Karma Cleanser - June 15 2005

Dear Karma Cleanser: A long time ago, probably five years now, I had a close friend, D. It is a funny story how we met and became friends, but it will suffice to say we wound up living in the same place and became as thick as thieves very quickly. I really thought that D. was the kind of person who I would be talking to when I was 80. But then D. did a bad thing to me and we wound up in an awful argument. I walked away from the friendship and did not look back.

Now I am feeling like my head is empty and the past keeps reaching back to try and find me. D. has sent me an e-mail apologizing for the stupid thing that she did to me. I want to open the door to let her back in, but I also think that too much time has passed. Is there a way to know if this is the right or the wrong thing to try? I think that if I do let her back into my life and she hurts me again, I will never trust anyone again.

The Bhagavad Gita says, “If you want to see the brave, look at those who forgive.” The Karma Cleanser’s interpretation: “Get over it.” If your former friend proves to be a loser the second time around, well, that means she really wasn’t much of friend to begin with. You’re better to extend the olive branch than to dead-bolt the door. Maybe she’s grown up in five years, maybe not. Either way, show her that you have.

Dear Karma Cleanser:?This probably sounds like an old fashioned problem but I need an?answer. Is a wife responsible for her husband’s bad karma, or vice?versa??I never thought twice about this until I got married in January. Now I?am very conscientious of all the bad things that my new spouse does.?He is a good person, but he has a lot of small and questionable?habits. The worst thing I have seen him do yet is that he lies?incessantly to his mother. It breaks my heart to see her suffer when?he tells her some false story about how he has to work on the?weekends, when he’s actually out playing golf.?I worry that I am getting his bad karma because recently, after he?told his mother that he could not come see her because I was sick, I?actually did get sick. I was perfectly fine when he told her the?story. Is this the universe trying to punish me for keeping quiet?about his insincerity??
Golf Course Widow

We suspect that the universe didn’t make you sick ‹ you did it?yourself. You’re seeing something in your husband that you never saw?before, and you probably suspect already the truth that if he’ll lie?to his mom, he’ll also lie to you. It’s too risky to spill the beans?to your mother-in-law ‹ always best to avoid kicking that particular?hornet’s nest ‹ but you should inform your new spouse you’re not going?tolerate dishonesty in any form.