Your guide to Atlanta homo-sapiens

By CL staff Friday September 29, 2006 04:00 AM EDT

???

???

Redneck bear

?
Distinguishing characteristics: Stocky, large-bellied, hirsute, flannel shirt, Mossy Oak cap, leather halter

Mating call: “Woof!”

Natural habitat: The Eagle; a 4x4 pickup

Role model: Larry the Cable Guy

Karaoke staple: Patsy Cline’s “Walkin’ After Midnight”

Drink of choice: Coors Light

Favorite movie: Deliverance

???

Midtown Blipster

?
Distinguishing characteristics: Ballet flats for daywear, heels for evening, skin-tight jeans, small clutch, eyelash extensions, mohawk

Mating call: Repeated use of the word “fierce”

Natural habitat: DSW; MAC cosmetics counter

Role model: Kate Moss; Nicki Minaj

Karaoke staple: Lil’ Kim

Drink of choice: Sugar-free Red Bull and vodka

Favorite movie: Paris is Burning

? ??

Radical Faerie

?
Distinguishing characteristics: Free-form hygiene, cut-off denim shorts or skirt, full beard, lumberjack boots, wings, glitter

Mating call: “How are you celebrating the midwinter solstice?”

Natural habitat: The nearest drum circle; Short Mountain, Tenn.

Role model: Frodo

Karaoke staple: Scissor Sisters’ “Comfortably Numb”

Drink of choice: Goat’s milk

Favorite movie: Hedwig and the Angry Inch

???

Trailer-Trash Drag Queen

?
Distinguishing characteristics: Big hair, garish makeup, tacky dress, backwoods drawl, penchant for oversharing about rustic upbringing

Mating call: “My double-wide or yours?”

Natural habitat: Sally’s Beauty Supply; Value Village

Role model: Dolly Parton; Peg Bundy

Karaoke staple: Dolly’s “Jolene”

Drink of choice: Corn squeezin’s with a twist of lime

Favorite movie: Death Becomes Her

???

Southern Dandy

?
Distinguishing characteristics: Print blazers, tie with a full-windsor knot, silk pocket square, Italian loafers without socks, horn-rimmed glasses

Mating call: “Where did you get that scarf?”

Natural habitat: Jeffrey Fashion Cares; Neiman Marcus

Role model: Andre Leon Tally; Tennessee Williams

Karaoke staple: The Kinks’ “Dedicated Follower of Fashion”

Drink of choice: Whatever matches his ascot

Favorite movie: A Single Man

???

Paula Deen

?
Distinguishing characteristics: Woman’s Day subscription, cookbook collection, fussy housekeeping habits, immaculate yard

Mating call: “I must get the recipe for these cheese straws!”

Natural habitat: The Colonnade

Role model: Paula Deen, duh

Karaoke staple: The Carpenters’ “We’ve Only Just Begun”

Drink of choice: Sweet tea and bourbon

Favorite movie: Steel Magnolias

???

Decatur Earth Mother

?
Distinguishing characteristics: Butch haircut, Crocs, Prius with “More Trees Less Bush” bumper sticker, politically active, looks exactly like her partner

Mating call: “Is this organic?”

Natural habitat: Sevananda; First Existentialist Church

Role model: Gertrude Stein

Karaoke staple: Indigo Girls medley

Drink of choice: Decaf chai latte

Favorite movie: Boys Don’t Cry

???

Southern Power Belle

?
Distinguishing characteristics: Real estate license, Tahari pant suit, Chanel sunglasses, BMW convertible, adopted Chinese gayby

Mating call: “Call my assistant.”

Natural habitat: Weekday, condo showing; weekend, tennis court

Role model: Suze Orman; Jillian Michaels

Karaoke staple: Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain”

Drink of choice: Pomegranate lemon-drop Martini

Favorite movie: G.I. Jane

???

Empowerment Sister

?
Distinguishing characteristics: Nappy hair or shaved head, slogan T-shirt, pickup truck or Jeep

Mating call: “What’s your favorite Nikki Giovanni poem?”

Natural habitat: Charis Books

Role model: Angela Davis

Karaoke staple: Queen Latifah songbook

Drink of choice: Saketini

Favorite movie: The Color Purple

?? ? ?





Departments