The Blotter July 30 2008

SNAKES ON THE BRAIN: Around 2 a.m., police spotted a naked man screaming on Auburn Avenue. The man “was exposing his penis and buttocks and shaking,” an officer wrote. The naked man yelled, “Help! Get the snake out of my pants. Help!” The officer said he tried to calm the man. “There was not a snake in his pants, so I ordered him to put his clothes back on,” the officer wrote. The man, age 37, was arrested for public indecency.

TIT FOR TAT: Police responded to a call about a large bar fight in Little Five Points. Apparently, the brawl started over a woman who bent over and showed her breasts — and an unknown man who called the woman a “whore” for acting in such a manner, an officer wrote.

The woman said she actually leaned over to tie her shoes and she wasn’t trying to expose her breasts to all the men. The officer spoke to the three men involved in the fracas – and they all had different stories. No one wanted to press charges.

WACKY NEIGHBOR, PART I: On Peachtree Street, a 45-year-old man said he hired a male neighbor to do some technical work on his computer. He said the neighbor worked for one day then he fired the neighbor. Now, he says, he’s getting calls from strangers about booking cruises. He said the callers mention his neighbor’s name.

WACKY NEIGHBORS, PART II: On Teton Avenue, a woman said her neighbors — about six men — were playing loud music around 4 a.m. “When she approached them about it, they revenged by defecating feces in her yard the next morning,” an officer wrote. She said her neighbors are causing problems and she wants police to do something about it soon.

ONLINE DATING FIASCO: A 34-year-old woman said she met a Buckhead man on Match.com. She said they went on one date and she told the man that she wasn’t interested in seeing him again.

Now, she said, the man is calling her and making all types of sexual sounds on the phone. She said he’s called late at night and early in the morning. Also, she said, the man got ahold of her parents’ phone number and called her parents three times. She said she reported the man’s behavior to Match.com.

SIGN THE ECONOMY SUCKS, NO. 489: At a grocery store on West Peachtree Street, a man allegedly put a pork tenderloin into his pants pocket. “The suspect admitted he placed the item in his pocket because he was starving and had not eaten in three days,” an officer wrote. “He stated he had no money and would not be starting his new job for three weeks.” The 26-year-old man was arrested for shoplifting. The pork tenderloin is worth $8.83.

DOG DAYS OF SUMMER: Someone called police about a dog left in a hot car outside a bagel shop on West Paces Ferry Road. “The victim is a 10-year-old toy poodle,” an officer wrote. “All of the windows were partially opened, but the temperature outside was in the 90s, and it was humid. The poodle was moving actively, but he did have his tongue hanging out of his mouth, as if he was thirsty.”

About 10 minutes after the officer arrived, a 42-year-old woman showed up and said she owns the poodle. She said she and her daughter went to have breakfast at the bagel shop about 50 to 55 minutes beforehand (That would be 12:45-12:50 p.m. – a rather late breakfast.)

She said they planned to get the dog groomed later and she periodically went to her car to give the dog some water. A waiter from the bagel shop verified that the woman had asked for a cup of water for her dog. The woman got a ticket for cruelty to animals.

DOGGED DETERMINATION: A 49-year-old woman said she let a young man with a mohawk haircut into her church to use the restroom. She said he stole her 3-month-old pitbull from the church, and told people that he was taking the puppy for a walk.

When she realized her puppy was missing, the woman said she tracked him down at an apartment complex on Roberts Drive. According to witnesses, the man had tried to sell the puppy there. The woman said she confronted the man, took back her puppy and called police. The alleged puppy thief ran away before police showed up.

DIME BAG: Police found a green backpack on Ivan Allen Drive. It contained $435 cash (a $50 bill, a $20 bill, a $5 bill — and 72 rolls of dimes).

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words. Want more? Listen to the Blotter Diva on 92.9’s (Dave FM) “The Zakk Tyler Morning Show” every Tuesday between 6:30-7 a.m.