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Just once, wouldn't you like to see the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences cut loose and pay tribute to Hollywood's unsung champions, while firing one last shot at those stinkers that made the film industry bow its collective head in shame? Well then, here are CL's Oscar-worthy picks for some of the unheralded high points and low(brow) moments from the 2000 movie year.

Best Comedy Team: Fred Willard and Jim Piddock in Best in Show. Willard stole the film as an obnoxious dog show commentator prone to raunchy observations, but Piddock's straight-faced British propriety in the face of Willard's non sequiturs was equally priceless.

Worst Comedy Team: Bette Midler and Nathan Lane in Isn't She Great. Like watching the worst vaudeville show ever produced.

Best Performance by an Inanimate Object: The raging refrigerator in Requiem for a Dream. (Apologies to the Broadcast Film Critics Association, which came up with this award to honor Wilson the volleyball in Cast Away.) Runners-up: Julia Roberts' cleavage-enhancing Wonderbra in Erin Brockovich; the Busy Bee dog toy in Best in Show; the Green Emerald sword in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; Sylvester Stallone in Get Carter.

Worst Performance by a Non-Actor: Pop singer Madonna in The Next Best Thing. As a single woman who gets impregnated by her gay best friend, the Material Girl and Immaterial Actress demonstrates that even after 15 years in the business, she still hasn't grasped such fundamentals as line delivery and appropriate emoting.

Worst Dialogue: The Patriot, written by Robert Rodat. Rousing as spectacle, but every time someone opens his or her mouth, look out. The worst exchange in this Revolutionary War epic occurs when Mel Gibson asks Joely Richardson, "May I sit here?" to which she replies, "It's a free country. Or at least it will be."

Most Blatant Product Placement: Popeye's Chicken in Little Nicky. As if we don't see the logo enough throughout the film, Adam Sandler even exclaims at one point, "This chicken is fucking awesome!"

Worst Career Move: Kim Basinger. It's been a couple of years since her Oscar win for L.A. Confidential, and she returned to the screen last year with two turkeys, I Dreamed of Africa and Bless the Child.

Most Miscast: Jennifer Lopez as a brilliant psychologist in The Cell. Who cast this movie? Larry Flynt?

Most Humiliating Moment Not Worth Any Size Paycheck: Gwyneth Paltrow singing karaoke in Duets. Her attempt to sashay seductively while mangling "Bette Davis Eyes" displayed all the grace and erotic charge of a basketball player trying to fit into the backseat of a Yugo. Runners-up: The beating endured by Monica Belluchi in Malena; Larry Miller getting raped by a giant hamster in Nutty Professor II: The Klumps; Robert De Niro soiling the memory of Taxi Driver by spoofing the "You talkin' to me?" scene in The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle; Harvey Keitel simply for agreeing to play Adam Sandler's dad (Satan) in Little Nicky.

Best Example of Soulless Hollywood Moviemaking: Gone in Sixty Seconds. Fast cars that go vroom-vroom, mucho macho posturing, a bubblegum script and lots of slumming movie stars out for some quick cash.

The Plummeting IQ Award: The inane Tom Green comedy Road Trip grossed more than Thirteen Days, Wonder Boys and Croupier combined.

The Faith Restored Award: The reissue of a true horror classic, 1973's The Exorcist, earned more than modern-day pretenders like Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, Dracula 2000 and Urban Legends: Final Cut.

Best Feel-Bad Movie: Requiem for a Dream.

Worst Feel-Bad Movie: American Psycho.

The Annie Hall Award for Best Date Movie: Love & Basketball. Omar Epps and Sanaa Lathan shine in a compassionate love story as straightforward as its title.

The Patch Adams Award for the Most Shameless Schmaltz: Disney's The Kid. Death by sickly sweet syrup. Runners-up: Autumn in New York; Return to Me; Woman on Top; the final quarter-hour of Pay It Forward.

Most Accurate Critical Comment: "Battlefield Earth is Plan 9 From Outer Space for a new generation." — Elvis Mitchell of The New York Times.

Most Delusional Critical Comment: "Battlefield Earth will rock America!" — ubiquitous "quote whore" Maria Salas of Gems Television.

Best Ad Line: "Meet the Marquis de Sade. The pleasure is all his." — Quills.

Worst Ad Line: "Pros on strike. Everyday guys get to play." — The Replacements. Um, fellows, that's what's called a plot synopsis.

Most Inaccurate Title: Isn't She Great.

Most Truthful Title: Screwed.

Strike Three, You're Out!: Sandra Bullock for Miss Congeniality, 28 Days and Gun Shy; John Travolta for Lucky Numbers, Battlefield Earth and for threatening us with a sequel to Battlefield Earth.??