Karma Cleanser - March 09 2005
?Dear Karma Cleanser:
A guy in my office is seeing a woman in another country. The girl - who is just the latest of many conquests - lives across an ocean and barely speaks his language, but of course he says it's love.
He's taking time off work to go visit her. He has no vacation time left, and he's actually actively looking for another job. He's listed me as a job reference, which means I might be getting calls from other companies asking if this dude is a good worker. Obviously, he's not.
When he goes to see the girl, he's going to lie and say he's seeing a sick grandmother. No one will ever ask me if I know where he really is, so I just have to keep quiet. But, if one of his prospective employers calls and asks me for a reference, I guess I'm supposed to lie and say he's a model employee. Will doing that screw up my workplace karma?
?-- Praying for the Phone Not to Ring
"Praying" is fine - but we think you're asking the universe for the wrong things. You should be petitioning the higher powers to get this guy a new job, because he's clearly a liability to your company (and your personal sanity). We'd never suggest you lie if and when a potential employer does call, but it seems the greater good here is to do your part to show him out the door.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
?I've done a lot of bad things in my life, but what I did?recently might be the worst yet. I started up an online romance with?an ex. Which does not sound that bad, unless you consider that I live?with my current girlfriend. She can tell that I've been distracted,?and has asked me repeatedly why I seem distant and why I'm not into?spending time with her.
My ex lives in California now, and we trade emails and text messages?every day. It's cloudy and cold here now as I write this, and all I?can think about is how sunny and warm it must be on the West Coast.?I'm honest enough with myself to realize that it's not my ex that I?miss. I really just want some freedom, and some room to breathe. I?know that I'm opening up a can of worms by doing this, and that I'll?later have to pay the price for the "infidelity," even though I?haven't officially cheated yet.
?-- California Dreamin'
Your real problem here isn't rekindling an old flame,?especially given your confession that it's not your ex that you miss.?Your mistake is not facing up to what's missing in your current?relationship — if anything. Is it really freedom you're lacking, or?is this just a case of Seasonal Affective Disorder?