The Televangelist: ‘Lost’ season 5 premiere

Oh boy, oh boy, where to begin? Season 5 picks up exactly where season 4 left off, with Jack and Ben looking at who everyone and their mother now knows is Jeremy Bentham John Locke.

Oh boy, oh boy, where to begin? Season 5 picks up exactly where season 4 left off, with Jack and Ben looking at who everyone and their mother now knows is-- Jeremy Bentham-- John Locke. I wish I could pinpoint a specific theme of tonight’s episode, but it wasn’t about getting one’s bearings so much as losing them completely. Just as many of us speculated, Ben (looking particularly reptilian this week, no?) “moved” the island out of time. As Faraday explains it, “like a record spinning on a turntable, except now it’s off its rotation and skipping.”  Uh-oh!

As if that wasn’t disorienting enough, tonight’s updates on our heroes were no less confusing. It seems everyone’s favorite felon Kate is on the run again — this time taking Aaron with her — and meeting up with Sun who has some suspicious “unfinished business.” Hurley, too, is on the run thanks to International Badass Sayid, who “rescued” him from Santa Rosa, killing a few folks along the way. And I’m pretty sure Ben (and new BFF Jack) are keeping Locke’s body in a meat freezer for the nonce. Back on the island, Juliet, Sawyer, Bernard, Rose and “Frogurt” (RIP), plus the Freighties, wandered around through space and time and were eventually attacked by some flaming arrows and ... hang on, let me catch my breath.

Holy nosebleed ... put on your conspiracy caps and grab your constants!