Causey and effect

Florida's Causey Way isn't some congested toll road on the way to Disney. No, the Causey Way — those white-clad missionaries proselytizing the gospel of their charismatic one-named leader, Causey — may well be your road to redemption.
On their new Alternative Tentacles CD, Causey vs. Everything (the follow-up to 1999's With Loving and Open Arms), the Causey Way start with the surprising, almost sinfully sensual Spanish-language opener, "Te Como Vivo," and continue with 12 twitching tracks of trademark Moog-splattered, sweat-soaked testament.
While 18 members of TCW have taken part in recordings — including enlightened members of such secular bands as Atlanta's Man or Astro-Man? and the Rock*A*Teens — the traveling ministry features five members: Causey, Reign Causey, Summer Causey, The Truth and Homo Causey. Regular TCW crowd favorite The Button, however, is in drug rehab for sniffing glue (a sore subject for Causey).
Preaching their "new 'testament' wave pulpit punk," the Causey Way sell powerful Indulgences well worth the price, as long as you've got enough sense of humor to indulge Causey in lines like, "You're a Catholic/You're a Jew/Jehovah's Witness/What you gonna do?/You're gonna burn!" That is, unless you choose the Causey Way, which Causey himself was happy to promote while taking a break from preaching in sin-drenched San Francisco.
CL: How are things at the Compound?
Causey: Damn good. We just put in a pool. One problem that brings is that the people of the Compound have lustful thoughts when certain Causey members wear "sexy suits." I will have to do something about this. The Compound is in top code. We love our life on the Compound. I can not wait to get back.
What would Causey do?
All things Causey. You know, I asked myself, "WWJD?" What would Jesus do if he walked in to one of those family bookstores/Jesus merch stores and saw all this stuff on sale with his name on it and marked up to one hundred percent. I think Jesus would wreck some shit up. As far as Causey, exploit me all you want. I am here for man to rip me off. Causey would not care, for I am happy in my Causey life. Causey would for sure go to the Causey service at the Echo Lounge.
So what has Everything done to you? What happened to having loving and open arms?
There is Causey, and there is everything else. Therefore, Causey vs. Everything! We will win. We have the outcome in our hands. It is not for the competition aspect, it is for the people. We care, oh yes, we do.
Is there anything you aren't versus presently?
If it ain't Causey, we are gonna make it Causey. If Little Five Points wants to take us on, bring it on. If the punks with puppies want a piece of Causey, bring it on. We are not against anyone, it is the others, "the Not Causeys," that are against us. Bring it on! I can kick ass, and I will. Come on now, you got me all worked up. I am trying to be loving, and I am loving. We still have loving and open arms, but these arms still have an ass whippin' in them.
If Causey vs. Everything outsells Creed or the Backstreet Boys, do you think it will change the Causey Way for better or worse? The Backstreet Boys are, after all, some sort of sick religion for little girls. Any plans for a Causey boy band?
If we outsell the top sellers, I am sure it will change things ... money changes everything. Anyway, yeah, Boy Causey is working on the Causey Way Boy Band at the moment. We are also looking into introducing Zteven Causey, our new "Ricky Martin"-style smash hit blockbuster. As far as the Creed, I have also asked myself, "What's this life for," and, "Can you take me higher." Causey can and Causey will.
Two words: Britney Spears. Is she Causey? Has she got any chance?
Oddly enough, I know who this Britney Spears is. The Causey Way had a blow out on the "Care-A Van" in a small town outside of New Orleans. A man claiming to be Britney's father helped us out with a new tire and some nice reading material. We then did our research to find out just who is this Britney Spears. Once all the research was done and the red tape was lifted we decided that Britney is a fine youth and is indeed Causey, because she is in fact so not Causey that she made the 360 degree turn and is now Causey.
The Compound being located in Florida, what are your views on how the election was handled? Do you foresee any trouble brewing between the new Bush administration and the Causey Way? If so, what type of trouble?
Hell yeah, there already has been a lot of trouble. Wesley Willis and I had over 25.5 percent of the vote in Florida. The damn media never told you about that one now did they? Nope, they just blamed Pat B. or Nader. Causey really screwed things up in Florida, so believe you me, those dang folks are frowning on us. We have extra security at the compound now: extra arms, etc. Just stay tuned to CNN, you might see all the shit hit the fan in the next couple months.
Please give me some examples of famous, semi-famous or downright homely people who are currently Category X (Not Causey), P (Purgatory) and C (Causey).
All Category C members are famous, all of them. That is the beauty of the Causey Way: You will be loved and worshiped no matter who you are. If you are Causey, Causey members will love you. Category X members are indeed famous for the reason that they are pure losers and are at a two-percent ratio. It is hard to be Category X. You have to be a unique screw up.
How does a band such as Atlanta's the Plastic Plan rate being Causey enough to play with?
The Plastic Plan has paid their tithes and have filled out the forms, although Causey 3:16 [the Plastic Plan's drummer, Colin] detracted from the Causey Way to play in the secular band known as the Plastic Plan. It says it all in the name: they are plastic — plastic people. What the heck do you care? There will be so many good times throughout the night. There might even be bands playing that night that are doing it simply for the nookie. I can not control all avenues of the music business. I do hate that fact.
So, any more wise words from Causey?
Tell the readers of your wonderful newspaper that the time will soon be near and that they indeed should hold on to the dearest segments of their hearts in order to hold on to the last bit of sanity they worship. I know it is hard in the secular world. There are temptations every day. You have a choice: Causey or Not Causey.
The Causey Way celebrate the release of their new CD, Causey vs. Everything, with the Plastic Plan and the Telepathics at the Echo Lounge, Fri., Feb. 2. Salvation sold separately.