Does Akon ring a bell for you?

There was something that kept bugging me after a colleague burned Akon’s latest, Konvicted, for me so I could see what all the fuss was about. I could tell he had a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but nothing substantial of anything. But I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Until I read Jody Rosen’s breakdown of Akon in Rosen’s latest piece for Slate. The thesis: Akon’s sound is just slight enough to be perfect for cell-phone ringtones. How’s that for a back-handed compliment?

Here’s my favorite passage:

Even the stupidest lyrics can be redeemed by a great tune. But Akon's music is as dumbed-down as his words. Most songs have anemic little choruses strung together by stolid, almost nonexistent verses. This approach to songcraft can be traced to Akon's musical apprenticeship as a singer of "hooks," the melodic bits in rap song choruses — which, generally speaking, aren't really hooks at all. (In hip-hop, the catchy parts are the beat and the grain of the rapper's voice.) Tellingly, the highlights of Akon's songs are invariably the 16 or so bars he gives over to guest MCs.

Sadly, Rosen’s right on the mark. And the best thing about the piece is how it carefully navigates the potential landmines of tired criticisms about hip-hop (and, now R&B) — the misogyny, the triteness, the lack of originality, the forced machismo, etc. It’s one of those rare critiques that can have its cake and eat it, too.

Good stuff.