On Jan. 20, the Independent Electoral Commission of Iraq finally got around to announcing the results of Iraq's Dec. 15, 2005, parliamentary elections.

Why did it take 35 days to count the votes? No one knows for sure. When asked at the press conference, commission chairman and internationally renowned arithmetician the Count only would say, "I count one reporter ... two reporters ... three...

The other day, I took my barrel down to the neighborhood oil well for a quick fill-up.

"That'll be $68.72," the attendant said, screwing the cap back on my filled barrel.

"$68.72!" I gasped. "That's the most I've paid for a barrel of oil since the weekend after Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. What the heck is going on?"

"Two things," the attendant replied. "Thanks to big American cars...

Everybody has an oil-spot strategy these days.

If you're a regular Joe or Josephine doing laundry, your oil-spot strategy is something like: Apply Tide to Go or Spray 'n Wash to oil-stained shirts 20 minutes before throwing them in the washing machine.

If you're a mechanic, your oil-spot strategy is: Keep some kitty litter handy in the event that the crank case leaks.

Oil-spot strategies are...

Conveniently nestled between silicon and sulfur on the periodic table, phosphorus is one of nature's trendiest and most useful chemical elements. It was discovered in 1669 by a German alchemist named Hennig Brand, the unintended result of Brand's attempt to make gold by boiling concentrated urine. Bizarre, but true.

White phosphorus is a man-made variation of the phosphorus that's mainly used...

"I'm telling you that I have evidence that there are plans to invade Venezuela."

That's what Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, through a translator, told Ted Koppel on "Nightline" last month.

According to Chavez, the U.S. invasion plan is code-named Operation Balboa and will consist of an airborne invasion of Venezuela's capital, Caracas, by an elite unit of down-on-their-luck...