Scene & Herd - An orange Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
It wasn't my intention to write a heartwarming Christmas Scene & Herd, but circumstances dictate that it must be so.
On Sunday afternoon, I stopped by Tree Climbers International's Founders Grove in Inman Park to witness one of the group's twice monthly introductory climbs. For just $12, they nurture your inner Tarzan by teaching you how to safely climb the Grove's big oak trees using only a couple of cleverly knotted ropes and a seat harness.
Before climbing, the instructor led the class of six through a series of stretches and a short safety lecture. According to the instructor, the most dangerous part of climbing trees is, not surprisingly, coming down. He didn't just mean that in the most obvious sense (i.e. plunging). Even controlled descents on the rope risk painful rope burns or non-lethal but injurious jolts if done too quickly. The group places a great emphasis on safety though, and I don't think anyone has been seriously hurt during one of their classes.
What's so damned heartwarming about climbing trees in December? Well, an hour into the class, a man approached from the woods and asked the instructors standing at the base of the tree if any of them were great climbers. It was like walking into a McDonald's and asking them if they make hamburgers. It turns out that, about a block away, his cat Solitaire was stuck in the tree. Without hesitation, two of the group's assistant instructors, Josh Klein-Kuhn and JB Palasani, offered to help. I followed. Arriving at the tree, we found a desperate Solitaire meowing like mad. I didn't need a Meow-lingual Pet Translator to tell me — Solitaire was yelling, "Help!"
Klein-Kuhn and Palasani worked as a team. Klein-Kuhn placed a rope around a strong branch while Palasani prepped a harness and yelled sweet things at Solitaire. Solitaire was so excited by the commencement of a rescue effort that she peed a mighty yellow river, nearly soaking Klein-Kuhn as he was setting the rope. While setting up the rope, he told me that several tree climbers he knows charge quite a lot of money for rescuing animals from trees. (For the record, though, the rescuers neither asked for nor were they offered money).
With the rope set, Palasani ascended. Solitaire was eager to be rescued and put up no resistance as Palasani slid her into a pillowcase for their mutual protection during descent. Solitaire was rescued, everyone was happy, and the only damage done was that one of the ropes had some cat pee on it. Merry Christmas.
I hate my life: Last Thursday, one of the best pop songwriters living and working today brought his band to the Earl. The songwriter is Joe Pernice and his band is The Pernice Brothers. They're touring in support of their last brilliant CD, Yours, Mine & Ours, a recording I've seen on several "Best of 2003" lists. The music is intricate, melodic pop rock. Where Pernice separates himself from the Fountains of Wayne or even the Neil Finns of the world is the emotional bite of the lyrics. He's dripping with tunes, but his lyrics aren't just witty or insightful, they're often heartbreaking, funny and heartbreakingly funny. Speaking of heartbreakingly funny, he just penned a short book about the genius of The Smiths' second LP, Meat Is Murder. Recently departed CL editor Hobart Rowland, who turned me on to the band, calls Pernice a man out of time. If he was putting out records 30 years ago, he'd be a household name.
The band didn't confine its wit and bite to the songs. Even the intersong banter was good. After thanking tour mate Blake Hazzard for her set, Pernice talked about some of the best underhanded compliments you can give to one another. They included: "I couldn't do what you do," "That snare sound is great," and my favorite, "You look like you're having fun up there."
Krazy: As part of its effort to emerge from the K-Hole of bankruptcy, Kmart is testing out a nifty publicity scheme to get folks back into its stores called the Kstage. The Kstage is an actual stage in the back of the stores that hosts gurus who'll help you improve your life — presumably via shopping at Kmart.
On Saturday, I visited the Kstage at the Mableton Kmart store. Instead of obvious gurus like Sri Lahiri Mayasaya or Sri Paramahansa Yagananda, the Kstage people went a little left field and brought in Robyn Freedman Spizman. Spizman was on hand to discuss her book on gift-giving, The GIFTionary. The GIFTionary's premise is simple — give gifts based the recipients' hobby interests or your feelings for the person, then mar the gift with a really bad pun in the note. For example, give your friend a deck of cards with a note telling them that they're the "real deal," or your lover a pack of mints with a note saying "We're mint to be." My dad just told me he's getting me a vacuum cleaner this year. I hope he doesn't include a note telling me that I suck.
The other guru I saw was Daniel Wallace, author of Big Fish (which comes out in movie form on Christmas Day). He did not teach Kstage audience members how to write novels that get turned into major motion pictures. He just signed books.
Handel with care: After Kmart, I hopped over to the Woodruff Arts Center for Christmas With the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. Conducted by the triple-first-named William Fred Scott, the symphony was accompanied by the ASO chorus, Spivey Hall Children's Choir, and soloists. It was all great, but a special S&H shout-out goes out to the Children's Choir for their fantastic "Wolcum Yole." They sounded like glorious bells.
Celebrity Birthdays: "WKRP" program director Gary Sandy is 58. Newtonian physicist Sir Isaac Newton is 361. Lord, savior, messiah, carpenter, co-pilot Jesus Christ is (approximately) 2007.