Redeye - Strings attached September 20 2006

I’m pretty lucky. I get paid to go out, often have drinks freely poured for me and to date I’ve never had an accident and never been mugged. But, dammit, now I’ve been robbed.

That’s right, I feel something has been stolen from me, and that’s the respect and recognition I deserved for kicking off “Turn It Up”: The First Ever East Atlanta Air Guitar Championship at the Earl on Mon., Sept. 11. Performing by the stage name Lord Shreddlin von Riffington III, Esq., I opened the gates of Valhalla with a riveting — nah, revolutionary — self-assembled riff medley featuring Son Volt, the Ramones, DragonForce and the Who. And I was thematic! Doffing my fluffy pink bathrobe, I represented those who jam in their jammies! Yet instead of accolades, I was handed walking papers, left POed in my PJs.

But at least I wasn’t Earl booking agent Patrick “Shreddy Lee” Hill. Not only did the Rush fan end up the only person with a lower score than myself, but he also lost his shirt! Literally! And once that happened, I feel we all lost a little ... a little lunch and Jägermeister, participants’ free “liquid courage.”

Actually, I’m going to band with my brother. As the first two competitors, we both were ganked by Nasty McNasty, Airsteban, Jimi Appendix, and Mulletedega Roadrash — judges guided too much by cock and not enough by rock (actually, Mulletedega remained laudably impartial). My score was almost doubled by Roberta Plant, merely because she had — how you say? — tittay. No costume, not even bare breasts. Karma? So many hours have been beaten to tits and now the tits beat us boys. Thankfully, in the finale air-off, AC/DC appreciator Darryl (aka Right Exstacy) won out.

Hill and I learned the hard way: You can’t break the mold yet to be set. But we maintain our airs as visionaries till the next competition. Judges, we understand to air is human. And that was my air-ing of grievances.

Speaking of those drinks, on Sat., Sept. 16, I revisited Lindbergh City Station’s Lotus Lounge. With several semi-private themed rooms for hire, each with its own liquor-sponsored cocktail list, this joint offers 60(!) signature drinks (all available for $13 at the non-members/non-reserved main bar). Cantaloupe martinis; tequila, berries and muddled basil mojito; champagne, sparkling sake and blueberries; Amarula, Kahlua and coffee-infused vodka — if you couldn’t tell from the flowers, this joint definitely skews toward the ladies and established businessmen who love bankrolling them. If you go, say hi to my feminine friend the Muskox, Todd Terranova, manning the velvet rope. Take him whey protein/weight-gainer brownies to earn, duh, brownie points.

RedEye celebrates going out and going off. Send comments to redeye@creativeloafing.com, but hand-scrawled hate mail is preferred.