Scene & Herd - My name is Andisheh

In this column, I try to keep details about my personal life to a minimum so that I don't bore you. For example, I doubt that you'd want to read about my year in prison or my brief stint as "the other cute one" in New Kids on the Block.

There's one tidbit of personal information that I'd like to share though. When it comes to alcohol, I have the tolerance of a waifish third-grader. I mention that because I got so drunk at Spice last Wednesday that I have little memory of the event I was there for — the semifinal round of the restaurant's billboard model competition. If you've driven by Spice, you've likely seen the restaurant's iconic, food inspector-be-damned billboard depicting a pepper on the naked back of a woman.

Last Wednesday's meet whittled the 30 semifinalists down to eight finalists. Typically, such an event would be a barrel of fun details for this column, but on that night I drank three vodka tonics and a glass of wine. Not much, but enough to render most of the night a blur. Here's what I remember: women in skimpy outfits walking back and forth. One woman with blue jeans that had frilly cuffs that looked like something from the Elly May Clampett Collection. Another had breast implants so absurdly large that each breast could have competed separately.

One thing I don't remember at all, but my friend, Scene & Herd recurring character Matt Gove reminded me of, was that during a phone conversation that night, I repeatedly (and falsely) insisted to him that, "I've got five kids to feed." I'm told I had a good time.

Don't Let Your Son: Speaking of drunk, I had the pleasure of seeing Billy Joel and "local boy made good" Elton John perform together at Philips Arena last Tuesday. Every now and then for the past decade or so, the two of them get together to tour. Because, to paraphrase rapper Phife Dawg, together they've got more hits than the Braves and the Yankees, they're able to charge a ransom for the tickets and they easily sell out the house. The show started with a duet of Elton's "Your Song" and then Billy's "Just the Way You Are." Then they broke out the more up-tempo songs.

My favorite moments included getting to hear "Rocket Man" live because it includes perhaps my favorite bad lyric of all time: "Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids/ In fact it's cold as hell/ And there's no one there to raise them if you did." I also got a huge kick of watching Elton sing "I'm Still Standing" while seated. During his solo set, Elton was gracious enough to sing a couple of new songs so that we'd have time to go to the bathroom without missing any classics. He also said that he considered everyone in the audience to be his friend, which I hope he remembers come Christmas.

I don't know how the people over at Peach Buzz missed it, but there was a Backstreet Boy in attendance. I'm not sure which one, but I saw him come in at the loading dock. I think it was the one I saw racing speedboats on E! (the channel, not the drug).

Still Drunk: It appears that MJQ's reputation as a "cool" place to go may have extended well beyond the metro area. Around midnight last Wednesday, a taxi full Michigan school teachers pulled up outside of the Ponce de Leon Avenue club. They got out and their leader asked the people standing around, "Is this a cool place to go?" Since nobody answered, "Yeah, this place sucks, that's why I'm standing here at 11:45 on a Wednesday night," the teachers paid the cover and entered.

Inside, they were treated to a short but rousing set by The Lids, a five-person band that includes one guitarist and one drummer (a la the White Stripes) and three female vocalists (a la the White Stripes with, well, three female vocalists). The instrumentalists bang out garage riffs while the girls, dressed like they're on their way to Austin Powers' pad for a party, sing la-la-la and look cool. To be honest, I couldn't hear the words. It was fast, loud, exciting and over in a flash, not unlike the first time I, well, nevermind.

Tall Tails: United by a love of beer, meat and football, thousands of Falcons fans gather outside the Georgia Dome before every home game to tailgate. Not the unsafe practice of following the car in front too closely, but rather the practice of parking your cars too closely and getting drunk before going into the stadium. Outside the Vine City MARTA station (MARTA's February 1999 station of the month, according to the certificate), I found the tail-gating motherlode. Row upon row of SUVs, pick-up trucks and spacious sedans, each with their tailgates open, frequently revealing coolers bigger than my fridge and large TVs. Some people even bring generators. One party I saw included an RV and an SUV towing an enormous smoker grill. The next logical step in the evolution of tailgating would seemingly be towing a fully furnished home to and from the stadium each game day.

andisheh@creativeloafing.com