Top 5 excuses for skipping the cover charge

The looming doorman — he’s present at every club, blocking your entrance with his arms crossed. But intimidation doesn’t stop the posers in the crowd who will try or say anything to get in free. Gaining admittance without paying evokes a sense of accomplishment that’ll push almost anyone to try out some ridiculous excuse. Jeff Johnson, talent buyer and doorman at Apache Café, is all too familiar with the lame attempts. Here are the top five he’s heard from Apache club-goers trying to get in free, plus his responses. With an upcoming show Saturday, May 12, featuring Alice Russell and Tabi Bonney, you’ll find Johnson perched by the door, hand out, waiting for your money — minus the excuses.

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1) I’m with Dres Tha Beatnik: “Break bread or break out.”

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2) Me and Jeff Johnson go way back. Is he here?: “No.”

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3) That’s my plus one: “Plus ones can’t have plus ones.”

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4) I was already inside: “Last week doesn’t count.”

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5) I’m a friend of the band: “Can’t find you on the list. Please support your ‘friend’s’ event.”