Karma Cleanser - June 13 2001
Get right with the universe before it gets back at you. Send confessions and questions about how to avoid karmic retribution to email@example.com. All entries are anonymous, of course.
I laughed at a little fat girl. Luckily, she didn't see me. She was in a peach-colored leotard and definitely should not have been. I only laughed because I was so startled. I was at a gymnastics meet surrounded by anorexic looking preteens and then there she was — boom! — round as an Oompa Loompa. Is feeling bad about laughing enough of a karmic debt repayment?
-- Belly Laugher
Malicious laughter aimed at anyone under the age of 14 just makes you look like an asshole. The next time an Oompa Loompa crosses your path, remember what happened to Violet Beauregarde — the bad little girl who became a human blueberry.
Am I generating bad karma by sneaking into the movies? I did actually buy tickets, but the usher didn't take them. So, I just keep going back with those same tickets, and no usher ever takes them. In fact, I've never even seen an usher there. Is that really my problem? Am I going to hell?
-- Movie Moocher
Sneaking into movies isn't quite worth eternal damnation, unless you're seeing The Animal, in which case there's no hope for you. Reduce your bad karma quotient by buying an overpriced popcorn and picking up after yourself when you leave.
By the way, which theater is this? We're just, umm, curious ... ??