Karma Cleanser - November 27 2002

Pay attention! This is the best part.

?Dear Karma Cleanser:
What do you do when a friend has a habit that annoys the absolute bejesus out of you? My good friend Kim does something that I think deserves punishment just shy of decapitation. She gives away movie endings. We see a lot of movies together and almost every time Kim will lean over to me halfway through and reveal something that I did not want to know, like "I think that Bruce Willis is actually dead and he doesn't realize it." I've asked her to stop, but it doesn't do any good. I know that this annoying habit is causing some bad karma for her. I'm worried about myself, though, because of the cruel and unusual punishments I've started planning for her. Help! -- Ticket Monster

Once upon a time the Karma Cleanser had a friend who sounds a lot like Kim, a real chatty type who didn't know when to quietly munch their popcorn. Finally, after a particularly bloody battle scene in Anthony Hopkins' Titus, we finally reached our boiling point and ordered said chatterbox to shut the fuck up in the middle of the theater. Needless to say, we never saw movies with that friend again. Learn from our lesson, Monster, and let Kim know that you can't sit through any films with her if she's going to blow the ending. Do it now before the friendship suffers further.

br>?Dear Karma Cleanser:
(In response to "Digitally Remastered," Nov. 13): Shame on you, KC, for buying into mass marketing propaganda. If the giver wants to give VHS, he should be able to do so without any worries. This whole conversion to the new DVD format is nothing but a conspiracy hosted by the video rental companies and electronics manufacturers. Every few years they go and switch out our formats, forcing us, the lowly consumers, to rush out and buy new products, even if our old VHS players are still perfectly functional. In your wisdom, you should see through this underhanded scheme and fight for the rights of the underdog. -- DV-Don't

Um, thanks for the insight, but we have to respectfully disagree with your Luddite diatribe. Had you actually read the original letter, you'd realize that the gift receivers had just bought a new DVD player, thus the giver's well-placed fear that they would look silly handing out VHS. It's like wearing fur to a PETA convention — just not a good idea. As for your conspiracy theory and Marxist response to the plight of the worker, well, what can we say? We'll happily take DVDs over Betamax any day.

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