Redeye - Doing what I’ve done December 20 2006
On Fri., Dec. 15, the Washington Capitals beat the Atlanta Thrashers in sudden-death overtime. And while packing my very last box, my loyal camera hit the ground with a resounding “thwack” after several years illustrating this column. Now merely a dashboard totem, that busted camera — like the Caps’ victory — simply oozes symbolism.
I’m now in NoVA living life without obnoxious flashes in dark clubs. But I leave some parting thoughts: A 3-year-old told me Atlanta rain smells like dog poo and boy pee, and he’s onto something. There is no “treat” in Blondie’s “full treatment.” I not only knew people who did shit in Karma’s electrical closet, I knew druggies who shit in there; I miss those daze. Ponce de Leon plus trannies is like peanut butter in your chocolate: salty, creamy, inseparable. Escaping without a DUI, VD, OD — any acronym — takes skill! And you’ll know nightlife is dead when the Masquerade closes, which I heard is happening next Halloween, maybe New Year’s ... maybe 2012.
Finally, as I’ve never printed anything self-indulgent before, forgive my Academy address. Here’s but a few people that in no specific order have made this experience:
Bill “Scarecrow” Kaelin, Pablo “King of Clubs,” Gigantor, Degenerate FN, Heather’s Tits, J-Luv + Special Sauce, Kevin O, Lil Steven, the Close, Jennifer Walker, Devin Walkley, Tyler “Camel Toe” Gambrell, Trina Trice, Aerial, Jason Jupiter + the Drag Queen Army, my 360 Media bitches, Tinker Clay, Poppy + Steve DeNiro, Jonathan Edwards, Oasis Rim, e50, Ken Forsythe, Gavin Frederick, Ulrica + Lytton, Chris Brann, Tattletale, Backstreet, Snowden, raves, Sockman, Faust & Shortee, Klever, DVA, Starboi, Byron Burroughs + Todd Terranova, the Crescent Room, the Chamber, David Cross + Bunker Spreckles, Rasta Root, Gnosis, Sharaab + Swivel, NHP brunch, the Echo Lounge, KITH @ the Clermont, BTN, Jeff Clark, Henry Owings, Bean Summer, MC Chante, 88.5, Mayhem + MJ, Tommie Sunshine, Ben Rose, Nomenclature, Arman Reyes, Karl Injex, Club 112, the Gold Club, the Atlanta Alliance, Greg Adamson, Kai Alce, Scott Herren, Grant Aaron, Bethany, The Captain, Gene Carbonell, D.R.E.S. tha Beatnik, Ying Yang Twins, Kim. + Crifizzle, Patrick Hill + Red Level Eleven, Chadford, Alex Weiss, Randy Castello, Chinaski, Alan Godfrey, Paul + Vicki Destructo, Craig “Happyland” Gates, Richard “Donkey” Devine, Matt Hemley, EastDevs, Russ Marshalek, Sterling McGarvey, Colin English, that Aphex Twin wheelchair guy parked in police-designated spots and anyone who has tried even if just to fail and try again.
You know, there’s a million fine cities in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. So thanks, Atlanta, for helping me make a business of having no business doing what I do in public. There’s just one thing about living in you I never could stomach: All the damn vampires ...