Top Five Worst Shows Ever Booked

Bands are great. They show up, play a set and everyone has fun — except Randy Castello, who is responsible for babysitting high-maintenance bands. As the Drunken Unicorn’s booking agent, Castello has had plenty of bad band experiences. Here’s his list of the worst shows he’s ever booked:

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1) Black Lips: “After a night of heavy drinking, the Black Lips tour manager thought it would be funny to light my hair on fire with a cigarette lighter. After I questioned him about this act of terrorism, he stated that my hair got in the way while he was lighting his cigarette. I found this excuse very hard to swallow. I love the Black Lips, but I’ll never book them again until they hire a new tour manager. That guy is a out of control!”

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2) Lyrics Born: “I don’t want to generalize, but it always seems like an underground hip-hop artist ... requires the promoter of the club to hold his hand like a child during a production. I’m not exactly sure why this trend is prevalent among this particular genre, but Lyrics Born is a prime example. ... He required so much attention from me that before the show even started I was physically drained.”

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3) Boot Camp Clik: “I’m well aware that the Boot Camp Clik show I booked at the Drunken Unicorn will go down forever in the annals of Atlanta hip-hop history and I’m happy that I made it happen; but these guys were hell to work with. Without my knowledge, the group snuck in their entourage — as well as their entourage’s entourage — through the back door of the club. I’m guessing at least 70 people entered the venue without paying the $15 cover. At the end of the night, the group was not pleased with their payment and felt I ripped them off since the club was packed out. I tried to explain to them that they let too many people in for free, but my explanation fell on deaf ears.”

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4) Telefon Tel Aviv: “I appreciate IDM (Intelligent Dance Music) but the people who make up this elitist musical genre tend to be prima donnas. They expect to be paid more money than they’re worth. I like to call these artists bedroom warriors, because if you get them out of their bedroom laptop studios, and on tour, they tend to lose perspective and harbor unrealistic and grandiose expectations from the club.”

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5) Japanther: “Japanther is a band that has managed to convince themselves and their fans that they are preserving the DIY punk-rock ethic. Their music is a bland amalgamation of bad emo-pop punk. The only reason I would even consider them as being remotely DIY is because they bring their own PA system when on tour. They also possess a holier-than-thou attitude since they claim they’re from Brooklyn, N.Y. — which probably means they’re from somewhere in Connecticut.”