Cover Story: Sadie Fields proudly presnts The Fabulous Freedom Ride
This summer, travel with our peaceful protestors to Valdosta, Americus, Albany, Dublin, Eastman, Carrollton and other bumfuck cities around the state to raise awareness of how fantastically fabulous gay marriage could be!
Sadie Fields' Testimony:
As chairwoman of the Christian Coalition of Georgia — and according to the AJC, "one of the most powerful figures in state politics" — it was my job to stoke the passions of religious fervor in this state. Lately, I'd been working my ass off. But, as I now know, I was terribly, horribly misguided.
During the 2004 Georgia General Assembly, I was busting my hump as one of the loudest voices lobbying against gay marriage. And it worked. Check out some of the things I told reporters:
"You can't change your skin color, but you can change your behavior."
"The eyes of the nation were on Georgia, and the South has once again become the moral conscience of the nation."
"Opposing homosexuality is the loving thing to do. We don't affirm people in their sin, no matter what."
"We're talking about the deconstruction of American society. Where does it end?"
Now, I repent. I apologize for saying homosexuality is an assault on the family. I'm sorry I exploited God's name to bully lawmakers who hadn't made up their minds about the marriage ban. I feel terrible that the resolution passed — putting the issue on the November ballot in the form of a constitutional amendment.
But why the change of heart?
The other night, I went to a party to celebrate the passage of the anti-gay resolution. I had a headache from all that Bible thumpin' and asked the woman next to me for an aspirin. She gave me a little brown pill, and an hour later I felt real, REAL tingly, and the next thing I know, I'm making out with the woman in the bathroom!
Oh my God, have you ever tried Ecstasy? Well, I did. And while this girl's tongue was locked with mine, I realized I was wrong. Wrong to spend entire years of my life attacking such wonderful, loving, free-spirited people. Now, I'm making it my life's mission to fight for the rights of homosexuals. I've started a new group, DYKES, LESBOS, which stands for Did You Know Ecstasy Saves Lives Even Some Body Old and Straight?
Please join me on the Fabulous Freedom Ride, and we'll show Georgia that a vote to constitutionally outlaw gay marriage is a vote against hot girl-on-girl action!