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The guy behind the Erroll-Davis-in-a-Klan-robe flier

During last night's rally and public hearing regarding APS's decision to close D.H. Stanton Elementary in Peoplestown, a flier was handed out that depicts African-American interim superintendant Erroll Davis wearing a KKK robe, and holding a gigantic pencil that says, "No white schools closed." Voila ...
Image
11 Alive news reported that the flier was attributed to Nathaniel Dryer, organizer of Going Against All Odds for our Young People. Well, his name is actually Nathaniel Dyer, and CL spoke with him this afternoon about his controversial handiwork. Dyer, who lives in Washington Park, doesn't have children, but has a background in advertising and design. "I don't have children, but that's no excuse for me not to use my talents, abilities, and time to speak out," Dyer said. "It's all about the children. It's not about me."

Dyer says he doesn't understand why schools are being closed in the southern part of the city when there's so much economic development in progress — the Atlanta Beltline, the new Walmart in English Avenue, Mim's Park in Vine City — unless, of course, race is a factor. "Here's the thing," he says. "Let's look at the history of the United States and of Georgia. If those people the predominately black school board and superintendant were all white, and a bunch of black schools were being closed down but none of the white ones were, it would be construed as straight racist, right?"

The flier, he says, is alludes to the history behind decisions like these. Where you used to see a white face, now it's common to see a black one. "All I'm doing is painting a picture. It's not a personal attack on the man — it's about the perception of the decisions he's made."

The full list of APS school closures can be seen here.



More By This Writer

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*Aw, they have so much frowns in common. 
It's a strange and beautiful thing when sitting through a third motherfucking hour of this show feels worthwhile. The actual finale? I don't know. Josh definitely did NOT get his suit at Casual Male XL: Big and Tall, which is where he should be shopping, and until now I never knew that people who were created in laboratories could have such active sweat glands. Also, was Chris Harrison sick? He sounds congested. But also his eyes are all glazed and twinkly, so it's fun for me to imagine he schussed down a mountain of cocaine to get to the studio. 

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— In the show's intro, Chris Harrison reveals that the guy who Andi did NOT pick followed her to Mexico while she was on vacation, which is the act of a true wiener, which meant Nick definitely did that. Way to spoil it. 

— Andi's father Hy tells Josh: "I feel exactly the same way about Andi that you do." Gross!

— Hy's Blessings to get married are meaningless, but, then again, I love a charade. 

— Anyone else notice that Josh is a loud breather? It seems so purposeful, just like his top-and-bottom-teeth smile. It's like, I'm respirating, so I make BREATHING SOUNDS. But I guess it takes like a really big fan to motor a gargantuan humanoid.

?      ?        jump?        
— Andi's name is going to be Andi Murray, and that's sort of already a person. Luckily, she and Josh won't actually get married. Or maybe they will. US Weekly paychecks would probably make me get married too. In fact, I'm going to be pissed if I don't get a paycheck from US Weekly when I get married. 

— During Nick's awful last date, whyyyyyyyyy did they keep saying "off-roading" when they were driving a Jeep on a  thing that was definitely a road?

— Someone invited Clare to come watch the finale, and her veneers are still too long, and she still sucks 'em and sucks 'em good. 

But, c'mon, let's get to the main event. Nick, TAKE IT AWAY . . .


There's no way anything Andi did to Nick in the Fantasy Suite could be more erotic than these 15 seconds of television. Oh, God. First there was the slow build-up and there were the pregnant pauses, and he just keeps pumping away until he builds up the nerve to CLIMAX and whimper, "If you weren't in love with me, I'm just not sure why you . . . made love with me." I need a cigarette. 

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— Hy's Blessings to get married are meaningless, but, then again, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhCVmFc8jy8|I love a charade]. 

— Anyone else notice that Josh is a loud breather? It seems so purposeful, just like his top-and-bottom-teeth smile. It's like, I'm respirating, so I make BREATHING SOUNDS. But I guess it takes like a really big fan to motor a gargantuan humanoid.

?      ?        [jump]?        
— Andi's name is going to be Andi Murray, and that's [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Murray|sort of already a person]. Luckily, she and Josh won't actually get married. Or maybe they will. ''US Weekly'' paychecks would probably make me get married too. In fact, I'm going to be pissed if I don't get a paycheck from ''US Weekly'' when I get married. 

— During Nick's awful last date, whyyyyyyyyy did they keep saying "off-roading" when they were driving a Jeep on a  thing that was definitely a road?

— Someone invited Clare to come watch the finale, and her veneers are still too long, and she still sucks 'em and sucks 'em good. 

But, c'mon, let's get to the main event. Nick, TAKE IT AWAY . . .


There's no way anything Andi did to Nick in the Fantasy Suite could be more erotic than these 15 seconds of television. Oh, God. First there was the slow build-up and there were the pregnant pauses, and he just keeps pumping away until he builds up the nerve to CLIMAX and whimper, "If you weren't in love with me, I'm just not sure why you . . . made love with me." I need a cigarette. 

You know how people say dumb things like "the best revenge is a life well lived"? No. The best revenge is telling America and her new fiance who is sitting backstage polishing his chompers that Andi "made love" - glack - with you. Andi thinks his revelation - even though WE ALL KNOW they do it in the Fantasy Suite - is "below the belt," which is just a really unfortunate metaphor when the matter at hand is penis in vagina. But Nick doesn't relent! Andi looks to Chris Harrison for help and he's like, fat fucking chance. So Nick continues, "To me, that was finance-type stuff." Wait, is that like butt stuff? Oh, this sweet boy - keep talking always! Finally he screams [http://youtu.be/7xohWvO9i4c|YOUR BODY MAKES A PROMISE], ANDI, and drives the entire studio off a bridge. THE END!

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*http://clatl.com/atlanta/ImageArchives?by=1223504
*Aw, they have so much frowns in common. 
It's a strange and beautiful thing when sitting through a third motherfucking hour of this show feels worthwhile. The actual finale? I don't know. Josh definitely did NOT get his suit at Casual Male XL: Big and Tall, which is where he should be shopping, and until now I never knew that people who were created in laboratories could have such active sweat glands. Also, was Chris Harrison sick? He sounds congested. But also his eyes are all glazed and twinkly, so it's fun for me to imagine he schussed down a mountain of cocaine to get to the studio. 

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— In the show's intro, Chris Harrison reveals that the guy who Andi did NOT pick followed her to Mexico while she was on vacation, which is the act of a true wiener, which meant Nick definitely did that. Way to spoil it. 

— Andi's father Hy tells Josh: "I feel exactly the same way about Andi that you do." Gross!

— Hy's Blessings to get married are meaningless, but, then again, I love a charade. 

— Anyone else notice that Josh is a loud breather? It seems so purposeful, just like his top-and-bottom-teeth smile. It's like, I'm respirating, so I make BREATHING SOUNDS. But I guess it takes like a really big fan to motor a gargantuan humanoid.

?      ?        jump?        
— Andi's name is going to be Andi Murray, and that's sort of already a person. Luckily, she and Josh won't actually get married. Or maybe they will. US Weekly paychecks would probably make me get married too. In fact, I'm going to be pissed if I don't get a paycheck from US Weekly when I get married. 

— During Nick's awful last date, whyyyyyyyyy did they keep saying "off-roading" when they were driving a Jeep on a  thing that was definitely a road?

— Someone invited Clare to come watch the finale, and her veneers are still too long, and she still sucks 'em and sucks 'em good. 

But, c'mon, let's get to the main event. Nick, TAKE IT AWAY . . .


There's no way anything Andi did to Nick in the Fantasy Suite could be more erotic than these 15 seconds of television. Oh, God. First there was the slow build-up and there were the pregnant pauses, and he just keeps pumping away until he builds up the nerve to CLIMAX and whimper, "If you weren't in love with me, I'm just not sure why you . . . made love with me." I need a cigarette. 

You know how people say dumb things like "the best revenge is a life well lived"? No. The best revenge is telling America and her new fiance who is sitting backstage polishing his chompers that Andi "made love" - glack - with you. Andi thinks his revelation - even though WE ALL KNOW they do it in the Fantasy Suite - is "below the belt," which is just a really unfortunate metaphor when the matter at hand is penis in vagina. But Nick doesn't relent! Andi looks to Chris Harrison for help and he's like, fat fucking chance. So Nick continues, "To me, that was finance-type stuff." Wait, is that like butt stuff? Oh, this sweet boy - keep talking always! Finally he screams YOUR BODY MAKES A PROMISE, ANDI, and drives the entire studio off a bridge. THE END!

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Article

Wednesday July 30, 2014 05:07 pm EDT

  • http://clatl.com/atlanta/ImageArchives?by=1223504
  • Aw, they have so much frowns in common.

It's a strange and beautiful thing when sitting through a third motherfucking hour of this show feels worthwhile. The actual finale? I don't know. Josh definitely did NOT get his suit at Casual Male XL: Big and Tall, which is where he should be shopping, and until now I never knew that people who were...

| more...
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  string(57) "The Bachelorette': Ashley Hebert tells all, men tell some"
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*An envelope full of panties.
Oh, there's ever so much for the men to tell, mostly about why and how much they hate Andrew and J.J. 

BUT FIRST Ashley Hebert and J.P. Hebertbaum are back because she's pregnant and needs people to see that she has breasts now. But, no, that's not enough. She's going to find out whether she's having a girl or a boy right here in front of all her close friends in Bachelor Nation. Chris Harrison rips a hole in the side of her dress so the doctor can jam his wand in, and, frankly, Ashley's just lucky Harrison didn't tear her stomach open and fly away with the fetus in his beak. "You're part of the Bachelor Family now, baby."
Also, fuck, he keeps saying the "sex" of the baby, which sounds so vulgar coming from a man who is a prolific underpants sniffer.

The doctor inserts his wand beneath Ashley's muumuu - "What if there was no heartbeat - that would be so sad," said one of my darker viewing companions - and searches around until he finds a penis, which is good since J.P. basically reveals that if it was a girl he would have drowned it in a creek because you can't watch football with girls. (He didn't say anything like this.)

?      ?        jump?        
Then there's a looooooooong preview of Bachelor In Paradise in which producers attempt to make it appear that someone was murdered by someone else on the program, which means that in reality the most dramatic thing that happens is someone gets drunk and sprains their ankle. But I'll still watch just to be sure no one gets murdered.

Note: At this point we're like 30 minutes into the show and the men haven't told anything yet.

FINALLY it's time for telling. Of course, it was all really dumb and boring, so I'll just go over the highlights.

— Everyone is still very convinced that Andrew called Marquel and Ron "blackies." And they have video proof! Sorta. Well, he definitely leaned over to J.J. and said something, but more likely it was "She kept the two black guys," which, honestly, isn't that much better, and no one is letting this motherfucker off the hook for it. He has a very hateable face, which I have a feeling doesn't help his case. It also doesn't help when he calls Marquel "Ron," even though I think there's a chance he might've actually been addressing the comment that Ron had just made. Getting the two black guys in the room mixed up is NOT the act of a not racist person, so Chris Harrison forces Andrew to put on a Klan robe then invites the audience to beat him with baseball bats.

— Chris still hates J.J. Chris uses the Andrew controversy as an opportunity to remind everyone that he thinks J.J. is a peehole for, among other things, telling Marquel what he heard Andrew say rather than just confronting Andrew about it. J.J. attempts to defend himself and his eyes fill up with rage tears and it's pretty erotic.

Then we move on to Marquel in the hot seat . . . OH WAIT, J.J. HAS SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY. And it's some stuttering idiot version of, "I want to defend myself because I didn't have a chance to defend myself, but ultimately, fuck you guys, I don't care what you think." Chris is like, "Then shut up if you don't care." And so J.J. shuts up. 

— A quick, important reminder. Andi gave a rose to Cody instead of Marquel. That's the kind of country we live in. Also, we have to stop saying "friend zone," OK?

— Marquel ends racism. Remember in Rocky IV, how Rocky fought Ivan Drago and ended the Cold War? Marquel sort of did that by giving out a basket full of black and white cookies.

— Marcus talks for a while. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

— Chris has a speed date with a woman from the crowd. OK, I know this show is a crock of shit and I shouldn't get upset when the crock overfloweth, but what the fuck was this? Some lady in the crowd named Ketchup (I think?) raises her hand, gets called on immediately - because it's not like a television show is being filmed or anything - and is permitted to sit on the stage and caress Chris's knee. I hope this backfires terribly and they can never have a "Men Tell All" episode ever again without a dozen Ketchups shouting things out of turn and attempting to sexually assault the contestants. And, Ketchup, if you are a real person, you're a pervert for going to this taping by yourself. 

— Wait, did Chris Harrison impregnate Andi? So, Andi comes on stage and Chris Harrison is like, "TELL EVERYONE YOU'RE PREGNANT" and that weirdo ultrasound tech/doctor is still standing there rolling his eyes around in his head and drooling, so it's like, wait, is she pregnant? No, Chris was just riffing on tabloid headlines. But then later, when he's brandishing the envelope that contains the lie detector results that Andi supposedly threw away in Italy, he goes, "DADDY'S GOT THEM." I think he needs to retire.

— Marcus lied. Dylan lied. Josh lied. Marcus lied about having slept with fewer than 20 women (and I'm sure he doesn't feel like a total virile hunk for having it revealed on national television—he mentally fist-bumped his own dick). Dylan lied about preferring brunettes (technically, he prefers peroxide blondes he meets in convenience stores when he's buying rolling papers and one of those big $2 bags of Cheetos puffs). And Josh lied about WELL WE DON'T KNOW WHAT JOSH LIED ABOUT because that old milquetoast Brian is like, "Don't do it. Trust him." Wait. Josh definitely lied about something. So what is she trusting exactly? Whatever.

Ew, then there were unfunny bloopers and other boring things. THE END."
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*An envelope full of panties.
Oh, there's ever so much for the men to tell, mostly about why and how much they hate Andrew and J.J. 

BUT FIRST Ashley Hebert and J.P. Hebertbaum are back because she's pregnant and needs people to see that she has breasts now. But, no, that's not enough. She's going to find out whether she's having a girl or a boy right here in front of all her close friends in Bachelor Nation. Chris Harrison rips a hole in the side of her dress so the doctor can jam his wand in, and, frankly, Ashley's just lucky Harrison didn't tear her stomach open and fly away with the fetus in his beak. "You're part of the Bachelor Family now, baby."
Also, fuck, he keeps saying the "sex" of the baby, which sounds so vulgar coming from a man who is a prolific underpants sniffer.

The doctor inserts his wand beneath Ashley's muumuu - "What if there was no heartbeat - that would be so sad," said one of my darker viewing companions - and searches around until he finds a penis, which is good since J.P. basically reveals that if it was a girl he would have drowned it in a creek because you can't watch football with girls. (He didn't say anything like this.)

?      ?        [jump]?        
Then there's a looooooooong preview of ''Bachelor In Paradise'' in which producers attempt to make it appear that someone was murdered by someone else on the program, which means that in reality the most dramatic thing that happens is someone gets drunk and sprains their ankle. But I'll still watch just to be sure no one gets murdered.

Note: At this point we're like 30 minutes into the show and the men haven't told anything yet.

FINALLY it's time for telling. Of course, it was all really dumb and boring, so I'll just go over the highlights.

— __Everyone is still very convinced that Andrew called Marquel and Ron "blackies."__ And they have video proof! Sorta. Well, he definitely leaned over to J.J. and said ''something'', but more likely it was "She kept the two black guys," which, honestly, isn't that much better, and no one is letting this motherfucker off the hook for it. He has a very hateable face, which I have a feeling doesn't help his case. It also doesn't help when he calls Marquel "Ron," even though I think there's a chance he might've actually been addressing the comment that Ron had just made. Getting the two black guys in the room mixed up is NOT the act of a not racist person, so Chris Harrison forces Andrew to put on a Klan robe then invites the audience to beat him with baseball bats.

— __Chris still hates J.J.__ Chris uses the Andrew controversy as an opportunity to remind everyone that he thinks J.J. is a peehole for, among other things, telling Marquel what he heard Andrew say rather than just confronting Andrew about it. J.J. attempts to defend himself and his eyes fill up with rage tears and it's pretty erotic.

Then we move on to Marquel in the hot seat . . . OH WAIT, J.J. HAS SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY. And it's some stuttering idiot version of, "I want to defend myself because I didn't have a chance to defend myself, but ultimately, fuck you guys, I don't care what you think." Chris is like, "Then shut up if you don't care." And so J.J. shuts up. 

— __A quick, important reminder.__ Andi gave a rose to Cody instead of Marquel. That's the kind of country we live in. Also, we have to stop saying "friend zone," OK?

— __Marquel ends racism.__ Remember in ''Rocky IV'', how Rocky fought Ivan Drago and ended the Cold War? Marquel sort of did that by giving out a basket full of black and white cookies.

— __Marcus talks for a while.__ Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

— __Chris has a speed date with a woman from the crowd.__ OK, I know this show is a crock of shit and I shouldn't get upset when the crock overfloweth, but what the fuck was this? Some lady in the crowd named Ketchup (I think?) raises her hand, gets called on immediately - because it's not like a television show is being filmed or anything - and is permitted to sit on the stage and caress Chris's knee. I hope this backfires terribly and they can never have a "Men Tell All" episode ever again without a dozen Ketchups shouting things out of turn and attempting to sexually assault the contestants. And, Ketchup, if you are a real person, you're a pervert for going to this taping by yourself. 

— __Wait, did Chris Harrison impregnate Andi?__ So, Andi comes on stage and Chris Harrison is like, "TELL EVERYONE YOU'RE PREGNANT" and that weirdo ultrasound tech/doctor is still standing there rolling his eyes around in his head and drooling, so it's like, wait, is she pregnant? No, Chris was just riffing on tabloid headlines. But then later, when he's brandishing the envelope that contains the lie detector results that Andi supposedly threw away in Italy, he goes, "DADDY'S GOT THEM." I think he needs to retire.

— __Marcus lied. Dylan lied. Josh lied.__ Marcus lied about having slept with fewer than 20 women (and I'm sure he doesn't feel like a total virile hunk for having it revealed on national television—he mentally fist-bumped his own dick). Dylan lied about preferring brunettes (technically, he prefers peroxide blondes he meets in convenience stores when he's buying rolling papers and one of those big $2 bags of Cheetos puffs). And Josh lied about WELL WE DON'T KNOW WHAT JOSH LIED ABOUT because that old milquetoast Brian is like, "Don't do it. Trust him." Wait. Josh definitely lied about something. So what is she trusting exactly? Whatever.

Ew, then there were unfunny bloopers and other boring things. THE END."
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  string(5872) "       2014-07-24T13:26:00+00:00 The Bachelorette': Ashley Hebert tells all, men tell some   Gwynedd Stuart 1435283 2014-07-24T13:26:00+00:00  
*http://clatl.com/atlanta/ImageArchives?by=1223504
*An envelope full of panties.
Oh, there's ever so much for the men to tell, mostly about why and how much they hate Andrew and J.J. 

BUT FIRST Ashley Hebert and J.P. Hebertbaum are back because she's pregnant and needs people to see that she has breasts now. But, no, that's not enough. She's going to find out whether she's having a girl or a boy right here in front of all her close friends in Bachelor Nation. Chris Harrison rips a hole in the side of her dress so the doctor can jam his wand in, and, frankly, Ashley's just lucky Harrison didn't tear her stomach open and fly away with the fetus in his beak. "You're part of the Bachelor Family now, baby."
Also, fuck, he keeps saying the "sex" of the baby, which sounds so vulgar coming from a man who is a prolific underpants sniffer.

The doctor inserts his wand beneath Ashley's muumuu - "What if there was no heartbeat - that would be so sad," said one of my darker viewing companions - and searches around until he finds a penis, which is good since J.P. basically reveals that if it was a girl he would have drowned it in a creek because you can't watch football with girls. (He didn't say anything like this.)

?      ?        jump?        
Then there's a looooooooong preview of Bachelor In Paradise in which producers attempt to make it appear that someone was murdered by someone else on the program, which means that in reality the most dramatic thing that happens is someone gets drunk and sprains their ankle. But I'll still watch just to be sure no one gets murdered.

Note: At this point we're like 30 minutes into the show and the men haven't told anything yet.

FINALLY it's time for telling. Of course, it was all really dumb and boring, so I'll just go over the highlights.

— Everyone is still very convinced that Andrew called Marquel and Ron "blackies." And they have video proof! Sorta. Well, he definitely leaned over to J.J. and said something, but more likely it was "She kept the two black guys," which, honestly, isn't that much better, and no one is letting this motherfucker off the hook for it. He has a very hateable face, which I have a feeling doesn't help his case. It also doesn't help when he calls Marquel "Ron," even though I think there's a chance he might've actually been addressing the comment that Ron had just made. Getting the two black guys in the room mixed up is NOT the act of a not racist person, so Chris Harrison forces Andrew to put on a Klan robe then invites the audience to beat him with baseball bats.

— Chris still hates J.J. Chris uses the Andrew controversy as an opportunity to remind everyone that he thinks J.J. is a peehole for, among other things, telling Marquel what he heard Andrew say rather than just confronting Andrew about it. J.J. attempts to defend himself and his eyes fill up with rage tears and it's pretty erotic.

Then we move on to Marquel in the hot seat . . . OH WAIT, J.J. HAS SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY. And it's some stuttering idiot version of, "I want to defend myself because I didn't have a chance to defend myself, but ultimately, fuck you guys, I don't care what you think." Chris is like, "Then shut up if you don't care." And so J.J. shuts up. 

— A quick, important reminder. Andi gave a rose to Cody instead of Marquel. That's the kind of country we live in. Also, we have to stop saying "friend zone," OK?

— Marquel ends racism. Remember in Rocky IV, how Rocky fought Ivan Drago and ended the Cold War? Marquel sort of did that by giving out a basket full of black and white cookies.

— Marcus talks for a while. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

— Chris has a speed date with a woman from the crowd. OK, I know this show is a crock of shit and I shouldn't get upset when the crock overfloweth, but what the fuck was this? Some lady in the crowd named Ketchup (I think?) raises her hand, gets called on immediately - because it's not like a television show is being filmed or anything - and is permitted to sit on the stage and caress Chris's knee. I hope this backfires terribly and they can never have a "Men Tell All" episode ever again without a dozen Ketchups shouting things out of turn and attempting to sexually assault the contestants. And, Ketchup, if you are a real person, you're a pervert for going to this taping by yourself. 

— Wait, did Chris Harrison impregnate Andi? So, Andi comes on stage and Chris Harrison is like, "TELL EVERYONE YOU'RE PREGNANT" and that weirdo ultrasound tech/doctor is still standing there rolling his eyes around in his head and drooling, so it's like, wait, is she pregnant? No, Chris was just riffing on tabloid headlines. But then later, when he's brandishing the envelope that contains the lie detector results that Andi supposedly threw away in Italy, he goes, "DADDY'S GOT THEM." I think he needs to retire.

— Marcus lied. Dylan lied. Josh lied. Marcus lied about having slept with fewer than 20 women (and I'm sure he doesn't feel like a total virile hunk for having it revealed on national television—he mentally fist-bumped his own dick). Dylan lied about preferring brunettes (technically, he prefers peroxide blondes he meets in convenience stores when he's buying rolling papers and one of those big $2 bags of Cheetos puffs). And Josh lied about WELL WE DON'T KNOW WHAT JOSH LIED ABOUT because that old milquetoast Brian is like, "Don't do it. Trust him." Wait. Josh definitely lied about something. So what is she trusting exactly? Whatever.

Ew, then there were unfunny bloopers and other boring things. THE END.             13079140 11768244                          The Bachelorette': Ashley Hebert tells all, men tell some "
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Article

Thursday July 24, 2014 09:26 am EDT

  • http://clatl.com/atlanta/ImageArchives?by=1223504
  • An envelope full of panties.

Oh, there's ever so much for the men to tell, mostly about why and how much they hate Andrew and J.J.

BUT FIRST Ashley Hebert and J.P. Hebertbaum are back because she's pregnant and needs people to see that she has breasts now. But, no, that's not enough. She's going to find out whether she's having a girl or a...

| more...
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  ["title"]=>
  string(54) "The Bachelorette' FANTASY SUITES: Blame it on the pain"
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  ["tracker_field_contentWikiPage_text"]=>
  string(6619) "
*ABC
*But, hey, she really loved Ghosts in the Graveyard.
It's a question as old as time itself: If you had to spend your life with either an adult baby or a banana-handed cyborg who makes a very literal "MWAH" sound every time he kisses you, which would you choose?

I came up with an answer that was unsatisfactory to my viewing companions, but we'll get to that later.

First, poor Chris! Just kidding! Congrats, Chris! You won the actual grand prize . . . YOU'RE GONNA BE THE NEXT BACHELOR. I don't have access to any insider info or privileged information, but I am a lady and I have what's known as a Woman's Intuition™ about these sorts of things (things that don't matter and don't make my life any better). I feel it in the bowels of my bowels. That or I have to go to the bathroom. 

Speaking of diarrhea, Andi arrives in the Dominican Republic sporting a sleek side braid that looks like something straight out of the Suave Salon Chair Confidential handbook. "It's an amazing place to be in love with one guy at the end of this," she says of the Caribbean island nation. AND, in the meantime, it's a decent place to get boned by guys you kinda like OK. 

While we watch the slideshow inside her brain, Andi goes over the things she likes about her final three. I'll summarize: 
Josh: His personality - dark hair, piercing eyes, olive skin, height, and muscly build - is nice.

Chris: Cute but lives in rural Iowa, where the only entertainment is playing Ghosts in the Graveyard with a bunch of other adults.

Nick: Tells Andi he likes her a lot. Which she likes a lot.

After weeks and weeks of nervously picking at her meals and having cookies slapped out of her hand by Chris Harrison, Andi is FINALLY feeling bikini-ready for she and Nick's sexy date. Aw, and look. They wore matching swimsuits. The only way they could be matchier is if Nick was also wearing a bikini top. But first they go on HELICOPTER RIDE. The very first of the season, which is unbelievable. Andi says she's on Cloud Nine and it's like, no, excuse me, that's Desiree's cloud. Find your own fucking cloud.

?      ?        jump?        
Besides pressing pelvises together in the ocean, the number one thing on Andi's date agenda is to find out about Nick's break-up. Was it bad? "I didn't want to talk to anyone for like six months," Nick says. Well, that's not normal. 

As the date progresses, Nick regresses. I mean, his outfit is an outfit for toddlers, no? The pink pants and silly DayGlo baseball shirt? Then he loses partial ability to speak. "Aw, I love it when you can't form a sentence," says Andi. I'm sure debilitating incoherency isn't a thing that'll get old really fast. Oh and look! He's made a picture book to read to her, so now he's dressed like a baby and he reads books that are for babies and he draws smudgy baby drawings. The only thing that could've redeemed him: the last drawing in his bullshit book was a photo-realistic, hardcore-pornographic representation of what he planned on doing with Andi in the Fantasy Suite.

Before they can go to the suite, he has to tell her something important. "I'm an adult baby and you have to change my diaper later." NO. He tells her he loves her. Again. 

Next up is Josh, who was preprogrammed with some basic Spanish words and phrases to help him seem more humanlike in a Spanish-speaking country. HOLA COMO ESTAS MUY BONITA he screams into Andi's face. She seems to like it because, fun fact, it's impossible for robots to have bad breath. It's more like perpetual new-car smell. They fart around Santo Domingo and Josh (almost) dances, and then they go ruin a perfectly nice baseball game some kids were playing. Eventually, the kids come to terms with the fact that Andi and Josh are never going to let them finish their game undisturbed, so they all go home. 

The biggest flaw in Josh's design: top and bottom teeth smiles. I AM HAPPY SO I AM SHOW ALL OF MY TEETH. Also his laughing sounds entirely too much what laughing is supposed to sound like.

During nighttimes, Andi says she likes Josh because he's "always happy and go-lucky" and Josh agrees that he is those things, but only because Andi is such an unrelenting joy to be around. But Andi is still worried about something (which we can know because the background music starts sounding tense) but Josh reassures her that, really, they've already been through so much together! Been through the wringer! Nothing could be harder than traveling the world and not working and having a production crew feeding you and planning your entire fucking life for your for two months straight. They press their pelvises together and then retire to the Fantasy Suite.

Then poor Chris gets the third date. They haven't even gotten started and already Andi is recoiling from the thought of being dry humped by another near-stranger while Chris Harrison listens through the door with a drinking glass and moans. "I don't know if my relationship with Chis is at a place where I feel comfortable spending the night with him," she says. She's also not completely comfortable with this horseback riding date. You know, "to have a 3,000 pound animal underneath me and I don't know what they're thinking." Then she has a flashback to her Fantasy Suite date with Josh and starts sobbing.

The rest of the date is spent telling Chris how much she loves his family. Love Iowa. Great people. Had a great time. Your mom is just so real. And your sister. Love your family. Then Chris screams, "WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST BRING MY FUCKING FAMILY TO THE FANTASY SUITE IF YOU LOVE THEM SO MUCH," and hops on his horse and rides away. 

But, seriously, two terrible signs about this date: (1) these two people have literally nothing to talk about besides Andi's brief and generally uneventful visit to Iowa, and (2) Andi, who is normally self-conscious to the point that she's forever making a frowny face and attempting to suck in her cheeks, doesn't give a shit what she looks like on this date. Which isn't to say she looks bad. It's just that she's wearing a Mrs. Roper caftan, and not touching and tousling her hair every 30 seconds like she does when she's with Josh. 

Finally the horrific monotony of her date with Chris becomes too much and she cries a little and tells Chris to beat it. He takes it very well, which he should because 25 carefully selected women from all over the country are going to be dangling from his nuts in no time flat. 

Back to my initial question: If you had to choose, would it be Nick or Josh? I'm choosing Josh. I think Andi will too. Check out more predictions on my site womansintuition.fart."
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*[http://clatl.com/atlanta/ImageArchives?by=1289858|ABC]
*But, hey, she really loved Ghosts in the Graveyard.
It's a question as old as time itself: If you had to spend your life with either an adult baby or a banana-handed cyborg who makes a very literal "MWAH" sound every time he kisses you, which would you choose?

I came up with an answer that was unsatisfactory to my viewing companions, but we'll get to that later.

First, poor Chris! Just kidding! Congrats, Chris! You won the actual grand prize . . . YOU'RE GONNA BE THE NEXT BACHELOR. I don't have access to any insider info or privileged information, but I am a lady and I have what's known as a Woman's Intuition™ about these sorts of things (things that don't matter and don't make my life any better). I feel it in the bowels of my bowels. That or I have to go to the bathroom. 

Speaking of diarrhea, Andi arrives in the Dominican Republic sporting a sleek side braid that looks like something straight out of the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGfORX1i-Ow|Suave Salon Chair Confidential] handbook. "It's an amazing place to be in love with one guy at the end of this," she says of the Caribbean island nation. AND, in the meantime, it's a decent place to get boned by guys you kinda like OK. 

While we watch the slideshow inside her brain, Andi goes over the things she likes about her final three. I'll summarize: 
__Josh__: His personality - dark hair, piercing eyes, olive skin, height, and muscly build - is nice.

__Chris__: Cute but lives in rural Iowa, where the only entertainment is playing Ghosts in the Graveyard with a bunch of other adults.

__Nick__: Tells Andi he likes her a lot. Which she likes a lot.

After weeks and weeks of nervously picking at her meals and having cookies slapped out of her hand by Chris Harrison, Andi is FINALLY feeling bikini-ready for she and Nick's sexy date. Aw, and look. They wore matching swimsuits. The only way they could be matchier is if Nick was also wearing a bikini top. But first they go on HELICOPTER RIDE. The very first of the season, which is unbelievable. Andi says she's on Cloud Nine and it's like, no, excuse me, that's [http://clatl.com/freshloaf/archives/2013/07/10/the-bachelorette-ep-7-cloud-nein-this-wouldve-worked-better-when-they-were-in-germany|Desiree's cloud]. Find your own fucking cloud.

?      ?        [jump]?        
Besides pressing pelvises together in the ocean, the number one thing on Andi's date agenda is to find out about Nick's break-up. Was it bad? "I didn't want to talk to anyone for like six months," Nick says. Well, that's not normal. 

As the date progresses, Nick regresses. I mean, his outfit is an outfit for toddlers, no? The pink pants and silly DayGlo baseball shirt? Then he loses partial ability to speak. "Aw, I love it when you can't form a sentence," says Andi. I'm sure debilitating incoherency isn't a thing that'll get old really fast. Oh and look! He's made a picture book to read to her, so now he's dressed like a baby and he reads books that are for babies and he draws smudgy baby drawings. The only thing that could've redeemed him: the last drawing in his bullshit book was a photo-realistic, hardcore-pornographic representation of what he planned on doing with Andi in the Fantasy Suite.

Before they can go to the suite, he has to tell her something important. "I'm an adult baby and you have to change my diaper later." NO. He tells her he loves her. Again. 

Next up is Josh, who was preprogrammed with some basic Spanish words and phrases to help him seem more humanlike in a Spanish-speaking country. HOLA COMO ESTAS MUY BONITA he screams into Andi's face. She seems to like it because, fun fact, it's impossible for robots to have bad breath. It's more like perpetual new-car smell. They fart around Santo Domingo and Josh (almost) dances, and then they go ruin a perfectly nice baseball game some kids were playing. Eventually, the kids come to terms with the fact that Andi and Josh are never going to let them finish their game undisturbed, so they all go home. 

The biggest flaw in Josh's design: [http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uPEcdHyWrxI/TxKZ57JlCBI/AAAAAAAAAb4/_f6y5PPH8y8/s1600/braces before after braces underbite teeth smile IMG_3777.jpg|top and bottom teeth smiles]. I AM HAPPY SO I AM SHOW ALL OF MY TEETH. Also his laughing sounds entirely too much what laughing is supposed to sound like.

During nighttimes, Andi says she likes Josh because he's "always happy and go-lucky" and Josh agrees that he is those things, but only because Andi is such an unrelenting joy to be around. But Andi is still worried about something (which we can know because the background music starts sounding tense) but Josh reassures her that, really, they've already been through so much together! Been through the wringer! Nothing could be harder than traveling the world and not working and having a production crew feeding you and planning your entire fucking life for your for two months straight. They press their pelvises together and then retire to the Fantasy Suite.

Then poor Chris gets the third date. They haven't even gotten started and already Andi is recoiling from the thought of being dry humped by another near-stranger while Chris Harrison listens through the door with a drinking glass and moans. "I don't know if my relationship with Chis is at a place where I feel comfortable spending the night with him," she says. She's also not completely comfortable with this horseback riding date. You know, "to have a 3,000 pound animal underneath me and I don't know what they're thinking." Then she has a flashback to her Fantasy Suite date with Josh and starts sobbing.

The rest of the date is spent telling Chris how much she loves his family. Love Iowa. Great people. Had a great time. Your mom is just so real. And your sister. Love your family. Then Chris screams, "WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST BRING MY FUCKING FAMILY TO THE FANTASY SUITE IF YOU LOVE THEM SO MUCH," and hops on his horse and rides away. 

But, seriously, two terrible signs about this date: (1) these two people have literally nothing to talk about besides Andi's brief and generally uneventful visit to Iowa, and (2) Andi, who is normally self-conscious to the point that she's forever making a frowny face and attempting to suck in her cheeks, doesn't give a shit what she looks like on this date. Which isn't to say she looks bad. It's just that she's wearing a Mrs. Roper caftan, and not touching and tousling her hair every 30 seconds like she does when she's with Josh. 

Finally the horrific monotony of her date with Chris becomes too much and she cries a little and tells Chris to beat it. He takes it very well, which he should because 25 carefully selected women from all over the country are going to be dangling from his nuts in no time flat. 

Back to my initial question: If you had to choose, would it be Nick or Josh? I'm choosing Josh. I think Andi will too. Check out more predictions on my site [https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130207210542AArqeiw|womansintuition.fart]."
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  string(6870) "       2014-07-16T19:04:00+00:00 The Bachelorette' FANTASY SUITES: Blame it on the pain   Gwynedd Stuart 1435283 2014-07-16T19:04:00+00:00  
*ABC
*But, hey, she really loved Ghosts in the Graveyard.
It's a question as old as time itself: If you had to spend your life with either an adult baby or a banana-handed cyborg who makes a very literal "MWAH" sound every time he kisses you, which would you choose?

I came up with an answer that was unsatisfactory to my viewing companions, but we'll get to that later.

First, poor Chris! Just kidding! Congrats, Chris! You won the actual grand prize . . . YOU'RE GONNA BE THE NEXT BACHELOR. I don't have access to any insider info or privileged information, but I am a lady and I have what's known as a Woman's Intuition™ about these sorts of things (things that don't matter and don't make my life any better). I feel it in the bowels of my bowels. That or I have to go to the bathroom. 

Speaking of diarrhea, Andi arrives in the Dominican Republic sporting a sleek side braid that looks like something straight out of the Suave Salon Chair Confidential handbook. "It's an amazing place to be in love with one guy at the end of this," she says of the Caribbean island nation. AND, in the meantime, it's a decent place to get boned by guys you kinda like OK. 

While we watch the slideshow inside her brain, Andi goes over the things she likes about her final three. I'll summarize: 
Josh: His personality - dark hair, piercing eyes, olive skin, height, and muscly build - is nice.

Chris: Cute but lives in rural Iowa, where the only entertainment is playing Ghosts in the Graveyard with a bunch of other adults.

Nick: Tells Andi he likes her a lot. Which she likes a lot.

After weeks and weeks of nervously picking at her meals and having cookies slapped out of her hand by Chris Harrison, Andi is FINALLY feeling bikini-ready for she and Nick's sexy date. Aw, and look. They wore matching swimsuits. The only way they could be matchier is if Nick was also wearing a bikini top. But first they go on HELICOPTER RIDE. The very first of the season, which is unbelievable. Andi says she's on Cloud Nine and it's like, no, excuse me, that's Desiree's cloud. Find your own fucking cloud.

?      ?        jump?        
Besides pressing pelvises together in the ocean, the number one thing on Andi's date agenda is to find out about Nick's break-up. Was it bad? "I didn't want to talk to anyone for like six months," Nick says. Well, that's not normal. 

As the date progresses, Nick regresses. I mean, his outfit is an outfit for toddlers, no? The pink pants and silly DayGlo baseball shirt? Then he loses partial ability to speak. "Aw, I love it when you can't form a sentence," says Andi. I'm sure debilitating incoherency isn't a thing that'll get old really fast. Oh and look! He's made a picture book to read to her, so now he's dressed like a baby and he reads books that are for babies and he draws smudgy baby drawings. The only thing that could've redeemed him: the last drawing in his bullshit book was a photo-realistic, hardcore-pornographic representation of what he planned on doing with Andi in the Fantasy Suite.

Before they can go to the suite, he has to tell her something important. "I'm an adult baby and you have to change my diaper later." NO. He tells her he loves her. Again. 

Next up is Josh, who was preprogrammed with some basic Spanish words and phrases to help him seem more humanlike in a Spanish-speaking country. HOLA COMO ESTAS MUY BONITA he screams into Andi's face. She seems to like it because, fun fact, it's impossible for robots to have bad breath. It's more like perpetual new-car smell. They fart around Santo Domingo and Josh (almost) dances, and then they go ruin a perfectly nice baseball game some kids were playing. Eventually, the kids come to terms with the fact that Andi and Josh are never going to let them finish their game undisturbed, so they all go home. 

The biggest flaw in Josh's design: top and bottom teeth smiles. I AM HAPPY SO I AM SHOW ALL OF MY TEETH. Also his laughing sounds entirely too much what laughing is supposed to sound like.

During nighttimes, Andi says she likes Josh because he's "always happy and go-lucky" and Josh agrees that he is those things, but only because Andi is such an unrelenting joy to be around. But Andi is still worried about something (which we can know because the background music starts sounding tense) but Josh reassures her that, really, they've already been through so much together! Been through the wringer! Nothing could be harder than traveling the world and not working and having a production crew feeding you and planning your entire fucking life for your for two months straight. They press their pelvises together and then retire to the Fantasy Suite.

Then poor Chris gets the third date. They haven't even gotten started and already Andi is recoiling from the thought of being dry humped by another near-stranger while Chris Harrison listens through the door with a drinking glass and moans. "I don't know if my relationship with Chis is at a place where I feel comfortable spending the night with him," she says. She's also not completely comfortable with this horseback riding date. You know, "to have a 3,000 pound animal underneath me and I don't know what they're thinking." Then she has a flashback to her Fantasy Suite date with Josh and starts sobbing.

The rest of the date is spent telling Chris how much she loves his family. Love Iowa. Great people. Had a great time. Your mom is just so real. And your sister. Love your family. Then Chris screams, "WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST BRING MY FUCKING FAMILY TO THE FANTASY SUITE IF YOU LOVE THEM SO MUCH," and hops on his horse and rides away. 

But, seriously, two terrible signs about this date: (1) these two people have literally nothing to talk about besides Andi's brief and generally uneventful visit to Iowa, and (2) Andi, who is normally self-conscious to the point that she's forever making a frowny face and attempting to suck in her cheeks, doesn't give a shit what she looks like on this date. Which isn't to say she looks bad. It's just that she's wearing a Mrs. Roper caftan, and not touching and tousling her hair every 30 seconds like she does when she's with Josh. 

Finally the horrific monotony of her date with Chris becomes too much and she cries a little and tells Chris to beat it. He takes it very well, which he should because 25 carefully selected women from all over the country are going to be dangling from his nuts in no time flat. 

Back to my initial question: If you had to choose, would it be Nick or Josh? I'm choosing Josh. I think Andi will too. Check out more predictions on my site womansintuition.fart.             13079042 11682782                          The Bachelorette' FANTASY SUITES: Blame it on the pain "
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Article

Wednesday July 16, 2014 03:04 pm EDT

  • ABC
  • But, hey, she really loved Ghosts in the Graveyard.

It's a question as old as time itself: If you had to spend your life with either an adult baby or a banana-handed cyborg who makes a very literal "MWAH" sound every time he kisses you, which would you choose?

I came up with an answer that was unsatisfactory to my viewing companions, but we'll get to that later.

First, poor Chris! Just...

| more...
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*abc
*The best part of the whole episode


How's this for a coincidence: we send seven marginally employed single people and a shitty country duo called American Young to Belgium to dry hump on park benches and swap spit in a monastery's pottery barn, and then Belgium handily beats the U.S. in the World Cup. Everyone should pretend to be mad at The Bachelorette just like we're all pretending we give a shit about the World Cup. Oh, I'm just kidding. You love soccer and you always have.

So, yeah, we're in Belgium and Andi would appear to be wearing a leather poncho and matching leather pants (she left the gimp mask in her hotel room). Every week of this journey is very important, but this week is extraspecially exponentially more important because it's the week leading up to hometown visits and Andi takes going into a family's home VERY SERIOUSLY. She says it many times. It's VERY SERIOUS to go into other people's homes.

Important developments:
- J.J. may have been sent home, but he's still nestled in everyone's hearts and wrapped around their throats. Almost all of these motherfuckers are wearing scarves now and I'm pointing the finger in J.J.'s general direction. 

- Dylan is giving Andi's Suave-styled sophisticated ponytail a run for its money with his slick 'n' slimy half ponybun. Great look, man.

Marcus, the Most Boring Man on Earth™, gets the first one-on-one date on which they'll take "a taste of Brussels," which equals ordering mussels exclusively so Andi can say aloud that they're eating mussels in Brussels. Marcus thinks it's funny, which he indicates by repeating what she just said whilst almost smiling. Andi's not sure about Marcus because he threatened to leave at one point (I barely remember that because it's so hard for me to pay attention when Marcus starts talking), but he explains that he's just scared of emotions, which we know is a pile of shit because he IMMEDIATELY brings up writing in his journal like a woman. Also he's real into telling her he's in love with her which she is very in love with.

DID YOU LOVE JEN SCHEFFT'S ELEGANT HALF UPDO OR WHAT? I did.

?      ?        jump?        
Next Marcus tells a boring story about his absentee dad and the potential that his alcoholic mom will force Andi to slam shots of vodka, which all makes Andi feel a certain "comfortness" with Marcus. I've decided to start calling him Neiman Marcus because he looks like he could be a catalog model in that he's pleasantly unremarkable looking and probably stuffs things down the front of his cotton briefs. 

When Marcus and Andi are done with their snoozer date, Nick goes rogue (with the blessing of several producers and an entire camera crew) and decides he's gonna find Andi and have secret alone times with her. It turns out this is VERY easy when front desk people have been instructed in advance to give you a person's room number which they for sure are not allowed to do, and if they are I'd not advise staying at the Hotel Schlingerfart - or whatever it's called - unless you want to be fucking murdered. Anyway, he goes to her room and they go on a stupid boring walk instead of going into an ocean to not have sex like they do on The Bachelor. Andi says, "I can feel what he's thinking - it's so hot." She wants to fingerbang his thoughts so hard.

Next Josh gets a one-on-one date and Andi spends it forcing him to tell her he's falling in love with her, and it's like pulling a baby out of another baby. Seriously, I bet she had her hand in a paper bag pointed at him underneath the table like an armed robber. 

On the group date Andi takes the other guys - Chris, Nick, and, I don't know, a couple others - to a monastery because nothing says romance like silence, celibacy, and sensible sandals. They thing about this date, Andi tells them, is that it's a sacred place so none of them can kiss her no matter how badly it kills them not to smash their lips into her own frowny face. Naturally, she finds a loophole and makes out with Chris in a barn that's not exactly on the property or whatever. 

Dylan snags some one-on-one time with Andi and tells her about how when she comes to visit his hometown she's gonna meet his grandparents and his mom, and she's like, "No I'm not." Aw, but shucks, they had a fun day planned, which no doubt included a visit to a carnival. He looks like he comes from carnival people. 

Brian, who is in the terrible habit of speaking in cliches - "I have a game plan" "I'm putting all my eggs in one basket" "I'm falling in love with you" - gets sent back to the hotel with Dylan and Chris when Andi decides to give the date rose to Nick, who comes on just strong enough to appeal to a woman with shaky self esteem. He doesn't just leave it at "I'm falling in love with you." Oh no, he adds, "And I can feel you falling in love with me, too." That's how he knows they're going to be together. Forever. This is the beginning of a Lifetime movie if I've ever seen one. (I've seen lots of Lifetime movies.)

Nick gets home and the guys don't want to talk to him, but then they want to talk to him a lot about what a cock he is. Brian, trusted purveyor of idioms, starts the attack with, "I'm not going to beat around the bush ..." and then everyone else joins in. Marcus thinks Nick preys on people who are insecure at times. Another schmuck thinks it's bad and wrong that Nick watched previous seasons of the show. Chris thinks Nick is more about strategy than he is about Andi. Which is cute coming from the guy who wrote those dumbdick secret admirer letters and then didn't keep it a secret. 

Andi arrives for the rose ceremony in a fetching sequined gown from the Bea Arthur Collection, and it makes Chris all hot in his pants. He is like, hey, wait I need to talk to you about something, and then he sucks her face. It's not not a strategy to make out with a lady who's demonstrated that she's super into making out. Then she sends Dylan and Brian home because she'd rather die than meet their families. The end!"
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*[http://clatl.com/atlanta/ImageArchives?by=1289858|abc]
*The best part of the whole episode


How's this for a coincidence: we send seven marginally employed single people and a shitty country duo called American Young to Belgium to dry hump on park benches and swap spit in a monastery's pottery barn, and then Belgium handily beats the U.S. in the World Cup. Everyone should pretend to be mad at ''The Bachelorette'' just like we're all pretending we give a shit about the World Cup. Oh, I'm just kidding. You love soccer and you always have.

So, yeah, we're in Belgium and Andi would appear to be wearing a leather poncho and matching leather pants (she left the gimp mask in her hotel room). Every week of this journey is very important, but this week is extraspecially exponentially more important because it's the week leading up to hometown visits and Andi takes going into a family's home VERY SERIOUSLY. She says it many times. It's VERY SERIOUS to go into other people's homes.

Important developments:
- J.J. may have been sent home, but he's still nestled in everyone's hearts and wrapped around their throats. Almost all of these motherfuckers are wearing scarves now and I'm pointing the finger in J.J.'s general direction. 

- Dylan is giving Andi's Suave-styled sophisticated ponytail a run for its money with his slick 'n' slimy half ponybun. Great look, man.

Marcus, the Most Boring Man on Earth™, gets the first one-on-one date on which they'll take "a taste of Brussels," which equals ordering mussels exclusively so Andi can say aloud that they're eating mussels in Brussels. Marcus thinks it's funny, which he indicates by repeating what she just said whilst almost smiling. Andi's not sure about Marcus because he threatened to leave at one point (I barely remember that because it's so hard for me to pay attention when Marcus starts talking), but he explains that he's just scared of emotions, which we know is a pile of shit because he IMMEDIATELY brings up writing in his [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWCMLfXbhfY|journal] like a woman. Also he's real into telling her he's in love with her which she is very in love with.

DID YOU LOVE JEN SCHEFFT'S ELEGANT HALF UPDO OR WHAT? I did.

?      ?        [jump]?        
Next Marcus tells a boring story about his absentee dad and the potential that his alcoholic mom will force Andi to slam shots of vodka, which all makes Andi feel a certain "comfortness" with Marcus. I've decided to start calling him Neiman Marcus because he looks like he could be a catalog model in that he's pleasantly unremarkable looking and probably stuffs things down the front of his cotton briefs. 

When Marcus and Andi are done with their snoozer date, Nick goes rogue (with the blessing of several producers and an entire camera crew) and decides he's gonna find Andi and have secret alone times with her. It turns out this is VERY easy when front desk people have been instructed in advance to give you a person's room number which they for sure are not allowed to do, and if they are I'd not advise staying at the Hotel Schlingerfart - or whatever it's called - unless you want to be fucking murdered. Anyway, he goes to her room and they go on a stupid boring walk instead of going into an ocean to not have sex like they do on ''The Bachelor''. Andi says, "I can feel what he's thinking - it's so hot." She wants to fingerbang his thoughts so hard.

Next Josh gets a one-on-one date and Andi spends it forcing him to tell her he's falling in love with her, and it's like pulling a baby out of another baby. Seriously, I bet she had her hand in a paper bag pointed at him underneath the table like an armed robber. 

On the group date Andi takes the other guys - Chris, Nick, and, I don't know, a couple others - to a monastery because nothing says romance like silence, celibacy, and sensible sandals. They thing about this date, Andi tells them, is that it's a sacred place so none of them can kiss her no matter how badly it kills them not to smash their lips into her own frowny face. Naturally, she finds a loophole and makes out with Chris in a barn that's not exactly on the property or whatever. 

Dylan snags some one-on-one time with Andi and tells her about how when she comes to visit his hometown she's gonna meet his grandparents and his mom, and she's like, "No I'm not." Aw, but shucks, they had a fun day planned, which no doubt included a visit to a carnival. He looks like he comes from carnival people. 

Brian, who is in the terrible habit of speaking in cliches - "I have a game plan" "I'm putting all my eggs in one basket" "I'm falling in love with you" - gets sent back to the hotel with Dylan and Chris when Andi decides to give the date rose to Nick, who comes on just strong enough to appeal to a woman with shaky self esteem. He doesn't just leave it at "I'm falling in love with you." Oh no, he adds, "And I can feel you falling in love with me, too." That's how he knows they're going to be together. Forever. This is the beginning of a Lifetime movie if I've ever seen one. (I've seen lots of Lifetime movies.)

Nick gets home and the guys don't want to talk to him, but then they want to talk to him a lot about what a cock he is. Brian, trusted purveyor of idioms, starts the attack with, "I'm not going to beat around the bush ..." and then everyone else joins in. Marcus thinks Nick preys on people who are insecure at times. Another schmuck thinks it's bad and wrong that Nick watched previous seasons of the show. Chris thinks Nick is more about strategy than he is about Andi. Which is cute coming from the guy who wrote those dumbdick secret admirer letters and then didn't keep it a secret. 

Andi arrives for the rose ceremony in a fetching sequined gown from the Bea Arthur Collection, and it makes Chris all hot in his pants. He is like, hey, wait I need to talk to you about something, and then he sucks her face. It's not ''not'' a strategy to make out with a lady who's demonstrated that she's super into making out. Then she sends Dylan and Brian home because she'd rather die than meet their families. The end!"
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*abc
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How's this for a coincidence: we send seven marginally employed single people and a shitty country duo called American Young to Belgium to dry hump on park benches and swap spit in a monastery's pottery barn, and then Belgium handily beats the U.S. in the World Cup. Everyone should pretend to be mad at The Bachelorette just like we're all pretending we give a shit about the World Cup. Oh, I'm just kidding. You love soccer and you always have.

So, yeah, we're in Belgium and Andi would appear to be wearing a leather poncho and matching leather pants (she left the gimp mask in her hotel room). Every week of this journey is very important, but this week is extraspecially exponentially more important because it's the week leading up to hometown visits and Andi takes going into a family's home VERY SERIOUSLY. She says it many times. It's VERY SERIOUS to go into other people's homes.

Important developments:
- J.J. may have been sent home, but he's still nestled in everyone's hearts and wrapped around their throats. Almost all of these motherfuckers are wearing scarves now and I'm pointing the finger in J.J.'s general direction. 

- Dylan is giving Andi's Suave-styled sophisticated ponytail a run for its money with his slick 'n' slimy half ponybun. Great look, man.

Marcus, the Most Boring Man on Earth™, gets the first one-on-one date on which they'll take "a taste of Brussels," which equals ordering mussels exclusively so Andi can say aloud that they're eating mussels in Brussels. Marcus thinks it's funny, which he indicates by repeating what she just said whilst almost smiling. Andi's not sure about Marcus because he threatened to leave at one point (I barely remember that because it's so hard for me to pay attention when Marcus starts talking), but he explains that he's just scared of emotions, which we know is a pile of shit because he IMMEDIATELY brings up writing in his journal like a woman. Also he's real into telling her he's in love with her which she is very in love with.

DID YOU LOVE JEN SCHEFFT'S ELEGANT HALF UPDO OR WHAT? I did.

?      ?        jump?        
Next Marcus tells a boring story about his absentee dad and the potential that his alcoholic mom will force Andi to slam shots of vodka, which all makes Andi feel a certain "comfortness" with Marcus. I've decided to start calling him Neiman Marcus because he looks like he could be a catalog model in that he's pleasantly unremarkable looking and probably stuffs things down the front of his cotton briefs. 

When Marcus and Andi are done with their snoozer date, Nick goes rogue (with the blessing of several producers and an entire camera crew) and decides he's gonna find Andi and have secret alone times with her. It turns out this is VERY easy when front desk people have been instructed in advance to give you a person's room number which they for sure are not allowed to do, and if they are I'd not advise staying at the Hotel Schlingerfart - or whatever it's called - unless you want to be fucking murdered. Anyway, he goes to her room and they go on a stupid boring walk instead of going into an ocean to not have sex like they do on The Bachelor. Andi says, "I can feel what he's thinking - it's so hot." She wants to fingerbang his thoughts so hard.

Next Josh gets a one-on-one date and Andi spends it forcing him to tell her he's falling in love with her, and it's like pulling a baby out of another baby. Seriously, I bet she had her hand in a paper bag pointed at him underneath the table like an armed robber. 

On the group date Andi takes the other guys - Chris, Nick, and, I don't know, a couple others - to a monastery because nothing says romance like silence, celibacy, and sensible sandals. They thing about this date, Andi tells them, is that it's a sacred place so none of them can kiss her no matter how badly it kills them not to smash their lips into her own frowny face. Naturally, she finds a loophole and makes out with Chris in a barn that's not exactly on the property or whatever. 

Dylan snags some one-on-one time with Andi and tells her about how when she comes to visit his hometown she's gonna meet his grandparents and his mom, and she's like, "No I'm not." Aw, but shucks, they had a fun day planned, which no doubt included a visit to a carnival. He looks like he comes from carnival people. 

Brian, who is in the terrible habit of speaking in cliches - "I have a game plan" "I'm putting all my eggs in one basket" "I'm falling in love with you" - gets sent back to the hotel with Dylan and Chris when Andi decides to give the date rose to Nick, who comes on just strong enough to appeal to a woman with shaky self esteem. He doesn't just leave it at "I'm falling in love with you." Oh no, he adds, "And I can feel you falling in love with me, too." That's how he knows they're going to be together. Forever. This is the beginning of a Lifetime movie if I've ever seen one. (I've seen lots of Lifetime movies.)

Nick gets home and the guys don't want to talk to him, but then they want to talk to him a lot about what a cock he is. Brian, trusted purveyor of idioms, starts the attack with, "I'm not going to beat around the bush ..." and then everyone else joins in. Marcus thinks Nick preys on people who are insecure at times. Another schmuck thinks it's bad and wrong that Nick watched previous seasons of the show. Chris thinks Nick is more about strategy than he is about Andi. Which is cute coming from the guy who wrote those dumbdick secret admirer letters and then didn't keep it a secret. 

Andi arrives for the rose ceremony in a fetching sequined gown from the Bea Arthur Collection, and it makes Chris all hot in his pants. He is like, hey, wait I need to talk to you about something, and then he sucks her face. It's not not a strategy to make out with a lady who's demonstrated that she's super into making out. Then she sends Dylan and Brian home because she'd rather die than meet their families. The end!             13078912 11533667                          The Bachelorette' Ep. 7: TELL ANDI YOU LOVE HER "
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Wednesday July 2, 2014 03:39 pm EDT

  • abc
  • The best part of the whole episode



How's this for a coincidence: we send seven marginally employed single people and a shitty country duo called American Young to Belgium to dry hump on park benches and swap spit in a monastery's pottery barn, and then Belgium handily beats the U.S. in the World Cup. Everyone should pretend to be mad at The Bachelorette just like we're all pretending...

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Article

Thursday June 19, 2014 10:15 am EDT
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