Bad Habits - Save your money - December 21 2005
Worst games of 2005 were infinitely dull
Many games aren’t worth the $30-$60 price tags they bear. I even skipped reviewing some games in 2005, because there seemed no point. What could be said about a critical and commercial mediocrity such as Judge Dredd: Dredd vs. Death?
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That said, I played hundreds of games. These are the ones I can’t force myself to play another minute.
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1) Resident Evil: Outbreak File #2 for PlayStation 2 — This Resident Evil is a painfully slow and stupid adventure in which you kill zombies. Don’t confuse it with Resident Evil 4 for GameCube, a masterpiece in which you kill zombies. Both are rated M for mature. Outbreak should be rated I for infuriating.
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2) NHL 2K6 for Xbox 360 — 2K6 squanders the high-definition power of the new Xbox 360. It looks awful compared to other 360 titles. Worse, to borrow an old quote from Mel Brooks, it stinks on ice. Rated E 10+ for everyone 10 and older.
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3) Lizzie McGuire 3 Homecoming Havoc for Game Boy Advance — This tie-in to girly “Lizzie” products starts out kind of fun, with little puzzles to solve, but wears out its welcome in about five minutes. Rated E.
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4) Psychonauts for Xbox and PS2 — This was one of the best-reviewed games of 2005 by other critics. I stick by my earlier, positive review as an objective appraisal; it is big, colorful and full of varied gaming techniques. But it rubs me the wrong way, with disgusting-looking characters and moronic dialogue. Rated T for teens.
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5) Metal Gear Acid for PSP — Acid makes you sneak around, spy-like, and kill guards. But it dulls the action by making this a role-playing game. You have to schedule plot points, then merely watch as the game carries violence out for you, reducing you to spectator too often. Rated M.
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6) Top Spin for PS 2 — Several years ago, a Top Spin game for Xbox was a keeper. This year, the game was released for PS 2, but only after its pretty graphics and tight tennis playing were downgraded for no good reason. Rated E.
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7) Killer 7 for PS 2 and GCube — This anime assassination game looks very cool, but it stalls incredibly due to long, drawn-out plot explanations. Rated M.
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8) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for Game Boy Advance — Other critics hated the Xbox, PS 2 and GCube versions of this game. I’d rather disparage the Game Boy Advance version. Run around fruitlessly, jump on platforms and solve dumb puzzles? No thanks. Rated E.
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9) Alien Hominid for Xbox, PS 2 and GCube — Hominid is a repetitive arcade-style shooting game that wears out my thumbs in approximately three minutes. There is such a thing as too much shooting. Rated T.
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10) Spy vs. Spy for Xbox and PS 2 — Based on one of my favorite comics as a kid, Spy is fun for 20 minutes, then you realize it could hardly be more tedious, killing spies with bombs and guns, ad infinitum. Rated T.
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thegamedork@creativeloafing.com
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Doug Elfman is an award-winning columnist who is also the TV critic at the Chicago Sun-Times.
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New To You — Used Game Of The Week
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Doom 3 isn’t as creepy as some of its earlier versions. But this one is still quite spooky at times, and has a fun time forcing you to kill demons in a Martian hell.
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The Xbox game is selling for less than $20 in used-game stores. It’s rated M for blood, gore and intense violence.