Your guide to Atlanta homo-sapiens
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- Redneck bear?
- Midtown bliPSTER?
- Radical Faerie?
- Trailer-trash drag queen?
- Southern dandy?
- Paul Deen?
- Decatur earth mother?
- Southern power belle?
- Empowerment sister?
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Redneck bear
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Distinguishing characteristics: Stocky, large-bellied, hirsute, flannel shirt, Mossy Oak cap, leather halter
Mating call: "Woof!"
Natural habitat: The Eagle; a 4x4 pickup
Role model: Larry the Cable Guy
Karaoke staple: Patsy Cline's "Walkin' After Midnight"
Drink of choice: Coors Light
Favorite movie: Deliverance
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Midtown Blipster
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Distinguishing characteristics: Ballet flats for daywear, heels for evening, skin-tight jeans, small clutch, eyelash extensions, mohawk
Mating call: Repeated use of the word "fierce"
Natural habitat: DSW; MAC cosmetics counter
Role model: Kate Moss; Nicki Minaj
Karaoke staple: Lil' Kim
Drink of choice: Sugar-free Red Bull and vodka
Favorite movie: Paris is Burning
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Radical Faerie
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Distinguishing characteristics: Free-form hygiene, cut-off denim shorts or skirt, full beard, lumberjack boots, wings, glitter
Mating call: "How are you celebrating the midwinter solstice?"
Natural habitat: The nearest drum circle; Short Mountain, Tenn.
Role model: Frodo
Karaoke staple: Scissor Sisters' "Comfortably Numb"
Drink of choice: Goat's milk
Favorite movie: Hedwig and the Angry Inch
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Trailer-Trash Drag Queen
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Distinguishing characteristics: Big hair, garish makeup, tacky dress, backwoods drawl, penchant for oversharing about rustic upbringing
Mating call: "My double-wide or yours?"
Natural habitat: Sally's Beauty Supply; Value Village
Role model: Dolly Parton; Peg Bundy
Karaoke staple: Dolly's "Jolene"
Drink of choice: Corn squeezin's with a twist of lime
Favorite movie: Death Becomes Her
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Southern Dandy
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Distinguishing characteristics: Print blazers, tie with a full-windsor knot, silk pocket square, Italian loafers without socks, horn-rimmed glasses
Mating call: "Where did you get that scarf?"
Natural habitat: Jeffrey Fashion Cares; Neiman Marcus
Role model: Andre Leon Tally; Tennessee Williams
Karaoke staple: The Kinks' "Dedicated Follower of Fashion"
Drink of choice: Whatever matches his ascot
Favorite movie: A Single Man
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Paula Deen
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Distinguishing characteristics: Woman's Day subscription, cookbook collection, fussy housekeeping habits, immaculate yard
Mating call: "I must get the recipe for these cheese straws!"
Natural habitat: The Colonnade
Role model: Paula Deen, duh
Karaoke staple: The Carpenters' "We've Only Just Begun"
Drink of choice: Sweet tea and bourbon
Favorite movie: Steel Magnolias
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Decatur Earth Mother
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Distinguishing characteristics: Butch haircut, Crocs, Prius with "More Trees Less Bush" bumper sticker, politically active, looks exactly like her partner
Mating call: "Is this organic?"
Natural habitat: Sevananda; First Existentialist Church
Role model: Gertrude Stein
Karaoke staple: Indigo Girls medley
Drink of choice: Decaf chai latte
Favorite movie: Boys Don't Cry
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Southern Power Belle
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Distinguishing characteristics: Real estate license, Tahari pant suit, Chanel sunglasses, BMW convertible, adopted Chinese gayby
Mating call: "Call my assistant."
Natural habitat: Weekday, condo showing; weekend, tennis court
Role model: Suze Orman; Jillian Michaels
Karaoke staple: Carly Simon's "You're So Vain"
Drink of choice: Pomegranate lemon-drop Martini
Favorite movie: G.I. Jane
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Empowerment Sister
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Distinguishing characteristics: Nappy hair or shaved head, slogan T-shirt, pickup truck or Jeep
Mating call: "What's your favorite Nikki Giovanni poem?"
Natural habitat: Charis Books
Role model: Angela Davis
Karaoke staple: Queen Latifah songbook
Drink of choice: Saketini
Favorite movie: The Color Purple
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