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Rescue Me' Final Season, episode 5: Best.Episode.Ever

Tommy finds his balls and we remember why Sheila is a badass.

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  • FX

This is the greatest episode ever. I'm 100% positive that I won't be able to convey that in writing, because while watching it all I could do was flap my hands around like a kid on Christmas instead of taking notes, but I'll try anyway.

Top brass comes in to suspend Tommy for thirty days for his outburst on Channel 6, and Franco assholishly announces that Pam Keppler, vapid reporter lady, is sniffing around everyone’s personal lives. When you've got a guy who's slept with his dead cousin's wife while his actual wife was banging his brother, a captain who married a Russian mail-order bride, a guy who married Maggie, a guy who is super gay, and a black guy marrying a white alcoholic that happens to be related to Tommy, that spells a lot of trouble for the house. That’s just when Mike calmly announces that he blew a guy FROM headquarters AT headquarters after a company Christmas party. His name is Doug, and he’s the out the crew needs to get the brass to step off their nuts and get Tommy back in the house (if only he could remember his last name. Or his real first name). Shocker, Franco brings the party down, again, and says he’s not going to have anything to do with the plan and Needles basically tells him to fuck off. Classic.

Pam Keppler, shows up at the fire house to record some B-roll, and explains to Needles that she’s about to blow Tommy’s life story out of the water, but the camera guy gives Needles a tip that Keppler has a covered-up DUI and he sicks Tommy on finding out what the deely-o. This is going to be good.