activated his blue lights and siren and tried to stop the car at the Williams Street exit. “The vehicle continued south to Freedom Parkway, then to Boulevard, before finally stopping on Cain Street,“ the cop noted.

The driver, a 26-year-old Decatur woman, opened her door and stumbled out, stating she had to pee. She admitted she was “buzzed.”

“She was wearing high-heeled boots, which I recommended she remove for the subsequent field sobriety tests,” the cop noted. “(She) had to balance herself on me and I had to help her pull her shoes off.” The woman promptly failed the Walk-and-Turn test.

“After I gave her instructions for the One-Leg Stand, she began performing the Walk-and-Turn test again in a ‘runway model fashion’ and started dancing in front of my patrol car,” the cop noted.

Then, she flunked the Breathalyzer exam and attempted to “bite the card out of my hand to stop me from reading” the implied consent statement, the cop recalled.

The Decatur woman went to jail and demanded to pee twice more within 30 minutes. Nothing further.

__WISDOM DOESN’T ALWAYS COME WITH AGE:__ In Southwest Atlanta, a man said he returned home at 3 a.m. from a night of revelry celebrating his 40th birthday. He parked his black Cadillac Escalade outside his home on Veltre Circle and went to sleep. “When he returned to his vehicle at 8 a.m. the next morning, he noticed all his vehicle doors were wide open,” a cop noted. “Upon further inspection, he noticed he was missing three rifles, a handgun, and his wallet.” The man said he believed he forgot to lock his car doors after returning home from his birthday bash. __-CL-__

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(7912) " 1219 Blot Joker Final WEB  2019-12-03T22:19:43+00:00 1219-blot-joker-final-WEB.jpg   man that sorry story about stilettos and sobriety hill larious!!!!!! blotter theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 26533  2019-12-03T22:19:29+00:00 THE BLOTTER: The Joker on the run jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2019-12-03T22:19:29+00:00  JOKER SEQUEL, ATL-STYLE: A woman was returning home from the West End Kroger to her condo on Donnelly Avenue. As she walked down the driveway toward her building, a thin man dressed as the “Joker” from the Batman movie franchise jumped out of the bushes near her door.

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Homegrown Joker never spoke a single word. He just grabbed the woman’s black Calvin Klein purse from her shoulder. The woman “attempted to hold onto the purse strap,” and that’s when she got a small cut on her finger.

The woman said the Joker “ran back into the bushes” with her purse. She believes he used a cut-through route to escape into some neighboring apartments.

Missing items from the woman’s purse included a Visa card “with a picture of Betty Boop on it,” the cop noted. Yes, a Betty Boop credit card, stolen by the Joker.

TOO MUCH EGG NOG AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY? A boyfriend-girlfriend couple in their 20s were hanging out in their Midtown apartment on 14th Street, when suddenly they heard weird noises outside. It was late and they weren’t expecting any visitors, so they got spooked and called police, worried about a potential robbery.

Three cops responded and started searching the couple’s apartment — finding nothing amiss inside. Then, police checked the outside balcony: Bingo! Sitting on the balcony, a 27-year-old man wearing only his underwear … with a half-empty bottle of vodka next to him.

Cops asked: What the heck are you doing in your underwear on this balcony?

Underwear Man responded, “I guess I had too much to drink and entered the wrong apartment. I’m sorry.”

However, the Midtown couple decided to be super-cool about finding a drunk stranger wearing underwear on their balcony: They decided not to press charges.

Atlanta police were not as forgiving. They charged Underwear Man with disorderly conduct under the influence — and took him to jail. Which seems a bit unfair. Hopefully, Underwear Man got a few more clothing items before cops tossed him in the holding cell.

WILY COUGAR ESCAPES: A brouhaha broke out at the Mac Cosmetics store in Ponce City Market. A 22-year-old man strolled in with a woman 10 years his senior (age 32). They both started yelling, “Ohhhh, we in the fucking Mac Store!” so loudly that other shoppers turned and stared. 

Then, the 32-year-old woman took it up a notch. Suddenly, she “spit in the face” of the Mac store’s assistant manager — and took off running. However, her young Boy Toy stayed behind and didn’t run away. So when a police officer arrived, he charged the 22-year-old man with disorderly conduct. Oh, those wily cougar getaways, leaving behind their young pranksters ….

NAKED SMELLY MAN SCREAMING: An officer responded to a fight call near Grady Hospital on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. “Upon arrival, I was abruptly met by an irate male running up to my patrol car and attempting to jump into the back seat,” the cop noted. “He was screaming erratically and bleeding from the left side of his forehead, and saying that I was trying to kill him.”

The screaming man ”walked up extremely close to me,” just so the cop could get a strong whiff of his boozy breath.

“He continued to behave in a concerning manner as he requested for me to kill him, several times — and then proceeded to remove all his clothing to expose his bare body, from his neck to his knees,” the cop noted. “Due to his erratic behavior, multiple backup police units had to come to my aid” to coral the Mostly Naked Man and walk him just one block to Grady Detention Center, located across the street. 

STRONG CONDOMNATION: In the Kirkwood neighborhood, an outraged 41-year-old woman flagged down an officer patrolling the streets. She said around 4 a.m. she went to a vacant home on Kirkwood Avenue “where most of the homeless people in the neighborhood be at” and knocked on the front door repeatedly. Apparently, she hangs out there on a regular basis.

Finally, a man responded to her persistent knocks. Opening the door, he said the 41-year-old woman absolutely could NOT come inside, because during her last visit, she’d left several messy, used condoms in a bedroom. Then, the man pushed her out of the doorway and slammed the front door closed.

The woman was stunned and pissed. But what exactly did she want police to do about this condom clash? Well, that’s unclear.

The cop simply filed a report outlining the woman’s beef. Nothing more. 

CONDOM CLASH, PART II: A naked 37-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were fornicating between the sheets at a Midtown apartment on 19th Street. Suddenly, the woman noticed the man wasn’t wearing a condom. So she punched him in the face. Stunned, the man called police. “He said they usually have unprotected sex, and that he did not know it would be an issue when he realized the condom was not on,” the reporting cop noted. The man didn’t want to press charges against the woman for punching him … but he DID want police to make her leave his apartment. Both parties confirmed the sex was totally consensual — and that they were completely shitfaced drunk. The woman even “showed me text messages from (the guy) suggesting they would have intercourse as soon as she arrived,” the cop noted. The woman also refused to press any charges … and very willingly left the guy’s apartment.

DRUNK GIRL DOES FASHION CATWALK STRUT: A cop saw a black Chrysler 200 speeding and weaving on I-85 South. He activated his blue lights and siren and tried to stop the car at the Williams Street exit. “The vehicle continued south to Freedom Parkway, then to Boulevard, before finally stopping on Cain Street,“ the cop noted.

The driver, a 26-year-old Decatur woman, opened her door and stumbled out, stating she had to pee. She admitted she was “buzzed.”

“She was wearing high-heeled boots, which I recommended she remove for the subsequent field sobriety tests,” the cop noted. “(She) had to balance herself on me and I had to help her pull her shoes off.” The woman promptly failed the Walk-and-Turn test.

“After I gave her instructions for the One-Leg Stand, she began performing the Walk-and-Turn test again in a ‘runway model fashion’ and started dancing in front of my patrol car,” the cop noted.

Then, she flunked the Breathalyzer exam and attempted to “bite the card out of my hand to stop me from reading” the implied consent statement, the cop recalled.

The Decatur woman went to jail and demanded to pee twice more within 30 minutes. Nothing further.

WISDOM DOESN’T ALWAYS COME WITH AGE: In Southwest Atlanta, a man said he returned home at 3 a.m. from a night of revelry celebrating his 40th birthday. He parked his black Cadillac Escalade outside his home on Veltre Circle and went to sleep. “When he returned to his vehicle at 8 a.m. the next morning, he noticed all his vehicle doors were wide open,” a cop noted. “Upon further inspection, he noticed he was missing three rifles, a handgun, and his wallet.” The man said he believed he forgot to lock his car doors after returning home from his birthday bash. -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Tray Butler   0,0,1    theblotter blotter                             THE BLOTTER: The Joker on the run "
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Police Blotter

Tuesday December 3, 2019 05:19 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7924) "GHOST IN THE MACHINE:  In the Capitol View neighborhood, two cops were responding to an unrelated call when suddenly “we heard two gunshots erupt in close proximity to our location.”

It was pitch-black outside and well after midnight. Both cops started canvassing the neighboring property in an attempt to discover where the gunfire originated. “The location is an industrial site with numerous tools, vehicles, and other obstacles littering the establishment,” a cop recalled. ”Further, it is extremely dark with limited lighting illuminating the area.”

Eventually, the cops spotted a middle-aged man just chilling out in the parking lot. He appeared very relaxed.

“As we approached, the man was sitting on an outdoor couch surrounded by three 750-milliliter bottles of  ‘Exclusiv’ vodka. One bottle was empty, one bottle was half-empty, and one bottle was shattered on the ground with glass shards scattered throughout,” one cop recalled. “Additionally (the man) had a black .223 caliber AR-15-style rifle leaning against his leg.” (That’s a military-style automatic rifle.)

“It was apparent that he was under the influence of alcohol due to his slurred speech, red watery eyes, and a strong odor … coming from his breath,” the cop noted. “Furthermore, there were two shell casings laying in close proximity.”

The man, age 50, openly admitted to firing the gun. According to the police report, “he stated that the rifle does not have any markings indicating a manufacturer or serial number because it is a ‘ghost gun’ that he built by ordering parts online.”

The man told police:  “I fired two rounds so there should be 18 rounds left in the magazine.”

Those two gunshots are gonna cost a pretty penny.

“(He) did endanger the lives of numerous individuals including myself,” one cop noted. “Moreover, it was discovered that he is a convicted felon” with two fresh outstanding warrants.

Police took the 50-year-old man to jail on charges of firing a gun near a public roadway, firing a gun while under the influence of alcohol, and reckless conduct.

TOUCH ME NOW, RIGHT HERE: At ATL Police Headquarters on Peachtree Street, a female police investigator looked out her office window and witnessed “two men outside headquarters engaging in a form of sexual situation.”

Immediately, she picked up the phone and called police (aka her colleagues) to report the sassy shenanigans.

Officers raced downstairs and outside police headquarters — and one member of  the copulating couple fled. The female investigator identified the remaining suspect, a 40-year-old man who hails from Thomasville, Georgia.

The man “stated he was touching his friend’s penis in front of (police headquarters) because he was in a hurry to get to work, and this was the first place they found to engage in their activities.”

Alas, instead of going to work, the man went to jail, charged with public indecency. His small black-and-white bag and cell phone were turned in to police property.

BLOWN AWAY: Near Maddox Park around 6 a.m., a cop spotted a black Jeep Cherokee turning onto Pierce Avenue. “(The driver) pulled over in a darkened area of the roadway and turned the lights off,” the cop noted. “I watched the vehicle for approximately five minutes with no observed activity, which I found peculiar.”

The cop approached the Jeep and saw “two occupants spring up from the back seat as they hurried to dress themselves.” The male driver’s pants were down … and the female passenger was wearing only a “small halter top.”

The cop noted: “On the rear floorboard, where (the male driver) was sitting, there was a partially open black plastic bag, containing a box of condoms. “One of the packaged condoms was opened — as it was still on the male driver’s penis,” the cop observed.

The male driver admitted he’d been receiving oral sex from the halter-top woman. But he didn’t explain the condom wrapped around his penis. Both got tickets for public indecency.

POO-POO PLATTER: In Midtown on Piedmont Road, a 22-year-old woman called police and said a young guy just strolled onto her front porch in broad daylight and stole “20 Publix bags, which were used for cleaning her dog’s stools, and a pair of flip flops,” a cop noted.

She said the alleged thief wore a gray hoodie. Cops filed a police report and gave her a copy of the incident number.

JUST. STOP. TALKING:  An officer saw a car “traveling at a high rate of speed the wrong way down Central Street.” (That’s a one-way street, mind you). “Upon making this observation, I conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, a 33-year-old Florida man.”

At first, the driver said he was just following his GPS. The cop noted, “I detected a slur in his speech, along with his mouth being dry and him to be sweating despite his car having air-conditioning. When asked (the man) admitted that he had ingested his prescription medication Trazodone along with three shots of vodka a few hours before driving.”

The cop asked: Are those two supposed to be mixed?

“No,” the driver replied.

Next, he explained the used syringe sitting on the driver’s-side floor. “I used it to shoot meth about an hour ago,” the Florida man confessed. Finally, he then admitted that he’d been arrested on DUI charges just nine days ago. None of his rambling admissions helped his conversation with the cop.

The Florida man went to jail for his second DUI in under 10 days, plus charges of reckless driving and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

BITE ME: One morning, a 31-year-old man drove his white van to work at a hotel on Forsyth Street in downtown Atlanta. A 25-year-old woman in blue camouflage was sitting in the parking lot. She was clutching a Mystic glass bottle broken in half.  Suddenly, she started screaming: “Where’s my momma at? That’s her van!”

Then she demanded the man hand over a sausage before she attempted to stab him. “(The man) stated he jumped back and told her to get away … and he was unharmed because his belt had blocked the impact of the glass bottle.”

The screaming woman threw down the glass bottle and ran away. But not far enough.

When police arrived, the man was able to point out the woman because she was now sitting on a nearby sidewalk. Two cops grabbed her by the arms. The woman responded by allegedly using her teeth as a weapon and “biting down on an officer’s arm.”

According to the police report, the woman “took advantage of the surprise attack” and “went for another bite.” After the second chomp, the bitten cop’s partner took out his Taser gun and subdued the woman, who yelled, “You’re not helping me!”

Police put a spit hood on the woman and took her to Grady Hospital to be tested for any potential diseases that could potentially be transmitted by mouth.

DUMP THAT “DELIVERANCE” GIRL: Outside a convenience store on Sylvan Road, a 30-year-old man said he was shot in both legs while sitting in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Impala. The alleged shooter: a colorful relative of the man’s fiancée … who wears his hair in a red/burgundy Mohawk with dreads.

The reporting officer noted: “The victim’s fiancée arrived on scene and was told that the suspect was her ex-husband and possibly his brother.”

Wait, what? The alleged shooter was both her ex-husband and his brother? The police report did not clarify.

The fiancée stated the suspect has had an issue with her man ever since they started dating back in 2018.

Police escorted the wounded man to the hospital and collected shell casings from the roadway. His injuries were non-life-threatening.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(7960) "G__HOST IN THE MACHINE:__  In the Capitol View neighborhood, two cops were responding to an unrelated call when suddenly “we heard two gunshots erupt in close proximity to our location.”

It was pitch-black outside and well after midnight. Both cops started canvassing the neighboring property in an attempt to discover where the gunfire originated. “The location is an industrial site with numerous tools, vehicles, and other obstacles littering the establishment,” a cop recalled. ”Further, it is extremely dark with limited lighting illuminating the area.”

Eventually, the cops spotted a middle-aged man just chilling out in the parking lot. He appeared very relaxed.

“As we approached, the man was sitting on an outdoor couch surrounded by three 750-milliliter bottles of  ‘Exclusiv’ vodka. One bottle was empty, one bottle was half-empty, and one bottle was shattered on the ground with glass shards scattered throughout,” one cop recalled. “Additionally (the man) had a black .223 caliber AR-15-style rifle leaning against his leg.” (That’s a military-style automatic rifle.)

“It was apparent that he was under the influence of alcohol due to his slurred speech, red watery eyes, and a strong odor … coming from his breath,” the cop noted. “Furthermore, there were two shell casings laying in close proximity.”

The man, age 50, openly admitted to firing the gun. According to the police report, “he stated that the rifle does not have any markings indicating a manufacturer or serial number because it is a ‘ghost gun’ that he built by ordering parts online.”

The man told police:  “I fired two rounds so there should be 18 rounds left in the magazine.”

Those two gunshots are gonna cost a pretty penny.

“(He) did endanger the lives of numerous individuals including myself,” one cop noted. “Moreover, it was discovered that he is a convicted felon” with two fresh outstanding warrants.

Police took the 50-year-old man to jail on charges of firing a gun near a public roadway, firing a gun while under the influence of alcohol, and reckless conduct.

__TOUCH ME NOW, RIGHT HERE:__ At ATL Police Headquarters on Peachtree Street, a female police investigator looked out her office window and witnessed “two men outside headquarters engaging in a form of sexual situation.”

Immediately, she picked up the phone and called police (aka her colleagues) to report the sassy shenanigans.

Officers raced downstairs and outside police headquarters — and one member of  the copulating couple fled. The female investigator identified the remaining suspect, a 40-year-old man who hails from Thomasville, Georgia.

The man “stated he was touching his friend’s penis in front of (police headquarters) because he was in a hurry to get to work, and this was the first place they found to engage in their activities.”

Alas, instead of going to work, the man went to jail, charged with public indecency. His small black-and-white bag and cell phone were turned in to police property.

__BLOWN AWAY:__ Near Maddox Park around 6 a.m., a cop spotted a black Jeep Cherokee turning onto Pierce Avenue. “(The driver) pulled over in a darkened area of the roadway and turned the lights off,” the cop noted. “I watched the vehicle for approximately five minutes with no observed activity, which I found peculiar.”

The cop approached the Jeep and saw “two occupants spring up from the back seat as they hurried to dress themselves.” The male driver’s pants were down … and the female passenger was wearing only a “small halter top.”

The cop noted: “On the rear floorboard, where (the male driver) was sitting, there was a partially open black plastic bag, containing a box of condoms. “One of the packaged condoms was opened — as it was still on the male driver’s penis,” the cop observed.

The male driver admitted he’d been receiving oral sex from the halter-top woman. But he didn’t explain the condom wrapped around his penis. Both got tickets for public indecency.

__POO-POO PLATTER:__ In Midtown on Piedmont Road, a 22-year-old woman called police and said a young guy just strolled onto her front porch in broad daylight and stole “20 Publix bags, which were used for cleaning her dog’s stools, and a pair of flip flops,” a cop noted.

She said the alleged thief wore a gray hoodie. Cops filed a police report and gave her a copy of the incident number.

__JUST. STOP. TALKING:  __An officer saw a car “traveling at a high rate of speed the wrong way down Central Street.” (That’s a one-way street, mind you). “Upon making this observation, I conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, a 33-year-old Florida man.”

At first, the driver said he was just following his GPS. The cop noted, “I detected a slur in his speech, along with his mouth being dry and him to be sweating despite his car having air-conditioning. When asked (the man) admitted that he had ingested his prescription medication Trazodone along with three shots of vodka a few hours before driving.”

The cop asked: Are those two supposed to be mixed?

“No,” the driver replied.

Next, he explained the used syringe sitting on the driver’s-side floor. “I used it to shoot meth about an hour ago,” the Florida man confessed. Finally, he then admitted that he’d been arrested on DUI charges just nine days ago. None of his rambling admissions helped his conversation with the cop.

The Florida man went to jail for his second DUI in under 10 days, plus charges of reckless driving and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

__BITE ME:__ One morning, a 31-year-old man drove his white van to work at a hotel on Forsyth Street in downtown Atlanta. A 25-year-old woman in blue camouflage was sitting in the parking lot. She was clutching a Mystic glass bottle broken in half.  Suddenly, she started screaming: “Where’s my momma at? That’s her van!”

Then she demanded the man hand over a sausage before she attempted to stab him. “(The man) stated he jumped back and told her to get away … and he was unharmed because his belt had blocked the impact of the glass bottle.”

The screaming woman threw down the glass bottle and ran away. But not far enough.

When police arrived, the man was able to point out the woman because she was now sitting on a nearby sidewalk. Two cops grabbed her by the arms. The woman responded by allegedly using her teeth as a weapon and “biting down on an officer’s arm.”

According to the police report, the woman “took advantage of the surprise attack” and “went for another bite.” After the second chomp, the bitten cop’s partner took out his Taser gun and subdued the woman, who yelled, “You’re not helping me!”

Police put a spit hood on the woman and took her to Grady Hospital to be tested for any potential diseases that could potentially be transmitted by mouth.

__DUMP THAT “DELIVERANCE” GIRL:__ Outside a convenience store on Sylvan Road, a 30-year-old man said he was shot in both legs while sitting in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Impala. The alleged shooter: a colorful relative of the man’s fiancée … who wears his hair in a red/burgundy Mohawk with dreads.

The reporting officer noted: “The victim’s fiancée arrived on scene and was told that the suspect was her ex-husband and possibly his brother.”

Wait, what? The alleged shooter was both her ex-husband ''and'' his brother? The police report did not clarify.

The fiancée stated the suspect has had an issue with her man ever since they started dating back in 2018.

Police escorted the wounded man to the hospital and collected shell casings from the roadway. His injuries were non-life-threatening.

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(8374) " News06 Blotter Ghostgun Final Web  2019-11-04T19:07:02+00:00 news06-blotter-ghostgun-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 25642  2019-11-04T19:04:09+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Three bottles of vodka and an AR jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING Lauren Keating 2019-11-04T19:04:09+00:00  GHOST IN THE MACHINE:  In the Capitol View neighborhood, two cops were responding to an unrelated call when suddenly “we heard two gunshots erupt in close proximity to our location.”

It was pitch-black outside and well after midnight. Both cops started canvassing the neighboring property in an attempt to discover where the gunfire originated. “The location is an industrial site with numerous tools, vehicles, and other obstacles littering the establishment,” a cop recalled. ”Further, it is extremely dark with limited lighting illuminating the area.”

Eventually, the cops spotted a middle-aged man just chilling out in the parking lot. He appeared very relaxed.

“As we approached, the man was sitting on an outdoor couch surrounded by three 750-milliliter bottles of  ‘Exclusiv’ vodka. One bottle was empty, one bottle was half-empty, and one bottle was shattered on the ground with glass shards scattered throughout,” one cop recalled. “Additionally (the man) had a black .223 caliber AR-15-style rifle leaning against his leg.” (That’s a military-style automatic rifle.)

“It was apparent that he was under the influence of alcohol due to his slurred speech, red watery eyes, and a strong odor … coming from his breath,” the cop noted. “Furthermore, there were two shell casings laying in close proximity.”

The man, age 50, openly admitted to firing the gun. According to the police report, “he stated that the rifle does not have any markings indicating a manufacturer or serial number because it is a ‘ghost gun’ that he built by ordering parts online.”

The man told police:  “I fired two rounds so there should be 18 rounds left in the magazine.”

Those two gunshots are gonna cost a pretty penny.

“(He) did endanger the lives of numerous individuals including myself,” one cop noted. “Moreover, it was discovered that he is a convicted felon” with two fresh outstanding warrants.

Police took the 50-year-old man to jail on charges of firing a gun near a public roadway, firing a gun while under the influence of alcohol, and reckless conduct.

TOUCH ME NOW, RIGHT HERE: At ATL Police Headquarters on Peachtree Street, a female police investigator looked out her office window and witnessed “two men outside headquarters engaging in a form of sexual situation.”

Immediately, she picked up the phone and called police (aka her colleagues) to report the sassy shenanigans.

Officers raced downstairs and outside police headquarters — and one member of  the copulating couple fled. The female investigator identified the remaining suspect, a 40-year-old man who hails from Thomasville, Georgia.

The man “stated he was touching his friend’s penis in front of (police headquarters) because he was in a hurry to get to work, and this was the first place they found to engage in their activities.”

Alas, instead of going to work, the man went to jail, charged with public indecency. His small black-and-white bag and cell phone were turned in to police property.

BLOWN AWAY: Near Maddox Park around 6 a.m., a cop spotted a black Jeep Cherokee turning onto Pierce Avenue. “(The driver) pulled over in a darkened area of the roadway and turned the lights off,” the cop noted. “I watched the vehicle for approximately five minutes with no observed activity, which I found peculiar.”

The cop approached the Jeep and saw “two occupants spring up from the back seat as they hurried to dress themselves.” The male driver’s pants were down … and the female passenger was wearing only a “small halter top.”

The cop noted: “On the rear floorboard, where (the male driver) was sitting, there was a partially open black plastic bag, containing a box of condoms. “One of the packaged condoms was opened — as it was still on the male driver’s penis,” the cop observed.

The male driver admitted he’d been receiving oral sex from the halter-top woman. But he didn’t explain the condom wrapped around his penis. Both got tickets for public indecency.

POO-POO PLATTER: In Midtown on Piedmont Road, a 22-year-old woman called police and said a young guy just strolled onto her front porch in broad daylight and stole “20 Publix bags, which were used for cleaning her dog’s stools, and a pair of flip flops,” a cop noted.

She said the alleged thief wore a gray hoodie. Cops filed a police report and gave her a copy of the incident number.

JUST. STOP. TALKING:  An officer saw a car “traveling at a high rate of speed the wrong way down Central Street.” (That’s a one-way street, mind you). “Upon making this observation, I conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, a 33-year-old Florida man.”

At first, the driver said he was just following his GPS. The cop noted, “I detected a slur in his speech, along with his mouth being dry and him to be sweating despite his car having air-conditioning. When asked (the man) admitted that he had ingested his prescription medication Trazodone along with three shots of vodka a few hours before driving.”

The cop asked: Are those two supposed to be mixed?

“No,” the driver replied.

Next, he explained the used syringe sitting on the driver’s-side floor. “I used it to shoot meth about an hour ago,” the Florida man confessed. Finally, he then admitted that he’d been arrested on DUI charges just nine days ago. None of his rambling admissions helped his conversation with the cop.

The Florida man went to jail for his second DUI in under 10 days, plus charges of reckless driving and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

BITE ME: One morning, a 31-year-old man drove his white van to work at a hotel on Forsyth Street in downtown Atlanta. A 25-year-old woman in blue camouflage was sitting in the parking lot. She was clutching a Mystic glass bottle broken in half.  Suddenly, she started screaming: “Where’s my momma at? That’s her van!”

Then she demanded the man hand over a sausage before she attempted to stab him. “(The man) stated he jumped back and told her to get away … and he was unharmed because his belt had blocked the impact of the glass bottle.”

The screaming woman threw down the glass bottle and ran away. But not far enough.

When police arrived, the man was able to point out the woman because she was now sitting on a nearby sidewalk. Two cops grabbed her by the arms. The woman responded by allegedly using her teeth as a weapon and “biting down on an officer’s arm.”

According to the police report, the woman “took advantage of the surprise attack” and “went for another bite.” After the second chomp, the bitten cop’s partner took out his Taser gun and subdued the woman, who yelled, “You’re not helping me!”

Police put a spit hood on the woman and took her to Grady Hospital to be tested for any potential diseases that could potentially be transmitted by mouth.

DUMP THAT “DELIVERANCE” GIRL: Outside a convenience store on Sylvan Road, a 30-year-old man said he was shot in both legs while sitting in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Impala. The alleged shooter: a colorful relative of the man’s fiancée … who wears his hair in a red/burgundy Mohawk with dreads.

The reporting officer noted: “The victim’s fiancée arrived on scene and was told that the suspect was her ex-husband and possibly his brother.”

Wait, what? The alleged shooter was both her ex-husband and his brother? The police report did not clarify.

The fiancée stated the suspect has had an issue with her man ever since they started dating back in 2018.

Police escorted the wounded man to the hospital and collected shell casings from the roadway. His injuries were non-life-threatening.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,10    blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Three bottles of vodka and an AR "
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Police Blotter

Monday November 4, 2019 02:04 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(6586) "PATRIOTIC PRICK: After midnight, two cops were patrolling I-85 South. Suddenly, a black Mercedes Benz racing sedan “sped past us,” one cop recalled, “(the driver) then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to smoke as the car almost collided with the back of a tractor trailer.”

The driver stopped. Momentarily. As the two cops approached his car, he sped away, in full view of police “changing multiple lanes without signaling … and then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to once again smoke, to avoid collision with other vehicles … and driving in the emergency lane exiting the interstate to North Avenue.”

Finally, cops stopped the Mercedes driver on Spring Street. The driver, a 43-year-old man from Buford, Georgia, had a burning question for police: “Why did you not use those blue lights to stop me when I sped past you?”

The cops arrested him and put him in the patrol car.

“Once in custody, he then began talking to an imaginary person named Tom in the back seat (of the patrol car),” a cop noted. “Then he began ranting at the fact that Donald Trump wouldn’t be happy about the arrest. He continued stating: ‘Do you know about the secret society of The Owl and The Black Crow?’”

Moments later, the driver started screaming, outraged by the lack of patriotic props available for his ride in the Atlanta police patrol car.

“You don’t have the American flag in my car?” the driver yelled. “I pay y’all’s salary and you don’t have the American flag in MY car?! … Point deducted … Here in Georgia, y’all hang that queer fuckin’ shit, but where’s the flag? Where’s my flag?”

The Mercedes driver went to jail, on multiple charges of reckless driving and driving on bald tires. His car — worth about $100K new — was towed.

INNER CONFLICTS? Cops got a call about a fight erupting inside a Midtown deli on 10th Street. However, when a police officer arrived, the fight seemed to be invisible. To everyone. Except one customer, a Texas man in his 40s, who’d called police to the scene. The officer asked: “Where’s the so-called fight you reported?”

The customer says he is being followed — by three guys from Texas — but they aren’t “doing anything” to him right now. “However, he believes they will become annoying at some point throughout the day,” the cop noted. “He believes he knows the three males” who’ve silently followed him for thousands of miles. The customer claims the strange trio started tailing him when he left his home outside Austin, Texas — and followed him all the way to Atlanta.

The officer looked around: No one was injured or hurt in the so-called deli “brawl.” Nothing further to report.

EVER HEARD OF “FIRST-WORLD PROBLEMS,” LADY?  A 36-year-old woman walked into the Grant Park police precinct to report a Sunday afternoon kerfuffle.

“She said, ‘While trying to enjoy my visit to the Grant Park Farmers’ Market today,’ she was verbally harassed by her neighbor (a 40-year-old man) who repeatedly yelled ‘JACKASS neighbor” as he and his family walked past her,” an officer noted.

The woman said she approached the neighbor and his wife “to tell them their behavior was not okay and to try to make peace with them. (The neighbor) continued to talk over her and did not offer any peace.”

Also, the neighbor’s entire family “continued to talk trash while walking away,” she said.

Apparently, this farmers’ market kerfuffle made a big impact. The 36-year-old woman says now she and her husband are “fearful for their safety because this is not the first time (the male neighbor) has lashed out at them like that,” the officer noted. “She says the problematic male neighbor got into a physical fight with someone cutting the lawn.”

WORST. PLUMBER. EVER:  In Southwest Atlanta, a woman said her landlord scheduled a plumber to come work on her rental home.

“The incident occurred while (the plumber) was sitting on the toilet in the restroom and (the woman) was standing in the bathroom, putting a shelf together,” a cop noted. “She said (the plumber) was talking to her about bringing a new drain for the tub when he began lifting up his shirt, exposing his chest and nipples. He stated that his nipples were hard and that he wanted her to touch them. (The plumber) then grabbed (the woman) by her wrists and began to pull her toward him. She pulled away, but he then grabbed her around her waist and her butt and pulled her closer, while trying to kiss her groin area over her clothes.”

The fast-thinking woman grabbed a power drill sitting in the bathroom — using the drill to defend herself. She managed to escape “by poking the plumber’s chest with the drill, while backing up out of the restroom.”

The plumber followed her to the kitchen. “While doing this, the plumber stated that he loved it when women got aggressive with him, and (that) he wanted her to fuck his pussy.”

The woman kept firing the drill and forcing the plumber to back up. Then, she decided to try bluffing. She told the plumber that her furious mother was driving over to her rental home — due to arrive any moment now — and threatened to call police.

Apparently, her bluff worked. “Upon hearing this, (the plumber) turned around and began to crawl on the floor, through the hallway (and) into the kitchen, before exiting through the rear door.”

The woman immediately locked all her doors and called her mother for real. Mom rushed over in five minutes and came up with a plan of action. (Apparently, the mother got the plumber to admit to his actions — in front of witnesses).

The plumber had left one of his business cards in the kitchen. The mother decided to call the plumber on her cell phone (concealing her number so it would show up as unknown). “When (the plumber) answered the phone, she put it into speaker mode so (her daughter) and Aunt Tiffany could hear the conversation,” the reporting cop noted. “The mother asked the plumber about the event. He advised he was sorry if he had offended (the woman) but he had only shown her his chest because it was itchy, and his hands were dirty. He said he just wanted her to scratch it and that his nipples were hard.”

After the call, the woman filed a police report. She described the plumber as a bald man in his 50s who is “missing several bottom teeth.” -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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The driver stopped. Momentarily. As the two cops approached his car, he sped away, in full view of police “changing multiple lanes without signaling … and then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to once again smoke, to avoid collision with other vehicles … and driving in the emergency lane exiting the interstate to North Avenue.”

Finally, cops stopped the Mercedes driver on Spring Street. The driver, a 43-year-old man from Buford, Georgia, had a burning question for police: “Why did you not use those blue lights to stop me when I sped past you?”

The cops arrested him and put him in the patrol car.

“Once in custody, he then began talking to an imaginary person named Tom in the back seat (of the patrol car),” a cop noted. “Then he began ranting at the fact that Donald Trump wouldn’t be happy about the arrest. He continued stating: ‘Do you know about the secret society of The Owl and The Black Crow?’”

Moments later, the driver started screaming, outraged by the lack of patriotic props available for his ride in the Atlanta police patrol car.

“You don’t have the American flag in my car?” the driver yelled. “I pay y’all’s salary and you don’t have the American flag in MY car?! … Point deducted … Here in Georgia, y’all hang that queer fuckin’ shit, but where’s the flag? Where’s my flag?”

The Mercedes driver went to jail, on multiple charges of reckless driving and driving on bald tires. His car — worth about $100K new — was towed.

__INNER CONFLICTS?__ Cops got a call about a fight erupting inside a Midtown deli on 10th Street. However, when a police officer arrived, the fight seemed to be invisible. To everyone. Except one customer, a Texas man in his 40s, who’d called police to the scene. The officer asked: “Where’s the so-called fight you reported?”

The customer says he is being followed — by three guys from Texas — but they aren’t “doing anything” to him right now. “However, he believes they will become annoying at some point throughout the day,” the cop noted. “He believes he knows the three males” who’ve silently followed him for thousands of miles. The customer claims the strange trio started tailing him when he left his home outside Austin, Texas — and followed him all the way to Atlanta.

The officer looked around: No one was injured or hurt in the so-called deli “brawl.” Nothing further to report.

__EVER HEARD OF “FIRST-WORLD PROBLEMS,” LADY?__  A 36-year-old woman walked into the Grant Park police precinct to report a Sunday afternoon kerfuffle.

“She said, ‘While trying to enjoy my visit to the Grant Park Farmers’ Market today,’ she was verbally harassed by her neighbor (a 40-year-old man) who repeatedly yelled ‘JACKASS neighbor” as he and his family walked past her,” an officer noted.

The woman said she approached the neighbor and his wife “to tell them their behavior was not okay and to try to make peace with them. (The neighbor) continued to talk over her and did not offer any peace.”

Also, the neighbor’s entire family “continued to talk trash while walking away,” she said.

Apparently, this farmers’ market kerfuffle made a big impact. The 36-year-old woman says now she and her husband are “fearful for their safety because this is not the first time (the male neighbor) has lashed out at them like that,” the officer noted. “She says the problematic male neighbor got into a physical fight with someone cutting the lawn.”

__WORST. PLUMBER. EVER:__  In Southwest Atlanta, a woman said her landlord scheduled a plumber to come work on her rental home.

“The incident occurred while (the plumber) was sitting on the toilet in the restroom and (the woman) was standing in the bathroom, putting a shelf together,” a cop noted. “She said (the plumber) was talking to her about bringing a new drain for the tub when he began lifting up his shirt, exposing his chest and nipples. He stated that his nipples were hard and that he wanted her to touch them. (The plumber) then grabbed (the woman) by her wrists and began to pull her toward him. She pulled away, but he then grabbed her around her waist and her butt and pulled her closer, while trying to kiss her groin area over her clothes.”

The fast-thinking woman grabbed a power drill sitting in the bathroom — using the drill to defend herself. She managed to escape “by poking the plumber’s chest with the drill, while backing up out of the restroom.”

The plumber followed her to the kitchen. “While doing this, the plumber stated that he loved it when women got aggressive with him, and (that) he wanted her to fuck his pussy.”

The woman kept firing the drill and forcing the plumber to back up. Then, she decided to try bluffing. She told the plumber that her furious mother was driving over to her rental home — due to arrive any moment now — and threatened to call police.

Apparently, her bluff worked. “Upon hearing this, (the plumber) turned around and began to crawl on the floor, through the hallway (and) into the kitchen, before exiting through the rear door.”

The woman immediately locked all her doors and called her mother for real. Mom rushed over in five minutes and came up with a plan of action. (Apparently, the mother got the plumber to admit to his actions — in front of witnesses).

The plumber had left one of his business cards in the kitchen. The mother decided to call the plumber on her cell phone (concealing her number so it would show up as unknown). “When (the plumber) answered the phone, she put it into speaker mode so (her daughter) and Aunt Tiffany could hear the conversation,” the reporting cop noted. “The mother asked the plumber about the event. He advised he was sorry if he had offended (the woman) but he had only shown her his chest because it was itchy, and his hands were dirty. He said he just wanted her to scratch it and that his nipples were hard.”

After the call, the woman filed a police report. She described the plumber as a bald man in his 50s who is “missing several bottom teeth.” __-CL-__

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  string(7025) " Blot1019 Owl Potus Final 01  2019-09-30T16:56:56+00:00 blot1019-owl-potus-final-01.jpg    atlanta police blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 23980  2019-09-30T16:49:12+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Making America more great jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2019-09-30T16:49:12+00:00  PATRIOTIC PRICK: After midnight, two cops were patrolling I-85 South. Suddenly, a black Mercedes Benz racing sedan “sped past us,” one cop recalled, “(the driver) then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to smoke as the car almost collided with the back of a tractor trailer.”

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The cops arrested him and put him in the patrol car.

“Once in custody, he then began talking to an imaginary person named Tom in the back seat (of the patrol car),” a cop noted. “Then he began ranting at the fact that Donald Trump wouldn’t be happy about the arrest. He continued stating: ‘Do you know about the secret society of The Owl and The Black Crow?’”

Moments later, the driver started screaming, outraged by the lack of patriotic props available for his ride in the Atlanta police patrol car.

“You don’t have the American flag in my car?” the driver yelled. “I pay y’all’s salary and you don’t have the American flag in MY car?! … Point deducted … Here in Georgia, y’all hang that queer fuckin’ shit, but where’s the flag? Where’s my flag?”

The Mercedes driver went to jail, on multiple charges of reckless driving and driving on bald tires. His car — worth about $100K new — was towed.

INNER CONFLICTS? Cops got a call about a fight erupting inside a Midtown deli on 10th Street. However, when a police officer arrived, the fight seemed to be invisible. To everyone. Except one customer, a Texas man in his 40s, who’d called police to the scene. The officer asked: “Where’s the so-called fight you reported?”

The customer says he is being followed — by three guys from Texas — but they aren’t “doing anything” to him right now. “However, he believes they will become annoying at some point throughout the day,” the cop noted. “He believes he knows the three males” who’ve silently followed him for thousands of miles. The customer claims the strange trio started tailing him when he left his home outside Austin, Texas — and followed him all the way to Atlanta.

The officer looked around: No one was injured or hurt in the so-called deli “brawl.” Nothing further to report.

EVER HEARD OF “FIRST-WORLD PROBLEMS,” LADY?  A 36-year-old woman walked into the Grant Park police precinct to report a Sunday afternoon kerfuffle.

“She said, ‘While trying to enjoy my visit to the Grant Park Farmers’ Market today,’ she was verbally harassed by her neighbor (a 40-year-old man) who repeatedly yelled ‘JACKASS neighbor” as he and his family walked past her,” an officer noted.

The woman said she approached the neighbor and his wife “to tell them their behavior was not okay and to try to make peace with them. (The neighbor) continued to talk over her and did not offer any peace.”

Also, the neighbor’s entire family “continued to talk trash while walking away,” she said.

Apparently, this farmers’ market kerfuffle made a big impact. The 36-year-old woman says now she and her husband are “fearful for their safety because this is not the first time (the male neighbor) has lashed out at them like that,” the officer noted. “She says the problematic male neighbor got into a physical fight with someone cutting the lawn.”

WORST. PLUMBER. EVER:  In Southwest Atlanta, a woman said her landlord scheduled a plumber to come work on her rental home.

“The incident occurred while (the plumber) was sitting on the toilet in the restroom and (the woman) was standing in the bathroom, putting a shelf together,” a cop noted. “She said (the plumber) was talking to her about bringing a new drain for the tub when he began lifting up his shirt, exposing his chest and nipples. He stated that his nipples were hard and that he wanted her to touch them. (The plumber) then grabbed (the woman) by her wrists and began to pull her toward him. She pulled away, but he then grabbed her around her waist and her butt and pulled her closer, while trying to kiss her groin area over her clothes.”

The fast-thinking woman grabbed a power drill sitting in the bathroom — using the drill to defend herself. She managed to escape “by poking the plumber’s chest with the drill, while backing up out of the restroom.”

The plumber followed her to the kitchen. “While doing this, the plumber stated that he loved it when women got aggressive with him, and (that) he wanted her to fuck his pussy.”

The woman kept firing the drill and forcing the plumber to back up. Then, she decided to try bluffing. She told the plumber that her furious mother was driving over to her rental home — due to arrive any moment now — and threatened to call police.

Apparently, her bluff worked. “Upon hearing this, (the plumber) turned around and began to crawl on the floor, through the hallway (and) into the kitchen, before exiting through the rear door.”

The woman immediately locked all her doors and called her mother for real. Mom rushed over in five minutes and came up with a plan of action. (Apparently, the mother got the plumber to admit to his actions — in front of witnesses).

The plumber had left one of his business cards in the kitchen. The mother decided to call the plumber on her cell phone (concealing her number so it would show up as unknown). “When (the plumber) answered the phone, she put it into speaker mode so (her daughter) and Aunt Tiffany could hear the conversation,” the reporting cop noted. “The mother asked the plumber about the event. He advised he was sorry if he had offended (the woman) but he had only shown her his chest because it was itchy, and his hands were dirty. He said he just wanted her to scratch it and that his nipples were hard.”

After the call, the woman filed a police report. She described the plumber as a bald man in his 50s who is “missing several bottom teeth.” -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,1    BLOTTER POLICE ATLANTA                             THE BLOTTER: Making America more great "
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Police Blotter

Monday September 30, 2019 12:49 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(5745) "RATHER RIPPED: In East Atlanta Village at 7 a.m, a security alarm started ringing inside a Korean restaurant. A police officer responded to the alarm call.
“When I arrived I observed the front door … was damaged and open,” the officer noted. “I looked inside — and there appeared to be a person lying down on a table of the kitchen area of the restaurant.” The door lock had been ripped out and flung on the restaurant floor.
The cop decided to call for backup. “When we walked through the restaurant, we observed whole carrots in the area … where the man was lying on the kitchen table. One of the carrots appeared to have a bite taken out of it. Next to the carrots, sat an open can of Pellegrino water.”
Perplexed, cops did not wake the man sprawled on the kitchen table — yet.
One cop walked outside and asked a few familiar EAV homeless people: Does anyone know this mystery guy? Nope. But one had seen the mystery guy passed out in the Village on Flat Shoals Road earlier.
Finally, cops woke up the mystery man on the kitchen table. The 39-year-old man was surprised to learn he’d been eating carrots and napping inside a closed Korean restaurant.  “I’m really drunk and don’t remember the last half of the evening,” he admitted. The only thing he knew for sure: His Wells Fargo debit card was missing.
His night of revelry didn’t go over well with the restaurant’s owner, who pressed charges for breaking and entering. Cops took the 39-year-old to jail. One upside: Apparently, the carrots were free. The man wasn’t charged for the stolen carrots he consumed.
BALONEY BLUES: In Westside Atlanta, two guys in their 50s were having lunch on Jefferson Street. They decided to trade sandwiches. Guy #1 trades his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Guy #2’s baloney sandwich. The trade goes smoothly — and the two men devour their respective sandwiches.
After the food is gone, Guy #1 reveals that Guy #2 could have kept his baloney sandwich and gotten a free PBJ. Guy #1 says, “Hey, if you’re still hungry, there are extra peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches on a table in the lunchroom. For free.”
Guy #2 gets angry, yelling, “Don’t tell me what to do, motherfucker!” Then he walks away.
Minutes later, Guy #2 returns — and punches Guy #1 in the right ear.
COP’S UNLUCKY DAY: An officer got a call about a lovers’ dispute erupting in a Reynoldstown home. When the cop arrived, both lovers were gone. In the front yard, a few people milled about. One said the boyfriend and girlfriend both took off running toward Berean Avenue. So the cop hopped into his patrol car and headed that way. Quickly, the cop spotted the running boyfriend, and yelled, “Stop, let’s talk and figure this out.” Boyfriend keeps running. “I was then able to pull ahead of the male in my city vehicle and exit the patrol car,” the cop noted. “I grabbed the male by his shirt … and the male yelled, ‘She’s just mad I caught her cheating.’”
The cop and boyfriend talk for a minute. Suddenly, the boyfriend yells, “Your car is rolling backward!”  Sure enough, the cop’s patrol car is now rolling at a brisk speed down the street. The cop hops into the car, trying to hit the brakes … but it’s too late. The patrol car slams “into a pole at the intersection of Narrow Street and Berean Avenue.” The cop walks over to inspect the damage, and the boyfriend sprints away.
Eventually, the cop secures his patrol car and goes back to the couple’s Reynoldstown home to check on the feuding lovers. All OK. No one wants to press charges. The girlfriend says she only called police because she wanted her cell phone back — and the boyfriend took off running with her phone. But since he’s returned her cell phone, she’s not mad.
The cop’s patrol car sustained significant damage. Plus, the cop’s body got a bit banged up. “I did hurt my elbow and left leg when I attempted to stop the vehicle, but I did not need medical attention,” he noted.
GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND: At a pizza place on Glenwood Avenue, trouble broke out in the kitchen over dough. The shift leader told a female employee that she wasn’t folding the pizza dough correctly. Apparently, the female employee didn’t handle the dough criticism very well. The pizza restaurant’s manager stepped in and told the female employee to go home and cool off. Then, while the manager was taking out the trash, a male employee said he didn’t want to work there any more. So who does the pizza manager call to cover the quitter’s shift? The lousy-dough-folding female employee he just sent home. She returns to work. Then, the male employee who just quit his job … suddenly starts throwing produce and food all over the place. “I observed pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, and olives on the floor,” an officer noted.
YOU BE ILLIN’: Around 3 a.m, a cop observed a guy walking near the Bobby Jones Golf Course on Northside Drive … and stopped him to make sure he was OK. The man, age 31, was carrying a travel bag of clothes. “The man told me that he wants to go to the hospital, because he is suffering from an illness that is causing his body to eat his muscles,” the officer noted. Also, the man insisted proteins are blocking his kidney, which makes it difficult for him to pee. “He goes on to tell me his kidney is hurting, his back hurts — and his feet are on fire.” So the officer calls Grady medics. The man keeps talking while they wait for medics to arrive … insisting that he’s also a wanted outlaw man with a mental illness and violent tendencies.
The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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“When I arrived I observed the front door … was damaged and open,” the officer noted. “I looked inside — and there appeared to be a person lying down on a table of the kitchen area of the restaurant.” The door lock had been ripped out and flung on the restaurant floor.
The cop decided to call for backup. “When we walked through the restaurant, we observed whole carrots in the area … where the man was lying on the kitchen table. One of the carrots appeared to have a bite taken out of it. Next to the carrots, sat an open can of Pellegrino water.”
Perplexed, cops did not wake the man sprawled on the kitchen table — yet.
One cop walked outside and asked a few familiar EAV homeless people: Does anyone know this mystery guy? Nope. But one had seen the mystery guy passed out in the Village on Flat Shoals Road earlier.
Finally, cops woke up the mystery man on the kitchen table. The 39-year-old man was surprised to learn he’d been eating carrots and napping inside a closed Korean restaurant.  “I’m really drunk and don’t remember the last half of the evening,” he admitted. The only thing he knew for sure: His Wells Fargo debit card was missing.
His night of revelry didn’t go over well with the restaurant’s owner, who pressed charges for breaking and entering. Cops took the 39-year-old to jail. One upside: Apparently, the carrots were free. The man wasn’t charged for the stolen carrots he consumed.
__BALONEY BLUES:__ In Westside Atlanta, two guys in their 50s were having lunch on Jefferson Street. They decided to trade sandwiches. Guy #1 trades his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Guy #2’s baloney sandwich. The trade goes smoothly — and the two men devour their respective sandwiches.
After the food is gone, Guy #1 reveals that Guy #2 could have kept his baloney sandwich and gotten a free PBJ. Guy #1 says, “Hey, if you’re still hungry, there are extra peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches on a table in the lunchroom. For free.”
Guy #2 gets angry, yelling, “Don’t tell me what to do, motherfucker!” Then he walks away.
Minutes later, Guy #2 returns — and punches Guy #1 in the right ear.
__COP’S UNLUCKY DAY:__ An officer got a call about a lovers’ dispute erupting in a Reynoldstown home. When the cop arrived, both lovers were gone. In the front yard, a few people milled about. One said the boyfriend and girlfriend both took off running toward Berean Avenue. So the cop hopped into his patrol car and headed that way. Quickly, the cop spotted the running boyfriend, and yelled, “Stop, let’s talk and figure this out.” Boyfriend keeps running. “I was then able to pull ahead of the male in my city vehicle and exit the patrol car,” the cop noted. “I grabbed the male by his shirt … and the male yelled, ‘She’s just mad I caught her cheating.’”
The cop and boyfriend talk for a minute. Suddenly, the boyfriend yells, “Your car is rolling backward!”  Sure enough, the cop’s patrol car is now rolling at a brisk speed down the street. The cop hops into the car, trying to hit the brakes … but it’s too late. The patrol car slams “into a pole at the intersection of Narrow Street and Berean Avenue.” The cop walks over to inspect the damage, and the boyfriend sprints away.
Eventually, the cop secures his patrol car and goes back to the couple’s Reynoldstown home to check on the feuding lovers. All OK. No one wants to press charges. The girlfriend says she only called police because she wanted her cell phone back — and the boyfriend took off running with her phone. But since he’s returned her cell phone, she’s not mad.
The cop’s patrol car sustained significant damage. Plus, the cop’s body got a bit banged up. “I did hurt my elbow and left leg when I attempted to stop the vehicle, but I did not need medical attention,” he noted.
__GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND:__ At a pizza place on Glenwood Avenue, trouble broke out in the kitchen over dough. The shift leader told a female employee that she wasn’t folding the pizza dough correctly. Apparently, the female employee didn’t handle the dough criticism very well. The pizza restaurant’s manager stepped in and told the female employee to go home and cool off. Then, while the manager was taking out the trash, a male employee said he didn’t want to work there any more. So who does the pizza manager call to cover the quitter’s shift? The lousy-dough-folding female employee he just sent home. She returns to work. Then, the male employee who just quit his job … suddenly starts throwing produce and food all over the place. “I observed pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, and olives on the floor,” an officer noted.
__YOU BE ILLIN’:__ Around 3 a.m, a cop observed a guy walking near the Bobby Jones Golf Course on Northside Drive … and stopped him to make sure he was OK. The man, age 31, was carrying a travel bag of clothes. “The man told me that he wants to go to the hospital, because he is suffering from an illness that is causing his body to eat his muscles,” the officer noted. Also, the man insisted proteins are blocking his kidney, which makes it difficult for him to pee. “He goes on to tell me his kidney is hurting, his back hurts — and his feet are on fire.” So the officer calls Grady medics. The man keeps talking while they wait for medics to arrive … insisting that he’s also a wanted outlaw man with a mental illness and violent tendencies.
''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(6111) " Blot0919 Carrot Coma  2019-09-05T14:46:43+00:00 blot0919-carrot-coma.jpg     Sleeping it off in a bed of carrots 22844  2019-09-05T14:43:20+00:00 THE BLOTTER: What’s up, Doc? jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2019-09-05T14:43:20+00:00  RATHER RIPPED: In East Atlanta Village at 7 a.m, a security alarm started ringing inside a Korean restaurant. A police officer responded to the alarm call.
“When I arrived I observed the front door … was damaged and open,” the officer noted. “I looked inside — and there appeared to be a person lying down on a table of the kitchen area of the restaurant.” The door lock had been ripped out and flung on the restaurant floor.
The cop decided to call for backup. “When we walked through the restaurant, we observed whole carrots in the area … where the man was lying on the kitchen table. One of the carrots appeared to have a bite taken out of it. Next to the carrots, sat an open can of Pellegrino water.”
Perplexed, cops did not wake the man sprawled on the kitchen table — yet.
One cop walked outside and asked a few familiar EAV homeless people: Does anyone know this mystery guy? Nope. But one had seen the mystery guy passed out in the Village on Flat Shoals Road earlier.
Finally, cops woke up the mystery man on the kitchen table. The 39-year-old man was surprised to learn he’d been eating carrots and napping inside a closed Korean restaurant.  “I’m really drunk and don’t remember the last half of the evening,” he admitted. The only thing he knew for sure: His Wells Fargo debit card was missing.
His night of revelry didn’t go over well with the restaurant’s owner, who pressed charges for breaking and entering. Cops took the 39-year-old to jail. One upside: Apparently, the carrots were free. The man wasn’t charged for the stolen carrots he consumed.
BALONEY BLUES: In Westside Atlanta, two guys in their 50s were having lunch on Jefferson Street. They decided to trade sandwiches. Guy #1 trades his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Guy #2’s baloney sandwich. The trade goes smoothly — and the two men devour their respective sandwiches.
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Guy #2 gets angry, yelling, “Don’t tell me what to do, motherfucker!” Then he walks away.
Minutes later, Guy #2 returns — and punches Guy #1 in the right ear.
COP’S UNLUCKY DAY: An officer got a call about a lovers’ dispute erupting in a Reynoldstown home. When the cop arrived, both lovers were gone. In the front yard, a few people milled about. One said the boyfriend and girlfriend both took off running toward Berean Avenue. So the cop hopped into his patrol car and headed that way. Quickly, the cop spotted the running boyfriend, and yelled, “Stop, let’s talk and figure this out.” Boyfriend keeps running. “I was then able to pull ahead of the male in my city vehicle and exit the patrol car,” the cop noted. “I grabbed the male by his shirt … and the male yelled, ‘She’s just mad I caught her cheating.’”
The cop and boyfriend talk for a minute. Suddenly, the boyfriend yells, “Your car is rolling backward!”  Sure enough, the cop’s patrol car is now rolling at a brisk speed down the street. The cop hops into the car, trying to hit the brakes … but it’s too late. The patrol car slams “into a pole at the intersection of Narrow Street and Berean Avenue.” The cop walks over to inspect the damage, and the boyfriend sprints away.
Eventually, the cop secures his patrol car and goes back to the couple’s Reynoldstown home to check on the feuding lovers. All OK. No one wants to press charges. The girlfriend says she only called police because she wanted her cell phone back — and the boyfriend took off running with her phone. But since he’s returned her cell phone, she’s not mad.
The cop’s patrol car sustained significant damage. Plus, the cop’s body got a bit banged up. “I did hurt my elbow and left leg when I attempted to stop the vehicle, but I did not need medical attention,” he noted.
GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND: At a pizza place on Glenwood Avenue, trouble broke out in the kitchen over dough. The shift leader told a female employee that she wasn’t folding the pizza dough correctly. Apparently, the female employee didn’t handle the dough criticism very well. The pizza restaurant’s manager stepped in and told the female employee to go home and cool off. Then, while the manager was taking out the trash, a male employee said he didn’t want to work there any more. So who does the pizza manager call to cover the quitter’s shift? The lousy-dough-folding female employee he just sent home. She returns to work. Then, the male employee who just quit his job … suddenly starts throwing produce and food all over the place. “I observed pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, and olives on the floor,” an officer noted.
YOU BE ILLIN’: Around 3 a.m, a cop observed a guy walking near the Bobby Jones Golf Course on Northside Drive … and stopped him to make sure he was OK. The man, age 31, was carrying a travel bag of clothes. “The man told me that he wants to go to the hospital, because he is suffering from an illness that is causing his body to eat his muscles,” the officer noted. Also, the man insisted proteins are blocking his kidney, which makes it difficult for him to pee. “He goes on to tell me his kidney is hurting, his back hurts — and his feet are on fire.” So the officer calls Grady medics. The man keeps talking while they wait for medics to arrive … insisting that he’s also a wanted outlaw man with a mental illness and violent tendencies.
The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,3                                 THE BLOTTER: What’s up, Doc? "
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Police Blotter

Thursday September 5, 2019 10:43 am EDT
Sleeping it off in a bed of carrots | more...
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  string(26) "THE BLOTTER: Tampon tirade"
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  string(34) "And other tales of life in the ATL"
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  string(6801) "IN COLD BLOOD:  A woman pulling a wagon tried to walk into the Auburn Avenue Research Library. A security guard stopped her, insisting she couldn’t bring her wagon inside. She was free to come into the library — as long as it was sans wagon. So the woman parked her wagon outside — and attempted to walk into library. Nope. Denied. The security guard said, “You can’t just leave your wagon in front of a public building!”

“The female then asks the staff of the library if they could watch her wagon,” an officer noted. Nope. Denied again. The security guard says no one is allowed to watch library patrons’ belongings.

The Wagongate debate clearly agitated the woman. “The woman then squatted down in front of the library and began urinating,” a police officer noted. “The female then reached into her private area, pulled out a tampon, and threw it inside the library.”

The flying tampon hit a patron reading inside the quiet library. The patron, a 52-year-old woman, told police that the flying tampon landed on her right foot. Outraged, she wants to press “full charges” against the tampon-flinging woman with the wagon.

The entire tampon-hurling incident was caught on the library’s surveillance cameras. The reporting officer reviewed the surveillance footage and noted, “I did in fact see where the white female urinated in front of the property and threw her tampon inside the location.”

The woman with her wagon went to jail.

GET SHAFTED:  At Lenox Square Mall, a police officer got a call about a possibly drunk, shirtless man yelling and cursing at customers while showing them his Johnson. The bare-chested man, age 30, was wearing a sassy pink hat, a suit jacket, and black pants. A witness saw the man “pull down his pants multiple times, at one point exposing the shaft of his penis.”

The cop found the pink-hat man inside Sephora makeup store, where he was cleaning his face. “He first informed me that his pants were down, then later stated his belt was loose so he was fixing his pants — and lastly he claimed that he was working out, and that’s why his pants were down,” the officer noted. “There is no gym or workout station at the location.”

Apparently, pink-hat man likes to show off his junk on a regular basis at Lenox. “(He’s) been accused of exposing himself, trespassing, and being disorderly” on previous occasions, the officer noted.

The man, age 30, went to jail. Police searched him and found a black cellphone, headphones, and a toy car.

FAKEOUT FAIL: The City of Atlanta’s human resources manager got an email “requesting a change to payroll for Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms,” an officer wrote.  “Although the name attached to the address states it is from Keisha Lance Bottoms, the address did not come from a City of Atlanta government email address.” Instead, the email appeared to originate from Tampa Bay, Florida.

“The email requests (the human resources manager) to assist with changing the status of payment to a new bank account, which would be provided if he confirmed he could assist.”

“After review of the email, it was confirmed that this was not an email sent by Mayor Bottoms — and she is not aware of the email address,” the officer noted. “Atlanta Information Management was notified about the phishing email, which can help prevent cyber-crime attempts like this one from happening in the future.”

STRANGE TRIP: Police got a call about a possible robbery from a hotel on Northside Drive near the Georgia World Congress Center. An injured man said he was walking through the hotel parking lot when he suddenly fell. What triggered his fall?

The reporting officer noted: “The man stated he fell because he tripped over religion. He then continued to add events to his story.”

The man said after he fell, he sat in a mystery person’s car for a while. Also, the man said he was sprinting before he fell, because someone with a gun was chasing him.

However, neither the mystery person … nor the mystery car … was visible.

What was very real: the blood streaming from the man’s head. Police took him to Grady Hospital, where staffers determined the man was “experiencing hallucinations.” The man, age 27, lives in Decatur.

TEXAS WALKER STRANGER: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a dispute broke out at the Chop House restaurant, and staffers flagged down police. “The employees said a Texas man was talking on his phone very loudly, begging someone to take him back,” a police officer noted. “Then, he began calling patrons ‘bitches’ and ‘motherfuckers.’ When (the manager) asked him to leave, he began calling her ‘bitch’ and ‘motherfucker.’”

The man looked at the female police sergeant and said, “You motherfucker, either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone.” Then, the Texas man apologized, saying he needed a wheelchair — and he left the Chop House restaurant. Airport staffers brought him a wheelchair, he sat down, and staffers started wheeling him to the airport’s west curb. Suddenly, the Texas man started yelling and cursing again. He screamed, “Fuck Atlanta, TI the rapper, and the President’s wife.”

When the female police sergeant walked up again, the Texas man sprang out of his wheelchair and said, “Either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone,” while “walking toward the police sergeant in an aggressive manner.”

Then, the Texas man walked outside the airport, screaming that same refrain — “arrest me or leave me the fuck alone” — at least five times in front of children and other passengers.

The Texas man, age 47, went to jail for disorderly conduct and cursing uncontrollably. He hails from a ritzy suburb outside Houston.

WALK ON, CROUTON: Around 2 a.m. police got a call about a guy walking on I-75/85 near Spring Street. Upon arrival, the cop found a 36-year-old man strolling down the interstate. The cop stopped the man and asked: “What on earth are you doing?”

“(The man) stated that he was just walking on the highway because he saw it in movies,” the officer noted. “I explained that it’s illegal to walk on a controlled access highway such as I-75/85 … and I asked him where he was coming from and what he was doing prior to being on the highway.

“The man stated that he was stressed out about life and that his life has been very difficult,” the officer noted. “He said he just wanted to walk — and then kept on walking.”

Moments later, the man’s life became substantially more difficult. He went to jail for “walking on the interstate.”

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(6833) "I__N COLD BLOOD:__  A woman pulling a wagon tried to walk into the Auburn Avenue Research Library. A security guard stopped her, insisting she couldn’t bring her wagon inside. She was free to come into the library — as long as it was sans wagon. So the woman parked her wagon outside — and attempted to walk into library. Nope. Denied. The security guard said, “You can’t just leave your wagon in front of a public building!”

“The female then asks the staff of the library if they could watch her wagon,” an officer noted. Nope. Denied again. The security guard says no one is allowed to watch library patrons’ belongings.

The Wagongate debate clearly agitated the woman. “The woman then squatted down in front of the library and began urinating,” a police officer noted. “The female then reached into her private area, pulled out a tampon, and threw it inside the library.”

The flying tampon hit a patron reading inside the quiet library. The patron, a 52-year-old woman, told police that the flying tampon landed on her right foot. Outraged, she wants to press “full charges” against the tampon-flinging woman with the wagon.

The entire tampon-hurling incident was caught on the library’s surveillance cameras. The reporting officer reviewed the surveillance footage and noted, “I did in fact see where the white female urinated in front of the property and threw her tampon inside the location.”

The woman with her wagon went to jail.

__GET SHAFTED:__  At Lenox Square Mall, a police officer got a call about a possibly drunk, shirtless man yelling and cursing at customers while showing them his Johnson. The bare-chested man, age 30, was wearing a sassy pink hat, a suit jacket, and black pants. A witness saw the man “pull down his pants multiple times, at one point exposing the shaft of his penis.”

The cop found the pink-hat man inside Sephora makeup store, where he was cleaning his face. “He first informed me that his pants were down, then later stated his belt was loose so he was fixing his pants — and lastly he claimed that he was working out, and that’s why his pants were down,” the officer noted. “There is no gym or workout station at the location.”

Apparently, pink-hat man likes to show off his junk on a regular basis at Lenox. “(He’s) been accused of exposing himself, trespassing, and being disorderly” on previous occasions, the officer noted.

The man, age 30, went to jail. Police searched him and found a black cellphone, headphones, and a toy car.

__FAKEOUT FAIL:__ The City of Atlanta’s human resources manager got an email “requesting a change to payroll for Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms,” an officer wrote.  “Although the name attached to the address states it is from Keisha Lance Bottoms, the address did not come from a City of Atlanta government email address.” Instead, the email appeared to originate from Tampa Bay, Florida.

“The email requests (the human resources manager) to assist with changing the status of payment to a new bank account, which would be provided if he confirmed he could assist.”

“After review of the email, it was confirmed that this was not an email sent by Mayor Bottoms — and she is not aware of the email address,” the officer noted. “Atlanta Information Management was notified about the phishing email, which can help prevent cyber-crime attempts like this one from happening in the future.”

__STRANGE TRIP:__ Police got a call about a possible robbery from a hotel on Northside Drive near the Georgia World Congress Center. An injured man said he was walking through the hotel parking lot when he suddenly fell. What triggered his fall?

The reporting officer noted: “The man stated he fell because he tripped over religion. He then continued to add events to his story.”

The man said after he fell, he sat in a mystery person’s car for a while. Also, the man said he was sprinting before he fell, because someone with a gun was chasing him.

However, neither the mystery person … nor the mystery car … was visible.

What ''was'' very real: the blood streaming from the man’s head. Police took him to Grady Hospital, where staffers determined the man was “experiencing hallucinations.” The man, age 27, lives in Decatur.

__TEXAS WALKER STRANGER:__ At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a dispute broke out at the Chop House restaurant, and staffers flagged down police. “The employees said a Texas man was talking on his phone very loudly, begging someone to take him back,” a police officer noted. “Then, he began calling patrons ‘bitches’ and ‘motherfuckers.’ When (the manager) asked him to leave, he began calling her ‘bitch’ and ‘motherfucker.’”

The man looked at the female police sergeant and said, “You motherfucker, either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone.” Then, the Texas man apologized, saying he needed a wheelchair — and he left the Chop House restaurant. Airport staffers brought him a wheelchair, he sat down, and staffers started wheeling him to the airport’s west curb. Suddenly, the Texas man started yelling and cursing again. He screamed, “Fuck Atlanta, TI the rapper, and the President’s wife.”

When the female police sergeant walked up again, the Texas man sprang out of his wheelchair and said, “Either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone,” while “walking toward the police sergeant in an aggressive manner.”

Then, the Texas man walked outside the airport, screaming that same refrain — “arrest me or leave me the fuck alone” — at least five times in front of children and other passengers.

The Texas man, age 47, went to jail for disorderly conduct and cursing uncontrollably. He hails from a ritzy suburb outside Houston.

__WALK ON, CROUTON:__ Around 2 a.m. police got a call about a guy walking on I-75/85 near Spring Street. Upon arrival, the cop found a 36-year-old man strolling down the interstate. The cop stopped the man and asked: “What on earth are you doing?”

“(The man) stated that he was just walking on the highway because he saw it in movies,” the officer noted. “I explained that it’s illegal to walk on a controlled access highway such as I-75/85 … and I asked him where he was coming from and what he was doing prior to being on the highway.

“The man stated that he was stressed out about life and that his life has been very difficult,” the officer noted. “He said he just wanted to walk — and then kept on walking.”

Moments later, the man’s life became substantially more difficult. He went to jail for “walking on the interstate.”

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(7172) " Blot0819pinkhat Flasher Web  2019-08-01T20:50:42+00:00 blot0819pinkhat_flasher_web.jpg     And other tales of life in the ATL 21453  2019-08-01T20:47:21+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Tampon tirade jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating  2019-08-01T20:47:21+00:00  IN COLD BLOOD:  A woman pulling a wagon tried to walk into the Auburn Avenue Research Library. A security guard stopped her, insisting she couldn’t bring her wagon inside. She was free to come into the library — as long as it was sans wagon. So the woman parked her wagon outside — and attempted to walk into library. Nope. Denied. The security guard said, “You can’t just leave your wagon in front of a public building!”

“The female then asks the staff of the library if they could watch her wagon,” an officer noted. Nope. Denied again. The security guard says no one is allowed to watch library patrons’ belongings.

The Wagongate debate clearly agitated the woman. “The woman then squatted down in front of the library and began urinating,” a police officer noted. “The female then reached into her private area, pulled out a tampon, and threw it inside the library.”

The flying tampon hit a patron reading inside the quiet library. The patron, a 52-year-old woman, told police that the flying tampon landed on her right foot. Outraged, she wants to press “full charges” against the tampon-flinging woman with the wagon.

The entire tampon-hurling incident was caught on the library’s surveillance cameras. The reporting officer reviewed the surveillance footage and noted, “I did in fact see where the white female urinated in front of the property and threw her tampon inside the location.”

The woman with her wagon went to jail.

GET SHAFTED:  At Lenox Square Mall, a police officer got a call about a possibly drunk, shirtless man yelling and cursing at customers while showing them his Johnson. The bare-chested man, age 30, was wearing a sassy pink hat, a suit jacket, and black pants. A witness saw the man “pull down his pants multiple times, at one point exposing the shaft of his penis.”

The cop found the pink-hat man inside Sephora makeup store, where he was cleaning his face. “He first informed me that his pants were down, then later stated his belt was loose so he was fixing his pants — and lastly he claimed that he was working out, and that’s why his pants were down,” the officer noted. “There is no gym or workout station at the location.”

Apparently, pink-hat man likes to show off his junk on a regular basis at Lenox. “(He’s) been accused of exposing himself, trespassing, and being disorderly” on previous occasions, the officer noted.

The man, age 30, went to jail. Police searched him and found a black cellphone, headphones, and a toy car.

FAKEOUT FAIL: The City of Atlanta’s human resources manager got an email “requesting a change to payroll for Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms,” an officer wrote.  “Although the name attached to the address states it is from Keisha Lance Bottoms, the address did not come from a City of Atlanta government email address.” Instead, the email appeared to originate from Tampa Bay, Florida.

“The email requests (the human resources manager) to assist with changing the status of payment to a new bank account, which would be provided if he confirmed he could assist.”

“After review of the email, it was confirmed that this was not an email sent by Mayor Bottoms — and she is not aware of the email address,” the officer noted. “Atlanta Information Management was notified about the phishing email, which can help prevent cyber-crime attempts like this one from happening in the future.”

STRANGE TRIP: Police got a call about a possible robbery from a hotel on Northside Drive near the Georgia World Congress Center. An injured man said he was walking through the hotel parking lot when he suddenly fell. What triggered his fall?

The reporting officer noted: “The man stated he fell because he tripped over religion. He then continued to add events to his story.”

The man said after he fell, he sat in a mystery person’s car for a while. Also, the man said he was sprinting before he fell, because someone with a gun was chasing him.

However, neither the mystery person … nor the mystery car … was visible.

What was very real: the blood streaming from the man’s head. Police took him to Grady Hospital, where staffers determined the man was “experiencing hallucinations.” The man, age 27, lives in Decatur.

TEXAS WALKER STRANGER: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a dispute broke out at the Chop House restaurant, and staffers flagged down police. “The employees said a Texas man was talking on his phone very loudly, begging someone to take him back,” a police officer noted. “Then, he began calling patrons ‘bitches’ and ‘motherfuckers.’ When (the manager) asked him to leave, he began calling her ‘bitch’ and ‘motherfucker.’”

The man looked at the female police sergeant and said, “You motherfucker, either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone.” Then, the Texas man apologized, saying he needed a wheelchair — and he left the Chop House restaurant. Airport staffers brought him a wheelchair, he sat down, and staffers started wheeling him to the airport’s west curb. Suddenly, the Texas man started yelling and cursing again. He screamed, “Fuck Atlanta, TI the rapper, and the President’s wife.”

When the female police sergeant walked up again, the Texas man sprang out of his wheelchair and said, “Either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone,” while “walking toward the police sergeant in an aggressive manner.”

Then, the Texas man walked outside the airport, screaming that same refrain — “arrest me or leave me the fuck alone” — at least five times in front of children and other passengers.

The Texas man, age 47, went to jail for disorderly conduct and cursing uncontrollably. He hails from a ritzy suburb outside Houston.

WALK ON, CROUTON: Around 2 a.m. police got a call about a guy walking on I-75/85 near Spring Street. Upon arrival, the cop found a 36-year-old man strolling down the interstate. The cop stopped the man and asked: “What on earth are you doing?”

“(The man) stated that he was just walking on the highway because he saw it in movies,” the officer noted. “I explained that it’s illegal to walk on a controlled access highway such as I-75/85 … and I asked him where he was coming from and what he was doing prior to being on the highway.

“The man stated that he was stressed out about life and that his life has been very difficult,” the officer noted. “He said he just wanted to walk — and then kept on walking.”

Moments later, the man’s life became substantially more difficult. He went to jail for “walking on the interstate.”

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,1                                 THE BLOTTER: Tampon tirade "
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Police Blotter

Thursday August 1, 2019 04:47 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(43) "LAUREN KEATING; ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER"
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  string(8087) "DANCING QUEEN: On Ponce de Leon Avenue around 4 a.m., a dispute broke out at Domino’s Pizza. 
A 25-year-old female employee was preparing to close the store for the night, when she noticed two young guys hanging out near the store’s front door. 
The employee said she “pointed to a sign with the store hours” but the two lingering guys didn’t budge. So she walked over and opened the front door to speak to the two guys. The moment the door opened, Suspect #1 (a guy wearing a denim jumpsuit and a colorful scarf) started yelling, “You don’t remember me, bitch!” while squirting pepper spray into the female employee’s face.
Suspect #2 (a chubby guy wearing black biker shorts and a brown Louis Vuitton scarf) started laughing about the employee’s face getting pepper-sprayed. He then “attempted to throw an electronic scooter” at another pizza employee. Moments later, Suspect #1 ran west on Ponce, while Suspect #2 ran east on Ponce.
The pepper-sprayed female employee chased Suspect #2 for a while, finally giving up on Monroe Drive. She started walking back to Domino’s, when she spotted Suspect #1 hanging out at the corner gas station with a lady wearing all black.
The employee said Suspect #1 started taunting her and baiting her into a fight, all while clutching the pepper-spray in his hand.
According to the police report, “She said Suspect #1 sprayed her again and she began to fight him in the street. She said she fell to the ground, and he kept spraying her until her shirt was drenched with the chemical.” Then, the Lady in Black jumped into the fray, hitting the Domino’s employee’s head, while screaming that Suspect #1 was just a teenager.
During the altercation, the female employee dropped and lost her IPhone 7, which was in a lime green case. 
When police arrived, the Domino’s employee explained the strange backstory involving Suspect #1. According to the officer’s notes, “About two or three months ago, Suspect #1 came into the Domino’s store and made a video of himself twerking (a dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance) on Facebook Live. So the female employee refused to serve him, Suspect #1. She said this is the only contact she’s ever had with Suspect #1 and she didn’t even recognize him when she opened the front door this evening. Also, she added, Suspect #1 and #2 appear to be gay men due to their feminine behaviors, and the Lady in Black may be a lesbian based on her “manliness behavior.”
The police officer noted, “The female employee said according to other nearby restaurant managers, Suspect #1 is known for coming into businesses and recording twerking videos of himself.”
CRAPPY BEHAVIOR: Just outside the Atlanta City Public Safety Headquarters on Peachtree Street: Yes, that’s where a man decided to loiter. “The man was lying down on the sidewalk with his feet in the street,” an officer wrote. “He was lying with his head on his book bag and his feet were crossed.” 
Pedestrians had to walk over the man to cross the street. An officer asked him to leave. “I asked the man if he spoke English because he turned his head sideways while I was speaking to him,” the officer noted. 
“I speak Arabic,” the man responded in perfect English. 
The officer detained him, and asked for his name. “I have two names,” the man responded. “My name is on a piece of paper in my bag.” 
Eventually, he revealed his name. “I asked him if I removed the handcuffs, would he leave the area in front of headquarters,” the officer wrote, “He shook his head no.” So the man was arrested and taken into custody. 
One surprise remained: “I inventoried the bags he had with him,” the officer recalled. “One of the bags had feces inside of it.”
STONED SHOPPER’S ETIQUETTE: At the Target store on Piedmont Road, a shopper’s unusual techniques required police intervention. The first sign of trouble: A pair of shoes went missing. Plus, a pair of well-worn shoes was found nearby. A female employee called her manager, and they both started looking for the shoe thief. According to the police report, “They found a man in a red-colored shirt and green pants lying on the floor with no shoes. The man appeared to be intoxicated or under the influence of something. He got up and said he was going to buy some stuff. He grabbed some clothing items and walked to the self-check out area, where he began taking his pants off. He dropped his pants and shoes next to him, as he attempted to check out. (An employee) said the man was at a cash register, attempting to pay with marijuana.” 
Police officers arrived and found the man “talking to himself and staring at the cash register. There was slobber coming from his mouth, as he stood unbalanced, “ an officer noted. “He did admit to taking Xanax.” 
The man’s green pants were still on the floor. Police searched the pants pockets, finding a pill bottle containing “seven hits of ecstasy pills shaped as ghosts.” The man, age 23, went to jail on multiple charges.
WHEN DOVES CRY: A woman said her red wallet was stolen, while her entire family was outside on Greenbriar Parkway releasing doves for a dead family member. The woman said she had to pee right before the dove-releasing portion of the funeral began. So she asked a female friend to hold her purse while she went to the restroom. The friend’s purse-holding skill evaporated entirely just moments later. She got distracted and followed everyone outside to release the doves, leaving the purse on a downstairs table. The woman said her missing red Louis Vuitton wallet contained $150 cash and credit cards.
MISSION BOOM BOOM: In the Custer-McDonough-Guice neighborhood, a cop was patrolling near an apartment complex. Suddenly, he heard a “loud thump” on his police car. “An empty firework shell filled with dirt had been thrown against my vehicle,” he noted. “After briefly looking for suspects, I was unable to find any.”
Five minutes later, BOOM. “Another thump under my patrol car, followed by an immediate large explosion,” the cop noted. “A firework had exploded near the gas tank.” In a bizarre twist, the cop inspected his car — and saw zero signs of physical damage. The only problem: a weird noise. The car was “idling with an unusual vibration.”
Again, the cop searched for fireworks culprits — nothing. So he called for backup. Four police officers, plus a security guard, arrived. Moments later, BOOM. “We heard another firework being shot” from the woods. “I then saw another firework spiraling horizontally toward us from a dirt path shortcut leading to the apartment complex,” the cop noted. “About two seconds later, it exploded between all of us at a very low height. We immediately went to the woodline to search for suspects but were unable to find any.” The cops regrouped for a moment after the search. Another firework zoomed in, leaving a small bruise on one officer’s head. The culprits remain on the loose.
WORST. WANNABE. BURGLARS. EVER: Just north of Centennial Park, a woman heard weird noises coming from her side window. She peered through the blinds, and saw a guy trying to pry open her window.
A 32-year-old man said he witnessed the whole thing — since he was standing outside the apartment entrance on McAfee Street. He saw a young group (definitely under age 21) lingering near the woman’s window. The group consisted of two shirtless young dudes, one female, and a tall guy wearing a neon-yellow traffic vest.
Only one group member was actually trying to pry open the side window: Neon-yellow vest guy, the loudest dresser of the bunch. The rest of them just stood around.
The witness said exactly one word to the group: “Really?”
Moments later, one guy whispered, “It’s just not worth it! ”
The whole group took off running.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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A 25-year-old female employee was preparing to close the store for the night, when she noticed two young guys hanging out near the store’s front door. 
The employee said she “pointed to a sign with the store hours” but the two lingering guys didn’t budge. So she walked over and opened the front door to speak to the two guys. The moment the door opened, Suspect #1 (a guy wearing a denim jumpsuit and a colorful scarf) started yelling, “You don’t remember me, bitch!” while squirting pepper spray into the female employee’s face.
Suspect #2 (a chubby guy wearing black biker shorts and a brown Louis Vuitton scarf) started laughing about the employee’s face getting pepper-sprayed. He then “attempted to throw an electronic scooter” at another pizza employee. Moments later, Suspect #1 ran west on Ponce, while Suspect #2 ran east on Ponce.
The pepper-sprayed female employee chased Suspect #2 for a while, finally giving up on Monroe Drive. She started walking back to Domino’s, when she spotted Suspect #1 hanging out at the corner gas station with a lady wearing all black.
The employee said Suspect #1 started taunting her and baiting her into a fight, all while clutching the pepper-spray in his hand.
According to the police report, “She said Suspect #1 sprayed her again and she began to fight him in the street. She said she fell to the ground, and he kept spraying her until her shirt was drenched with the chemical.” Then, the Lady in Black jumped into the fray, hitting the Domino’s employee’s head, while screaming that Suspect #1 was just a teenager.
During the altercation, the female employee dropped and lost her IPhone 7, which was in a lime green case. 
When police arrived, the Domino’s employee explained the strange backstory involving Suspect #1. According to the officer’s notes, “About two or three months ago, Suspect #1 came into the Domino’s store and made a video of himself twerking (a dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance) on Facebook Live. So the female employee refused to serve him, Suspect #1. She said this is the only contact she’s ever had with Suspect #1 and she didn’t even recognize him when she opened the front door this evening. Also, she added, Suspect #1 and #2 appear to be gay men due to their feminine behaviors, and the Lady in Black may be a lesbian based on her “manliness behavior.”
The police officer noted, “The female employee said according to other nearby restaurant managers, Suspect #1 is known for coming into businesses and recording twerking videos of himself.”
__CRAPPY BEHAVIOR:__ Just outside the Atlanta City Public Safety Headquarters on Peachtree Street: Yes, that’s where a man decided to loiter. “The man was lying down on the sidewalk with his feet in the street,” an officer wrote. “He was lying with his head on his book bag and his feet were crossed.” 
Pedestrians had to walk over the man to cross the street. An officer asked him to leave. “I asked the man if he spoke English because he turned his head sideways while I was speaking to him,” the officer noted. 
“I speak Arabic,” the man responded in perfect English. 
The officer detained him, and asked for his name. “I have two names,” the man responded. “My name is on a piece of paper in my bag.” 
Eventually, he revealed his name. “I asked him if I removed the handcuffs, would he leave the area in front of headquarters,” the officer wrote, “He shook his head no.” So the man was arrested and taken into custody. 
One surprise remained: “I inventoried the bags he had with him,” the officer recalled. “One of the bags had feces inside of it.”
__STONED SHOPPER’S ETIQUETTE:__ At the Target store on Piedmont Road, a shopper’s unusual techniques required police intervention. The first sign of trouble: A pair of shoes went missing. Plus, a pair of well-worn shoes was found nearby. A female employee called her manager, and they both started looking for the shoe thief. According to the police report, “They found a man in a red-colored shirt and green pants lying on the floor with no shoes. The man appeared to be intoxicated or under the influence of something. He got up and said he was going to buy some stuff. He grabbed some clothing items and walked to the self-check out area, where he began taking his pants off. He dropped his pants and shoes next to him, as he attempted to check out. (An employee) said the man was at a cash register, attempting to pay with marijuana.” 
Police officers arrived and found the man “talking to himself and staring at the cash register. There was slobber coming from his mouth, as he stood unbalanced, “ an officer noted. “He did admit to taking Xanax.” 
The man’s green pants were still on the floor. Police searched the pants pockets, finding a pill bottle containing “seven hits of ecstasy pills shaped as ghosts.” The man, age 23, went to jail on multiple charges.
__WHEN DOVES CRY:__ A woman said her red wallet was stolen, while her entire family was outside on Greenbriar Parkway releasing doves for a dead family member. The woman said she had to pee right before the dove-releasing portion of the funeral began. So she asked a female friend to hold her purse while she went to the restroom. The friend’s purse-holding skill evaporated entirely just moments later. She got distracted and followed everyone outside to release the doves, leaving the purse on a downstairs table. The woman said her missing red Louis Vuitton wallet contained $150 cash and credit cards.
__MISSION BOOM BOOM:__ In the Custer-McDonough-Guice neighborhood, a cop was patrolling near an apartment complex. Suddenly, he heard a “loud thump” on his police car. “An empty firework shell filled with dirt had been thrown against my vehicle,” he noted. “After briefly looking for suspects, I was unable to find any.”
Five minutes later, BOOM. “Another thump under my patrol car, followed by an immediate large explosion,” the cop noted. “A firework had exploded near the gas tank.” In a bizarre twist, the cop inspected his car — and saw zero signs of physical damage. The only problem: a weird noise. The car was “idling with an unusual vibration.”
Again, the cop searched for fireworks culprits — nothing. So he called for backup. Four police officers, plus a security guard, arrived. Moments later, BOOM. “We heard another firework being shot” from the woods. “I then saw another firework spiraling horizontally toward us from a dirt path shortcut leading to the apartment complex,” the cop noted. “About two seconds later, it exploded between all of us at a very low height. We immediately went to the woodline to search for suspects but were unable to find any.” The cops regrouped for a moment after the search. Another firework zoomed in, leaving a small bruise on one officer’s head. The culprits remain on the loose.
__WORST. WANNABE. BURGLARS. EVER:__ Just north of Centennial Park, a woman heard weird noises coming from her side window. She peered through the blinds, and saw a guy trying to pry open her window.
A 32-year-old man said he witnessed the whole thing — since he was standing outside the apartment entrance on McAfee Street. He saw a young group (definitely under age 21) lingering near the woman’s window. The group consisted of two shirtless young dudes, one female, and a tall guy wearing a neon-yellow traffic vest.
Only one group member was actually trying to pry open the side window: Neon-yellow vest guy, the loudest dresser of the bunch. The rest of them just stood around.
The witness said exactly one word to the group: “Really?”
Moments later, one guy whispered, “It’s just not worth it! ”
The whole group took off running.

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(8494) " Blot0719pizza Final  2019-07-05T14:20:36+00:00 blot0719pizza-final.jpg     And other tales of life in the ATL 20097  2019-07-05T14:14:36+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Twerking videos and pepper spray jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING; ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER  2019-07-05T14:14:36+00:00  DANCING QUEEN: On Ponce de Leon Avenue around 4 a.m., a dispute broke out at Domino’s Pizza. 
A 25-year-old female employee was preparing to close the store for the night, when she noticed two young guys hanging out near the store’s front door. 
The employee said she “pointed to a sign with the store hours” but the two lingering guys didn’t budge. So she walked over and opened the front door to speak to the two guys. The moment the door opened, Suspect #1 (a guy wearing a denim jumpsuit and a colorful scarf) started yelling, “You don’t remember me, bitch!” while squirting pepper spray into the female employee’s face.
Suspect #2 (a chubby guy wearing black biker shorts and a brown Louis Vuitton scarf) started laughing about the employee’s face getting pepper-sprayed. He then “attempted to throw an electronic scooter” at another pizza employee. Moments later, Suspect #1 ran west on Ponce, while Suspect #2 ran east on Ponce.
The pepper-sprayed female employee chased Suspect #2 for a while, finally giving up on Monroe Drive. She started walking back to Domino’s, when she spotted Suspect #1 hanging out at the corner gas station with a lady wearing all black.
The employee said Suspect #1 started taunting her and baiting her into a fight, all while clutching the pepper-spray in his hand.
According to the police report, “She said Suspect #1 sprayed her again and she began to fight him in the street. She said she fell to the ground, and he kept spraying her until her shirt was drenched with the chemical.” Then, the Lady in Black jumped into the fray, hitting the Domino’s employee’s head, while screaming that Suspect #1 was just a teenager.
During the altercation, the female employee dropped and lost her IPhone 7, which was in a lime green case. 
When police arrived, the Domino’s employee explained the strange backstory involving Suspect #1. According to the officer’s notes, “About two or three months ago, Suspect #1 came into the Domino’s store and made a video of himself twerking (a dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance) on Facebook Live. So the female employee refused to serve him, Suspect #1. She said this is the only contact she’s ever had with Suspect #1 and she didn’t even recognize him when she opened the front door this evening. Also, she added, Suspect #1 and #2 appear to be gay men due to their feminine behaviors, and the Lady in Black may be a lesbian based on her “manliness behavior.”
The police officer noted, “The female employee said according to other nearby restaurant managers, Suspect #1 is known for coming into businesses and recording twerking videos of himself.”
CRAPPY BEHAVIOR: Just outside the Atlanta City Public Safety Headquarters on Peachtree Street: Yes, that’s where a man decided to loiter. “The man was lying down on the sidewalk with his feet in the street,” an officer wrote. “He was lying with his head on his book bag and his feet were crossed.” 
Pedestrians had to walk over the man to cross the street. An officer asked him to leave. “I asked the man if he spoke English because he turned his head sideways while I was speaking to him,” the officer noted. 
“I speak Arabic,” the man responded in perfect English. 
The officer detained him, and asked for his name. “I have two names,” the man responded. “My name is on a piece of paper in my bag.” 
Eventually, he revealed his name. “I asked him if I removed the handcuffs, would he leave the area in front of headquarters,” the officer wrote, “He shook his head no.” So the man was arrested and taken into custody. 
One surprise remained: “I inventoried the bags he had with him,” the officer recalled. “One of the bags had feces inside of it.”
STONED SHOPPER’S ETIQUETTE: At the Target store on Piedmont Road, a shopper’s unusual techniques required police intervention. The first sign of trouble: A pair of shoes went missing. Plus, a pair of well-worn shoes was found nearby. A female employee called her manager, and they both started looking for the shoe thief. According to the police report, “They found a man in a red-colored shirt and green pants lying on the floor with no shoes. The man appeared to be intoxicated or under the influence of something. He got up and said he was going to buy some stuff. He grabbed some clothing items and walked to the self-check out area, where he began taking his pants off. He dropped his pants and shoes next to him, as he attempted to check out. (An employee) said the man was at a cash register, attempting to pay with marijuana.” 
Police officers arrived and found the man “talking to himself and staring at the cash register. There was slobber coming from his mouth, as he stood unbalanced, “ an officer noted. “He did admit to taking Xanax.” 
The man’s green pants were still on the floor. Police searched the pants pockets, finding a pill bottle containing “seven hits of ecstasy pills shaped as ghosts.” The man, age 23, went to jail on multiple charges.
WHEN DOVES CRY: A woman said her red wallet was stolen, while her entire family was outside on Greenbriar Parkway releasing doves for a dead family member. The woman said she had to pee right before the dove-releasing portion of the funeral began. So she asked a female friend to hold her purse while she went to the restroom. The friend’s purse-holding skill evaporated entirely just moments later. She got distracted and followed everyone outside to release the doves, leaving the purse on a downstairs table. The woman said her missing red Louis Vuitton wallet contained $150 cash and credit cards.
MISSION BOOM BOOM: In the Custer-McDonough-Guice neighborhood, a cop was patrolling near an apartment complex. Suddenly, he heard a “loud thump” on his police car. “An empty firework shell filled with dirt had been thrown against my vehicle,” he noted. “After briefly looking for suspects, I was unable to find any.”
Five minutes later, BOOM. “Another thump under my patrol car, followed by an immediate large explosion,” the cop noted. “A firework had exploded near the gas tank.” In a bizarre twist, the cop inspected his car — and saw zero signs of physical damage. The only problem: a weird noise. The car was “idling with an unusual vibration.”
Again, the cop searched for fireworks culprits — nothing. So he called for backup. Four police officers, plus a security guard, arrived. Moments later, BOOM. “We heard another firework being shot” from the woods. “I then saw another firework spiraling horizontally toward us from a dirt path shortcut leading to the apartment complex,” the cop noted. “About two seconds later, it exploded between all of us at a very low height. We immediately went to the woodline to search for suspects but were unable to find any.” The cops regrouped for a moment after the search. Another firework zoomed in, leaving a small bruise on one officer’s head. The culprits remain on the loose.
WORST. WANNABE. BURGLARS. EVER: Just north of Centennial Park, a woman heard weird noises coming from her side window. She peered through the blinds, and saw a guy trying to pry open her window.
A 32-year-old man said he witnessed the whole thing — since he was standing outside the apartment entrance on McAfee Street. He saw a young group (definitely under age 21) lingering near the woman’s window. The group consisted of two shirtless young dudes, one female, and a tall guy wearing a neon-yellow traffic vest.
Only one group member was actually trying to pry open the side window: Neon-yellow vest guy, the loudest dresser of the bunch. The rest of them just stood around.
The witness said exactly one word to the group: “Really?”
Moments later, one guy whispered, “It’s just not worth it! ”
The whole group took off running.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    TRAY BUTLER   0,0,11                                 THE BLOTTER: Twerking videos and pepper spray "
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News, News Features, Police Blotter

Friday July 5, 2019 10:14 am EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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BABY, I’M A STAR: Police responded to a ruckus on Metropolitan Parkway during rush hour. “We observed an apparent black transgender female dressed in a pink lace nightgown, lying down on a blanket on the sidewalk.” The lead officer asked for her ID. She just stared and gave him the silent treatment. ”The individual acted as if I was not there and continued to ignore me,” the officer wrote.

He tried again. “Can you hear me?

More silence.

Perhaps she wanted a bigger audience. When backup police officers arrived, she perked up and got chatty, introducing herself as one of the most famous women on the planet: “She identified herself as Beyonce Knowles-Carter and it became immediately clear that she was having difficulties with reality,” according to the report.

Beyonce in a pink nightgown was posing on a black blanket.

“Ms. Knowles-Carter said multiple times that this was her home (indicating the sidewalk) and she wasn’t going to leave,” an officer noted. “She then looked at me and said, ‘I’m going to beat your ass,’ before stepping into heavy traffic and crossing the street.”

Police promptly arrested the 31-year-old wannabe Beyonce and took her to jail. “We attempted to use the fingerprint scanner to determine Ms. Knowles-Carter’s actual name, however we were unable to do so due to technical difficulties,” an officer noted. So she’s just “Beyonce” in the police report. And that probably makes her happy.

SPECIAL SAUCE: At a strip mall just outside I-285, a bartender got in trouble at a chain restaurant known for making every day like Friday.

A police sergeant witnessed the bartender “take a mixing cup from the bar — and proceed to pull his penis out and urinate into the mixing cup.” How old is this bartender? Oh, he’s a 40-year-old man. He went to jail on public indecency charges.

FREE $$ SPARKS OUTRAGE: In Candler Park, a dispute erupted inside a market on McLendon Avenue — and an older male customer called police for help. An officer arrived and asked: What happened?

The 68-year-old customer said a female employee had started following him around the market. “(He) felt harassed because she continued to follow him around the store and then out to his vehicle, where she then offered him a $25 gift certificate,” an officer noted.

Another guy said he saw the whole thing go down and “felt as if she was trying to bribe the older man with the $25 gift certificate,” the officer noted. Both men “were very adamant about having a police report done due to feeling harassed.”

The female employee says the Witness Guy “became angry” and “began yelling” at her in the parking lot, causing a disturbance. No charges filed.

BEAT IT: A man with a swollen cheek and neck was sitting outside an abandoned, half-burned building on Joseph E. Boone Boulevard. A police officer asked him what business he had on the vacant property — and to please identify himself.

The man replied: My name is Michael Jackson. (No, it’s not). He gave a fake date of birth, too.

Eventually, the man admitted he wasn’t Michael Jackson and said he gave a false name because he thought he was a wanted man. The officer promptly arrested him for false representation.

SOME LIKE IT HOT: In Cascade Park Nature Preserve, a large fire broke out with flames  “spreading very fast in the woods.” Two young women, ages 18 and 23, admitted to starting the fire and led police to their special forest spot. “They advised us they were looking for a place in the woods to study and to look at the sky, and started a small fire which they lost control of very quickly,” an officer noted. Now the two women are banned from “any and all” Atlanta city parks for one year.

PLEASED TO MEAT YOU: In Adair Park, a woman said she took a nap and then started cooking dinner in her home on McDaniel Street. “She opened the refrigerator, and noticed all her groceries were gone,” an officer noted. Missing items included chicken, fish, steak, and roast — and her gold diamond ring. She called police, who found absolutely no signs of forced entry; her security alarm didn’t go off.

The officer had doubts about the woman’s story … and her mental state. During the interview, she repeatedly lost track of her eyeglasses — which were in plain view the whole time.

POOP PROBLEMS: Police got a call about a man in a blue shirt, wielding an axe on the BeltLine. Officers scoured the area, but didn’t see anyone with a hatchet. Eventually, they found the 48-year-old suspect in a parking lot near Monroe Drive and 10 Street. The suspect claimed he did nothing wrong “except yell and cuss” at the victim, an older woman walking her dog on the BeltLine.

The woman, age 68, says she was cleaning up her dog’s poop, when suddenly the suspect came out of the woods and started chasing her, yelling, “Get the hell out of here with your damn dog!”

Police found a black hatchet in the man’s book bag. “He claims he only uses it to chop wood in the woods where he stays,” an officer noted. The man went to jail on a disorderly conduct charge.

THE BIG SHORT: In Buckhead, a man called police about a letter found at an empty furniture store on East Paces Ferry Road that he had recently sold to a corporation. The letter writer: a 37-year-old male worker apparently upset about the corporation’s plans to liquidate the biz.

In the note, the employee explained why he stole $24,000 worth of furniture on display for liquidation — even listing all 12 pieces of furniture that he swiped. By the time his former boss found the note, read it, and called police, the employee’s phone number had already been disconnected. He’s gone.

THE EX-FILES: In Northwest Atlanta, a man left the home he owns on Allegro Drive, due to his recent roommate’s “dangerously erratic behavior.” He said his ex-roommate had “started referring to himself as other people and kept pulling out a handgun,” an officer noted. The man called 911 after seeing a Facebook live video of his ex-roommate walking inside his home, and referring to himself as “either the musician Nipsey Hussle or (the man’s) brother, both of whom are deceased,” the officer noted. In the video, the ex-roommate walks round the home, showcasing multiple bullet holes and ammunition he’d fired into a wall near the front door.

Police went to the man’s home on Allegro Drive; the ex-roommate had jammed the doors to prevent entry. They found the ex-roommate clutching a handgun and wandering around on Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway. “He was still clearly delusional, claiming to be other people and saying he was famous,” an officer noted. He was committed for a psychological evaluation.

JUST PLAIN BOLD: A police officer was doing paperwork while sitting in his patrol car on Peachtree Street. Suddenly, a man in a black shirt and blue jeans ran up. The man “yelled ‘FUCK YOU’ while displaying two middle fingers in my direction,” the officer recalled. “I told him to get out of the parking lot. The man continued to yell at me, then suddenly he ran to the rear of the patrol car and began kicking.”

Next, the man grabbed a water bottle from the ground, smashing it into the patrol car. The cop got out of his patrol car, called for backup, and ordered the suspect to lie down on his stomach. “His eyes were bloodshot and he began acting as if he knew me,” the officer recalled “But I’ve never seen this man before.” The suspect, age 39, was charged with simple assault.

The Blotter Diva compiles her reports based on cases from the Atlanta Police Department.

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__BABY, I’M A STAR:__ Police responded to a ruckus on Metropolitan Parkway during rush hour. “We observed an apparent black transgender female dressed in a pink lace nightgown, lying down on a blanket on the sidewalk.” The lead officer asked for her ID. She just stared and gave him the silent treatment. ”The individual acted as if I was not there and continued to ignore me,” the officer wrote.

He tried again. “Can you hear me?

More silence.

Perhaps she wanted a bigger audience. When backup police officers arrived, she perked up and got chatty, introducing herself as one of the most famous women on the planet: “She identified herself as Beyonce Knowles-Carter and it became immediately clear that she was having difficulties with reality,” according to the report.

Beyonce in a pink nightgown was posing on a black blanket.

“Ms. Knowles-Carter said multiple times that this was her home (indicating the sidewalk) and she wasn’t going to leave,” an officer noted. “She then looked at me and said, ‘I’m going to beat your ass,’ before stepping into heavy traffic and crossing the street.”

Police promptly arrested the 31-year-old wannabe Beyonce and took her to jail. “We attempted to use the fingerprint scanner to determine Ms. Knowles-Carter’s actual name, however we were unable to do so due to technical difficulties,” an officer noted. So she’s just “Beyonce” in the police report. And that probably makes her happy.

__SPECIAL SAUCE:__ At a strip mall just outside I-285, a bartender got in trouble at a chain restaurant known for making every day like Friday.

A police sergeant witnessed the bartender “take a mixing cup from the bar — and proceed to pull his penis out and urinate into the mixing cup.” How old is this bartender? Oh, he’s a 40-year-old man. He went to jail on public indecency charges.

__FREE $$ SPARKS OUTRAGE:__ In Candler Park, a dispute erupted inside a market on McLendon Avenue — and an older male customer called police for help. An officer arrived and asked: What happened?

The 68-year-old customer said a female employee had started following him around the market. “(He) felt harassed because she continued to follow him around the store and then out to his vehicle, where she then offered him a $25 gift certificate,” an officer noted.

Another guy said he saw the whole thing go down and “felt as if she was trying to bribe the older man with the $25 gift certificate,” the officer noted. Both men “were very adamant about having a police report done due to feeling harassed.”

The female employee says the Witness Guy “became angry” and “began yelling” at her in the parking lot, causing a disturbance. No charges filed.

__BEAT IT:__ A man with a swollen cheek and neck was sitting outside an abandoned, half-burned building on Joseph E. Boone Boulevard. A police officer asked him what business he had on the vacant property — and to please identify himself.

The man replied: My name is Michael Jackson. (No, it’s not). He gave a fake date of birth, too.

Eventually, the man admitted he wasn’t Michael Jackson and said he gave a false name because he thought he was a wanted man. The officer promptly arrested him for false representation.

__SOME LIKE IT HOT:__ In Cascade Park Nature Preserve, a large fire broke out with flames  “spreading very fast in the woods.” Two young women, ages 18 and 23, admitted to starting the fire and led police to their special forest spot. “They advised us they were looking for a place in the woods to study and to look at the sky, and started a small fire which they lost control of very quickly,” an officer noted. Now the two women are banned from “any and all” Atlanta city parks for one year.

__PLEASED TO MEAT YOU:__ In Adair Park, a woman said she took a nap and then started cooking dinner in her home on McDaniel Street. “She opened the refrigerator, and noticed all her groceries were gone,” an officer noted. Missing items included chicken, fish, steak, and roast — and her gold diamond ring. She called police, who found absolutely no signs of forced entry; her security alarm didn’t go off.

The officer had doubts about the woman’s story … and her mental state. During the interview, she repeatedly lost track of her eyeglasses — which were in plain view the whole time.

__POOP PROBLEMS:__ Police got a call about a man in a blue shirt, wielding an axe on the BeltLine. Officers scoured the area, but didn’t see anyone with a hatchet. Eventually, they found the 48-year-old suspect in a parking lot near Monroe Drive and 10{SUP()}th{SUP} Street. The suspect claimed he did nothing wrong “except yell and cuss” at the victim, an older woman walking her dog on the BeltLine.

The woman, age 68, says she was cleaning up her dog’s poop, when suddenly the suspect came out of the woods and started chasing her, yelling, “Get the hell out of here with your damn dog!”

Police found a black hatchet in the man’s book bag. “He claims he only uses it to chop wood in the woods where he stays,” an officer noted. The man went to jail on a disorderly conduct charge.

__THE BIG SHORT:__ In Buckhead, a man called police about a letter found at an empty furniture store on East Paces Ferry Road that he had recently sold to a corporation. The letter writer: a 37-year-old male worker apparently upset about the corporation’s plans to liquidate the biz.

In the note, the employee explained why he stole $24,000 worth of furniture on display for liquidation — even listing all 12 pieces of furniture that he swiped. By the time his former boss found the note, read it, and called police, the employee’s phone number had already been disconnected. He’s gone.

__THE EX-FILES:__ In Northwest Atlanta, a man left the home he owns on Allegro Drive, due to his recent roommate’s “dangerously erratic behavior.” He said his ex-roommate had “started referring to himself as other people and kept pulling out a handgun,” an officer noted. The man called 911 after seeing a Facebook live video of his ex-roommate walking inside his home, and referring to himself as “either the musician Nipsey Hussle or (the man’s) brother, both of whom are deceased,” the officer noted. In the video, the ex-roommate walks round the home, showcasing multiple bullet holes and ammunition he’d fired into a wall near the front door.

Police went to the man’s home on Allegro Drive; the ex-roommate had jammed the doors to prevent entry. They found the ex-roommate clutching a handgun and wandering around on Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway. “He was still clearly delusional, claiming to be other people and saying he was famous,” an officer noted. He was committed for a psychological evaluation.

__JUST PLAIN BOLD:__ A police officer was doing paperwork while sitting in his patrol car on Peachtree Street. Suddenly, a man in a black shirt and blue jeans ran up. The man “yelled ‘FUCK YOU’ while displaying two middle fingers in my direction,” the officer recalled. “I told him to get out of the parking lot. The man continued to yell at me, then suddenly he ran to the rear of the patrol car and began kicking.”

Next, the man grabbed a water bottle from the ground, smashing it into the patrol car. The cop got out of his patrol car, called for backup, and ordered the suspect to lie down on his stomach. “His eyes were bloodshot and he began acting as if he knew me,” the officer recalled “But I’ve never seen this man before.” The suspect, age 39, was charged with simple assault.

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  string(8169) " #blotter042319 Beyonce 01 Copy  2019-05-03T16:14:06+00:00 #blotter042319 beyonce-01 copy.jpg     And other tales of life in the ATL 17138  2019-05-03T16:11:47+00:00  THE BLOTTER: 'Beyonce’ in a pink lace nightgown tony.paris@creativeloafing.com Tony Paris LAUREN KEATING;  ILLUSTRATION TRAY BUTLER  2019-05-03T16:11:47+00:00  
BABY, I’M A STAR: Police responded to a ruckus on Metropolitan Parkway during rush hour. “We observed an apparent black transgender female dressed in a pink lace nightgown, lying down on a blanket on the sidewalk.” The lead officer asked for her ID. She just stared and gave him the silent treatment. ”The individual acted as if I was not there and continued to ignore me,” the officer wrote.

He tried again. “Can you hear me?

More silence.

Perhaps she wanted a bigger audience. When backup police officers arrived, she perked up and got chatty, introducing herself as one of the most famous women on the planet: “She identified herself as Beyonce Knowles-Carter and it became immediately clear that she was having difficulties with reality,” according to the report.

Beyonce in a pink nightgown was posing on a black blanket.

“Ms. Knowles-Carter said multiple times that this was her home (indicating the sidewalk) and she wasn’t going to leave,” an officer noted. “She then looked at me and said, ‘I’m going to beat your ass,’ before stepping into heavy traffic and crossing the street.”

Police promptly arrested the 31-year-old wannabe Beyonce and took her to jail. “We attempted to use the fingerprint scanner to determine Ms. Knowles-Carter’s actual name, however we were unable to do so due to technical difficulties,” an officer noted. So she’s just “Beyonce” in the police report. And that probably makes her happy.

SPECIAL SAUCE: At a strip mall just outside I-285, a bartender got in trouble at a chain restaurant known for making every day like Friday.

A police sergeant witnessed the bartender “take a mixing cup from the bar — and proceed to pull his penis out and urinate into the mixing cup.” How old is this bartender? Oh, he’s a 40-year-old man. He went to jail on public indecency charges.

FREE $$ SPARKS OUTRAGE: In Candler Park, a dispute erupted inside a market on McLendon Avenue — and an older male customer called police for help. An officer arrived and asked: What happened?

The 68-year-old customer said a female employee had started following him around the market. “(He) felt harassed because she continued to follow him around the store and then out to his vehicle, where she then offered him a $25 gift certificate,” an officer noted.

Another guy said he saw the whole thing go down and “felt as if she was trying to bribe the older man with the $25 gift certificate,” the officer noted. Both men “were very adamant about having a police report done due to feeling harassed.”

The female employee says the Witness Guy “became angry” and “began yelling” at her in the parking lot, causing a disturbance. No charges filed.

BEAT IT: A man with a swollen cheek and neck was sitting outside an abandoned, half-burned building on Joseph E. Boone Boulevard. A police officer asked him what business he had on the vacant property — and to please identify himself.

The man replied: My name is Michael Jackson. (No, it’s not). He gave a fake date of birth, too.

Eventually, the man admitted he wasn’t Michael Jackson and said he gave a false name because he thought he was a wanted man. The officer promptly arrested him for false representation.

SOME LIKE IT HOT: In Cascade Park Nature Preserve, a large fire broke out with flames  “spreading very fast in the woods.” Two young women, ages 18 and 23, admitted to starting the fire and led police to their special forest spot. “They advised us they were looking for a place in the woods to study and to look at the sky, and started a small fire which they lost control of very quickly,” an officer noted. Now the two women are banned from “any and all” Atlanta city parks for one year.

PLEASED TO MEAT YOU: In Adair Park, a woman said she took a nap and then started cooking dinner in her home on McDaniel Street. “She opened the refrigerator, and noticed all her groceries were gone,” an officer noted. Missing items included chicken, fish, steak, and roast — and her gold diamond ring. She called police, who found absolutely no signs of forced entry; her security alarm didn’t go off.

The officer had doubts about the woman’s story … and her mental state. During the interview, she repeatedly lost track of her eyeglasses — which were in plain view the whole time.

POOP PROBLEMS: Police got a call about a man in a blue shirt, wielding an axe on the BeltLine. Officers scoured the area, but didn’t see anyone with a hatchet. Eventually, they found the 48-year-old suspect in a parking lot near Monroe Drive and 10 Street. The suspect claimed he did nothing wrong “except yell and cuss” at the victim, an older woman walking her dog on the BeltLine.

The woman, age 68, says she was cleaning up her dog’s poop, when suddenly the suspect came out of the woods and started chasing her, yelling, “Get the hell out of here with your damn dog!”

Police found a black hatchet in the man’s book bag. “He claims he only uses it to chop wood in the woods where he stays,” an officer noted. The man went to jail on a disorderly conduct charge.

THE BIG SHORT: In Buckhead, a man called police about a letter found at an empty furniture store on East Paces Ferry Road that he had recently sold to a corporation. The letter writer: a 37-year-old male worker apparently upset about the corporation’s plans to liquidate the biz.

In the note, the employee explained why he stole $24,000 worth of furniture on display for liquidation — even listing all 12 pieces of furniture that he swiped. By the time his former boss found the note, read it, and called police, the employee’s phone number had already been disconnected. He’s gone.

THE EX-FILES: In Northwest Atlanta, a man left the home he owns on Allegro Drive, due to his recent roommate’s “dangerously erratic behavior.” He said his ex-roommate had “started referring to himself as other people and kept pulling out a handgun,” an officer noted. The man called 911 after seeing a Facebook live video of his ex-roommate walking inside his home, and referring to himself as “either the musician Nipsey Hussle or (the man’s) brother, both of whom are deceased,” the officer noted. In the video, the ex-roommate walks round the home, showcasing multiple bullet holes and ammunition he’d fired into a wall near the front door.

Police went to the man’s home on Allegro Drive; the ex-roommate had jammed the doors to prevent entry. They found the ex-roommate clutching a handgun and wandering around on Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway. “He was still clearly delusional, claiming to be other people and saying he was famous,” an officer noted. He was committed for a psychological evaluation.

JUST PLAIN BOLD: A police officer was doing paperwork while sitting in his patrol car on Peachtree Street. Suddenly, a man in a black shirt and blue jeans ran up. The man “yelled ‘FUCK YOU’ while displaying two middle fingers in my direction,” the officer recalled. “I told him to get out of the parking lot. The man continued to yell at me, then suddenly he ran to the rear of the patrol car and began kicking.”

Next, the man grabbed a water bottle from the ground, smashing it into the patrol car. The cop got out of his patrol car, called for backup, and ordered the suspect to lie down on his stomach. “His eyes were bloodshot and he began acting as if he knew me,” the officer recalled “But I’ve never seen this man before.” The suspect, age 39, was charged with simple assault.

The Blotter Diva compiles her reports based on cases from the Atlanta Police Department.

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News, News Features, Police Blotter

Friday May 3, 2019 12:11 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...

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Police Blotter

Tuesday January 1, 2019 05:30 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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Homepage, Police Blotter

Tuesday December 12, 2017 03:50 pm EST
His Audi was left unlocked and running | more...
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  string(1299) "    Is there nothing sacred about making pals in chat rooms anymore?   2017-12-04T23:45:00+00:00 The Blotter: I thought we were friends   Sean Keenan  2017-12-04T23:45:00+00:00  A west Atlanta man just wanted to pal around with a friend he'd made on the internet. Instead, his car was stolen.
"Upon my arrival, I made contact with the victim," the police report says. "He had just picked up a friend he met two weeks ago on an online chat room."

The "friends" cruised north a few miles and stopped at a BP gas station on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive. The driver got out to grab a few things from the BP convenience store. While he was inside, however, he noticed through the window that his buddy had jumped into the driver seat of his 2015 Volkswagen Passat and quickly sped off with it."

The man told police that his iPhone 7 was inside the car, and he used a tracking app to watch his car move further and further away. Then, his phone was shut off, likely by the man who absconded with his whip."

Police investigated security footage from the gas station's cameras, although the victim was unsure of his online pen pal's real name.             20984674         http://dev.creativeloafing.com/image/2017/12/BlotterLOGO.5a25980381441.png                  The Blotter: I thought we were friends "
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Police Blotter

Monday December 4, 2017 06:45 pm EST
Is there nothing sacred about making pals in chat rooms anymore? | more...
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High on his own supply

An allegedly boozed-up bartender fell victim to his own devices after failing a field sobriety test.

Atlanta cops in Buckhead were alerted to a suspected impaired driver.

When the officer arrived at the scene, he immediately noticed the suspect's bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and the strong stench of booze.

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The officer conducted the roadside sobriety tests and detected a "lack of smooth pursuit in both eyes." Soon after beginning the walk-and-turn test, the suspect lost his balance and began hopping around.

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They were both let off the hook, dodging public indecency charges, but they were issued a copy of charges for use of city park during prohibited hours.

__High on his own supply__

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Although his field test failure could have been chalked up to clumsy behavior, a breathalyzer proved otherwise he blew a .28. He was cuffed and transported to city jail, where he was charged with a D.U.I. and reckless driving."
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The park was closed at the time, and the officer shined the light of his patrol car into the couple's vehicle, illuminating their backseat fornication. After clothing themselves, the twosome explained to the officer that they were unaware the park was closed and that they didn't have many options for bang locations the park was the best choice.

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Police Blotter

Thursday November 30, 2017 07:04 pm EST
Plus, an allegedly boozy bartender charged with a DUI | more...
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Bag of tricks

A man arrested for seemingly casing a parking lot for thieving prospects was carrying quite a concerning bag of effects."

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But when the man was done going, he didn't just walk out, according to the report. He walked back towards the employee, who had gone back to mopping, and attacked him."

The report says the alleged attacker was wasted, and he was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct."

 

__Bag of tricks__

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Police Blotter

Monday November 20, 2017 05:14 pm EST
Plus, 'No, officer; I was just urinating in public!' | more...
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Police Blotter

Thursday November 16, 2017 05:56 pm EST
Plus, 'If you're not going to be with me, you can't be with no one else.' | more...
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Around midnight, while staring out at a curiously empty driveway, the befuddled Atlantan dialed 911. "I seem to have misplaced my silver sports wagon," he probably said.

"He reported that the key to the vehicle was left in the car," according to the police report. "He advised that the vehicle is a push-to-start, and therefore he leaves the key under the seat."

Mercedes-Benz customer service confirmed to police that the 2016 GLE SUV had not been repossesed, and the Georgia Bureau of Investigation said it had not been towed.

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Atlanta police logged the vehicle as stolen and are attempting to use Mercedes' location tracking system to find it.

 

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Around midnight, while staring out at a curiously empty driveway, the befuddled Atlantan dialed 911. "I seem to have misplaced my silver sports wagon," he probably said.

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Police Blotter

Monday November 13, 2017 06:08 pm EST
And please unload your guns before using the bathroom | more...
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  string(4317) "A man accused of robbing several Gwinnett County banks isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. After making his latest getaway from a bank robbery in Lawrenceville, the alleged bandit indulged in an on-air interview with a CBS46 news team, during which he unintentionally outed himself.

CBS46 was making a news package about a busy Lawrenceville intersection and unknowingly asked a bank robbery suspect if he would like to comment. Unwittingly, he agreed.

"Gwinnett County doesn't really have it's own transportation," he told the reporter. "So MARTA coming out here would really help out a lot."

Police officials have been looking for the suspect for weeks, and, curiously enough, found him where they least expected, on TV. Before cameras started rolling, he insisted on taking off his du-rag and hat, which he can be seen wearing on bank security cameras in the act.

Soon after the interview he walked into a nearby Fidelity Bank, possibility to case the joint. Police say he has a skit in which he spends an extended amount of time in the banks.

The suspect was arrested later that night and taken to the Lawrenceville Police Department.

CBS46 News



Disorderly yard work

A west Atlanta resident and a lawn care laborer wound up in jail after a dispute over yard trimmings turned violent.

According to an Atlanta Police Department incident report, Mr. Hubbert, who works for a landscaping company, was mowing a lawn in a west Atlanta community when his client's neighbor, Mr. Williams, accosted him about some grass clippings that drifted onto his property.

When the quarrel grew tense, Williams said, Hubbert grabbed a shovel from his work truck, surely in an attempt to intimidate the homeowner. The two men berated each other from opposite sides of the property line, and, Williams said, Hubbert shoved him with his empty hand. Hubbert neglected to cite this detail in his account to police and claimed Williams had thrown a punch at him (and whiffed).

Williams then became irate, and their loud, profane debate drew the attention of his wife and daughter. While his wife attempted to break up the argument, Williams' daughter took it upon herself to brandish two butcher knives from their home. Mrs. Williams then armed herself with a rake she stole from Hubbert's truck.

Meanwhile, Mr. Williams had walked off towards his own vehicle, from which he allegedly drew a handgun. Hubbert said he didn't notice the firearm until he heard the crack of a gunshot. He immediately fled to the backyard, where a neighbor noticed him and called the police to report the shooting.

During police questioning, both men tweaked their stories, trying to absolve themselves of guilt. "Both parties failed to reveal certain details of the dispute," the report reads. "When asked if he shot a gun, Mr. Williams stated that he did not shoot a gun at Roderick Hubbert."

Police were unable to locate Mr. Williams' gun, but still booked both men with disorderly conduct charges and sent them to jail.

 

Mr. Clean

Atlanta police jailed a man suspected of stealing and stockpiling an arsenal of aerosol sprays.

An officer was dispatched to a Downtown Dollar General to investigate an alleged theft.. The suspect was believed to have stolen "18 various cleaning products and sprays," according to the incident report.

When the officer arrived on scene, he saw the suspected shoplifter attempting to stash his haul behind a tree and flee the scene. When police confronted the man, they discovered a can of chili in his front pocket, a can of sausages in his butt pocket, and more canned chili in his hand.

While under police custody the suspect complained of pain and breathing issues, so Grady arrived on scene to evaluate his condition. The medics said he was breathing normally and had no other medical issues they could identify at the time. But the cleaning supply bandit insisted there was something inherently wrong with him, so he was transported to Grady Hospital's detention center for a second opinion.

The items hidden behind the tree were recovered by the officers and placed into property as evidence. The store manager confirmed that all of the items recovered were stolen from his store and that he'd hand over the security footage to prove it later.

 "
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''CBS46'' was making a news package about a busy Lawrenceville intersection and unknowingly asked a bank robbery suspect if he would like to comment. Unwittingly, he agreed.

"Gwinnett County doesn't really have it's own transportation," he told the reporter. "So MARTA coming out here would really help out a lot."

Police officials have been looking for the suspect for weeks, and, curiously enough, found him where they least expected, on TV. Before cameras started rolling, he insisted on taking off his du-rag and hat, which he can be seen wearing on bank security cameras in the act.

Soon after the interview he walked into a nearby Fidelity Bank, possibility to case the joint. Police say he has a skit in which he spends an extended amount of time in the banks.

The suspect was arrested later that night and taken to the Lawrenceville Police Department.

[http://www.cbs46.com|CBS46 News]



__Disorderly yard work__

A west Atlanta resident and a lawn care laborer wound up in jail after a dispute over yard trimmings turned violent.

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Meanwhile, Mr. Williams had walked off towards his own vehicle, from which he allegedly drew a handgun. Hubbert said he didn't notice the firearm until he heard the crack of a gunshot. He immediately fled to the backyard, where a neighbor noticed him and called the police to report the shooting.

During police questioning, both men tweaked their stories, trying to absolve themselves of guilt. "Both parties failed to reveal certain details of the dispute," the report reads. "When asked if he shot a gun, Mr. Williams stated that he did not shoot a gun at Roderick Hubbert."

Police were unable to locate Mr. Williams' gun, but still booked both men with disorderly conduct charges and sent them to jail.

 

__Mr. Clean__

Atlanta police jailed a man suspected of stealing and stockpiling an arsenal of aerosol sprays.

An officer was dispatched to a Downtown Dollar General to investigate an alleged theft.. The suspect was believed to have stolen "18 various cleaning products and sprays," according to the incident report.

When the officer arrived on scene, he saw the suspected shoplifter attempting to stash his haul behind a tree and flee the scene. When police confronted the man, they discovered a can of chili in his front pocket, a can of sausages in his butt pocket, and more canned chili in his hand.

While under police custody the suspect complained of pain and breathing issues, so Grady arrived on scene to evaluate his condition. The medics said he was breathing normally and had no other medical issues they could identify at the time. But the cleaning supply bandit insisted there was something inherently wrong with him, so he was transported to Grady Hospital's detention center for a second opinion.

The items hidden behind the tree were recovered by the officers and placed into property as evidence. The store manager confirmed that all of the items recovered were stolen from his store and that he'd hand over the security footage to prove it later.

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CBS46 was making a news package about a busy Lawrenceville intersection and unknowingly asked a bank robbery suspect if he would like to comment. Unwittingly, he agreed.

"Gwinnett County doesn't really have it's own transportation," he told the reporter. "So MARTA coming out here would really help out a lot."

Police officials have been looking for the suspect for weeks, and, curiously enough, found him where they least expected, on TV. Before cameras started rolling, he insisted on taking off his du-rag and hat, which he can be seen wearing on bank security cameras in the act.

Soon after the interview he walked into a nearby Fidelity Bank, possibility to case the joint. Police say he has a skit in which he spends an extended amount of time in the banks.

The suspect was arrested later that night and taken to the Lawrenceville Police Department.

CBS46 News



Disorderly yard work

A west Atlanta resident and a lawn care laborer wound up in jail after a dispute over yard trimmings turned violent.

According to an Atlanta Police Department incident report, Mr. Hubbert, who works for a landscaping company, was mowing a lawn in a west Atlanta community when his client's neighbor, Mr. Williams, accosted him about some grass clippings that drifted onto his property.

When the quarrel grew tense, Williams said, Hubbert grabbed a shovel from his work truck, surely in an attempt to intimidate the homeowner. The two men berated each other from opposite sides of the property line, and, Williams said, Hubbert shoved him with his empty hand. Hubbert neglected to cite this detail in his account to police and claimed Williams had thrown a punch at him (and whiffed).

Williams then became irate, and their loud, profane debate drew the attention of his wife and daughter. While his wife attempted to break up the argument, Williams' daughter took it upon herself to brandish two butcher knives from their home. Mrs. Williams then armed herself with a rake she stole from Hubbert's truck.

Meanwhile, Mr. Williams had walked off towards his own vehicle, from which he allegedly drew a handgun. Hubbert said he didn't notice the firearm until he heard the crack of a gunshot. He immediately fled to the backyard, where a neighbor noticed him and called the police to report the shooting.

During police questioning, both men tweaked their stories, trying to absolve themselves of guilt. "Both parties failed to reveal certain details of the dispute," the report reads. "When asked if he shot a gun, Mr. Williams stated that he did not shoot a gun at Roderick Hubbert."

Police were unable to locate Mr. Williams' gun, but still booked both men with disorderly conduct charges and sent them to jail.

 

Mr. Clean

Atlanta police jailed a man suspected of stealing and stockpiling an arsenal of aerosol sprays.

An officer was dispatched to a Downtown Dollar General to investigate an alleged theft.. The suspect was believed to have stolen "18 various cleaning products and sprays," according to the incident report.

When the officer arrived on scene, he saw the suspected shoplifter attempting to stash his haul behind a tree and flee the scene. When police confronted the man, they discovered a can of chili in his front pocket, a can of sausages in his butt pocket, and more canned chili in his hand.

While under police custody the suspect complained of pain and breathing issues, so Grady arrived on scene to evaluate his condition. The medics said he was breathing normally and had no other medical issues they could identify at the time. But the cleaning supply bandit insisted there was something inherently wrong with him, so he was transported to Grady Hospital's detention center for a second opinion.

The items hidden behind the tree were recovered by the officers and placed into property as evidence. The store manager confirmed that all of the items recovered were stolen from his store and that he'd hand over the security footage to prove it later.

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Police Blotter

Friday November 10, 2017 05:41 pm EST
Plus, landscaping gone wrong | more...
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A man who swears he's never stolen anything before was booked by Atlanta police for snatching more than $3,000 worth of merch from Lenox Mall.

An Atlanta police officer was flagged down by a Champs Sports manager at Lenox Square when he suspected an individual of stealing. The suspect was carrying a Forever 21 bag toward the exit. When the pair locked eyes, the pursuit was on.

The officer, along with the witness, pursued the suspect through a parking deck, but he was able to escape in a white Honda Civic. He drove off at a high rate of speed, but was stopped attempting to exit a ramp by multiple officers responding to the incident. From there, he was taken into custody.

As the officer began to inventory the vehicle he recovered multiple bags of clothing from different retailers, including the Forever 21 bag, from the backseat of the vehicle. The items were placed in property as evidence "due to the fact that there was a large quantity of clothing without receipts and sensors still attached." All of the recovered merchandise was valued at $3,050.

When asked if the clothing belonged to him, the suspect said that it did not, but he wasn't going to snitch on his accomplice. However, he said this was his first time stealing and was recruited by an individual who said it was a way for him to make a quick buck.

The vehicle was impounded, and all of the stolen items were returned to the rightful owners. After further research, the officer concluded that the suspect had an active warrant out for simple assault from the Fulton County Sheriff's office and was charged with theft by shoplifting and transported to Rice Street.

Bug-bombarded

An Atlanta police officer responded to a disorderly conduct call when an individual said his neighbor sprayed him with cockroach-killing solution at his College Park apartment complex.

Upon arrival, the officer spoke with the victim, an individual that was just moving into his apartment. The victim said he hired a moving company to lug his items into his new abode and noticed his neighbor, the suspect, was spraying cockroach solution throughout the stairs, hallway, ground and air to "prevent roaches from coming into her apartment."

When asked to stop spraying the solution while the movers were working, she refused to comply, so the victim began video recording her in the act. She in turn became aggravated and "sprayed his phone with the solution and kept spraying the air in their direction," the report reads.

When cops saw the victim's footage, the promptly ticketed the aerosol-armed assailant for disorderly conduct.

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A man who swears he's never stolen anything before was booked by Atlanta police for snatching more than $3,000 worth of merch from Lenox Mall.

An Atlanta police officer was flagged down by a Champs Sports manager at Lenox Square when he suspected an individual of stealing. The suspect was carrying a Forever 21 bag toward the exit. When the pair locked eyes, the pursuit was on.

The officer, along with the witness, pursued the suspect through a parking deck, but he was able to escape in a white Honda Civic. He drove off at a high rate of speed, but was stopped attempting to exit a ramp by multiple officers responding to the incident. From there, he was taken into custody.

As the officer began to inventory the vehicle he recovered multiple bags of clothing from different retailers, including the Forever 21 bag, from the backseat of the vehicle. The items were placed in property as evidence "due to the fact that there was a large quantity of clothing without receipts and sensors still attached." All of the recovered merchandise was valued at $3,050.

When asked if the clothing belonged to him, the suspect said that it did not, but he wasn't going to snitch on his accomplice. However, he said this was his first time stealing and was recruited by an individual who said it was a way for him to make a quick buck.

The vehicle was impounded, and all of the stolen items were returned to the rightful owners. After further research, the officer concluded that the suspect had an active warrant out for simple assault from the Fulton County Sheriff's office and was charged with theft by shoplifting and transported to Rice Street.

__Bug-bombarded__

An Atlanta police officer responded to a disorderly conduct call when an individual said his neighbor sprayed him with cockroach-killing solution at his College Park apartment complex.

Upon arrival, the officer spoke with the victim, an individual that was just moving into his apartment. The victim said he hired a moving company to lug his items into his new abode and noticed his neighbor, the suspect, was spraying cockroach solution throughout the stairs, hallway, ground and air to "prevent roaches from coming into her apartment."

When asked to stop spraying the solution while the movers were working, she refused to comply, so the victim began video recording her in the act. She in turn became aggravated and "sprayed his phone with the solution and kept spraying the air in their direction," the report reads.

When cops saw the victim's footage, the promptly ticketed the aerosol-armed assailant for disorderly conduct.

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A man who swears he's never stolen anything before was booked by Atlanta police for snatching more than $3,000 worth of merch from Lenox Mall.

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As the officer began to inventory the vehicle he recovered multiple bags of clothing from different retailers, including the Forever 21 bag, from the backseat of the vehicle. The items were placed in property as evidence "due to the fact that there was a large quantity of clothing without receipts and sensors still attached." All of the recovered merchandise was valued at $3,050.

When asked if the clothing belonged to him, the suspect said that it did not, but he wasn't going to snitch on his accomplice. However, he said this was his first time stealing and was recruited by an individual who said it was a way for him to make a quick buck.

The vehicle was impounded, and all of the stolen items were returned to the rightful owners. After further research, the officer concluded that the suspect had an active warrant out for simple assault from the Fulton County Sheriff's office and was charged with theft by shoplifting and transported to Rice Street.

Bug-bombarded

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When asked to stop spraying the solution while the movers were working, she refused to comply, so the victim began video recording her in the act. She in turn became aggravated and "sprayed his phone with the solution and kept spraying the air in their direction," the report reads.

When cops saw the victim's footage, the promptly ticketed the aerosol-armed assailant for disorderly conduct.

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Police Blotter

Monday November 6, 2017 08:31 pm EST
Plus, welcome to the neighborhood. We've got roaches. | more...
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Police Blotter

Friday November 3, 2017 06:33 pm EDT
The Atlanta apparel arsonist strikes | more...
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Police Blotter

Friday November 3, 2017 05:40 pm EDT
Uh, that's my brother's license | more...
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Police Blotter

Thursday November 2, 2017 06:46 pm EDT
That's a lotta booze | more...
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When an Atlanta cop was dispatched to a reckless driver call in Bankhead, the officer found himself staring at an apparently-abandoned and out-of-commission 1994 Ford Escort. Upon further inspection, however, the policeman noticed a seemingly intoxicated man "attempting to inflate his low tire," according to incident report.

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The alleged driver was also busted with a bottle of Yuengling. Plus, while investigating the Ford, the officer's nose led him to a stinky batch of bile that had been vomited on the floor of the driver's seat.

The probably-drunken gearhead headed to jail for charges of driving under the influence, open container, and he was even pinned with a pot possession charge for some grass stuffed in the driver-side door."
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When an Atlanta cop was dispatched to a reckless driver call in Bankhead, the officer found himself staring at an apparently-abandoned and out-of-commission 1994 Ford Escort. Upon further inspection, however, the policeman noticed a seemingly intoxicated man "attempting to inflate his low tire," according to incident report.

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The probably-drunken gearhead headed to jail for charges of driving under the influence, open container, and he was even pinned with a pot possession charge for some grass stuffed in the driver-side door.             20981422         http://dev.creativeloafing.com/image/2017/11/BlotterTray5.59fb5a4613968.png                  The Blotter: No air "
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Police Blotter

Thursday November 2, 2017 05:02 pm EDT
Sir, why is there vomit on the floor of the driver seat? | more...



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  string(4275) "PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(4319) "__PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1:__ Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. ''Newsweek'' magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

__KNOCKED UP:__ A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

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Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

__SHAKE IT, SUGAR:__ A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

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  string(4695) " 0520blot Cough V3 Web  2020-05-11T17:05:39+00:00 0520blot-cough-v3_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 31010  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: The ‘coughing bandit’ strikes jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00  PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10    theblotter                             THE BLOTTER: The ‘coughing bandit’ strikes "
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Police Blotter

Friday May 1, 2020 12:05 am EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7249) "In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(7544) "In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the [https://www.kgw.com/article/news/local/the-story/newport-police-ask-residents-not-to-call-911-over-toilet-paper-shortages/283-159f5b17-f923-41cf-b5f0-52fb187baf96|police department in Newport, Oregon] got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on [https://www.facebook.com/NewportPolice/photos/a.10150611383469944/10151320061939944/?type=3&theater|Facebook]. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

__ALL THAT GLITTERS:__ One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

__REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS:__ A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

__MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS:__ Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

__GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN!__ In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

__CHIP ON THE SHOULDER?__ In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

__BITTER FRUIT:__ On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

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  string(7682) " 0420 Blot TP Final Web  2020-04-10T20:11:05+00:00 0420_blot-TP-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 30525  2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00  In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   -84.4236492,33.7008587,15  The Blotter: All That Glitters  blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! "
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Police Blotter

Friday April 10, 2020 04:05 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(6083) "A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET:__ At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II:__ A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

__HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT:__ In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

__VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE?__ In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

__STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK:__ Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

__BITCH OF THE MONTH:__ A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). __—CL—__

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  string(6510) " 0320blot Plant Fight Final Web  2020-03-02T18:19:47+00:00 0320blot-plant-fight-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 29578  2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00  A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

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SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10   cl-issue-march-2020 blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest "
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Police Blotter

Monday March 2, 2020 01:18 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...

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  string(9946) "PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(9978) "P__UTTIN’ ON THE RITZ:__ Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1:__ Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

__ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH:__ A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

__THE EX FILES:__ Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

__BITCH WITH A DOG:__ A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

__PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE:__ A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II:__ A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. __— CL —__ 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(10331) " 0220blot Winter Moon 01  2020-02-04T20:48:19+00:00 0220blot-winter-moon-01.jpg     And other tales of life in the ATL 28530  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it will.cardwell@gmail.com Will Cardwell LAUREN KEATING  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00  PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,1                                 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it "
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Police Blotter

Tuesday February 4, 2020 02:03 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(8753) "You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING: A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING: In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO: A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!: One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING: A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON: A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP: In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID: In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.
blotter_jan20"
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  string(8806) "You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

__RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING:__ A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

__RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING:__ In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

__RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO:__ A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

__RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!:__ One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

__RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS__: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

__RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING:__ A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

__RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON:__ A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

__RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP:__ In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

__RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID:__ In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  __—CL—__

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''
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  string(9175) " 0120 Blot Slots Final Web  2020-01-03T15:35:31+00:00 0120-blot-slots-final_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 27178  2020-01-01T15:33:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Resolutions for the hell of it jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2020-01-01T15:33:00+00:00  You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING: A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING: In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO: A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!: One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING: A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON: A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP: In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID: In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.
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Police Blotter

Wednesday January 1, 2020 10:33 am EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7443) "JOKER SEQUEL, ATL-STYLE: A woman was returning home from the West End Kroger to her condo on Donnelly Avenue. As she walked down the driveway toward her building, a thin man dressed as the “Joker” from the Batman movie franchise jumped out of the bushes near her door.

The skinny Joker was “wearing white paint on his face, red lipstick, and a pink wig with long hair,” according to the police report.

Homegrown Joker never spoke a single word. He just grabbed the woman’s black Calvin Klein purse from her shoulder. The woman “attempted to hold onto the purse strap,” and that’s when she got a small cut on her finger.

The woman said the Joker “ran back into the bushes” with her purse. She believes he used a cut-through route to escape into some neighboring apartments.

Missing items from the woman’s purse included a Visa card “with a picture of Betty Boop on it,” the cop noted. Yes, a Betty Boop credit card, stolen by the Joker.

TOO MUCH EGG NOG AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY? A boyfriend-girlfriend couple in their 20s were hanging out in their Midtown apartment on 14th Street, when suddenly they heard weird noises outside. It was late and they weren’t expecting any visitors, so they got spooked and called police, worried about a potential robbery.

Three cops responded and started searching the couple’s apartment — finding nothing amiss inside. Then, police checked the outside balcony: Bingo! Sitting on the balcony, a 27-year-old man wearing only his underwear … with a half-empty bottle of vodka next to him.

Cops asked: What the heck are you doing in your underwear on this balcony?

Underwear Man responded, “I guess I had too much to drink and entered the wrong apartment. I’m sorry.”

However, the Midtown couple decided to be super-cool about finding a drunk stranger wearing underwear on their balcony: They decided not to press charges.

Atlanta police were not as forgiving. They charged Underwear Man with disorderly conduct under the influence — and took him to jail. Which seems a bit unfair. Hopefully, Underwear Man got a few more clothing items before cops tossed him in the holding cell.

WILY COUGAR ESCAPES: A brouhaha broke out at the Mac Cosmetics store in Ponce City Market. A 22-year-old man strolled in with a woman 10 years his senior (age 32). They both started yelling, “Ohhhh, we in the fucking Mac Store!” so loudly that other shoppers turned and stared. 

Then, the 32-year-old woman took it up a notch. Suddenly, she “spit in the face” of the Mac store’s assistant manager — and took off running. However, her young Boy Toy stayed behind and didn’t run away. So when a police officer arrived, he charged the 22-year-old man with disorderly conduct. Oh, those wily cougar getaways, leaving behind their young pranksters ….

NAKED SMELLY MAN SCREAMING: An officer responded to a fight call near Grady Hospital on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. “Upon arrival, I was abruptly met by an irate male running up to my patrol car and attempting to jump into the back seat,” the cop noted. “He was screaming erratically and bleeding from the left side of his forehead, and saying that I was trying to kill him.”

The screaming man ”walked up extremely close to me,” just so the cop could get a strong whiff of his boozy breath.

“He continued to behave in a concerning manner as he requested for me to kill him, several times — and then proceeded to remove all his clothing to expose his bare body, from his neck to his knees,” the cop noted. “Due to his erratic behavior, multiple backup police units had to come to my aid” to coral the Mostly Naked Man and walk him just one block to Grady Detention Center, located across the street. 

STRONG CONDOMNATION: In the Kirkwood neighborhood, an outraged 41-year-old woman flagged down an officer patrolling the streets. She said around 4 a.m. she went to a vacant home on Kirkwood Avenue “where most of the homeless people in the neighborhood be at” and knocked on the front door repeatedly. Apparently, she hangs out there on a regular basis.

Finally, a man responded to her persistent knocks. Opening the door, he said the 41-year-old woman absolutely could NOT come inside, because during her last visit, she’d left several messy, used condoms in a bedroom. Then, the man pushed her out of the doorway and slammed the front door closed.

The woman was stunned and pissed. But what exactly did she want police to do about this condom clash? Well, that’s unclear.

The cop simply filed a report outlining the woman’s beef. Nothing more. 

CONDOM CLASH, PART II: A naked 37-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were fornicating between the sheets at a Midtown apartment on 19th Street. Suddenly, the woman noticed the man wasn’t wearing a condom. So she punched him in the face. Stunned, the man called police. “He said they usually have unprotected sex, and that he did not know it would be an issue when he realized the condom was not on,” the reporting cop noted. The man didn’t want to press charges against the woman for punching him … but he DID want police to make her leave his apartment. Both parties confirmed the sex was totally consensual — and that they were completely shitfaced drunk. The woman even “showed me text messages from (the guy) suggesting they would have intercourse as soon as she arrived,” the cop noted. The woman also refused to press any charges … and very willingly left the guy’s apartment.

DRUNK GIRL DOES FASHION CATWALK STRUT: A cop saw a black Chrysler 200 speeding and weaving on I-85 South. He activated his blue lights and siren and tried to stop the car at the Williams Street exit. “The vehicle continued south to Freedom Parkway, then to Boulevard, before finally stopping on Cain Street,“ the cop noted.

The driver, a 26-year-old Decatur woman, opened her door and stumbled out, stating she had to pee. She admitted she was “buzzed.”

“She was wearing high-heeled boots, which I recommended she remove for the subsequent field sobriety tests,” the cop noted. “(She) had to balance herself on me and I had to help her pull her shoes off.” The woman promptly failed the Walk-and-Turn test.

“After I gave her instructions for the One-Leg Stand, she began performing the Walk-and-Turn test again in a ‘runway model fashion’ and started dancing in front of my patrol car,” the cop noted.

Then, she flunked the Breathalyzer exam and attempted to “bite the card out of my hand to stop me from reading” the implied consent statement, the cop recalled.

The Decatur woman went to jail and demanded to pee twice more within 30 minutes. Nothing further.

WISDOM DOESN’T ALWAYS COME WITH AGE: In Southwest Atlanta, a man said he returned home at 3 a.m. from a night of revelry celebrating his 40th birthday. He parked his black Cadillac Escalade outside his home on Veltre Circle and went to sleep. “When he returned to his vehicle at 8 a.m. the next morning, he noticed all his vehicle doors were wide open,” a cop noted. “Upon further inspection, he noticed he was missing three rifles, a handgun, and his wallet.” The man said he believed he forgot to lock his car doors after returning home from his birthday bash. -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(7491) "J__OKER SEQUEL, ATL-STYLE:__ A woman was returning home from the West End Kroger to her condo on Donnelly Avenue. As she walked down the driveway toward her building, a thin man dressed as the “Joker” from the Batman movie franchise jumped out of the bushes near her door.

The skinny Joker was “wearing white paint on his face, red lipstick, and a pink wig with long hair,” according to the police report.

Homegrown Joker never spoke a single word. He just grabbed the woman’s black Calvin Klein purse from her shoulder. The woman “attempted to hold onto the purse strap,” and that’s when she got a small cut on her finger.

The woman said the Joker “ran back into the bushes” with her purse. She believes he used a cut-through route to escape into some neighboring apartments.

Missing items from the woman’s purse included a Visa card “with a picture of Betty Boop on it,” the cop noted. Yes, a Betty Boop credit card, stolen by the Joker.

__TOO MUCH EGG NOG AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY?__ A boyfriend-girlfriend couple in their 20s were hanging out in their Midtown apartment on 14th Street, when suddenly they heard weird noises outside. It was late and they weren’t expecting any visitors, so they got spooked and called police, worried about a potential robbery.

Three cops responded and started searching the couple’s apartment — finding nothing amiss inside. Then, police checked the outside balcony: Bingo! Sitting on the balcony, a 27-year-old man wearing only his underwear … with a half-empty bottle of vodka next to him.

Cops asked: ''What the heck are you doing in your underwear on this balcony?''

Underwear Man responded, “I guess I had too much to drink and entered the wrong apartment. I’m sorry.”

However, the Midtown couple decided to be super-cool about finding a drunk stranger wearing underwear on their balcony: They decided not to press charges.

Atlanta police were not as forgiving. They charged Underwear Man with disorderly conduct under the influence — and took him to jail. Which seems a bit unfair. Hopefully, Underwear Man got a few more clothing items before cops tossed him in the holding cell.

__WILY COUGAR ESCAPES:__ A brouhaha broke out at the Mac Cosmetics store in Ponce City Market. A 22-year-old man strolled in with a woman 10 years his senior (age 32). They both started yelling, “Ohhhh, we in the fucking Mac Store!” so loudly that other shoppers turned and stared. 

Then, the 32-year-old woman took it up a notch. Suddenly, she “spit in the face” of the Mac store’s assistant manager — and took off running. However, her young Boy Toy stayed behind and didn’t run away. So when a police officer arrived, he charged the 22-year-old man with disorderly conduct. Oh, those wily cougar getaways, leaving behind their young pranksters ….

__NAKED SMELLY MAN SCREAMING:__ An officer responded to a fight call near Grady Hospital on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. “Upon arrival, I was abruptly met by an irate male running up to my patrol car and attempting to jump into the back seat,” the cop noted. “He was screaming erratically and bleeding from the left side of his forehead, and saying that I was trying to kill him.”

The screaming man ”walked up extremely close to me,” just so the cop could get a strong whiff of his boozy breath.

“He continued to behave in a concerning manner as he requested for me to kill him, several times — and then proceeded to remove all his clothing to expose his bare body, from his neck to his knees,” the cop noted. “Due to his erratic behavior, multiple backup police units had to come to my aid” to coral the Mostly Naked Man and walk him just one block to Grady Detention Center, located across the street. 

__STRONG CONDOMNATION:__ In the Kirkwood neighborhood, an outraged 41-year-old woman flagged down an officer patrolling the streets. She said around 4 a.m. she went to a vacant home on Kirkwood Avenue “where most of the homeless people in the neighborhood be at” and knocked on the front door repeatedly. Apparently, she hangs out there on a regular basis.

Finally, a man responded to her persistent knocks. Opening the door, he said the 41-year-old woman absolutely could NOT come inside, because during her last visit, she’d left several messy, used condoms in a bedroom. Then, the man pushed her out of the doorway and slammed the front door closed.

The woman was stunned and pissed. But what exactly did she want police to do about this ''condom clash''? Well, that’s unclear.

The cop simply filed a report outlining the woman’s beef. Nothing more. 

__CONDOM CLASH, PART II:__ A naked 37-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were fornicating between the sheets at a Midtown apartment on 19th Street. Suddenly, the woman noticed the man wasn’t wearing a condom. So she punched him in the face. Stunned, the man called police. “He said they usually have unprotected sex, and that he did not know it would be an issue when he realized the condom was not on,” the reporting cop noted. The man didn’t want to press charges against the woman for punching him … but he DID want police to make her leave his apartment. Both parties confirmed the sex was totally consensual — and that they were completely shitfaced drunk. The woman even “showed me text messages from (the guy) suggesting they would have intercourse as soon as she arrived,” the cop noted. The woman also refused to press any charges … and very willingly left the guy’s apartment.

__DRUNK GIRL DOES FASHION CATWALK STRUT:__ A cop saw a black Chrysler 200 speeding and weaving on I-85 South. He activated his blue lights and siren and tried to stop the car at the Williams Street exit. “The vehicle continued south to Freedom Parkway, then to Boulevard, before finally stopping on Cain Street,“ the cop noted.

The driver, a 26-year-old Decatur woman, opened her door and stumbled out, stating she had to pee. She admitted she was “buzzed.”

“She was wearing high-heeled boots, which I recommended she remove for the subsequent field sobriety tests,” the cop noted. “(She) had to balance herself on me and I had to help her pull her shoes off.” The woman promptly failed the Walk-and-Turn test.

“After I gave her instructions for the One-Leg Stand, she began performing the Walk-and-Turn test again in a ‘runway model fashion’ and started dancing in front of my patrol car,” the cop noted.

Then, she flunked the Breathalyzer exam and attempted to “bite the card out of my hand to stop me from reading” the implied consent statement, the cop recalled.

The Decatur woman went to jail and demanded to pee twice more within 30 minutes. Nothing further.

__WISDOM DOESN’T ALWAYS COME WITH AGE:__ In Southwest Atlanta, a man said he returned home at 3 a.m. from a night of revelry celebrating his 40th birthday. He parked his black Cadillac Escalade outside his home on Veltre Circle and went to sleep. “When he returned to his vehicle at 8 a.m. the next morning, he noticed all his vehicle doors were wide open,” a cop noted. “Upon further inspection, he noticed he was missing three rifles, a handgun, and his wallet.” The man said he believed he forgot to lock his car doors after returning home from his birthday bash. __-CL-__

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  string(7912) " 1219 Blot Joker Final WEB  2019-12-03T22:19:43+00:00 1219-blot-joker-final-WEB.jpg   man that sorry story about stilettos and sobriety hill larious!!!!!! blotter theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 26533  2019-12-03T22:19:29+00:00 THE BLOTTER: The Joker on the run jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2019-12-03T22:19:29+00:00  JOKER SEQUEL, ATL-STYLE: A woman was returning home from the West End Kroger to her condo on Donnelly Avenue. As she walked down the driveway toward her building, a thin man dressed as the “Joker” from the Batman movie franchise jumped out of the bushes near her door.

The skinny Joker was “wearing white paint on his face, red lipstick, and a pink wig with long hair,” according to the police report.

Homegrown Joker never spoke a single word. He just grabbed the woman’s black Calvin Klein purse from her shoulder. The woman “attempted to hold onto the purse strap,” and that’s when she got a small cut on her finger.

The woman said the Joker “ran back into the bushes” with her purse. She believes he used a cut-through route to escape into some neighboring apartments.

Missing items from the woman’s purse included a Visa card “with a picture of Betty Boop on it,” the cop noted. Yes, a Betty Boop credit card, stolen by the Joker.

TOO MUCH EGG NOG AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY? A boyfriend-girlfriend couple in their 20s were hanging out in their Midtown apartment on 14th Street, when suddenly they heard weird noises outside. It was late and they weren’t expecting any visitors, so they got spooked and called police, worried about a potential robbery.

Three cops responded and started searching the couple’s apartment — finding nothing amiss inside. Then, police checked the outside balcony: Bingo! Sitting on the balcony, a 27-year-old man wearing only his underwear … with a half-empty bottle of vodka next to him.

Cops asked: What the heck are you doing in your underwear on this balcony?

Underwear Man responded, “I guess I had too much to drink and entered the wrong apartment. I’m sorry.”

However, the Midtown couple decided to be super-cool about finding a drunk stranger wearing underwear on their balcony: They decided not to press charges.

Atlanta police were not as forgiving. They charged Underwear Man with disorderly conduct under the influence — and took him to jail. Which seems a bit unfair. Hopefully, Underwear Man got a few more clothing items before cops tossed him in the holding cell.

WILY COUGAR ESCAPES: A brouhaha broke out at the Mac Cosmetics store in Ponce City Market. A 22-year-old man strolled in with a woman 10 years his senior (age 32). They both started yelling, “Ohhhh, we in the fucking Mac Store!” so loudly that other shoppers turned and stared. 

Then, the 32-year-old woman took it up a notch. Suddenly, she “spit in the face” of the Mac store’s assistant manager — and took off running. However, her young Boy Toy stayed behind and didn’t run away. So when a police officer arrived, he charged the 22-year-old man with disorderly conduct. Oh, those wily cougar getaways, leaving behind their young pranksters ….

NAKED SMELLY MAN SCREAMING: An officer responded to a fight call near Grady Hospital on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. “Upon arrival, I was abruptly met by an irate male running up to my patrol car and attempting to jump into the back seat,” the cop noted. “He was screaming erratically and bleeding from the left side of his forehead, and saying that I was trying to kill him.”

The screaming man ”walked up extremely close to me,” just so the cop could get a strong whiff of his boozy breath.

“He continued to behave in a concerning manner as he requested for me to kill him, several times — and then proceeded to remove all his clothing to expose his bare body, from his neck to his knees,” the cop noted. “Due to his erratic behavior, multiple backup police units had to come to my aid” to coral the Mostly Naked Man and walk him just one block to Grady Detention Center, located across the street. 

STRONG CONDOMNATION: In the Kirkwood neighborhood, an outraged 41-year-old woman flagged down an officer patrolling the streets. She said around 4 a.m. she went to a vacant home on Kirkwood Avenue “where most of the homeless people in the neighborhood be at” and knocked on the front door repeatedly. Apparently, she hangs out there on a regular basis.

Finally, a man responded to her persistent knocks. Opening the door, he said the 41-year-old woman absolutely could NOT come inside, because during her last visit, she’d left several messy, used condoms in a bedroom. Then, the man pushed her out of the doorway and slammed the front door closed.

The woman was stunned and pissed. But what exactly did she want police to do about this condom clash? Well, that’s unclear.

The cop simply filed a report outlining the woman’s beef. Nothing more. 

CONDOM CLASH, PART II: A naked 37-year-old man and 29-year-old woman were fornicating between the sheets at a Midtown apartment on 19th Street. Suddenly, the woman noticed the man wasn’t wearing a condom. So she punched him in the face. Stunned, the man called police. “He said they usually have unprotected sex, and that he did not know it would be an issue when he realized the condom was not on,” the reporting cop noted. The man didn’t want to press charges against the woman for punching him … but he DID want police to make her leave his apartment. Both parties confirmed the sex was totally consensual — and that they were completely shitfaced drunk. The woman even “showed me text messages from (the guy) suggesting they would have intercourse as soon as she arrived,” the cop noted. The woman also refused to press any charges … and very willingly left the guy’s apartment.

DRUNK GIRL DOES FASHION CATWALK STRUT: A cop saw a black Chrysler 200 speeding and weaving on I-85 South. He activated his blue lights and siren and tried to stop the car at the Williams Street exit. “The vehicle continued south to Freedom Parkway, then to Boulevard, before finally stopping on Cain Street,“ the cop noted.

The driver, a 26-year-old Decatur woman, opened her door and stumbled out, stating she had to pee. She admitted she was “buzzed.”

“She was wearing high-heeled boots, which I recommended she remove for the subsequent field sobriety tests,” the cop noted. “(She) had to balance herself on me and I had to help her pull her shoes off.” The woman promptly failed the Walk-and-Turn test.

“After I gave her instructions for the One-Leg Stand, she began performing the Walk-and-Turn test again in a ‘runway model fashion’ and started dancing in front of my patrol car,” the cop noted.

Then, she flunked the Breathalyzer exam and attempted to “bite the card out of my hand to stop me from reading” the implied consent statement, the cop recalled.

The Decatur woman went to jail and demanded to pee twice more within 30 minutes. Nothing further.

WISDOM DOESN’T ALWAYS COME WITH AGE: In Southwest Atlanta, a man said he returned home at 3 a.m. from a night of revelry celebrating his 40th birthday. He parked his black Cadillac Escalade outside his home on Veltre Circle and went to sleep. “When he returned to his vehicle at 8 a.m. the next morning, he noticed all his vehicle doors were wide open,” a cop noted. “Upon further inspection, he noticed he was missing three rifles, a handgun, and his wallet.” The man said he believed he forgot to lock his car doors after returning home from his birthday bash. -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Tray Butler   0,0,1    theblotter blotter                             THE BLOTTER: The Joker on the run "
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Police Blotter

Tuesday December 3, 2019 05:19 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7924) "GHOST IN THE MACHINE:  In the Capitol View neighborhood, two cops were responding to an unrelated call when suddenly “we heard two gunshots erupt in close proximity to our location.”

It was pitch-black outside and well after midnight. Both cops started canvassing the neighboring property in an attempt to discover where the gunfire originated. “The location is an industrial site with numerous tools, vehicles, and other obstacles littering the establishment,” a cop recalled. ”Further, it is extremely dark with limited lighting illuminating the area.”

Eventually, the cops spotted a middle-aged man just chilling out in the parking lot. He appeared very relaxed.

“As we approached, the man was sitting on an outdoor couch surrounded by three 750-milliliter bottles of  ‘Exclusiv’ vodka. One bottle was empty, one bottle was half-empty, and one bottle was shattered on the ground with glass shards scattered throughout,” one cop recalled. “Additionally (the man) had a black .223 caliber AR-15-style rifle leaning against his leg.” (That’s a military-style automatic rifle.)

“It was apparent that he was under the influence of alcohol due to his slurred speech, red watery eyes, and a strong odor … coming from his breath,” the cop noted. “Furthermore, there were two shell casings laying in close proximity.”

The man, age 50, openly admitted to firing the gun. According to the police report, “he stated that the rifle does not have any markings indicating a manufacturer or serial number because it is a ‘ghost gun’ that he built by ordering parts online.”

The man told police:  “I fired two rounds so there should be 18 rounds left in the magazine.”

Those two gunshots are gonna cost a pretty penny.

“(He) did endanger the lives of numerous individuals including myself,” one cop noted. “Moreover, it was discovered that he is a convicted felon” with two fresh outstanding warrants.

Police took the 50-year-old man to jail on charges of firing a gun near a public roadway, firing a gun while under the influence of alcohol, and reckless conduct.

TOUCH ME NOW, RIGHT HERE: At ATL Police Headquarters on Peachtree Street, a female police investigator looked out her office window and witnessed “two men outside headquarters engaging in a form of sexual situation.”

Immediately, she picked up the phone and called police (aka her colleagues) to report the sassy shenanigans.

Officers raced downstairs and outside police headquarters — and one member of  the copulating couple fled. The female investigator identified the remaining suspect, a 40-year-old man who hails from Thomasville, Georgia.

The man “stated he was touching his friend’s penis in front of (police headquarters) because he was in a hurry to get to work, and this was the first place they found to engage in their activities.”

Alas, instead of going to work, the man went to jail, charged with public indecency. His small black-and-white bag and cell phone were turned in to police property.

BLOWN AWAY: Near Maddox Park around 6 a.m., a cop spotted a black Jeep Cherokee turning onto Pierce Avenue. “(The driver) pulled over in a darkened area of the roadway and turned the lights off,” the cop noted. “I watched the vehicle for approximately five minutes with no observed activity, which I found peculiar.”

The cop approached the Jeep and saw “two occupants spring up from the back seat as they hurried to dress themselves.” The male driver’s pants were down … and the female passenger was wearing only a “small halter top.”

The cop noted: “On the rear floorboard, where (the male driver) was sitting, there was a partially open black plastic bag, containing a box of condoms. “One of the packaged condoms was opened — as it was still on the male driver’s penis,” the cop observed.

The male driver admitted he’d been receiving oral sex from the halter-top woman. But he didn’t explain the condom wrapped around his penis. Both got tickets for public indecency.

POO-POO PLATTER: In Midtown on Piedmont Road, a 22-year-old woman called police and said a young guy just strolled onto her front porch in broad daylight and stole “20 Publix bags, which were used for cleaning her dog’s stools, and a pair of flip flops,” a cop noted.

She said the alleged thief wore a gray hoodie. Cops filed a police report and gave her a copy of the incident number.

JUST. STOP. TALKING:  An officer saw a car “traveling at a high rate of speed the wrong way down Central Street.” (That’s a one-way street, mind you). “Upon making this observation, I conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, a 33-year-old Florida man.”

At first, the driver said he was just following his GPS. The cop noted, “I detected a slur in his speech, along with his mouth being dry and him to be sweating despite his car having air-conditioning. When asked (the man) admitted that he had ingested his prescription medication Trazodone along with three shots of vodka a few hours before driving.”

The cop asked: Are those two supposed to be mixed?

“No,” the driver replied.

Next, he explained the used syringe sitting on the driver’s-side floor. “I used it to shoot meth about an hour ago,” the Florida man confessed. Finally, he then admitted that he’d been arrested on DUI charges just nine days ago. None of his rambling admissions helped his conversation with the cop.

The Florida man went to jail for his second DUI in under 10 days, plus charges of reckless driving and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

BITE ME: One morning, a 31-year-old man drove his white van to work at a hotel on Forsyth Street in downtown Atlanta. A 25-year-old woman in blue camouflage was sitting in the parking lot. She was clutching a Mystic glass bottle broken in half.  Suddenly, she started screaming: “Where’s my momma at? That’s her van!”

Then she demanded the man hand over a sausage before she attempted to stab him. “(The man) stated he jumped back and told her to get away … and he was unharmed because his belt had blocked the impact of the glass bottle.”

The screaming woman threw down the glass bottle and ran away. But not far enough.

When police arrived, the man was able to point out the woman because she was now sitting on a nearby sidewalk. Two cops grabbed her by the arms. The woman responded by allegedly using her teeth as a weapon and “biting down on an officer’s arm.”

According to the police report, the woman “took advantage of the surprise attack” and “went for another bite.” After the second chomp, the bitten cop’s partner took out his Taser gun and subdued the woman, who yelled, “You’re not helping me!”

Police put a spit hood on the woman and took her to Grady Hospital to be tested for any potential diseases that could potentially be transmitted by mouth.

DUMP THAT “DELIVERANCE” GIRL: Outside a convenience store on Sylvan Road, a 30-year-old man said he was shot in both legs while sitting in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Impala. The alleged shooter: a colorful relative of the man’s fiancée … who wears his hair in a red/burgundy Mohawk with dreads.

The reporting officer noted: “The victim’s fiancée arrived on scene and was told that the suspect was her ex-husband and possibly his brother.”

Wait, what? The alleged shooter was both her ex-husband and his brother? The police report did not clarify.

The fiancée stated the suspect has had an issue with her man ever since they started dating back in 2018.

Police escorted the wounded man to the hospital and collected shell casings from the roadway. His injuries were non-life-threatening.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(7960) "G__HOST IN THE MACHINE:__  In the Capitol View neighborhood, two cops were responding to an unrelated call when suddenly “we heard two gunshots erupt in close proximity to our location.”

It was pitch-black outside and well after midnight. Both cops started canvassing the neighboring property in an attempt to discover where the gunfire originated. “The location is an industrial site with numerous tools, vehicles, and other obstacles littering the establishment,” a cop recalled. ”Further, it is extremely dark with limited lighting illuminating the area.”

Eventually, the cops spotted a middle-aged man just chilling out in the parking lot. He appeared very relaxed.

“As we approached, the man was sitting on an outdoor couch surrounded by three 750-milliliter bottles of  ‘Exclusiv’ vodka. One bottle was empty, one bottle was half-empty, and one bottle was shattered on the ground with glass shards scattered throughout,” one cop recalled. “Additionally (the man) had a black .223 caliber AR-15-style rifle leaning against his leg.” (That’s a military-style automatic rifle.)

“It was apparent that he was under the influence of alcohol due to his slurred speech, red watery eyes, and a strong odor … coming from his breath,” the cop noted. “Furthermore, there were two shell casings laying in close proximity.”

The man, age 50, openly admitted to firing the gun. According to the police report, “he stated that the rifle does not have any markings indicating a manufacturer or serial number because it is a ‘ghost gun’ that he built by ordering parts online.”

The man told police:  “I fired two rounds so there should be 18 rounds left in the magazine.”

Those two gunshots are gonna cost a pretty penny.

“(He) did endanger the lives of numerous individuals including myself,” one cop noted. “Moreover, it was discovered that he is a convicted felon” with two fresh outstanding warrants.

Police took the 50-year-old man to jail on charges of firing a gun near a public roadway, firing a gun while under the influence of alcohol, and reckless conduct.

__TOUCH ME NOW, RIGHT HERE:__ At ATL Police Headquarters on Peachtree Street, a female police investigator looked out her office window and witnessed “two men outside headquarters engaging in a form of sexual situation.”

Immediately, she picked up the phone and called police (aka her colleagues) to report the sassy shenanigans.

Officers raced downstairs and outside police headquarters — and one member of  the copulating couple fled. The female investigator identified the remaining suspect, a 40-year-old man who hails from Thomasville, Georgia.

The man “stated he was touching his friend’s penis in front of (police headquarters) because he was in a hurry to get to work, and this was the first place they found to engage in their activities.”

Alas, instead of going to work, the man went to jail, charged with public indecency. His small black-and-white bag and cell phone were turned in to police property.

__BLOWN AWAY:__ Near Maddox Park around 6 a.m., a cop spotted a black Jeep Cherokee turning onto Pierce Avenue. “(The driver) pulled over in a darkened area of the roadway and turned the lights off,” the cop noted. “I watched the vehicle for approximately five minutes with no observed activity, which I found peculiar.”

The cop approached the Jeep and saw “two occupants spring up from the back seat as they hurried to dress themselves.” The male driver’s pants were down … and the female passenger was wearing only a “small halter top.”

The cop noted: “On the rear floorboard, where (the male driver) was sitting, there was a partially open black plastic bag, containing a box of condoms. “One of the packaged condoms was opened — as it was still on the male driver’s penis,” the cop observed.

The male driver admitted he’d been receiving oral sex from the halter-top woman. But he didn’t explain the condom wrapped around his penis. Both got tickets for public indecency.

__POO-POO PLATTER:__ In Midtown on Piedmont Road, a 22-year-old woman called police and said a young guy just strolled onto her front porch in broad daylight and stole “20 Publix bags, which were used for cleaning her dog’s stools, and a pair of flip flops,” a cop noted.

She said the alleged thief wore a gray hoodie. Cops filed a police report and gave her a copy of the incident number.

__JUST. STOP. TALKING:  __An officer saw a car “traveling at a high rate of speed the wrong way down Central Street.” (That’s a one-way street, mind you). “Upon making this observation, I conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, a 33-year-old Florida man.”

At first, the driver said he was just following his GPS. The cop noted, “I detected a slur in his speech, along with his mouth being dry and him to be sweating despite his car having air-conditioning. When asked (the man) admitted that he had ingested his prescription medication Trazodone along with three shots of vodka a few hours before driving.”

The cop asked: Are those two supposed to be mixed?

“No,” the driver replied.

Next, he explained the used syringe sitting on the driver’s-side floor. “I used it to shoot meth about an hour ago,” the Florida man confessed. Finally, he then admitted that he’d been arrested on DUI charges just nine days ago. None of his rambling admissions helped his conversation with the cop.

The Florida man went to jail for his second DUI in under 10 days, plus charges of reckless driving and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

__BITE ME:__ One morning, a 31-year-old man drove his white van to work at a hotel on Forsyth Street in downtown Atlanta. A 25-year-old woman in blue camouflage was sitting in the parking lot. She was clutching a Mystic glass bottle broken in half.  Suddenly, she started screaming: “Where’s my momma at? That’s her van!”

Then she demanded the man hand over a sausage before she attempted to stab him. “(The man) stated he jumped back and told her to get away … and he was unharmed because his belt had blocked the impact of the glass bottle.”

The screaming woman threw down the glass bottle and ran away. But not far enough.

When police arrived, the man was able to point out the woman because she was now sitting on a nearby sidewalk. Two cops grabbed her by the arms. The woman responded by allegedly using her teeth as a weapon and “biting down on an officer’s arm.”

According to the police report, the woman “took advantage of the surprise attack” and “went for another bite.” After the second chomp, the bitten cop’s partner took out his Taser gun and subdued the woman, who yelled, “You’re not helping me!”

Police put a spit hood on the woman and took her to Grady Hospital to be tested for any potential diseases that could potentially be transmitted by mouth.

__DUMP THAT “DELIVERANCE” GIRL:__ Outside a convenience store on Sylvan Road, a 30-year-old man said he was shot in both legs while sitting in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Impala. The alleged shooter: a colorful relative of the man’s fiancée … who wears his hair in a red/burgundy Mohawk with dreads.

The reporting officer noted: “The victim’s fiancée arrived on scene and was told that the suspect was her ex-husband and possibly his brother.”

Wait, what? The alleged shooter was both her ex-husband ''and'' his brother? The police report did not clarify.

The fiancée stated the suspect has had an issue with her man ever since they started dating back in 2018.

Police escorted the wounded man to the hospital and collected shell casings from the roadway. His injuries were non-life-threatening.

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(8374) " News06 Blotter Ghostgun Final Web  2019-11-04T19:07:02+00:00 news06-blotter-ghostgun-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 25642  2019-11-04T19:04:09+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Three bottles of vodka and an AR jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING Lauren Keating 2019-11-04T19:04:09+00:00  GHOST IN THE MACHINE:  In the Capitol View neighborhood, two cops were responding to an unrelated call when suddenly “we heard two gunshots erupt in close proximity to our location.”

It was pitch-black outside and well after midnight. Both cops started canvassing the neighboring property in an attempt to discover where the gunfire originated. “The location is an industrial site with numerous tools, vehicles, and other obstacles littering the establishment,” a cop recalled. ”Further, it is extremely dark with limited lighting illuminating the area.”

Eventually, the cops spotted a middle-aged man just chilling out in the parking lot. He appeared very relaxed.

“As we approached, the man was sitting on an outdoor couch surrounded by three 750-milliliter bottles of  ‘Exclusiv’ vodka. One bottle was empty, one bottle was half-empty, and one bottle was shattered on the ground with glass shards scattered throughout,” one cop recalled. “Additionally (the man) had a black .223 caliber AR-15-style rifle leaning against his leg.” (That’s a military-style automatic rifle.)

“It was apparent that he was under the influence of alcohol due to his slurred speech, red watery eyes, and a strong odor … coming from his breath,” the cop noted. “Furthermore, there were two shell casings laying in close proximity.”

The man, age 50, openly admitted to firing the gun. According to the police report, “he stated that the rifle does not have any markings indicating a manufacturer or serial number because it is a ‘ghost gun’ that he built by ordering parts online.”

The man told police:  “I fired two rounds so there should be 18 rounds left in the magazine.”

Those two gunshots are gonna cost a pretty penny.

“(He) did endanger the lives of numerous individuals including myself,” one cop noted. “Moreover, it was discovered that he is a convicted felon” with two fresh outstanding warrants.

Police took the 50-year-old man to jail on charges of firing a gun near a public roadway, firing a gun while under the influence of alcohol, and reckless conduct.

TOUCH ME NOW, RIGHT HERE: At ATL Police Headquarters on Peachtree Street, a female police investigator looked out her office window and witnessed “two men outside headquarters engaging in a form of sexual situation.”

Immediately, she picked up the phone and called police (aka her colleagues) to report the sassy shenanigans.

Officers raced downstairs and outside police headquarters — and one member of  the copulating couple fled. The female investigator identified the remaining suspect, a 40-year-old man who hails from Thomasville, Georgia.

The man “stated he was touching his friend’s penis in front of (police headquarters) because he was in a hurry to get to work, and this was the first place they found to engage in their activities.”

Alas, instead of going to work, the man went to jail, charged with public indecency. His small black-and-white bag and cell phone were turned in to police property.

BLOWN AWAY: Near Maddox Park around 6 a.m., a cop spotted a black Jeep Cherokee turning onto Pierce Avenue. “(The driver) pulled over in a darkened area of the roadway and turned the lights off,” the cop noted. “I watched the vehicle for approximately five minutes with no observed activity, which I found peculiar.”

The cop approached the Jeep and saw “two occupants spring up from the back seat as they hurried to dress themselves.” The male driver’s pants were down … and the female passenger was wearing only a “small halter top.”

The cop noted: “On the rear floorboard, where (the male driver) was sitting, there was a partially open black plastic bag, containing a box of condoms. “One of the packaged condoms was opened — as it was still on the male driver’s penis,” the cop observed.

The male driver admitted he’d been receiving oral sex from the halter-top woman. But he didn’t explain the condom wrapped around his penis. Both got tickets for public indecency.

POO-POO PLATTER: In Midtown on Piedmont Road, a 22-year-old woman called police and said a young guy just strolled onto her front porch in broad daylight and stole “20 Publix bags, which were used for cleaning her dog’s stools, and a pair of flip flops,” a cop noted.

She said the alleged thief wore a gray hoodie. Cops filed a police report and gave her a copy of the incident number.

JUST. STOP. TALKING:  An officer saw a car “traveling at a high rate of speed the wrong way down Central Street.” (That’s a one-way street, mind you). “Upon making this observation, I conducted a traffic stop and spoke with the driver, a 33-year-old Florida man.”

At first, the driver said he was just following his GPS. The cop noted, “I detected a slur in his speech, along with his mouth being dry and him to be sweating despite his car having air-conditioning. When asked (the man) admitted that he had ingested his prescription medication Trazodone along with three shots of vodka a few hours before driving.”

The cop asked: Are those two supposed to be mixed?

“No,” the driver replied.

Next, he explained the used syringe sitting on the driver’s-side floor. “I used it to shoot meth about an hour ago,” the Florida man confessed. Finally, he then admitted that he’d been arrested on DUI charges just nine days ago. None of his rambling admissions helped his conversation with the cop.

The Florida man went to jail for his second DUI in under 10 days, plus charges of reckless driving and driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

BITE ME: One morning, a 31-year-old man drove his white van to work at a hotel on Forsyth Street in downtown Atlanta. A 25-year-old woman in blue camouflage was sitting in the parking lot. She was clutching a Mystic glass bottle broken in half.  Suddenly, she started screaming: “Where’s my momma at? That’s her van!”

Then she demanded the man hand over a sausage before she attempted to stab him. “(The man) stated he jumped back and told her to get away … and he was unharmed because his belt had blocked the impact of the glass bottle.”

The screaming woman threw down the glass bottle and ran away. But not far enough.

When police arrived, the man was able to point out the woman because she was now sitting on a nearby sidewalk. Two cops grabbed her by the arms. The woman responded by allegedly using her teeth as a weapon and “biting down on an officer’s arm.”

According to the police report, the woman “took advantage of the surprise attack” and “went for another bite.” After the second chomp, the bitten cop’s partner took out his Taser gun and subdued the woman, who yelled, “You’re not helping me!”

Police put a spit hood on the woman and took her to Grady Hospital to be tested for any potential diseases that could potentially be transmitted by mouth.

DUMP THAT “DELIVERANCE” GIRL: Outside a convenience store on Sylvan Road, a 30-year-old man said he was shot in both legs while sitting in the driver’s seat of his Chevy Impala. The alleged shooter: a colorful relative of the man’s fiancée … who wears his hair in a red/burgundy Mohawk with dreads.

The reporting officer noted: “The victim’s fiancée arrived on scene and was told that the suspect was her ex-husband and possibly his brother.”

Wait, what? The alleged shooter was both her ex-husband and his brother? The police report did not clarify.

The fiancée stated the suspect has had an issue with her man ever since they started dating back in 2018.

Police escorted the wounded man to the hospital and collected shell casings from the roadway. His injuries were non-life-threatening.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,10    blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Three bottles of vodka and an AR "
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Police Blotter

Monday November 4, 2019 02:04 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(6586) "PATRIOTIC PRICK: After midnight, two cops were patrolling I-85 South. Suddenly, a black Mercedes Benz racing sedan “sped past us,” one cop recalled, “(the driver) then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to smoke as the car almost collided with the back of a tractor trailer.”

The driver stopped. Momentarily. As the two cops approached his car, he sped away, in full view of police “changing multiple lanes without signaling … and then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to once again smoke, to avoid collision with other vehicles … and driving in the emergency lane exiting the interstate to North Avenue.”

Finally, cops stopped the Mercedes driver on Spring Street. The driver, a 43-year-old man from Buford, Georgia, had a burning question for police: “Why did you not use those blue lights to stop me when I sped past you?”

The cops arrested him and put him in the patrol car.

“Once in custody, he then began talking to an imaginary person named Tom in the back seat (of the patrol car),” a cop noted. “Then he began ranting at the fact that Donald Trump wouldn’t be happy about the arrest. He continued stating: ‘Do you know about the secret society of The Owl and The Black Crow?’”

Moments later, the driver started screaming, outraged by the lack of patriotic props available for his ride in the Atlanta police patrol car.

“You don’t have the American flag in my car?” the driver yelled. “I pay y’all’s salary and you don’t have the American flag in MY car?! … Point deducted … Here in Georgia, y’all hang that queer fuckin’ shit, but where’s the flag? Where’s my flag?”

The Mercedes driver went to jail, on multiple charges of reckless driving and driving on bald tires. His car — worth about $100K new — was towed.

INNER CONFLICTS? Cops got a call about a fight erupting inside a Midtown deli on 10th Street. However, when a police officer arrived, the fight seemed to be invisible. To everyone. Except one customer, a Texas man in his 40s, who’d called police to the scene. The officer asked: “Where’s the so-called fight you reported?”

The customer says he is being followed — by three guys from Texas — but they aren’t “doing anything” to him right now. “However, he believes they will become annoying at some point throughout the day,” the cop noted. “He believes he knows the three males” who’ve silently followed him for thousands of miles. The customer claims the strange trio started tailing him when he left his home outside Austin, Texas — and followed him all the way to Atlanta.

The officer looked around: No one was injured or hurt in the so-called deli “brawl.” Nothing further to report.

EVER HEARD OF “FIRST-WORLD PROBLEMS,” LADY?  A 36-year-old woman walked into the Grant Park police precinct to report a Sunday afternoon kerfuffle.

“She said, ‘While trying to enjoy my visit to the Grant Park Farmers’ Market today,’ she was verbally harassed by her neighbor (a 40-year-old man) who repeatedly yelled ‘JACKASS neighbor” as he and his family walked past her,” an officer noted.

The woman said she approached the neighbor and his wife “to tell them their behavior was not okay and to try to make peace with them. (The neighbor) continued to talk over her and did not offer any peace.”

Also, the neighbor’s entire family “continued to talk trash while walking away,” she said.

Apparently, this farmers’ market kerfuffle made a big impact. The 36-year-old woman says now she and her husband are “fearful for their safety because this is not the first time (the male neighbor) has lashed out at them like that,” the officer noted. “She says the problematic male neighbor got into a physical fight with someone cutting the lawn.”

WORST. PLUMBER. EVER:  In Southwest Atlanta, a woman said her landlord scheduled a plumber to come work on her rental home.

“The incident occurred while (the plumber) was sitting on the toilet in the restroom and (the woman) was standing in the bathroom, putting a shelf together,” a cop noted. “She said (the plumber) was talking to her about bringing a new drain for the tub when he began lifting up his shirt, exposing his chest and nipples. He stated that his nipples were hard and that he wanted her to touch them. (The plumber) then grabbed (the woman) by her wrists and began to pull her toward him. She pulled away, but he then grabbed her around her waist and her butt and pulled her closer, while trying to kiss her groin area over her clothes.”

The fast-thinking woman grabbed a power drill sitting in the bathroom — using the drill to defend herself. She managed to escape “by poking the plumber’s chest with the drill, while backing up out of the restroom.”

The plumber followed her to the kitchen. “While doing this, the plumber stated that he loved it when women got aggressive with him, and (that) he wanted her to fuck his pussy.”

The woman kept firing the drill and forcing the plumber to back up. Then, she decided to try bluffing. She told the plumber that her furious mother was driving over to her rental home — due to arrive any moment now — and threatened to call police.

Apparently, her bluff worked. “Upon hearing this, (the plumber) turned around and began to crawl on the floor, through the hallway (and) into the kitchen, before exiting through the rear door.”

The woman immediately locked all her doors and called her mother for real. Mom rushed over in five minutes and came up with a plan of action. (Apparently, the mother got the plumber to admit to his actions — in front of witnesses).

The plumber had left one of his business cards in the kitchen. The mother decided to call the plumber on her cell phone (concealing her number so it would show up as unknown). “When (the plumber) answered the phone, she put it into speaker mode so (her daughter) and Aunt Tiffany could hear the conversation,” the reporting cop noted. “The mother asked the plumber about the event. He advised he was sorry if he had offended (the woman) but he had only shown her his chest because it was itchy, and his hands were dirty. He said he just wanted her to scratch it and that his nipples were hard.”

After the call, the woman filed a police report. She described the plumber as a bald man in his 50s who is “missing several bottom teeth.” -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(6610) "__PATRIOTIC PRICK:__ After midnight, two cops were patrolling I-85 South. Suddenly, a black Mercedes Benz racing sedan “sped past us,” one cop recalled, “(the driver) then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to smoke as the car almost collided with the back of a tractor trailer.”

The driver stopped. Momentarily. As the two cops approached his car, he sped away, in full view of police “changing multiple lanes without signaling … and then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to once again smoke, to avoid collision with other vehicles … and driving in the emergency lane exiting the interstate to North Avenue.”

Finally, cops stopped the Mercedes driver on Spring Street. The driver, a 43-year-old man from Buford, Georgia, had a burning question for police: “Why did you not use those blue lights to stop me when I sped past you?”

The cops arrested him and put him in the patrol car.

“Once in custody, he then began talking to an imaginary person named Tom in the back seat (of the patrol car),” a cop noted. “Then he began ranting at the fact that Donald Trump wouldn’t be happy about the arrest. He continued stating: ‘Do you know about the secret society of The Owl and The Black Crow?’”

Moments later, the driver started screaming, outraged by the lack of patriotic props available for his ride in the Atlanta police patrol car.

“You don’t have the American flag in my car?” the driver yelled. “I pay y’all’s salary and you don’t have the American flag in MY car?! … Point deducted … Here in Georgia, y’all hang that queer fuckin’ shit, but where’s the flag? Where’s my flag?”

The Mercedes driver went to jail, on multiple charges of reckless driving and driving on bald tires. His car — worth about $100K new — was towed.

__INNER CONFLICTS?__ Cops got a call about a fight erupting inside a Midtown deli on 10th Street. However, when a police officer arrived, the fight seemed to be invisible. To everyone. Except one customer, a Texas man in his 40s, who’d called police to the scene. The officer asked: “Where’s the so-called fight you reported?”

The customer says he is being followed — by three guys from Texas — but they aren’t “doing anything” to him right now. “However, he believes they will become annoying at some point throughout the day,” the cop noted. “He believes he knows the three males” who’ve silently followed him for thousands of miles. The customer claims the strange trio started tailing him when he left his home outside Austin, Texas — and followed him all the way to Atlanta.

The officer looked around: No one was injured or hurt in the so-called deli “brawl.” Nothing further to report.

__EVER HEARD OF “FIRST-WORLD PROBLEMS,” LADY?__  A 36-year-old woman walked into the Grant Park police precinct to report a Sunday afternoon kerfuffle.

“She said, ‘While trying to enjoy my visit to the Grant Park Farmers’ Market today,’ she was verbally harassed by her neighbor (a 40-year-old man) who repeatedly yelled ‘JACKASS neighbor” as he and his family walked past her,” an officer noted.

The woman said she approached the neighbor and his wife “to tell them their behavior was not okay and to try to make peace with them. (The neighbor) continued to talk over her and did not offer any peace.”

Also, the neighbor’s entire family “continued to talk trash while walking away,” she said.

Apparently, this farmers’ market kerfuffle made a big impact. The 36-year-old woman says now she and her husband are “fearful for their safety because this is not the first time (the male neighbor) has lashed out at them like that,” the officer noted. “She says the problematic male neighbor got into a physical fight with someone cutting the lawn.”

__WORST. PLUMBER. EVER:__  In Southwest Atlanta, a woman said her landlord scheduled a plumber to come work on her rental home.

“The incident occurred while (the plumber) was sitting on the toilet in the restroom and (the woman) was standing in the bathroom, putting a shelf together,” a cop noted. “She said (the plumber) was talking to her about bringing a new drain for the tub when he began lifting up his shirt, exposing his chest and nipples. He stated that his nipples were hard and that he wanted her to touch them. (The plumber) then grabbed (the woman) by her wrists and began to pull her toward him. She pulled away, but he then grabbed her around her waist and her butt and pulled her closer, while trying to kiss her groin area over her clothes.”

The fast-thinking woman grabbed a power drill sitting in the bathroom — using the drill to defend herself. She managed to escape “by poking the plumber’s chest with the drill, while backing up out of the restroom.”

The plumber followed her to the kitchen. “While doing this, the plumber stated that he loved it when women got aggressive with him, and (that) he wanted her to fuck his pussy.”

The woman kept firing the drill and forcing the plumber to back up. Then, she decided to try bluffing. She told the plumber that her furious mother was driving over to her rental home — due to arrive any moment now — and threatened to call police.

Apparently, her bluff worked. “Upon hearing this, (the plumber) turned around and began to crawl on the floor, through the hallway (and) into the kitchen, before exiting through the rear door.”

The woman immediately locked all her doors and called her mother for real. Mom rushed over in five minutes and came up with a plan of action. (Apparently, the mother got the plumber to admit to his actions — in front of witnesses).

The plumber had left one of his business cards in the kitchen. The mother decided to call the plumber on her cell phone (concealing her number so it would show up as unknown). “When (the plumber) answered the phone, she put it into speaker mode so (her daughter) and Aunt Tiffany could hear the conversation,” the reporting cop noted. “The mother asked the plumber about the event. He advised he was sorry if he had offended (the woman) but he had only shown her his chest because it was itchy, and his hands were dirty. He said he just wanted her to scratch it and that his nipples were hard.”

After the call, the woman filed a police report. She described the plumber as a bald man in his 50s who is “missing several bottom teeth.” __-CL-__

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(7025) " Blot1019 Owl Potus Final 01  2019-09-30T16:56:56+00:00 blot1019-owl-potus-final-01.jpg    atlanta police blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 23980  2019-09-30T16:49:12+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Making America more great jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2019-09-30T16:49:12+00:00  PATRIOTIC PRICK: After midnight, two cops were patrolling I-85 South. Suddenly, a black Mercedes Benz racing sedan “sped past us,” one cop recalled, “(the driver) then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to smoke as the car almost collided with the back of a tractor trailer.”

The driver stopped. Momentarily. As the two cops approached his car, he sped away, in full view of police “changing multiple lanes without signaling … and then slamming on the brakes, causing the tires to once again smoke, to avoid collision with other vehicles … and driving in the emergency lane exiting the interstate to North Avenue.”

Finally, cops stopped the Mercedes driver on Spring Street. The driver, a 43-year-old man from Buford, Georgia, had a burning question for police: “Why did you not use those blue lights to stop me when I sped past you?”

The cops arrested him and put him in the patrol car.

“Once in custody, he then began talking to an imaginary person named Tom in the back seat (of the patrol car),” a cop noted. “Then he began ranting at the fact that Donald Trump wouldn’t be happy about the arrest. He continued stating: ‘Do you know about the secret society of The Owl and The Black Crow?’”

Moments later, the driver started screaming, outraged by the lack of patriotic props available for his ride in the Atlanta police patrol car.

“You don’t have the American flag in my car?” the driver yelled. “I pay y’all’s salary and you don’t have the American flag in MY car?! … Point deducted … Here in Georgia, y’all hang that queer fuckin’ shit, but where’s the flag? Where’s my flag?”

The Mercedes driver went to jail, on multiple charges of reckless driving and driving on bald tires. His car — worth about $100K new — was towed.

INNER CONFLICTS? Cops got a call about a fight erupting inside a Midtown deli on 10th Street. However, when a police officer arrived, the fight seemed to be invisible. To everyone. Except one customer, a Texas man in his 40s, who’d called police to the scene. The officer asked: “Where’s the so-called fight you reported?”

The customer says he is being followed — by three guys from Texas — but they aren’t “doing anything” to him right now. “However, he believes they will become annoying at some point throughout the day,” the cop noted. “He believes he knows the three males” who’ve silently followed him for thousands of miles. The customer claims the strange trio started tailing him when he left his home outside Austin, Texas — and followed him all the way to Atlanta.

The officer looked around: No one was injured or hurt in the so-called deli “brawl.” Nothing further to report.

EVER HEARD OF “FIRST-WORLD PROBLEMS,” LADY?  A 36-year-old woman walked into the Grant Park police precinct to report a Sunday afternoon kerfuffle.

“She said, ‘While trying to enjoy my visit to the Grant Park Farmers’ Market today,’ she was verbally harassed by her neighbor (a 40-year-old man) who repeatedly yelled ‘JACKASS neighbor” as he and his family walked past her,” an officer noted.

The woman said she approached the neighbor and his wife “to tell them their behavior was not okay and to try to make peace with them. (The neighbor) continued to talk over her and did not offer any peace.”

Also, the neighbor’s entire family “continued to talk trash while walking away,” she said.

Apparently, this farmers’ market kerfuffle made a big impact. The 36-year-old woman says now she and her husband are “fearful for their safety because this is not the first time (the male neighbor) has lashed out at them like that,” the officer noted. “She says the problematic male neighbor got into a physical fight with someone cutting the lawn.”

WORST. PLUMBER. EVER:  In Southwest Atlanta, a woman said her landlord scheduled a plumber to come work on her rental home.

“The incident occurred while (the plumber) was sitting on the toilet in the restroom and (the woman) was standing in the bathroom, putting a shelf together,” a cop noted. “She said (the plumber) was talking to her about bringing a new drain for the tub when he began lifting up his shirt, exposing his chest and nipples. He stated that his nipples were hard and that he wanted her to touch them. (The plumber) then grabbed (the woman) by her wrists and began to pull her toward him. She pulled away, but he then grabbed her around her waist and her butt and pulled her closer, while trying to kiss her groin area over her clothes.”

The fast-thinking woman grabbed a power drill sitting in the bathroom — using the drill to defend herself. She managed to escape “by poking the plumber’s chest with the drill, while backing up out of the restroom.”

The plumber followed her to the kitchen. “While doing this, the plumber stated that he loved it when women got aggressive with him, and (that) he wanted her to fuck his pussy.”

The woman kept firing the drill and forcing the plumber to back up. Then, she decided to try bluffing. She told the plumber that her furious mother was driving over to her rental home — due to arrive any moment now — and threatened to call police.

Apparently, her bluff worked. “Upon hearing this, (the plumber) turned around and began to crawl on the floor, through the hallway (and) into the kitchen, before exiting through the rear door.”

The woman immediately locked all her doors and called her mother for real. Mom rushed over in five minutes and came up with a plan of action. (Apparently, the mother got the plumber to admit to his actions — in front of witnesses).

The plumber had left one of his business cards in the kitchen. The mother decided to call the plumber on her cell phone (concealing her number so it would show up as unknown). “When (the plumber) answered the phone, she put it into speaker mode so (her daughter) and Aunt Tiffany could hear the conversation,” the reporting cop noted. “The mother asked the plumber about the event. He advised he was sorry if he had offended (the woman) but he had only shown her his chest because it was itchy, and his hands were dirty. He said he just wanted her to scratch it and that his nipples were hard.”

After the call, the woman filed a police report. She described the plumber as a bald man in his 50s who is “missing several bottom teeth.” -CL-

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,1    BLOTTER POLICE ATLANTA                             THE BLOTTER: Making America more great "
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Police Blotter

Monday September 30, 2019 12:49 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(5745) "RATHER RIPPED: In East Atlanta Village at 7 a.m, a security alarm started ringing inside a Korean restaurant. A police officer responded to the alarm call.
“When I arrived I observed the front door … was damaged and open,” the officer noted. “I looked inside — and there appeared to be a person lying down on a table of the kitchen area of the restaurant.” The door lock had been ripped out and flung on the restaurant floor.
The cop decided to call for backup. “When we walked through the restaurant, we observed whole carrots in the area … where the man was lying on the kitchen table. One of the carrots appeared to have a bite taken out of it. Next to the carrots, sat an open can of Pellegrino water.”
Perplexed, cops did not wake the man sprawled on the kitchen table — yet.
One cop walked outside and asked a few familiar EAV homeless people: Does anyone know this mystery guy? Nope. But one had seen the mystery guy passed out in the Village on Flat Shoals Road earlier.
Finally, cops woke up the mystery man on the kitchen table. The 39-year-old man was surprised to learn he’d been eating carrots and napping inside a closed Korean restaurant.  “I’m really drunk and don’t remember the last half of the evening,” he admitted. The only thing he knew for sure: His Wells Fargo debit card was missing.
His night of revelry didn’t go over well with the restaurant’s owner, who pressed charges for breaking and entering. Cops took the 39-year-old to jail. One upside: Apparently, the carrots were free. The man wasn’t charged for the stolen carrots he consumed.
BALONEY BLUES: In Westside Atlanta, two guys in their 50s were having lunch on Jefferson Street. They decided to trade sandwiches. Guy #1 trades his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Guy #2’s baloney sandwich. The trade goes smoothly — and the two men devour their respective sandwiches.
After the food is gone, Guy #1 reveals that Guy #2 could have kept his baloney sandwich and gotten a free PBJ. Guy #1 says, “Hey, if you’re still hungry, there are extra peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches on a table in the lunchroom. For free.”
Guy #2 gets angry, yelling, “Don’t tell me what to do, motherfucker!” Then he walks away.
Minutes later, Guy #2 returns — and punches Guy #1 in the right ear.
COP’S UNLUCKY DAY: An officer got a call about a lovers’ dispute erupting in a Reynoldstown home. When the cop arrived, both lovers were gone. In the front yard, a few people milled about. One said the boyfriend and girlfriend both took off running toward Berean Avenue. So the cop hopped into his patrol car and headed that way. Quickly, the cop spotted the running boyfriend, and yelled, “Stop, let’s talk and figure this out.” Boyfriend keeps running. “I was then able to pull ahead of the male in my city vehicle and exit the patrol car,” the cop noted. “I grabbed the male by his shirt … and the male yelled, ‘She’s just mad I caught her cheating.’”
The cop and boyfriend talk for a minute. Suddenly, the boyfriend yells, “Your car is rolling backward!”  Sure enough, the cop’s patrol car is now rolling at a brisk speed down the street. The cop hops into the car, trying to hit the brakes … but it’s too late. The patrol car slams “into a pole at the intersection of Narrow Street and Berean Avenue.” The cop walks over to inspect the damage, and the boyfriend sprints away.
Eventually, the cop secures his patrol car and goes back to the couple’s Reynoldstown home to check on the feuding lovers. All OK. No one wants to press charges. The girlfriend says she only called police because she wanted her cell phone back — and the boyfriend took off running with her phone. But since he’s returned her cell phone, she’s not mad.
The cop’s patrol car sustained significant damage. Plus, the cop’s body got a bit banged up. “I did hurt my elbow and left leg when I attempted to stop the vehicle, but I did not need medical attention,” he noted.
GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND: At a pizza place on Glenwood Avenue, trouble broke out in the kitchen over dough. The shift leader told a female employee that she wasn’t folding the pizza dough correctly. Apparently, the female employee didn’t handle the dough criticism very well. The pizza restaurant’s manager stepped in and told the female employee to go home and cool off. Then, while the manager was taking out the trash, a male employee said he didn’t want to work there any more. So who does the pizza manager call to cover the quitter’s shift? The lousy-dough-folding female employee he just sent home. She returns to work. Then, the male employee who just quit his job … suddenly starts throwing produce and food all over the place. “I observed pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, and olives on the floor,” an officer noted.
YOU BE ILLIN’: Around 3 a.m, a cop observed a guy walking near the Bobby Jones Golf Course on Northside Drive … and stopped him to make sure he was OK. The man, age 31, was carrying a travel bag of clothes. “The man told me that he wants to go to the hospital, because he is suffering from an illness that is causing his body to eat his muscles,” the officer noted. Also, the man insisted proteins are blocking his kidney, which makes it difficult for him to pee. “He goes on to tell me his kidney is hurting, his back hurts — and his feet are on fire.” So the officer calls Grady medics. The man keeps talking while they wait for medics to arrive … insisting that he’s also a wanted outlaw man with a mental illness and violent tendencies.
The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(6111) " Blot0919 Carrot Coma  2019-09-05T14:46:43+00:00 blot0919-carrot-coma.jpg     Sleeping it off in a bed of carrots 22844  2019-09-05T14:43:20+00:00 THE BLOTTER: What’s up, Doc? jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2019-09-05T14:43:20+00:00  RATHER RIPPED: In East Atlanta Village at 7 a.m, a security alarm started ringing inside a Korean restaurant. A police officer responded to the alarm call.
“When I arrived I observed the front door … was damaged and open,” the officer noted. “I looked inside — and there appeared to be a person lying down on a table of the kitchen area of the restaurant.” The door lock had been ripped out and flung on the restaurant floor.
The cop decided to call for backup. “When we walked through the restaurant, we observed whole carrots in the area … where the man was lying on the kitchen table. One of the carrots appeared to have a bite taken out of it. Next to the carrots, sat an open can of Pellegrino water.”
Perplexed, cops did not wake the man sprawled on the kitchen table — yet.
One cop walked outside and asked a few familiar EAV homeless people: Does anyone know this mystery guy? Nope. But one had seen the mystery guy passed out in the Village on Flat Shoals Road earlier.
Finally, cops woke up the mystery man on the kitchen table. The 39-year-old man was surprised to learn he’d been eating carrots and napping inside a closed Korean restaurant.  “I’m really drunk and don’t remember the last half of the evening,” he admitted. The only thing he knew for sure: His Wells Fargo debit card was missing.
His night of revelry didn’t go over well with the restaurant’s owner, who pressed charges for breaking and entering. Cops took the 39-year-old to jail. One upside: Apparently, the carrots were free. The man wasn’t charged for the stolen carrots he consumed.
BALONEY BLUES: In Westside Atlanta, two guys in their 50s were having lunch on Jefferson Street. They decided to trade sandwiches. Guy #1 trades his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for Guy #2’s baloney sandwich. The trade goes smoothly — and the two men devour their respective sandwiches.
After the food is gone, Guy #1 reveals that Guy #2 could have kept his baloney sandwich and gotten a free PBJ. Guy #1 says, “Hey, if you’re still hungry, there are extra peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches on a table in the lunchroom. For free.”
Guy #2 gets angry, yelling, “Don’t tell me what to do, motherfucker!” Then he walks away.
Minutes later, Guy #2 returns — and punches Guy #1 in the right ear.
COP’S UNLUCKY DAY: An officer got a call about a lovers’ dispute erupting in a Reynoldstown home. When the cop arrived, both lovers were gone. In the front yard, a few people milled about. One said the boyfriend and girlfriend both took off running toward Berean Avenue. So the cop hopped into his patrol car and headed that way. Quickly, the cop spotted the running boyfriend, and yelled, “Stop, let’s talk and figure this out.” Boyfriend keeps running. “I was then able to pull ahead of the male in my city vehicle and exit the patrol car,” the cop noted. “I grabbed the male by his shirt … and the male yelled, ‘She’s just mad I caught her cheating.’”
The cop and boyfriend talk for a minute. Suddenly, the boyfriend yells, “Your car is rolling backward!”  Sure enough, the cop’s patrol car is now rolling at a brisk speed down the street. The cop hops into the car, trying to hit the brakes … but it’s too late. The patrol car slams “into a pole at the intersection of Narrow Street and Berean Avenue.” The cop walks over to inspect the damage, and the boyfriend sprints away.
Eventually, the cop secures his patrol car and goes back to the couple’s Reynoldstown home to check on the feuding lovers. All OK. No one wants to press charges. The girlfriend says she only called police because she wanted her cell phone back — and the boyfriend took off running with her phone. But since he’s returned her cell phone, she’s not mad.
The cop’s patrol car sustained significant damage. Plus, the cop’s body got a bit banged up. “I did hurt my elbow and left leg when I attempted to stop the vehicle, but I did not need medical attention,” he noted.
GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND: At a pizza place on Glenwood Avenue, trouble broke out in the kitchen over dough. The shift leader told a female employee that she wasn’t folding the pizza dough correctly. Apparently, the female employee didn’t handle the dough criticism very well. The pizza restaurant’s manager stepped in and told the female employee to go home and cool off. Then, while the manager was taking out the trash, a male employee said he didn’t want to work there any more. So who does the pizza manager call to cover the quitter’s shift? The lousy-dough-folding female employee he just sent home. She returns to work. Then, the male employee who just quit his job … suddenly starts throwing produce and food all over the place. “I observed pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, and olives on the floor,” an officer noted.
YOU BE ILLIN’: Around 3 a.m, a cop observed a guy walking near the Bobby Jones Golf Course on Northside Drive … and stopped him to make sure he was OK. The man, age 31, was carrying a travel bag of clothes. “The man told me that he wants to go to the hospital, because he is suffering from an illness that is causing his body to eat his muscles,” the officer noted. Also, the man insisted proteins are blocking his kidney, which makes it difficult for him to pee. “He goes on to tell me his kidney is hurting, his back hurts — and his feet are on fire.” So the officer calls Grady medics. The man keeps talking while they wait for medics to arrive … insisting that he’s also a wanted outlaw man with a mental illness and violent tendencies.
The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,3                                 THE BLOTTER: What’s up, Doc? "
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Police Blotter

Thursday September 5, 2019 10:43 am EDT
Sleeping it off in a bed of carrots | more...
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  string(6801) "IN COLD BLOOD:  A woman pulling a wagon tried to walk into the Auburn Avenue Research Library. A security guard stopped her, insisting she couldn’t bring her wagon inside. She was free to come into the library — as long as it was sans wagon. So the woman parked her wagon outside — and attempted to walk into library. Nope. Denied. The security guard said, “You can’t just leave your wagon in front of a public building!”

“The female then asks the staff of the library if they could watch her wagon,” an officer noted. Nope. Denied again. The security guard says no one is allowed to watch library patrons’ belongings.

The Wagongate debate clearly agitated the woman. “The woman then squatted down in front of the library and began urinating,” a police officer noted. “The female then reached into her private area, pulled out a tampon, and threw it inside the library.”

The flying tampon hit a patron reading inside the quiet library. The patron, a 52-year-old woman, told police that the flying tampon landed on her right foot. Outraged, she wants to press “full charges” against the tampon-flinging woman with the wagon.

The entire tampon-hurling incident was caught on the library’s surveillance cameras. The reporting officer reviewed the surveillance footage and noted, “I did in fact see where the white female urinated in front of the property and threw her tampon inside the location.”

The woman with her wagon went to jail.

GET SHAFTED:  At Lenox Square Mall, a police officer got a call about a possibly drunk, shirtless man yelling and cursing at customers while showing them his Johnson. The bare-chested man, age 30, was wearing a sassy pink hat, a suit jacket, and black pants. A witness saw the man “pull down his pants multiple times, at one point exposing the shaft of his penis.”

The cop found the pink-hat man inside Sephora makeup store, where he was cleaning his face. “He first informed me that his pants were down, then later stated his belt was loose so he was fixing his pants — and lastly he claimed that he was working out, and that’s why his pants were down,” the officer noted. “There is no gym or workout station at the location.”

Apparently, pink-hat man likes to show off his junk on a regular basis at Lenox. “(He’s) been accused of exposing himself, trespassing, and being disorderly” on previous occasions, the officer noted.

The man, age 30, went to jail. Police searched him and found a black cellphone, headphones, and a toy car.

FAKEOUT FAIL: The City of Atlanta’s human resources manager got an email “requesting a change to payroll for Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms,” an officer wrote.  “Although the name attached to the address states it is from Keisha Lance Bottoms, the address did not come from a City of Atlanta government email address.” Instead, the email appeared to originate from Tampa Bay, Florida.

“The email requests (the human resources manager) to assist with changing the status of payment to a new bank account, which would be provided if he confirmed he could assist.”

“After review of the email, it was confirmed that this was not an email sent by Mayor Bottoms — and she is not aware of the email address,” the officer noted. “Atlanta Information Management was notified about the phishing email, which can help prevent cyber-crime attempts like this one from happening in the future.”

STRANGE TRIP: Police got a call about a possible robbery from a hotel on Northside Drive near the Georgia World Congress Center. An injured man said he was walking through the hotel parking lot when he suddenly fell. What triggered his fall?

The reporting officer noted: “The man stated he fell because he tripped over religion. He then continued to add events to his story.”

The man said after he fell, he sat in a mystery person’s car for a while. Also, the man said he was sprinting before he fell, because someone with a gun was chasing him.

However, neither the mystery person … nor the mystery car … was visible.

What was very real: the blood streaming from the man’s head. Police took him to Grady Hospital, where staffers determined the man was “experiencing hallucinations.” The man, age 27, lives in Decatur.

TEXAS WALKER STRANGER: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a dispute broke out at the Chop House restaurant, and staffers flagged down police. “The employees said a Texas man was talking on his phone very loudly, begging someone to take him back,” a police officer noted. “Then, he began calling patrons ‘bitches’ and ‘motherfuckers.’ When (the manager) asked him to leave, he began calling her ‘bitch’ and ‘motherfucker.’”

The man looked at the female police sergeant and said, “You motherfucker, either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone.” Then, the Texas man apologized, saying he needed a wheelchair — and he left the Chop House restaurant. Airport staffers brought him a wheelchair, he sat down, and staffers started wheeling him to the airport’s west curb. Suddenly, the Texas man started yelling and cursing again. He screamed, “Fuck Atlanta, TI the rapper, and the President’s wife.”

When the female police sergeant walked up again, the Texas man sprang out of his wheelchair and said, “Either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone,” while “walking toward the police sergeant in an aggressive manner.”

Then, the Texas man walked outside the airport, screaming that same refrain — “arrest me or leave me the fuck alone” — at least five times in front of children and other passengers.

The Texas man, age 47, went to jail for disorderly conduct and cursing uncontrollably. He hails from a ritzy suburb outside Houston.

WALK ON, CROUTON: Around 2 a.m. police got a call about a guy walking on I-75/85 near Spring Street. Upon arrival, the cop found a 36-year-old man strolling down the interstate. The cop stopped the man and asked: “What on earth are you doing?”

“(The man) stated that he was just walking on the highway because he saw it in movies,” the officer noted. “I explained that it’s illegal to walk on a controlled access highway such as I-75/85 … and I asked him where he was coming from and what he was doing prior to being on the highway.

“The man stated that he was stressed out about life and that his life has been very difficult,” the officer noted. “He said he just wanted to walk — and then kept on walking.”

Moments later, the man’s life became substantially more difficult. He went to jail for “walking on the interstate.”

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(6833) "I__N COLD BLOOD:__  A woman pulling a wagon tried to walk into the Auburn Avenue Research Library. A security guard stopped her, insisting she couldn’t bring her wagon inside. She was free to come into the library — as long as it was sans wagon. So the woman parked her wagon outside — and attempted to walk into library. Nope. Denied. The security guard said, “You can’t just leave your wagon in front of a public building!”

“The female then asks the staff of the library if they could watch her wagon,” an officer noted. Nope. Denied again. The security guard says no one is allowed to watch library patrons’ belongings.

The Wagongate debate clearly agitated the woman. “The woman then squatted down in front of the library and began urinating,” a police officer noted. “The female then reached into her private area, pulled out a tampon, and threw it inside the library.”

The flying tampon hit a patron reading inside the quiet library. The patron, a 52-year-old woman, told police that the flying tampon landed on her right foot. Outraged, she wants to press “full charges” against the tampon-flinging woman with the wagon.

The entire tampon-hurling incident was caught on the library’s surveillance cameras. The reporting officer reviewed the surveillance footage and noted, “I did in fact see where the white female urinated in front of the property and threw her tampon inside the location.”

The woman with her wagon went to jail.

__GET SHAFTED:__  At Lenox Square Mall, a police officer got a call about a possibly drunk, shirtless man yelling and cursing at customers while showing them his Johnson. The bare-chested man, age 30, was wearing a sassy pink hat, a suit jacket, and black pants. A witness saw the man “pull down his pants multiple times, at one point exposing the shaft of his penis.”

The cop found the pink-hat man inside Sephora makeup store, where he was cleaning his face. “He first informed me that his pants were down, then later stated his belt was loose so he was fixing his pants — and lastly he claimed that he was working out, and that’s why his pants were down,” the officer noted. “There is no gym or workout station at the location.”

Apparently, pink-hat man likes to show off his junk on a regular basis at Lenox. “(He’s) been accused of exposing himself, trespassing, and being disorderly” on previous occasions, the officer noted.

The man, age 30, went to jail. Police searched him and found a black cellphone, headphones, and a toy car.

__FAKEOUT FAIL:__ The City of Atlanta’s human resources manager got an email “requesting a change to payroll for Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms,” an officer wrote.  “Although the name attached to the address states it is from Keisha Lance Bottoms, the address did not come from a City of Atlanta government email address.” Instead, the email appeared to originate from Tampa Bay, Florida.

“The email requests (the human resources manager) to assist with changing the status of payment to a new bank account, which would be provided if he confirmed he could assist.”

“After review of the email, it was confirmed that this was not an email sent by Mayor Bottoms — and she is not aware of the email address,” the officer noted. “Atlanta Information Management was notified about the phishing email, which can help prevent cyber-crime attempts like this one from happening in the future.”

__STRANGE TRIP:__ Police got a call about a possible robbery from a hotel on Northside Drive near the Georgia World Congress Center. An injured man said he was walking through the hotel parking lot when he suddenly fell. What triggered his fall?

The reporting officer noted: “The man stated he fell because he tripped over religion. He then continued to add events to his story.”

The man said after he fell, he sat in a mystery person’s car for a while. Also, the man said he was sprinting before he fell, because someone with a gun was chasing him.

However, neither the mystery person … nor the mystery car … was visible.

What ''was'' very real: the blood streaming from the man’s head. Police took him to Grady Hospital, where staffers determined the man was “experiencing hallucinations.” The man, age 27, lives in Decatur.

__TEXAS WALKER STRANGER:__ At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a dispute broke out at the Chop House restaurant, and staffers flagged down police. “The employees said a Texas man was talking on his phone very loudly, begging someone to take him back,” a police officer noted. “Then, he began calling patrons ‘bitches’ and ‘motherfuckers.’ When (the manager) asked him to leave, he began calling her ‘bitch’ and ‘motherfucker.’”

The man looked at the female police sergeant and said, “You motherfucker, either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone.” Then, the Texas man apologized, saying he needed a wheelchair — and he left the Chop House restaurant. Airport staffers brought him a wheelchair, he sat down, and staffers started wheeling him to the airport’s west curb. Suddenly, the Texas man started yelling and cursing again. He screamed, “Fuck Atlanta, TI the rapper, and the President’s wife.”

When the female police sergeant walked up again, the Texas man sprang out of his wheelchair and said, “Either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone,” while “walking toward the police sergeant in an aggressive manner.”

Then, the Texas man walked outside the airport, screaming that same refrain — “arrest me or leave me the fuck alone” — at least five times in front of children and other passengers.

The Texas man, age 47, went to jail for disorderly conduct and cursing uncontrollably. He hails from a ritzy suburb outside Houston.

__WALK ON, CROUTON:__ Around 2 a.m. police got a call about a guy walking on I-75/85 near Spring Street. Upon arrival, the cop found a 36-year-old man strolling down the interstate. The cop stopped the man and asked: “What on earth are you doing?”

“(The man) stated that he was just walking on the highway because he saw it in movies,” the officer noted. “I explained that it’s illegal to walk on a controlled access highway such as I-75/85 … and I asked him where he was coming from and what he was doing prior to being on the highway.

“The man stated that he was stressed out about life and that his life has been very difficult,” the officer noted. “He said he just wanted to walk — and then kept on walking.”

Moments later, the man’s life became substantially more difficult. He went to jail for “walking on the interstate.”

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''"
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  string(7172) " Blot0819pinkhat Flasher Web  2019-08-01T20:50:42+00:00 blot0819pinkhat_flasher_web.jpg     And other tales of life in the ATL 21453  2019-08-01T20:47:21+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Tampon tirade jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating  2019-08-01T20:47:21+00:00  IN COLD BLOOD:  A woman pulling a wagon tried to walk into the Auburn Avenue Research Library. A security guard stopped her, insisting she couldn’t bring her wagon inside. She was free to come into the library — as long as it was sans wagon. So the woman parked her wagon outside — and attempted to walk into library. Nope. Denied. The security guard said, “You can’t just leave your wagon in front of a public building!”

“The female then asks the staff of the library if they could watch her wagon,” an officer noted. Nope. Denied again. The security guard says no one is allowed to watch library patrons’ belongings.

The Wagongate debate clearly agitated the woman. “The woman then squatted down in front of the library and began urinating,” a police officer noted. “The female then reached into her private area, pulled out a tampon, and threw it inside the library.”

The flying tampon hit a patron reading inside the quiet library. The patron, a 52-year-old woman, told police that the flying tampon landed on her right foot. Outraged, she wants to press “full charges” against the tampon-flinging woman with the wagon.

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The woman with her wagon went to jail.

GET SHAFTED:  At Lenox Square Mall, a police officer got a call about a possibly drunk, shirtless man yelling and cursing at customers while showing them his Johnson. The bare-chested man, age 30, was wearing a sassy pink hat, a suit jacket, and black pants. A witness saw the man “pull down his pants multiple times, at one point exposing the shaft of his penis.”

The cop found the pink-hat man inside Sephora makeup store, where he was cleaning his face. “He first informed me that his pants were down, then later stated his belt was loose so he was fixing his pants — and lastly he claimed that he was working out, and that’s why his pants were down,” the officer noted. “There is no gym or workout station at the location.”

Apparently, pink-hat man likes to show off his junk on a regular basis at Lenox. “(He’s) been accused of exposing himself, trespassing, and being disorderly” on previous occasions, the officer noted.

The man, age 30, went to jail. Police searched him and found a black cellphone, headphones, and a toy car.

FAKEOUT FAIL: The City of Atlanta’s human resources manager got an email “requesting a change to payroll for Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms,” an officer wrote.  “Although the name attached to the address states it is from Keisha Lance Bottoms, the address did not come from a City of Atlanta government email address.” Instead, the email appeared to originate from Tampa Bay, Florida.

“The email requests (the human resources manager) to assist with changing the status of payment to a new bank account, which would be provided if he confirmed he could assist.”

“After review of the email, it was confirmed that this was not an email sent by Mayor Bottoms — and she is not aware of the email address,” the officer noted. “Atlanta Information Management was notified about the phishing email, which can help prevent cyber-crime attempts like this one from happening in the future.”

STRANGE TRIP: Police got a call about a possible robbery from a hotel on Northside Drive near the Georgia World Congress Center. An injured man said he was walking through the hotel parking lot when he suddenly fell. What triggered his fall?

The reporting officer noted: “The man stated he fell because he tripped over religion. He then continued to add events to his story.”

The man said after he fell, he sat in a mystery person’s car for a while. Also, the man said he was sprinting before he fell, because someone with a gun was chasing him.

However, neither the mystery person … nor the mystery car … was visible.

What was very real: the blood streaming from the man’s head. Police took him to Grady Hospital, where staffers determined the man was “experiencing hallucinations.” The man, age 27, lives in Decatur.

TEXAS WALKER STRANGER: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a dispute broke out at the Chop House restaurant, and staffers flagged down police. “The employees said a Texas man was talking on his phone very loudly, begging someone to take him back,” a police officer noted. “Then, he began calling patrons ‘bitches’ and ‘motherfuckers.’ When (the manager) asked him to leave, he began calling her ‘bitch’ and ‘motherfucker.’”

The man looked at the female police sergeant and said, “You motherfucker, either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone.” Then, the Texas man apologized, saying he needed a wheelchair — and he left the Chop House restaurant. Airport staffers brought him a wheelchair, he sat down, and staffers started wheeling him to the airport’s west curb. Suddenly, the Texas man started yelling and cursing again. He screamed, “Fuck Atlanta, TI the rapper, and the President’s wife.”

When the female police sergeant walked up again, the Texas man sprang out of his wheelchair and said, “Either you arrest me or leave me the fuck alone,” while “walking toward the police sergeant in an aggressive manner.”

Then, the Texas man walked outside the airport, screaming that same refrain — “arrest me or leave me the fuck alone” — at least five times in front of children and other passengers.

The Texas man, age 47, went to jail for disorderly conduct and cursing uncontrollably. He hails from a ritzy suburb outside Houston.

WALK ON, CROUTON: Around 2 a.m. police got a call about a guy walking on I-75/85 near Spring Street. Upon arrival, the cop found a 36-year-old man strolling down the interstate. The cop stopped the man and asked: “What on earth are you doing?”

“(The man) stated that he was just walking on the highway because he saw it in movies,” the officer noted. “I explained that it’s illegal to walk on a controlled access highway such as I-75/85 … and I asked him where he was coming from and what he was doing prior to being on the highway.

“The man stated that he was stressed out about life and that his life has been very difficult,” the officer noted. “He said he just wanted to walk — and then kept on walking.”

Moments later, the man’s life became substantially more difficult. He went to jail for “walking on the interstate.”

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,1                                 THE BLOTTER: Tampon tirade "
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Police Blotter

Thursday August 1, 2019 04:47 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...

More By This Writer

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  string(4275) "PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(4319) "__PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1:__ Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. ''Newsweek'' magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

__KNOCKED UP:__ A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

Police say the driver of the news van left it running, with a pregnant CBS46 reporter in the rear of the van’s cargo area. The two were covering a car crash on 17th Street — and police officers were already on the scene, searching for the missing driver of that first crash.

Suddenly, a 38-year-old pregnant woman leapt into the driver’s seat of the news van and peeled off — with the pregnant reporter still in the van’s cargo area. The pregnant reporter yelled for help, and police officers tried to stop the van, which crashed a short distance away near the traffic circle at Peachtree Circle and The Prado in Ansley Park. The pregnant reporter was not hurt in the crash; however the pregnant suspect injured her arm.

The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

__SHAKE IT, SUGAR:__ A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

__CONTAGIOUS VIBES:__ In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

__JURASSIC PARK DUO:__ Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a ''Tyrannosaurus rex''; the second a ''Stegosaurus''. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

__PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2:__ A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —__CL__—

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  string(4695) " 0520blot Cough V3 Web  2020-05-11T17:05:39+00:00 0520blot-cough-v3_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 31010  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: The ‘coughing bandit’ strikes jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2020-05-01T04:05:00+00:00  PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #1: Police say an Atlanta woman coughed on a family for a “coronavirus social media” challenge. The female suspect is accused of targeting a family of six — including four children — who were taking a stroll near their Atlantic Station home on 17th street and The Village. The female suspect allegedly approached the family and said one word — “corona” — before coughing and laughing hysterically. The parents say the female deliberately coughed in the direction of their six-year-old son. Apparently, the suspect held up her cell-phone and made a video-clip of her coughing stunt. Which may help police track her down. Police released images of the female suspect shopping at a nearby Target with a drink in her hand — and asked the public to help identify her.

The female suspect is being sought for a reckless conduct charge. If convicted, she could face up to 12 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Newsweek magazine reports: “It remains unclear if the woman was actually involved in the same social media challenge that first hit the headlines in March, when a female teenager filmed themselves licking a toilet bowl, seemingly in an attempt to kick off a new trend.”

KNOCKED UP: A pregnant woman stole a CBS46 local news van in Midtown — with another pregnant reporter inside.

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The 38-year-old pregnant suspect is now charged with kidnapping.

SHAKE IT, SUGAR: A police department in Taneytown, Maryland, sent out a friendly pandemic fashion reminder to residents about proper attire for walking from your home to your mailbox. Apparently, some followers of the local stay-at-home-shelter order were enjoying a mini-break from covering their lower halves. Police in Taneytown got fed up, and posted this stern reminder on Facebook: “Please remember to put on pants before checking your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

CONTAGIOUS VIBES: In Oakhurst, a woman started dressing up as Chicken Bike Lady and riding through the neighborhood on a regular basis, just to cheer up people following shelter-at-home orders. She went all in — and built a large red-and-white chicken-creature to prop on the back of her bicycle for the rides. Chicken Bike Lady even made special trips for kids celebrating birthdays while stuck at home: She’d ride by, wave, sing “Happy Birthday” — all while keeping a safe social distance from all.

JURASSIC PARK DUO: Prehistoric beasts started reclaiming parts of Decatur’s Oakhurst neighborhood during the pandemic-stay-at-home-quarantine days. Two people dressed up in stuffed dinosaur costumes were spotted casually strolling down a street. The first dino appeared to be a Tyrannosaurus rex; the second a Stegosaurus. No indication as to what prompted their distinct-extinct pandemic attire.

PANDEMIC DARWIN AWARD #2: A grocery store had to dump $35,000 worth of food because a woman allegedly “came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and (on) a small section of our bakery, meat case, and grocery,” the store’s managers posted on Facebook. “While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all of the products she came in contact with.” The grocery store is located in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania. —CL—

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Friday May 1, 2020 12:05 am EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(7249) "In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the [https://www.kgw.com/article/news/local/the-story/newport-police-ask-residents-not-to-call-911-over-toilet-paper-shortages/283-159f5b17-f923-41cf-b5f0-52fb187baf96|police department in Newport, Oregon] got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on [https://www.facebook.com/NewportPolice/photos/a.10150611383469944/10151320061939944/?type=3&theater|Facebook]. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

__ALL THAT GLITTERS:__ One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

__REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS:__ A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

__MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS:__ Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

__GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN!__ In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

__CHIP ON THE SHOULDER?__ In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

__BITTER FRUIT:__ On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

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  string(7682) " 0420 Blot TP Final Web  2020-04-10T20:11:05+00:00 0420_blot-TP-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 30525  2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-04-10T20:05:35+00:00  In a flash, all of Atlanta’s population became obsessed with one thing: Wiping their asses. And consumed with fear over supplies running out for said ass-wiping. Toilet-paper thievery reports suddenly surpassed reports of more conventionally appealing items for bandits, like flat-screen TVs. And it wasn’t just experienced robbers with TP on the brain: A seemingly sane and wholesome-looking elderly grandfather knocked innocent children to the ground for a single roll of Quilted Northern Ultra-Plush. 

Grocery store parking lots across ATL abruptly transformed into bitch-slap combat zones, one pitting a suburban housewife versus a bearded urban hipster with a man-bun — with both sides madly wrestling over 18-packs of Charmin Ultra-Soft 2-Ply Mega Rolls. 

Of course, it’s not just in the ATL. More than 3,000 miles away, the police department in Newport, Oregon got fed up with fielding “emergency” calls over toilet-paper shortages. “It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” Newport police wrote on Facebook. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers you many other options in your time of need if you cannot find a roll: Mayans used corncobs … Farmers used pages from the Farmers Almanac.” The police post goes on to suggest “grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting in front of you … Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.” 

Humanity still hasn’t recovered. 

ALL THAT GLITTERS: One evening, a 35-year-old woman was walking in downtown Atlanta, past the horse-driven carriages lined up for tourist rides on Luckie Street. Suddenly, “a horse bit her right arm.” 

A cop noted: “The woman described the horse as a 17-hand draft Paint color horse with black and white spots and gold glitter polish(ed) hooves.”

The horse’s handler — a man with a short haircut — asked the bitten woman if she wanted a free carriage ride, to make up for the horse bite. No thanks, said the woman, refusing the bonus ride. 

Also, she refused to go to the emergency room, insisting the horse bite wasn’t that bad. The reporting officer noted clearly visible bruises and abrasions on the woman’s right arm. 

REVENGE WITH CONDIMENTS: A 20-year-old man walked into the Grant Park Police Department to report a dispute with his girlfriend. He said he posted something on social media that his girlfriend did not agree with, and she began to accuse him of cheating. “Since then, she has texted him multiple times, threatening to send nude pictures of him to his mother and calling his job,” the reporting cop noted. “He believes she also trashed his vehicle by tossing mustard all over it.” 

The boyfriend had proof, showing texts and video to cops.  He said he would try to get a restraining order. 

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS: Around midnight in Grant Park, a cop peered out a Zone 3 precinct window — and spotted a blue Nissan Altima idling at the intersection of Cherokee and Atlanta avenues. Other cars piled up “behind the Nissan, honking their horns to get the vehicle to move,” the observant cop noted.

The cop walked outside to check it out.  “I approached the vehicle and saw a man slumped over the driver seat. I then started knocking on the windows, but got no response from the driver. I then went to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door and started shaking (the driver) … after about 20 seconds of shaking him, he finally responded.” 

The cop asked: Did you have any alcoholic drinks tonight? 

The driver: Yes, I did. 

“He then stepped out (of the car) and could barely keep his balance. Medics arrived, examined him, and said he wasn’t injured, just drunk. 

Just to review: Not only did this gentleman pass out in his car around midnight, directly in front of the Grant Park police station. He also did so a) in his girlfriend’s car and b) while driving on a suspended license. Talk about making cops’ jobs super-easy. 

The man was arrested and charged with a DUI Less Safe; impeding the flow of traffic; and driving with a suspended license. His girlfriend was allowed to come pick up her Nissan Altima before her boyfriend went to jail. 

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE MAN! In the Old Fourth Ward around 7:30 a.m., a 31-year-old woman called police to her apartment on Linden Avenue. “(She) said she woke up to get ready for the day before her boyfriend (and father of her child),” a cop noted: The girlfriend said her boyfriend woke up and was upset that he overslept and was now late for work — and blamed her for not waking him up … so he flipped over her mattress and dresser, upside down,” the cop noted. “The boyfriend then grabbed the blinds in their bedroom, ripping and removing several sections of blinds from the window.” The girlfriend started to call 911 — and her boyfriend punched a hole in the hallway wall and left the apartment. She wasn’t sure where he went. 

Cops noted that the girlfriend wasn’t concerned or afraid about her personal safety … but she wanted a police report because her angry lover had damaged items belonging to the apartment management company, like the wall and blinds. “(The girlfriend) said her boyfriend has anger issues but has never put his hands on her,” the cop noted.

CHIP ON THE SHOULDER? In the Joyland neighborhood, an argument between a customer and a store manager broke out at a convenience store on Pryor Road. A 29-year-old woman said she bought some Lays Potato Chips for her and her children. The woman said she and her kids were eating the bag of chips when she realized the bottom of the bag contained more than chips. “When she opened it, dead ants were in the bottom of the chip bag.” 

The woman wanted a refund for her insect-infested potato chips. And she wanted a full refund for everything she bought at the store : $12. The store manager refused to give her any refund. 

A cop showed up and heard both sides. “I informed (the woman) that she’d have to take up a claim with Lays Company,” the reporting officer noted.

BITTER FRUIT: On Auburn Avenue, a grocery store owner said a local drug dealer named “Fruit” was harassing a male customer in his 60s who was withdrawing money from the ATM located inside the store. The customer complained to the grocery-store owner – and suddenly Fruit intruded and got upset because he falsely believed the owner allowed the customer to take his place in the ATM line. According to the owner, “Fruit” was beyond frustrated with the situation – so the owner asked him leave the store. “Fruit” refused to go – so the owner picked up the phone to call police. That’s when Fruit the Drug Dealer threatened to kill the owner if he actually did call the police (which he promptly called).  By the time cops arrived, Fruit was long gone.

Fruit the Drug dealer is described as a skinny man wearing a red hat and a black jacket. Nothing further.

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   -84.4236492,33.7008587,15  The Blotter: All That Glitters  blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Wiped out! "
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Article

Friday April 10, 2020 04:05 pm EDT
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(6083) "A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET:__ At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

__SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II:__ A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

__HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT:__ In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

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__VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE?__ In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

__STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK:__ Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

__BITCH OF THE MONTH:__ A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). __—CL—__

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  string(6510) " 0320blot Plant Fight Final Web  2020-03-02T18:19:47+00:00 0320blot-plant-fight-final_web.jpg    blotter And other tales of life in the ATL 29578  2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris Lauren Keating Lauren Keating 2020-03-02T18:18:00+00:00  A mother-daughter spat turned ugly on Magnolia Street in northwest Atlanta. The 34-year-old daughter said her mother hit her over the head with a plant. The daughter showed no signs of serious injury and declined medical attention. The mother responded, telling police: “My daughter is a drug addict, and fuck that bitch, she is a hoe (sic).”

However the 52-year-old mother had a swollen eye and a big knot on her forehead. Also, the mother smelled of booze and admitted to having had “two shots earlier.” Also, “she was slurring her words and needed help walking because she was wobbling,” the cop noted.

Neighbors said they saw the mom hit her daughter with a plant … and also saw the mother trip and fall on her face, hitting the same location as her existing injuries. The mother kept cussing during her police interview and refused to stop screaming at her daughter. So police took the wobbly mother to jail for disorderly conduct while drunk.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET: At Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, a 37-year-old man from Athens, Georgia, walked up to a Delta ticketing counter, whipped out his penis, and started pissing on the floor near the employees.

“When I arrived, I observed the urine on the floor,” the reporting cop noted. Also noted: The 37-year-old man was drunk out of his mind. Apparently, he had been denied boarding on an earlier flight because he was so frigging drunk. So he hung out at the airport for another two hours, then unloaded his pee spray on the Delta employees.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET, PART II: A 38-year-old woman said she was just waking up inside her apartment on Camellia Lane in the Lindbergh neighborhood, when she heard “rapid knocking.” She opened her door slightly to see if someone was there. “She stated (that) a woman with red hair and a black jacket barged into her apartment,” the reporting police officer noted. “The red-haired woman said that this was her apartment and would not leave.”

The first woman said that at first, she thought the red-haired woman was in the wrong apartment unit — but the red-haired woman insisted that it was hers.

“She said the red-haired woman grabbed her and wrestled her out of the apartment. When she tried to get back in, (the red-haired woman) grabbed her by the hair and began throwing her against the apartment wall and punching her,” the cop wrote. She stated that the red-haired woman then peed outside her front door.

When police finally arrived, they spotted the red-haired woman trying to leave through the back door. Cops searched the red-haired woman and found suspected crack and cocaine, plus a scale and $1,192 cash. They identified her as a 31-year-old woman from Gwinnett County (Dacula). The red-haired woman was arrested for trespassing, battery, and drug possession. The first woman swore she’d never met the red-haired woman before in her life. Nothing further.

HOW TO LOSE $$ AND SELF-RESPECT: In the Westview neighborhood, officers responded to a marital dispute on Alvarado Terrace. The 40-year-old husband said he was arguing with his wife because he suspects her of cheating. His next move? Give her money.

“(The husband) then advised that he gave her $600 in cash, but now wanted it back,” the reporting officer wrote. “(The husband) mentioned that he wants a police report documented just in case he would like to pursue (charges) to acquire his money back from his wife.”

As for the possibly cheating wife — she was already gone by the time police arrived on the scene. Cops gave the despondent 40-year-old husband a courtesy ride to his aunt’s house on Collier Drive.

VEGAN THIEF WITH DESIGNER TASTE? In the Collier Heights neighborhood, a 26-year-old woman said she returned to her apartment on Peek Road and discovered someone had thrown a package of raw meat onto her bedroom floor. Also, $13,350 worth of her belongings were missing, including: a snakeskin Gucci wallet ($750); black Gucci boots with red laces ($1,200); black and brown Louis Vuitton boots ($1,200); purple-and-black Balenciaga shoes ($900); a brown Louis Vuitton duffle bag with a pink strap ($4,500); and a red Gucci purse ($900).

The woman’s neighbors hadn’t heard a thing.

“I asked (the 26-year-old woman) if she had any enemies or someone whom she suspects could do something like this, and she said no,” the reporting cop noted.

STUPID CRIME OF THE WEEK: Around 11:30 p.m., a 34-year-old man was dining at Fellini’s Pizza on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Suddenly, a Fellini’s manager walked up and informed the 34-year-old man that someone had just broken a window on his black Jeep Grand Cherokee in the restaurant’s parking lot.

The 34-year-old man went outside and saw his front driver’s-side window had been smashed.

Did the perps steal anything from his car? Nope. “The vehicle was not entered,” an officer wrote.

And how did the window-smashers get to Fellini’s? Oh, in a new black Jaguar.

Cops reviewed Fellini’s surveillance footage and saw what appeared to be a brand-new black Jaguar roll into the parking lot. The Jaguar driver parked right next to the 34-year-old’s jeep. Two men with flashlights hopped out and began looking into nearby cars. Then, Fellini’s manager and another employee ran outside and started screaming at the two men, who hopped back into their Jaguar and left.

BITCH OF THE MONTH: A 26-year-old boyfriend and girlfriend got into a bad argument at his home on Calloway Drive. According to the boyfriend, the girlfriend smashed his TV on the ground; poured bleach on about $1,000 worth of his clothes; and broke the rear windshield of his silver Toyota Camry. All her shenanigans took place in front of the boyfriend’s 73-year-old grandfather. The girlfriend was long gone by the time cops arrived. Ironically, the boyfriend told police, his girlfriend lives on Valentine Street (which may or may not exist). —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    Illustration by Tray Butler   0,0,10   cl-issue-march-2020 blotter                             THE BLOTTER: Mommie Dearest "
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Article

Monday March 2, 2020 01:18 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(39) "THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it"
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  string(14) "LAUREN KEATING"
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  string(9946) "PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(9978) "P__UTTIN’ ON THE RITZ:__ Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1:__ Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

__ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH:__ A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

__THE EX FILES:__ Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

__BITCH WITH A DOG:__ A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

__PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE:__ A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

__JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II:__ A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. __— CL —__ 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words."
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  string(10331) " 0220blot Winter Moon 01  2020-02-04T20:48:19+00:00 0220blot-winter-moon-01.jpg     And other tales of life in the ATL 28530  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it will.cardwell@gmail.com Will Cardwell LAUREN KEATING  2020-02-04T19:03:37+00:00  PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ: Yes, you can actually get arrested for stealing items from your hotel room. A 42-year-old woman who calls herself “Winter Moon” tried to rip off the Buckhead Ritz Carlton Hotel on Peachtree Road — by snagging two wildly expensive vases worth $5,000 total. But apparently, she didn’t check her grip.

As Winter Moon walked toward a hotel exit door, she “dropped one vase, causing it to smash to the floor,” a Ritz security guard noted.  So she’s just destroyed a $2,500 vase that she was trying to steal.

The guard said he approached the woman and asked her: Why are you trying to leave the hotel with two Ritz vases? “All she said was that she was sorry,” the guard recalled, adding that she refused most of his questions. The only information he obtained: Her name is “Winter Moon,” and she hails from Loganville.

Initially, the security guard decided to go easy on Winter Moon — and not bust her for stealing or call police. Instead, the guard was willing to let her go, if she agreed to a physical search and then immediately left the Ritz Carlton hotel. Alas, Winter Moon agreed to a body search — and the guard found another pilfered item hidden in her bag: a gold Ritz elephant. Still, the guard let her go free. Then, Winter Moon departed the luxury hotel in an Uber. Her failed Ritz Carlton rip-off wasn’t reported until the next day, when the security guard apparently realized his Ritz managers needed a police report for an insurance claim to replace that fancy $2,500 blue vase shattered in Winter Moon’s clumsy grip. So the guard called police, and now Winter Moon’s attempted crime could land her in trouble. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART 1: Also in Buckhead, someone stole a blue Lamborghini worth at least $200,000 from a car wash on Piedmont Road. In broad daylight. During Atlanta rush hour. The car-wash manager gave police surveillance video, which clearly shows a black Dodge Charger (occupied by at least two men) stopping near the unattended Lamborghini as the two cars were in the “wash” tunnel. Then, one passenger exits the Dodge Charger and steals the 2019 Lamborghini Urus. The Lamborghini theft happened between 6:52 and 6:53 p.m. The Lamborghini was last spotted heading down Piedmont Road toward Buford Highway.

ROAD RAGE ENDS IN MOUTH: A 56-year-old Tucker man said a female driver in a Dodge Charger almost hit his 2019 black Lexus as he entered the intersection of Peachtree Road and Ralph McGill Boulevard, near the 85/75 ramps. The Tucker man said he caught up to the female driver and asked her: Why are you driving so fast?

“It’s a free country. I can do what the fuck I want,” the female driver replied.

Then, the female driver allegedly started spraying “an unknown liquid” into the Tucker man’s Lexus, and some of the “mystery liquid” got into his mouth, causing it to burn. Then, the female driver fled the scene.

The Tucker man called police, claiming the interior of his Lexus was damaged and giving police the female driver’s license plate number. The reporting cop noted. “I observed an unknown substance splashed on (his) car.”

And the Mystery Liquid? No further clues on the soggy spray landing in the Tucker man’s mouth and car.

THE EX FILES: Late-night booty calls involving ex-partners = always risky. Case in point: A 25-year-old man invited his ex-girlfriend over to his apartment on Parkland Drive in the Lindbergh neighborhood. When she arrived, the ex-girlfriend was already both intoxicated and belligerent. The man says his ex-girlfriend wanted to drink more tequila from a bottle he kept in his apartment. But he told her no, because she was already too drunk.

So then, they have sex.

“Both were in bed when the ex-girlfriend suddenly said, ‘I love you,’” the cop noted in his police report.

And how did the 25-year-old man respond? Well, he did not say “I love you” back. That’s when his naked ex-girlfriend started screaming and yelling. The man stepped out of his bedroom long enough to call some guy to come pick up his ex-girlfriend. But the guy wants to have a long phone conversation. Eventually, the 25-year-old man walks back to his bedroom: Now his naked, drunk ex-girlfriend is holding a black-and-silver handgun and she’s “waving it in the air.”

The man asks the ex-girlfriend to put down the gun. Several times. At one point, the ex-girlfriend allegedly points the gun at him and says, “Watch. I’m going to do it.” He calls 911. The naked ex-girlfriend decides to get dressed and leaves his apartment, still toting her gun, before police arrived.

No one was injured. But the man filed a police report about the ex-girlfriend’s naked gun threats.

BITCH WITH A DOG: A married man and woman in their 20s walk into a clothing store on Metropolitan Parkway. The wife has an alleged service dog.

Immediately, the store manager tells the wife that she has to leave the store with the dog. (Um, hey, is that legal? Service dogs allowed almost everywhere, right?)

After a brief discussion, the wife pulls a weapon out of her purse, points it in the direction of the store manager, and says: “I have a gun and you don’t.”

Then, the wife promptly departs the store with her alleged service dog, and drives away in her Chevy Cruze — leaving behind her husband. Perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer, the husband is still hanging out in the clothing store when police arrive. Hubby refuses to give cops any information on his wife. Twenty-eight-year-old hubby gets written up in said police report. 

PISSED-OFF GIRLFRIEND’S REVENGE: A drunk couple got into a spat at a Peyton Road apartment complex. The boyfriend and girlfriend (both in their 40s) live in separate apartments next door to each other. According to the boyfriend, every night they hang out, play cards, and drink beer in one of their adjacent apartments. But tonight, trouble erupted during a card-game disagreement.

The boyfriend says they were just “chilling and drinking” until they started bickering over the card-game rules, which somehow led to the girlfriend urinating on his clothes to get revenge over his (possible) lack of fidelity. So he called police to settle their spat.

The girlfriend freely admitted to police officers that she peed on his clothes. Also, the boyfriend admitted to hitting her, “but he also mentioned that his girlfriend was already mad due to the fact that she thought he was cheating on her … and he hit her out of self-defense,” wrote the reporting officer.

The girlfriend, age 42, was extremely intoxicated and “loud,” noted the cop, who decided she was the primary aggressor and took her to jail. 

JUST PLAIN BALLSY, PART II: A 45-year-old female manager of a Dollar Tree store on Cascade Avenue called police and reported a strange crime. She said while she was working the previous night around 6 p.m., a man called her store’s landline phone and identified himself as a Dollar Tree district manager. She said the male caller ordered her to 1) close the store early, 2) remove all money from the store’s registers and safe, and 3) leave only $35 cash in the store. Then, the male caller told the female manager to wait a few minutes, and then call him back on her cell phone to receive further instructions.

The weird part: So the female manager says she complied with the male caller’s demands, emptying the Dollar Tree store’s safe and registers of more than $2,700. She even leaves $35 cash in the store, as the caller insisted.

Then, she waits and calls him back on her cell phone. She says the male caller orders her to walk across the street to Kroger and buy disposable, reloadable debit cards. She said the caller warned her that someone will follow her to Kroger to ensure she actually does as she’s told.

So the female manager goes to Kroger and deposits $2,700 onto reloadable debit cards. Then, she says, the male caller orders her to scratch the back of the debit cards to reveal the passcode numbers — and read those numbers to him.

The female manager says she does all this, and then the male caller promptly removed most of the $2,700 from the debit cards. She adds: The caller told her to keep two disposable debit cards on her, and he’d get those card numbers the next morning — and then he kept on texting and calling her cell phone into the early hours of the morning.

Yes, this is the story that the female manager tells her Dollar Tree boss to explain why her store is missing almost $2,700 from the safe and cash registers. Her boss promptly calls police.

The reporting officer listens carefully to the female manager’s convoluted story of how she was robbed by a male caller. Question #1: “I asked the female manager: Did you think any of the male caller’s requests were suspicious?”

“No,” the female manager replies.

Does she have any proof? Or evidence? Well, the female manager does have Kroger receipts for all the disposable debit cards. She turns those over to police.

The police officer has one question for the female manager’s boss: Do any of the female manager’s actions, including turning over close to $2,700 to a stranger calling the store, follow any formal or informal protocols/rules for Dollar Tree managers?

Nope, that’s a firm negative, according to the Dollar Tree boss.

So the cop arrests the female manager, age 45, who’s been on the job for four months. Then, he runs a computer check on her criminal record: Turns out, the female manager has two warrants — one for shoplifting in Milledgeville, and another for larceny in Baldwin County, Georgia. Yup, she’s going to jail for scamming her employer, Dollar Tree, of nearly $2,700. — CL — 

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.    ILLUSTRATION BY TRAY BUTLER   0,0,1                                 THE BLOTTER: You break it, you stole it "
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Tuesday February 4, 2020 02:03 pm EST
And other tales of life in the ATL | more...
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  string(43) "THE BLOTTER: Resolutions for the hell of it"
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  string(8753) "You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING: A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING: In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO: A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!: One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING: A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON: A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP: In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID: In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.
blotter_jan20"
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  string(8806) "You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

__RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING:__ A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

__RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING:__ In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

__RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO:__ A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

__RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!:__ One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

__RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS__: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

__RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING:__ A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

__RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON:__ A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

__RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP:__ In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

__RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID:__ In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  __—CL—__

''The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.''
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  string(9175) " 0120 Blot Slots Final Web  2020-01-03T15:35:31+00:00 0120-blot-slots-final_web.jpg    theblotter And other tales of life in the ATL 27178  2020-01-01T15:33:00+00:00 THE BLOTTER: Resolutions for the hell of it jim.harris@creativeloafing.com Jim Harris LAUREN KEATING  2020-01-01T15:33:00+00:00  You say you want a resolution? You’ve been bad this year. So bad.

Fortunately, ATL has plenty of sinners to keep you company. Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for you … to help kick off 2020.

RESOLUTION #1: STOP GAMBLING: A man in jeans was playing the Georgia Skill gambling machine inside a gas station on McDonough Boulevard. Suddenly the man got up, grabbed a can of soup, and hurled the soup can at the gaming machine, shattering the glass. The whole soup-rage incident was captured on video, but the man raced out of the gas station before police arrived.

RESOLUTION # 2: CONTROL YOUR SNACKING: In the Westview neighborhood, a boyfriend and girlfriend returned from work around 6:30 p.m. and discovered their Oakland Drive home near the BeltLine had been burglarized.

Apparently, the robber had gourmet taste.

“During the burglary, the perpetrator decided to prepare himself multiple meals in the victims’ kitchen. He prepared spicy chorizo on their stove, prepared a ham sandwich, and also indulged in some sardines,” the reporting police officer wrote.

“During this culinary experience, the suspect touched multiple items in the kitchen, such as bottles of ketchup and hot sauce. The ketchup was brand new, and the victims hadn’t touched it. I was able to lift fingerprints from both condiment bottles,” the cop recalled, noting that “the suspect also attempted to move their TV stand in the living room, leaving fingerprints which were subsequently collected.”

Items reported stolen include: a small saw, an iPhone 7 that no longer worked, a Samsung tablet, a green camping bag, and three credit cards (Sephora, Victoria’s Secret, and JC Penny’s) from the girlfriend’s wallet.

Oddly enough, the couple got most of their stuff back.

The next day, a guy was walking his dog near the West BeltLine at the intersection of Allen and Elbert avenues. He found the couple’s green camping bag lying near the roadway — and called police. Cops looked inside the bag and found “several tools” belonging to the couple, along with cans of tuna, a Samsung tablet, and the nonworking iPhone 7.

RESOLUTION #3: KNOW WHEN TO CHILL … AND WHEN TO GO: A security guard was doing his rounds at an outdoor flea market near Adair Park when suddenly, he noticed a man dressed in black clothes, lying on top of a large refrigerator.

The guard asked: “Why are you on top of the refrigerator?”

The man’s response: He was being chased by two pitbull guard dogs through the flea market.

The security guard repeatedly asked the man to climb down from his refrigerator perch — and immediately leave the flea market. But the man refused.

So the guard called the police.

The reporting cop recalled, “I met with the suspect, who stated he was being chased by two dogs and ended up on top of the refrigerator. He said he was bitten on his left foot during the chase.”

The cop asked: “What are you doing at the closed flea market after midnight?”

The man replied: “Looking for a scooter.”

The cop noted: “There was no scooter...but there were other things of value on the property.”

The man admitted he jumped the gate to enter the flea market without consent.

The cop charged the 20-year-old man with criminal trespassing and took him to Grady Hospital for his dog-bite injuries. 

RESOLUTION #4: ZIP IT!!: One morning a 32-year old woman wearing a black leather mini-dress was blocking the doorway of a hotel on Linden Avenue, preventing people from entering and leaving the hotel.

She was very agitated, screaming and yelling at the security guards. Also, she was unsteady on her feet, and her breath smelled like booze.

Apparently she was trying to solicit men at the hotel bar earlier .… before she moved to the doorway.

A cop arrived and asked her to explain why she was so upset.

“She began to speak loudly, she would never finish a thought or make a complete sentence. She kept ranting and changing stories, and it just wasn’t making any sense,” the cop noted. “She kept trying to talk over everyone, stating she knew the law as she yelled out at the security guard.

“She then revealed she was just trying to eat breakfast (at the hotel), and they were supposed to call her an Uber. Also, she revealed that she was not a paying hotel guest... and she claimed to be meeting some people there (but she didn’t have any names or room numbers).”

The lady in the leather mini-dress just wouldn’t shut up. Eventually, police had enough of her incoherent rambling — and took her to jail for trespassing.

RESOLUTION #5: GET HELP FOR THE WHISTLING IN YOUR EARS: A 22-year-old woman in South Buckhead called police and reported “a male was on her porch patio, whistling.”

This was not the first time the whistling individual has been on her porch, she claimed.

“The woman advised the person never attempts to get into her apartment but he stays on the porch,” the cop noted.

So the cops went to her apartment on Peachtree Valley Road to check it out.

“When we arrived, nobody was on the porch, and (the 22-year-old woman) wasn’t sure if somebody was on the porch — she just heard whistling outside her window. Nothing further.”

RESOLUTION #6: QUIT SMOKING: A 42-year-old man met his friends for dinner at a Buckhead restaurant called The Southern Gentlemen. The man said after dinner, he and his friends adjourned to the restaurant’s front patio for a smoke break. While the 42-year-old was puffing on a cig, he says a total stranger — a tall guy wearing a grey sweatshirt — stormed onto the patio, walked up to him, and asked, “Who insulted my girlfriend?”

Before the 42-year-old could explain that he had nothing to do with insulting anyone’s girlfriend, the tall stranger punched him in the right eye and left the patio.

Apparently, the tall stranger left the Southern Gentleman restaurant before police arrived.

RESOLUTION #7: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON: A 60-year-old man was causing a disturbance at Grady Hospital — so three security guards tried to kick him off the hospital property.

“In return, (the man) unzipped his pants and pulled out his genitals as to insult the Grady security officers, and then proceeded to try to walk off.”

Of course, his genital display drew a crowd of staring hospital patrons. Also, his junk show was captured on video.

“There was video (of him) performing the indecent act... and a multitude of other people around who appeared to be watching the incident,” noted an officer.

Police searched the man and found three packs of Viagra pills. His spontaneous dick show landed him in jail for indecent exposure.

RESOLUTION #8: GET MORE SLEEP: In West End around five a.m., an officer was sitting in a parked patrol car on a median of Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. His lights were activated, producing a steady beam of blue light. Looking up, he saw a white Chrysler 300 swerving and “traveling head-on toward the patrol vehicle. The driver (a 27-year-old woman) had her head down and looked up seconds before colliding with the patrol vehicle, then attempted to swerve back into her lane.”

Both cars sustained significant damage. No one was seriously hurt. A second officer arrived to question the female driver, who was chatting on her cell phone.

The cop recalls: “I asked her if I could talk to her for a minute. (She) signaled she was almost done using the phone.”

Finally, she put her phone away. Her eyes were watery and blood-shot, and her breath smelled of booze.

The driver claimed she fell asleep behind the wheel after work and only had two drinks. Also, the driver said she was “going home and attempting to get on 1-75 South by trying to get on I-20,” which makes no sense.

She went to jail for DUI, after blowing well over the legal limit for alcohol and failing several sobriety tests.

RESOLUTION #9: DON’T BE SO PARANOID: In the Old Fourth Ward, a 25-year-old woman called police and said a white car was following her. A cop went to her apartment on Boulevard to hear her story.

“She stated that a month ago, when she was walking out of her school, a man offered her a CD and she refused. She stated that the man seemed aggressive to give her the CD,” the reporting officer noted. “Today, she said she went to take out the trash at home, and a white vehicle driving south on Boulevard stopped and backed up to where she was at. (The woman) then ran back to her apartment. She didn’t recognize the subject either time.”  —CL—

The Blotter Diva compiles reports from the Atlanta Police Department and puts them into her own words.
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Wednesday January 1, 2020 10:33 am EST
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