News - Alf Nucifora
How to buy friends and influence officials
Alf Nucifora is a business consultant who authors "Shoestring Marketing," a column in the Atlanta Business Chronicle. Recently, MARTA board member Mychal Walker admitted to accepting a $20,000 payment from Nucifora, who was representing a firm competing for a $100 million MARTA contract. This is our interpretation of Nucifora's unique new marketing strategy.
Most small businesses don't have large marketing budgets — thus the label "small." For you small fries, stretching your limited marketing dollars should be as crucial to your business strategy as hiring a prostitute to slip your rivals a roofie, film them in a same-sex gang bang, and send the video to their chief financiers.
Lately, I've been experimenting with a new marketing method. As you'll undoubtedly recall, in the Feb. 13 edition of the Atlanta Business Chronicle, I wrote, "Don't let an opportunity for media coverage be lost." You've probably already seen the results of my breakthrough technique to attract media attention. I've garnered a shitload of coverage in the AJC, which alleged in mid-February that I gave MARTA board member Mychal Walker $20,000 on behalf of a French firm competing for beaucoup MARTA contract dollars.
By utilizing my finely honed networking skills, I was able to associate my name with some of the media's most sizzling buzzwords such as "bribery" and "corruption."
Talk about earned media!
MARTA board Chairman Michael Walls immediately requested Walker's resignation, and the Fulton County DA's office is looking to press charges against Walker — rightly so. Accepting a bribe is no way for the ninth largest transit agency in the country to conduct business. But it is a great way to generate some press.
Of course, no one has asked me to resign from the board of the Atlanta Conventions and Visitors Bureau. See, my suits are much more expensive than Walker's, and I have a charming Australian accent that distracts most Americans.
But you — the American small-business owner — probably don't have a charming Australian accent, or very expensive suits. There are, however, still great advantages to attracting intense media attention. For example, try accompanying the governor to a Buford Highway massage parlor.
Act boldly, or the only exciting news your potential customers will see will be about your competitors. Bribes don't hurt, either.