How to tip a stripper

1. You know all the coy, flirting shit you learned to coax the sex of your liking into noticing you? It won't work inside the hallowed flesh halls. The point of tipping is to pay them to look at you. To keep them naked. To keep them close by. Looking bashful won't get you far.2. Find a table near the stage, but don't be too eager. There's a 100 percent guarantee there's gonna be naked people. Relax.

3. Don't tip the person on the main stage unless you want them to notice you and come over. Tip for lap dances and personal services.

4. Begin tipping in small increments. Most use $1 bills, but if you're feeling especially lucky, break out Mr. Jackson. The naked ones only stay as long as there's money. Don't blow your wad all at once.

5. Where do you stick it? Sometimes there's an obvious band or crack. But don't touch. While a stripper is free to take the initiative, frisky fingers will get you thrown out.

6. Female strippers always offer women lap dances — less pressure or something. If you want a good show, bring the girls and let them go to town.

7. Remember: No matter how much money you spend, leave your feelings at the door. They don't want you.