Judy Tenuta loves snacks, and you, and makin' love
'I'm gonna be in Hotlanta, where they have the Coca Cola museum! Gonna be a lot of snacks there!'
- James Franklin
Learning to play the accordion is one way to get noticed when you're one of eight kids in an Italian/Polish Catholic family, so Judy Tenuta latched onto the instrument at an early age. The comedian made a name for herself in the '80s thanks to the squeezebox, a dippy stage persona, lots of scarves, and sing-songy pop culture satire. Known variously as "Aphrodite of the Accordion," "Love Goddess," "Multimedia Bondage Goddess" or simply "the most famous person who has ever lived," Tenuta is also an ordained minister who performs weddings at her stand-up shows. She appears at the Punchline April 12-14 to promote her love cult "Judyism" and her new book Full Frontal Tenudity, a "chicken soup for your crotch."
You're an ordained minister?
Yes! I make it part of my show that I perform a wedding ceremony for anybody who wants to take or renew their vows during my show. I've had guys ask the club owner "Can I talk to Judy? I wanna propose to my girlfriend." So I've had situations that are really sweet like that, and other times I've just married total strangers! I've always thought everyone has the right to be miserable and married.
Do you have any advice for a long and happy marriage?
You have to enjoy certain things together. I don't mean everything! The biggest thing is, if you have a fight you have to talk about it. When you lose communication with each other, that's the first step to breaking the relationship. You have to keep the communication going somehow. And yeah, go to bed angry! No, don't go to bed angry. But yeah, with guys... they do need time in their cave to pout, that's what I've noticed.
What do you think about all these conservative male politicians who have such strong opinions about women's reproductive rights these days?
First of all I'd like to say, "Excuse me," to Rick Santorum and all these conservative pigs trying to make laws over women. The only time you are allowed to tell a woman what to do with her eggs is when you are ordering the grand slam breakfast at Denny's! It is none of the government's business. It's like they have no conscience about the planet. Let's think about the planet. Overpopulation. Not being able to take care of the poor and hungry, because there's too many mouths to feed. I mean even Catholics are taking birth control now. For these idiots to say the only reason you should be poppin' birth control pills is if you got acne, or if your uterus is outta whack ... . Based on their logic, the only one who's qualified to have birth control is Snooki! How about starting with healthcare, unemployment, the environment?