Who’s more important to you: your wife or Michael Vick?

John: Vick. He makes way more money than my wife does. Football is the sport that separates the men from the girls. And if my wife doesn’t know that, who cares? Football comes first, then my old lady. Football should come first to everybody because, like I said, football is the sport that separates the men from the women. It’s what makes a man a man; it’s what makes us what we are. Aren’t you an American? My wife is not with me; she’s at home washing dishes.

Larry: She’s more important during sex. But the best way to get aroused is through a winning football team. Michael Vick can do things on the field that no one else can. He is definitely the most exciting player in the NFL. He energizes the whole city; she energizes me in different ways. And she’s wearing his jersey too, so we’re very excited. She’s pretty special, but she’s no Michael Vick.

John: I’m going with Vick. I need a championship in Atlanta. All my wife — or my ex-wife — gives me is problems — debt, child support and alimony. She sits 20 rows behind me during the regular season. Michael gives you excitement; my ex-wife is crazy. To my ex-wife: Go get a Creative Loafing on Thursday. I got something there for you.