As long as Nene doesn't choke me, I'll recap the Real Housewives of Atlanta" season premiere"

• Courtesy Bravo

"I've been chasing dicks since I came out the womb, so of course NeNe doesn't believe I could be a lesbian."

And so Kim "Google Me" Zolciak kicked off the third season of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." The show started off with pre-nose job Nene Leakes busting into Sheree's acting class, held conveniently at her house, to share some new tabloid news. So even though Fashion with a capital F has been Sheree's lifelong passion the last two seasons, She by Sheree her gift, her baby to share with the world, she now has the new passion of acting. I hear she's playing Blanche in a revival of "A Streetcar Named Desire" ... not. Anywho, Nene angles her gigantic shoulder and runs through the wall, leaving rubble and debris, beating her chest yelling, "Kim now lesbian. Kim talk to Life & Style. Kim like va-jay-jay." She was holding the magazine article of Kim coming out as in a lesbian relationship with remix DJ and professional lesbian Tracy Young. She said it, but in her heart she knew it was just a stunt. Not that Nene knows anything about stunts.

It's one thing for Kim to live this kind of life, but it's pretty pathetic when Danielle Straub of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" has to imitate Kim, by releasing a song and faking a lesbionic relationship with another professional lipstick lesbian musician. It's even sadder, still, when Kim is your mother and imparting matronly wisdom to her 13-year-old daughter, Brielle. Within fifteen minutes of delivering her proclamation of dick-chasing ways, she was advising her own daughter on dating, saying, "I hope I instilled the same morals and values in my daughter as my parents did in me." Dear God, I hope not. But I fear it's already too late. I don't like to pick on kids of reality show personalities (or I pretend I don't), but Brielle is nasty, not closing her mouth when she talks and eats. Actually not chewing when she eats, just letting the ice cream sit on her tongue while she protests to her mom "I'm not a whore!"