Daddy Needs New Shoes January 16 2007

January 16, 2007

Record thus far: 9-7-2 (NHL: 3-1, NBA: 4-4-1, NFL: 2-1-1, NCAA BB: 0-1)

Daddy advises all of you to strike while the iron is hot. For the first time since this column�s inception, I did not lose a single game last night! (Sure, I pushed one, but that�s still not a loss, ya� smartass.) If gambling has taught me anything, it�s that my success probably won�t last long, so before the betting gods decide to shit on my head, I�d jump on the bandwagon. Tonight I�m going strictly round-ball with two NBA picks, and a college hoops pick in an attempt to rectify my goose egg in that department. While I�ve oddly had the most success with my NHL picks, I can only carry on the hockey-knowledge fa�ade for so long before I�m exposed like a Britney Spears� labia; so I�ll be laying off the OVER/UNDER�s tonight in hockey.

1) Orlando Magic �7 at New Orleans Hornets

I picked this game with hesitation since New Orleans is actually playing good ball right now, but luck can only last so long. New Orleans is 6-19 in their last 25 games, and with David West still injured, they�ll have no one to contain Orlando�s (Atlanta born) man-child Dwight Howard. Orlando needs this win to go .500 on their four-game road trip and I expect them to get it. As for beating the seven-point spread, Orlando is 5-0 against the spread in their last five games, and also 5-0 against the spread in their last five games on the road; like a tranny with waxed eyebrows and a tucked twig and berries, that�s convincing.

2) Cleveland Cavaliers �3 at Seattle Supersonics

Cleveland needs to win this game to keep their two-game lead over the Detroit Pistons in the Eastern Conference�s Central Division, and they�re playing a bad enough team in Seattle to do just that. True, Seattle just beat the Jazz � one of the league�s better teams � on Friday night, but it took a 54-point Jesus Shuttlesworth-like performance from Ray Allen to do so, and that is not likely to happen again. Cleveland is 6-1 in their last seven games while Seattle is 1-6 in their last seven, and Cleveland is coming off of recent road victories by 12 and 10 points over the Clippers and Kings, respectively, both of which are superior to the Sonics.

3) Indiana Hoosiers �11 vs. Iowa Hawkeyes

‘’There�s nothing better than a Big10 showdown in college basketball � except for an ACC showdown, or a Big East showdown, or an SEC showdown�Whatever, tonight�s a big game for both of these teams, and goddammit I�m looking forward to it.
Although the spread is fairly large, I�m going with Indiana �11 because they�re extremely tough at home and are 4-1 against the spread in their last five games. Iowa, on the other hand, is worse on the road than a flat tire when you really have to shit, going 0-5 in their last five outside of the Corn Capitol, and 6-14 against the spread in their last 20 road games.

Please bet responsibly, although I probably won�t.’’