Karma Cleanser - October 31 2001

Karma Cleanser:
A creep paparazzi and columnist for a local newspaper displayed extremely bad judgment when he wrote a negative review about my stand-up comedy routine. He claims my performance was abrasive and annoying, and that just ain’t true. In fact, it’s a bold-faced lie. The audience found Dishman hilarious and was enraptured by his performance. Who hired this creep? Most of the audience was on its feet laughing hysterically. Isn’t it bad karma to attempt to manipulate hundreds of thousands of loyal newspaper readers to dish-trust their own eyes?

-- Devoted Dish-ciple

When a newspaper columnist calls ‘em as he sees ‘em, he’s not generating bad karma; in fact, he’s doing the universe a favor by sparing us from unfunny stand-up. However, cries of sour grapes or personal attacks from would-be comics are sins almost as great as referring to yourself in the third-person.

Karma Cleanser:
Last year, a friend decided to try and get custody of three brothers who desperately needed the love and attention that their drug-dependant mother would not provide. He took the boys in when the oldest ran away from their grandmother’s [home].

My financial situation began to deteriorate and my friend also allowed me to move in, rent-free. The boys really connected with him, and a hearing gave us temporary custody. My friend gave the oldest a birthday card that I found inappropriate for a 14-year-old, and I thought that an inappropriate relationship was developing between him and the kids.

I called DFACS to report my concerns. They came and took the boys. My friend was wrecked and went into debt to defend himself. To keep suspicion away from myself, I placed blame on his ex and on a neighbor, making my friend become angry with the wrong people. DFACS eventually stopped the investigation.

My finances have turned around and I now rent an apartment from the friend. The boys were placed in separate facilities. I let my fears commit a great wrong. Prozac hasn’t helped. Can I make restitution to avoid karmic retribution?

-- Friend or foe

So, you reported your friend without confronting him first, and with no hard evidence to boot? No wonder Prozac’s no help. You need to tell your friend/landlord what a backbiting tenant you are, which will possibly cost you the friendship and probably a mailing address as well.

Send confessions and questions about how to avoid karmic retribution to karma@creativeloafing.com, or to Karma Cleanser, Creative Loafing, 750 Willoughby Way, Atlanta, Ga. 30312. All entries are anonymous, of course.