The Blotter January 23 2008

Stripped of yer brain: Police responded to a fight call at a strip club on Metropolitan Parkway. The manager said a customer had refused to pay his $475 tab. ($130 for drinks, and $345 in house money to tip strippers). The manager said the customer initially claimed he was meeting a friend, who would pay the tab — but this friend never showed up at the strip club. Then the manager said the customer offered a fraudulent credit-card number. The manager said he threatened to call police, and the customer started to argue.

The manager said the customer fled the club and ran toward I-85 – but security guards caught him, and he struggled as the guards returned him to the strip club. Then the manager said the customer "was able to get his mother ... to pay his bill by credit card over the telephone," police noted. The customer is a 33-year-old Alpharetta man with tattoos on both arms. (The Blotter Diva must note: A tattooed man in his 30s gets his mom to pay a $475 tab at a strip club? Whodathunkit? Methinks this guy should quit while he's ahead ... but no.)

The manager told police he wouldn't press charges, since the tab was now covered. Then the customer said he wanted to press charges against the security guards, and his right arm was hurting. He claimed the security guards beat him while police were there. An officer told the customer that he struggled with security guards after committing an alleged crime (trying to leave without paying), so he would have to seek other legal means. No charges filed.

Searching for McDreamy? At Grady Memorial Hospital, a security guard said a young woman was just hanging out in the emergency room around 3:30 a.m. The guard asked whether she was there for medical treatment. "No," she said. So the guard asked her to leave. She refused. So the guard called police. An officer arrived and ran a check on this 22-year-old woman. Turns out she has 14 previous trespassing cases at Grady Memorial Hospital. So the officer arrested her for trespassing and took her to jail. (The Blotter Diva's diagnosis: a potential overdose of TV shows like "Grey's Anatomy" and "ER." Why would a 22-year-old gal linger around an emergency room for no apparent reason? Trying to pick up doctors? Honey, get a life! Or at least go to med school.)

Wag the dog: On Smith Street, a 32-year-old woman said she and another woman argued over money. She said when she stepped into the street, the other woman struck her and her dog, "King Gangster." The 32-year-old woman had minor injuries. Medics arrived, but she refused treatment. An officer noted: "King Gangster suffered lacerations to his right leg and paw." Apparently, the woman got upset because hospital medics wouldn't treat King Gangster. "Fuck off," she allegedly told police and medics. "[The woman] refused to secure her extremely large pit bull when asked to by police." She got a ticket for aggravated assault.

Voices in my head: An officer saw a man standing alone in a parking lot outside a convenience store on McDaniel Street. The officer asked: "Do you have anything illegal on you?" "I got a knife in my pocket," the man allegedly replied. "Fuck you, I don't like the police, fuck the police!" The officer found a knife with a three-inch blade in the man's pocket. The man said he heard demon voices in his head, the officer noted. He was arrested for disorderly conduct and taken to Grady Memorial Hospital's psychiatric ward.

Odds & ends: A 69-year-old Ansley Park woman said almost $6,000 worth of antiques were stolen from her van. Items reported stolen include: "Tramp Art Frames" (worth $800); a carved blue-jay picture ($575); a fishnet with ore handle ($95); a lightning-rod ornament ($100); a pig picture ($125); skates ($75); chocolate molds ($300); and an old cane ($60). She said the alleged theft occurred between 8 p.m. and 11 a.m., while her van was parked outside her home on South Prado. No suspects.

Sausage sensation: At a grocery store on Metropolitan Parkway, an employee said a man took six Bryan smoked sausage packages and hid them inside his sweatpants. The man allegedly tried to leave the store without paying. A police officer found all six sausage packages inside the man's sweatpants. The 43-year-old man was arrested for shoplifting. He has missing teeth and seemed unusually calm, police noted.

Witchy woman: A woman said her neighbor was drunk and continuously knocking on doors at their apartment complex on Lenox Road. An officer arrived and spotted the neighbor, a 38-year-old woman, in a parking lot. "[She] was talking with slurred speech, stating she was a witch and tried to snatch [the other woman's] keys out of her hands. The neighbor went to jail on a disorderly-under-the-influence charge.

Robin Hood returns? A man said he parked his BMW behind his home and went out of town. He said he keeps several expensive musical instruments in the car's trunk. When he returned, he said the instruments were gone. They include one violin (worth $10,000), a banjo and case ($3,500), musical bows ($2,500) and a violin case ($200). Total value of missing items: $16,200. There was no damage to the man's BMW, a police officer noted. The man believes he left his BMW unlocked. He lives on Robin Hood Road.

Motel hell: Police responded to a 911 call at a motel on Cone Street. A cleaning woman said she found a man asleep in a room around noon. Apparently, this was not the same room the man had checked in to. The cleaning woman said the man refused to leave the room, so she went for help. Three male hotel staffers said they escorted the man out of the room — and he fought them. "He tried to strangle [two hotel staffers]," according to the police report. He allegedly pushed the third staffer into a wall, and fought with a motel guest. Apparently, the man then barricaded himself in a motel hallway. Police arrived and talked the man into leaving the hallway. The man had a stab wound on his back, so police called an ambulance. The man, age 26, went to Grady Memorial Hospital. He allegedly admitted to using cocaine earlier that day.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.