Karma Cleanser - November 20 2002

Going back for seconds

?Dear Karma Cleanser:
My daughter is upset by me seeing my ex again after we split up 10 years ago. We were together for six to seven years before that, when both his son and my daughter were small (he's not her dad). Our kids are in their 20s now, and we are in our 40s. We had a long and nasty breakup, full of bitterness and recrimination — mostly mine. When I told my daughter I was seeing him again, she said she would never accept it; she said she didn't like him when she was little and would never like him now or ever. His son doesn't mind at all.

He and I are working through our own karma, obviously. I told my daughter that now that she's grown, I have the right to live my own life — her judgments notwithstanding. She still lives at home and makes known her displeasure when she comes home, and he's here by slamming doors and huffing around and not acknowledging him directly.

So while I get the chance to do things better with the love of my life now that he's returned, I am worried about what this is doing to the karma I have with my daughter. Suggestions for cleansing are appreciated.

b>-- Reunion City Blues

Given the nasty breakup that happened when your daughter was an adolescent, you have to respect her reluctance to welcome Mr. Ex back into both of your lives. She's reverting back to angry child mode. Does that excuse her bitchy behavior? Absolutely not. Your challenge is to engage her not as parent-child, but as two adults who share the same living space. Let her know that if she doesn't approve of your current beau, she should go get a place of her own — or at least stop acting like a brat.

br>?Dear Karma Cleanser:
I've recently been having dreams about women while I am with my man. I can't stop it — it's like every time I see a woman, I get sexually aroused. I feel like I'm cheating. What should I do? -- Lost and Horny

Jimmy Carter found himself in a minor P.R. flap in 1976 when he admitted to Playboy that he had often "lusted in his heart." Despite the fallout, you should follow the Peanut President's example and confess your secret crushes to your current lover. Sure, it might cost you the relationship. But hopefully — and more likely — he'll react with compassion, even curiosity. Heck, this may be the beginning of an adventurous new phase of the relationship.

Been bad? Get your confess on at karma@ creativeloafing.com.??