Karma Cleanser - September 04 2002

Every car I touch ends up in catastrophe

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I need to cleanse my car karma immediately! My friends and family will not let me drive their cars because something always happens. My 1999 Ford Mustang spontaneously combusted into 10-foot flames after sitting for more than eight hours in my driveway. The only reason that was given to me is “an electrical short somewhere in the engine.” The car was bought used and had brand new tires upon purchase; three of them went flat within the 10 months that I owned the car.

OK, so the Mustang went up into flames. The thing that gets me, though, is that I got my old Acura Integra back from a friend who was borrowing it and today I am still at work because the fuel pump has decided to go bad. Yep, these things happen too, but I’ve only driven the car 25 miles since I’ve gotten it back. My friend drove it 36,000 miles since October without one problem! Any help would be greatly appreciated.
-- Mechanic Fanatic

Consider cars as large, metal lessons the universe rolls into our lives. Like relationships, you go into each auto purchase thinking that this is going to last forever, that you’re going to keep the oil changed and the tires rotated. But no matter what, something always breaks down, usually at the most inconvenient time possible. Sometimes you’re to blame, sometimes not in the least. The lesson seems to be: Nothing lasts forever, so just enjoy the ride. Oh, and don’t be surprised if driving 36,000 miles in under a year wears something out. Duh.

br>?Dear Karma Cleanser:
My sister thinks she’s a rock star. She totally takes advantage of my parents, stays out late, drinks their beer, doesn’t respect them, talks down to me, is really just a bitch. Meanwhile I’m an honor-roll student at the same high school as her. My parents don’t seem to mind her bad behavior. They say “it’s just a phase” and look the other way. Well, I’m sick of looking the other way. I want her to pay for her actions.
-- Make Her Stop

We’re going to go out on a limb here and guess that you’re older than your sister, probably not by much. We’re going to go further out on that limb to suggest that your sister’s bitchin’ party streak is her way of reacting to your role as the family Brainiac. Don’t worry, soon enough you’ll be off at college, and sis will probably calm down. Or she might just implode. But you’ll be long gone by then, behaving badly yourself with similar Smart Kids finally gettin’ jiggy at some all-night kegger.

Been bad? Reflect, repent and regurgitate to karma@creativeloafing.com.