1. >> blotter
  2. >> The Blotter’s New Year’s resolutions - 2013

The Blotter’s New Year’s resolutions - 2013

In anticipation of New Year’s Eve, we’ve compiled a list of handy resolutions for our dear Blotter readers.

Resolution No. 1: Don’t smoke and call 911

Police responded to a call from a 41-year-old woman about a dispute at her apartment on Sylvan Road. When cops arrived, they saw a small baggie of marijuana on the living room floor next to a blunt. The cop wrote, “I asked [[[the woman] who did the drugs belong to and she took ownership of the drugs and said, ‘It’s the holiday and I was just celebrating.’” Naturally, the woman went to jail, charged with marijuana possession. No one else was in the apartment and she did not explain the dispute about which she called cops in the first place.

Resolution No. 2: dance without melodrama

At a nightclub in the Lindbergh area, a 25-year-old woman burst into some strange solo dancing. The woman was “intoxicated and slamming her body against the lounge doors,” a cop noted. Next, the woman “threw her elbow,” hitting a police sergeant on the chest. The woman’s dance moves landed her in handcuffs. The cop noted, “I observed her moods changing from quiet to very talkative, using curse words.” The woman went to jail on a disorderly conduct charge.

Resolution No. 3: Don’t act like Tiger’s ex-wife

On Violet Street, a man said his ex-girlfriend cut him with a broken golf club during a dispute over another woman. (They broke up two months ago after five years together.) The man said he was in his bedroom, watching a college football game, when his ex-girlfriend came over, sat down on the bed, and accused him of “being with another woman.” He said she picked up an old golf club and started swinging it at him. The man said he grabbed her hand and tried to yank the club away when he accidentally stepped on the golf club, snapping its head off and “leaving a sharp metal edge exposed.” He thinks she delivered the final blow with the golf club, but he says it could have been a pocketknife on a nearby table. Either way, there’s 2-and-a-half-inch cut on his hand “exposing a tendon below.” The doctor said the injury needed at least 10 stitches and would leave a permanent scar.

Cops tracked down the ex-girlfriend, who said the boyfriend initiated contact and she accidentally hit him as she fell backward into a woodpile.

Resolution No. 4: Locks are your friend

On Mount Gilead Road, a 43-year-old man said he went to corner store at around 7 p.m. and left the front door to his apartment unlocked. Twenty minutes later, he returned home and — surprise! — his new 42-inch flat-screen TV was gone. He ran outside and alledgedly saw a man with a red Mohawk sitting in a car with his TV in the backseat. The red Mohawk man zoomed away in his car. The 43-year-old says he’s seen the red Mohawk man before and he thinks the man’s mother lives in the same apartment complex. The man said he left his front door unlocked because he knew he’d be “right back.”

Resolution No. 5: Flour is not a weapon

Poultry triggered a brother-sister fight in the Pittsburgh neighborhood. The sister, 24, said her brother, 22, was trying to cook some chicken she had paid for, so she snatched the food away. She said her brother retaliated by throwing flour in her face and scratching her face. The brother denied any attack on his sister and she was trying to pick a stupid fight over chicken. The sister’s girlfriend, however, said she witnessed the brother flinging flour all over his sister’s face. The brother went to jail, charged with battery.

Resolution No. 6: Flirt more wisely

On Glenwood Avenue, a 26-year-old man kept “staggering and almost fell” as he chatted up some women outside a bar in Grant Park. A cop approached Mr. Flirty to see if he was bothering the women. “You have pretty eyes,” the man told the cop. The cop advised him to call a cab, but the man walked over to his own car and tried to unlock it. “I told him not to get into his car and drive home because he was intoxicated,” the cop wrote. The man said he lives really close and asked the officer to follow him home. “[[[He] began begging me to let him drive home and stated that I should just follow him home in the patrol car,” the cop noted. The cop warned: if you drive home, it’s a DUI. The man sat down on the sidewalk, yelling and pouting. He screamed, “All I have his $23 fucking dollars.” The cop took him to jail for disorderly conduct.

Resolution No. 7: Remember, spell-check does not catch everything

A cop responded to a robbery call at Underground Atlanta. Upon arrival, a man darted in front of the patrol car. “When I advised [[[the suspect] to stop standing in the middle of the roadway, he became irate and refused to move,” the officer wrote. “When I attempted to detain the suspect, he began yelling loudly, ‘Get your damn hands off me. I have a rode in my Spain.’” The man meant he had a “rod in his spine.” Nevertheless, he was arrested for violating his pedestrian duties.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

The Blotter
COVID Updates
Latest News
Current Issue