Tossed from the club

Working in the service industry is a bitch — the hours are long, the nights are late and the sober adults who turn into drunken babies are plentiful. Though some can hold their alcohol well and have a good time, others ruin the fun by getting sloppy and ignorant. As general manager of MJQ for 11 long years, Ryan Murphy has seen it all and probably kicked you out for it. Here, he shares his top five ways to get tossed from MJQ.

1) Stupidity: “Dressing up in your pleated shorts and flip-flops with that blue button-down your girlfriend bought you, then acting like the Buckhead frat boy douche-nozzle that you are and talking smack to the bouncers.”

2) Lack of game: “Standing against the wall and grabbing every girl that walks past you in a vain attempt to get laid. It’s a nightclub, not the bottom of a boat, you barnacle. Go dance.”

3) Ignorance: “Hey numbnutz, walking around with a blunt in your mouth in public? This ain’t Amsterdam, and ‘I thought it was cool in here’ don’t fly.”

4) Rudeness: “Mouthing off to the bartenders after a night of stiffing them on every order, and then wondering why they have you on ignore. Toss them some love and see what happens.”

5) Poppy: “Pinching Poppy’s ass at the door. Go ahead, try it.”